


Checking From Behind

by DickAnderton



Series: Hockey AU [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: College Sports, Coming Out, Completed, Enemies to Lovers, Even has issues that make him slightly OOC, Eventual Smut, Fighting, Ice Hockey AU, Isak and Eva as best friends, M/M, Sexual Tension, mentions of body issues and eating disorders (Vilde), mild violence, the slowest burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-10-16 02:43:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 43
Words: 156,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10562066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DickAnderton/pseuds/DickAnderton
Summary: Isak is to captain his hockey team this season which means he has to somehow learn to cooperate with the newest addition to their team: Even Bech Næsheim. This proofs to be impossible, especially when nothing about Even's mysterious transfer adds up and his moods are just too frustrating.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Checking From Behind](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11065506) by [vmaz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vmaz/pseuds/vmaz)



> This is my fourth fic for this fandom and all of them are really straightforward Evak stories. Of course there is nothing wrong with that, but I am growing a little bit tired of always writing them the same way, so this is a bit more experimental when it comes to who they are as characters but also as to where they start off. In all my other stories, as in the show, Isak is already aware that he's probably not straight whereas this one takes off when Isak hasn't given this any thought, so there will be a lot of "straight" content before Evak. I am just saying this because I want to make sure that you guys know this is all Evak, I don't mean to erase the beautiful representation from the show in any way, and it will all happen sooner or later. So this is just a heads up: Don't read if you don't want IsakXEva walking a fine line between friendship and relationship and both Even and Isak going out with girls until they realize what they want:)

Isak didn't have to turn around to know that it was William who had pushed his body into the boards hard enough for Isak to actually bang his head against the plexiglass. Again. The impact didn't hurt, as he was covered in protective gear from head to toe, but this time he bit his lip in the process and felt warm blood fill his mouth. He felt bad for every team they were going to face this upcoming season. 

Isak had grown up playing hockey. He trusted his instincts, his technique, his brains. His style wasn't aggressive, like William's. He was fast, smart, and almost impossible to get past. He had been playing defence for his entire career, and he was damn good at it. He liked the clean work of sending the puck as far away from their home goal as possible. It was satisfying, almost therapeutic. He had one job, and it didn't centre around making the audience chant his name as he scored the winning goal for the Seadogs. He liked working in the background, setting up their game, preventing the opposing team from getting anywhere near Jonas who'd smile at him from the goal every time Isak sent yet another puck forward and away from him. 

Guys like William however, lived for the thrill of scoring the perfect goal whilst throwing punches on the sidelines. His game was so brutal, Isak was forced to fight back whenever they were set to scrimmage against each other during practice unless he intended to get ripped into pieces. William was their star left wing, and even though Isak didn't approve of the way he was being thrown against the boards with more force a practice game needed every time the two of them came close to each other on the ice, he had to admit that William was getting the job done. He actually managed to get past Isak more often than Isak wanted him to, and it was frustrating. 

William had saved their last season and secured them a solid sixth rank in the league which was three ranks better than they had ended up in the season before that. Isak knew that the Seadogs as a whole needed more players like William, reckless and ruthless, but he wished he would save the actual death threats for game nights. 

The next time William crashed into him without even trying to pull his strength, Isak met his check with equal ferocity before he could be sent stumbling into the boards yet again. He was also faster to recover this time and hit the puck with all the strength that was left in his tired arms, sending it far away from him and towards Magnus, the centre on his line not only for the scrimmage. 

He caught William's derisive smile as he skated past him and towards the neutral zone, not daring to lose sight of the puck. It annoyed Isak. Hockey was a full-contact sport, and he wasn't going to complain if William knocked out a few of their opponents this season. He, however, was his teammate. He was tired of limping off the ice after practice, and so was their physio Eskild who had to patch Isak up more often than any other player on the team. Crushing Isak's smaller body between him and the boards seemed to be a hobby of William's more than anything else. 

Isak sighed with relief as the roaring sound coming from the overhead speakers indicated the end of practice. It had been the first training after their short summer holidays, and Isak felt more tired than he should be. He took off his helmet as he skated lazily towards his teammates who were gathering in the middle of the ice. He bumped his fist against Jonas', took a bottle of water from his friend, and splashed some of its contents onto his burning face. The bandana he wore to keep his blond locks from falling into his face whilst playing soaked up some of the water and Isak revelled in the cool feeling on his skin. 

For a while, he listened to Coach talk about their schedule for the upcoming few weeks which was hardly any different from last year, and eventually he sank down on the ice to do stretches while he listened. Most of it he had already heard at the end of last season, when he had spent an hour in his coach's office and talked about the fall and his new role as team captain. 

It had surprised Isak when Coach had given him the position, but now that he had known for a couple of months, he was coming to terms with it. More than that, he actually thought he might make a decent captain. He had been with the Seadogs for two seasons already and was therefore one of the few leftover founding members of the young team. He was fairly sure that he knew what the team needed, what it was missing right now, and he had some ideas about how they could get to where they needed to be. 

What would surely prove to be his most difficult task, was uniting the Seadogs around him. Most of the guys on the team, Isak didn't have a problem with. Really, he hardly had any friends from outside the rink these days. But then there were also William and his puppy Chris, William's right winger linemate, who seemed less inclined to be on friendly terms with him. Isak didn't know what he had ever done to them, but he knew that he was growing increasingly tired of being their punching bag. 

Isak threw the water bottle back at Jonas who only just caught it in one of his enormous gloves, and pushed his tired body off the ice once they were free to go. 

“Valtersen!” 

“Yes, coach?”

“Even has arrived this afternoon. He's at your accommodation now, but he's your responsibility. You're captain now, make sure he knows he can trust you.” 

Isak gave a court nod before he turned and followed his team off the ice and into the locker room. He himself had been with the Seadogs from the very beginning, but he remembered what it had been like last summer when a handful of rookies had joined the team for the first time. Every single one of them had been glued to their previous captain for the first week, waiting to be introduced to the team, the new schedule, everything Seadogs basically. This year, the board had only recruited one new player, from the Hedmark University College in Hamar. 

Even Bech Næsheim had played their college league for only one year, but it had been a good one. He was a defence man just like Isak, and not in a likely position to score a great amount of goals, but that didn't stop him from making headlines game after game. Part of it was that he had played with the Sharks until now, which was simply the best team in the league, and they were bound to make headlines regardless of him. But most of it was due to the fact that Even played like Isak had never seen it before. He might even be the best defence player in the league right now. 

Which was exactly why it was a mystery to Isak why he would break his three year contract with the best team he could possibly play with to join the mediocre Seadogs. On top of that, the decision seemed to have been made rather hastily and none of it made any sense. Isak was lost as to what reasons a player like Even could have to compromise his position in that way. 

Despite all that, he was excited to see their newest addition on the ice. Isak had faced Even in competitions a few times before, during their home and away games against the Sharks last season. They had lost every single one of them, the latest one most spectacularly after William had earned himself a misconduct penalty ten minutes into the first period. However, as Even and Isak both played defence, they hadn't really interacted on the ice during those embarrassing games. Now, they would have to learn to be a team. Even was supposed to become Isak's right wing on his line, taking the position of their previous captain who had graduated and left them at the end of last season. 

Isak felt unusually drained and therefore took his time in the locker room, chatting with Magnus and Jonas about this year's lineup and when their busy schedule would allow a welcome back party to kick off the season. 

“This Friday is perfect. If we don't do it right away, everyone will be falling into their routines and it'll suck.” Jonas dried his messy hair quickly and efficiently and then threw his towel on the ground and sank down on the bench next to Isak. 

“Agreed.” Magnus walked in from the showers and came to halt right in front of them. “We need to savour the one week everyone has a bit of that vacation vibe left.” 

Isak nodded. “We can't do it at my place though.”

“What's wrong with it? Eva was fine with it last time, right?” Magus inquired.

“She was, but Vilde wasn't. Let's do it at your place. Who's sharing with you now anyway?”

Most of the Seadogs lived in university housing. It wasn't a requirement, but it was the cheapest and most convenient option. Isak had his own room but he shared a kitchen and bathroom with his two friends from outside the team. And, to his dismay, with Chris. Their living arrangements had been like this for a year now, and Isak would have thought that Chris would take the first opportunity to move after the summer, but as he had found out once he had gotten back from his vacation, nothing had changed. 

“That new guy and some cheerleader.” Magnus raised his eyebrow suggestively and Jonas gave a laugh. 

“Have you met her yet?”

Magnus shook his head and put on his horrendously purple boxers. “Can't wait though.”

Jonas and Magnus had shared their flat with two of their previous players who had graduated last year and had therefore been left with two empty rooms. Of course they had asked Isak to move in with them, but Isak was rather happy with Eva and Vilde as his flatmates. He loved the guys, but after his endless hours on the ice and at the gym with them, he usually craved nothing more than an evening spent with the girls watching some stupid TV show and talking them into sharing their home made food with him. 

Isak continued changing in a slow pace, exchanging welcome backs and listening to Magnus inquire who had gotten laid this summer. William and Chris were sat with their small group of friends at the far end of the locker room while Isak, Magnus, and Jonas occupied the middle and therefore bridged the space between them and the other guys on the team. 

Once Isak was done getting dressed, stuffing all of his gear into his enormous locker, drying off his skates, and throwing his sweaty clothes into his duffel bag, he left with the others and headed over to the dorms. After two years of going back and forth several times a day, Isak could have cycled the short way from the rink to campus in his sleep. 

Even though it was only the beginning of September, it was rather cool and misty outside, almost like fall had already won its battle with the last few days of summer. Just like his teammates, Isak was clad in Seadog attire, a dark red shirt with a little seal on the left side of his chest and the number 9 on the back, but he was glad for the new windbreaker he had picked up before practice. He would have to use it soon if the weather decided to stay this grim. 

“Do you wanna watch the game tonight?” Jonas asked, cycling faster to catch up with him. He actually wore the windbreaker Isak wished he had put on instead of leaving it buried at the bottom of his bag. It was the same dark shade of red as his shirt. The colour always had a calming effect on Isak. He knew he was home when he was surrounded by people wearing Seadog-Red.

“I'm not sure, I think Vilde and Eva wanted to have dinner. I haven't really seen them since we've been back.” It had only been two days since Isak had come back to Oslo. He had spent the last two weeks getting sunburnt in Barcelona with his parents and his sister, missing his team, the ice, and the girls. “I also have to say hi to Even, so I'll come up with you first.” 

Soon, they chained their bikes to the bike rack in front of the building. It looked unusually grim in the drizzle that had started to fill the air, mostly due to the fact that it was still almost empty. As classes only started next week, most students would only move back in by the end of the week, leaving the courtyard that was lined by the gigantic red brick building entirely empty.

It was still rather early, considering that the Seadogs usually only finished their evening practice at 10:00. Once classes would pick up again, their schedule would become a lot tighter and Isak would be glad for every second of sleep he could get. During the school year they spent an hour and a half at the gym in the morning, went to class, and then headed either straight to the rink for physio treatment and afternoon practices, or squeezed in a few hours of studying before evening practices, alternating the routine day by day. 

Isak followed Jonas and Magnus to the third floor of building B, a few doors down from his own block. “Have you met him yet?” he asked as they made their way up the narrow stairs. 

“Even? Just briefly, when he moved his stuff in a couple of days ago.” Magnus reached the top of the stairs first and took his keys out of the pocket of his Seadogs-Red sweater. “I haven't seen the cheerleader though, bummer.” 

“How do you know she is one?”

“She hooked up with William last year. Everyone talked about it. Noora? You know her too.” 

“Then why do we refer to her as 'the cheerleader'?” Isak painted quotation marks into the air and followed Magnus inside with Jonas on his heels. There was no hallway, the doors to the flats usually led straight into the kitchen slash dining room slash common room. At least Isak hadn't been inside a flat that looked any different. 

Magnus gave an exasperated sigh. “Because she is one? And how cool is that?” He went straight for the fridge and spent a long moment deciding between a bottle of water and a can of monster energy. 

“She's also been with William, you sure you wanna hit that?” Jonas asked from the sofa which he had sank down on. He had provided the sofa himself in his first year and it now stood proudly with its back to the door in the middle of the room, looking out of place like someone had dropped it there and forgotten about it. Their flat was the only one with a sofa which easily made it the most popular common room. 

“Or be hit by that? Seriously, if she's involved with William, stay away from her.” As if to prove a point, Isak rubbed his thumb over his sore lip. He didn't bleed anymore and he doubted the injury was even visible from afar. 

“He's with some other chick now, haven't you heard?” Magnus took a sip from his energy drink and closed the fridge. “He met her in London, apparently it's a big deal.” He alternated between looking at Isak and Jonas and threw his hands up in the air when neither of them provided him with a reaction he deemed appropriate. 

“Well, anyway,” Isak dropped his duffel bag filled with dirty underwear, socks, and skin tight leggings to the floor and pointed towards one of the rooms he knew would now be occupied by Even, “that one?”

Jonas nodded while Magnus went on about William's rumoured summer romance Isak couldn't be less interested in. Unless it made William lovesick in a way that made him not want to kill Isak on the ice anymore. 

Isak knocked on the closed door. Now that he was stood right in front of it, he could hear rap music playing from behind it. The door flew open only a second later and he was faced with Even, sweating in a dark blue shirt with an embroidered shark on his chest. It was obvious that he was in the middle of working out by the way he was breathing hard, weights were visible behind him in his barely furnished room, and sweat was trickling down his forehead, his blond hair plastered to it. 

“I'm glad to see you're making up for missing practice, but you're wearing the wrong shirt,” Isak commented with a smile, pointing towards Even's chest. He wasn't even joking though. What was he thinking, walking around on their campus in Shark-blue? 

Even didn't have to drop his gaze to know what Isak meant. He had been smiling faintly when he had opened the door, but it was already faltering. “I'll be glad to see you getting to the point, now that you've established your superiority over me.” 

Isak's breath took a double take and he furrowed his brows. 

“Chill!” He turned around to Magnus and Jonas to see whether they were paying attention, but they were both on the sofa now, talking among themselves.

Even didn't reply. He merely let his gaze wander over Isak's body repeatedly, up and down, a little smirk playing on his lips, as if he was contemplating how many punches he would have to throw to make Isak hit the ice face first. It was the kind of look Isak was used to by now, from players he had faced in the past, and it didn't intimidate him. He was affronted more than anything else. 

He took a deep breath but didn't allow the smile back onto his face until he thought Even might deserve it. “I'm Isak. Coach told me to welcome you to the team. You can stick with me for the next couple of days to figure out how everything works.” 

“I know who you are. Valtersen. We crushed you last season.” The smirk on Even's lips turned into a full on grin. It wasn't a pretty one either.

“We? Are you aware that you're with us now? You're not a Shark anymore, what is wrong with you?”

Isak pushed his finger into the little seadog on his own chest for emphasis. 

“Not anymore, that's true,” Even admitted, sounding undefeated. “Am I gonna get one of those? Your seadog looks cute, can't wait to wear it with pride.” His words were dripping with sarcasm and Isak searched his face for a sign that he was joking. There was none. Even's eyes looked right back into his. Proud, arrogant, and somewhat empty. There wasn't anything there that Isak could work with. 

“You'll get all sorts of stuff along with your jerseys. I'll show you where to pick it up tomorrow. Any questions so far?”

“Yes.” Even leaned his flushed body against the door frame “Isn't a seadog a made up thing? They don't actually exist, do they?” 

Isak rolled his eyes. Of course Even wasn't wrong, but what did it matter? 

“Gym tomorrow morning at 7:00. If you stick with Magnus or Jonas you'll find me sooner or later.” 

Even gave a nod. He looked almost amused at Isak's words. “Yes, Coach.” 

“I'm not your coach, I'm your teammate. What the fuck.” With that, Isak turned around, no longer giving a shit. He now felt his friends’ eyes on him and he raised his eyebrows at them. As soon as he heard Even's door slam close behind him, he let out a long breath. 

“The fuck is wrong with him? Was he like that when you met him?” Isak went over to the window with the intention of opening it but it had started to rain properly now. 

“Like what?” 

“Like... All bitchy and difficult?” 

Magnus laughed out loud at that, still clutching the energy drink in his hands. Jonas shrugged his shoulders. 

“Wasn't exactly heart warming but he seemed okay. It was really only a second that we talked to him though. Oh, Eva texted me, she wants to know where you are.” 

Isak pulled his own phone out of the pocket of his sweatpants and scrolled through the various messages he had received ever since he had left the rink. Eva's number was among them multiple times. 

“She probably made dinner, I told you.” 

With that, Isak reached for his bag and moved towards the door. He could hear Magnus imitate him quietly behind his back. 

“You can always send Vilde over here if you and your girlfriend want to catch up. Tell her she's always welcome.” 

Isak rolled his eyes yet again and lifted his middle finger towards Magnus as he left the flat and made his way through the rain towards his own building.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kind comments!! I was really anxious about posting this, so really, thank you xxx

When Isak opened the door to his own flat, the smell of lasagna filled the kitchen and he immediately spotted Eva who was frantically waving her hands in front of the steaming oven. Vilde was sat at their dinner table, sipping wine from a plastic cup.

“Halla.” He let his duffel bag fall to the floor again and beamed at Eva who turned around at the familiar sound of his voice. They had only really seen each other for five minutes yesterday, and Isak had yet to tell her that he had missed her like crazy. 

Eva and Isak still knew each other from high school, from back when Eva had dated Jonas and Isak had been their third wheel for two years. The time after their breakup had been tough on all three of them, but they had pulled through. Jonas and Eva still talked, but it was really only Isak who had remained friends with her. 

“Isak!” She jumped into his arms, a mess of long, dark blonde hair and limbs, smelling like raspberry. Fuck, Isak had missed her. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and sighed into her hair. 

“Hey Vilde!” He awkwardly waved at their friend over Eva's shoulder and watched her wave back and refill her cup with wine, looking a bit uncomfortable. Once Eva had let go of him in order to get their dinner out of the oven, Isak took a seat at the table and winced at the dull ache in his lower legs. He was already sore, and it was only Monday. The first week back on the ice was always tough, as Isak let himself go too much over the summer holidays. 

“Did you fall today?” Vilde asked him. Her big blue eyes locked with his own, as innocent as ever.

Isak shook his head no. “Just sore,” he explained. “How have you been?”

There wasn't much they had to catch up on, as they had texted each other nearly every day for the last few weeks. After a short summary of their journeys back to Oslo, he let Vilde talk him through her schedule of the upcoming semester, gave encouraging nods at her plans to join more societies, and then listened to a list of all her options. At some point, Eva sat down with them and they began eating while Vilde stuck her fork into the food in front of her and voiced her enthusiasm about the debate club. 

Isak didn't see it happening. Vilde still lost her voice every time Chris walked into the room, and it had taken her a few weeks to become just slightly comfortable around Isak. The only reason she wasn't a blushing mess around him anymore was that she had had enough time to get used to his presence. Her debating with strangers wasn't something Isak thought she would pull off any time soon. 

“Whatever happened to ballet?” Isak offered, remembering the way Vilde had talked about it non stop during her first week of college last year but had then dropped the idea and instead gone for yoga. 

He felt Eva kick his shin underneath the table while she smiled sweetly at him. “Do you like the food?” she asked, and Isak nodded even though he made a face at the sharp pain that shot up his leg. He didn't know what he had done wrong, but Eva almost always knew better than him when it came to Vilde. 

“Thanks for making it.”

“No worries. How was the ice?” 

“It's good to be back,” Isak said, smiling. He meant it, too. He was more than ready for the new season, regardless of how he liked to complain about his sore body and his violent teammates. Isak needed the ice and it had been way too long since he had been on it. “What about you? Have you been to the rink yet?”

One of the main reasons why he and Eva were still such good friends was that Eva loved the ice the way Isak did. She had been figure skating for years now and spent almost as much time at the rink as the Seadogs did. Figure skaters had their own ice, but Isak and Eva still went skating together at weekends. Sometimes Jonas or Vilde would come with them, but it was mostly their thing.

“Not yet,” Eva said. Our training doesn't start until next week. But I'll go tomorrow with some girls from ballet.” 

Isak frowned. It would be so easy for Vilde to start ballet, given that Eva was on the board of the society. As much as he loved the girls, he was also confused by them. 

“What's it like being captain?” The way Vilde said it, her voice full of wonder and awe, made it sound more honouring than the position really was. Vilde started eating when Isak cast a look down at her still full plate. 

“Not that different really, it's only been a day.” Isak still enjoyed the idea of being captain, but it also made him remember Even. Had he not been in this new position, he wouldn't have to worry about Even's attitude, but right now it was his job to integrate him into the team and it didn't feel like it was going to be easy. “We have a rookie. I wish I didn't have to bother with him.” 

Vilde and Eva looked at each other, smiling, raising their eyebrows, doing all sorts of things that made Isak wonder what he had said now. Sometimes, the two of them had entire silent conversations, mostly about him, that went over Isak's head completely. 

“We know. Even Bech Næsheim,” Eva stated. “You underestimate how much you're all over social media these days, everyone knows he's transferred.”

While Eva only smiled brightly at Isak, Vilde's cheeks had actually taken on a rosy shade. “Have you met him?” She asked and reached for her wine again. The dark red colour left a stain around her upper lip. 

“Yeah, briefly. He was being all arrogant though.” Isak reached for more lasagna. 

“Well, I don't really follow hockey but Eva said that joining the Seadogs must've been really disappointing for him. Maybe he's bitter about having to downgrade?” Vilde looked at Isak with such a straight face he was almost sure she didn't realize what she was implying.

With a little pout, Isak looked over to Eva who took a hasty sip of wine. “Wow, thanks. We don't suck that much, just for the record.” 

“No, but come on, he was with the Sharks,” Eva argued.

Isak hated having to agree. As much as he loved his team, he knew that from Even's point of view, some bitterness over the situation was probably justified. Up until today, Isak had naïvely thought that Even might have joined them voluntarily. He must have overestimated the Seadogs’ appeal though. Just from the few minutes he had spent with Even today, he could tell there was no way Even was here on his own volition. Which made his transfer even more curious. 

With his mouth full, Isak asked: “Why did he come here though?” He swallowed when he saw the disgusted look on Eva's face. “Why not stick with the Sharks? His contract wasn't running out or anything.” 

“Did you not hear the rumours?” Vilde had stopped eating again and instead busied herself separating the cheese from the pasta. 

Isak raised an eyebrow at her. “What rumours? There wasn't anything in the papers about his reasons which was strange enough. I looked for it.” 

“Not in the old fashioned newspapers that you read, Isak.” Eva explained. “There was stuff about him on all sorts of local tabloids and websites.” 

“What stuff?” Isak leaned back in his chair, rubbing his full stomach. 

At that, Eva and Vilde exchanged more meaningful looks. They definitely knew more than he did.

“Well, no one agreed, obviously, because they were rumours. But most of them said that he had some kind of falling out with his coach,” Eva said, trying to sound grave but failing miserably. 

“One said he slept with a teammate and was kicked out,” Vilde added, weirdly excited, the blush in her cheeks turning a darker shade of pink. 

Eva shook her head at that. “I heard it was the coach. That he slept with the coach.” 

Isak couldn't help but laugh at that. “What? That's not even...” He had been about to say 'possible', but when he thought about it, there wasn't a physical reason that would make Even sleeping with his coach impossible. Although he knew for a fact that the Sharks’ coach wasn't a woman. He had listened to Eva complain about the lack of female coaches in the league numerous times. But it was just too unreal. He was entirely sure that that wasn't what had happened. 

“It might have been both, first a teammate and then the coach. Or at the same time,” Vilde said and Eva joined Isak's laughter. “What? Rumours always have some truth in them!” 

Isak actually brought his hands to his forehead in frustration. “Honestly, in what world would that have happened? Even having some weird threesome with his coach and a teammate?”

“And then he got degraded to having to play with the Seadogs?” Eva added, making Isak scowl at her. 

“It's not that degrading,” he had to counter out of sheer pride. “But in all honesty, if he really had a thing with anyone involved, especially someone from the staff, I don't think he'd even be playing anymore, not even with us. And the other person would have left the team too, unless Even somehow... forced himself onto someone and they weren’t to blame.” Isak didn't even know why he was playing along with their theory. There was not even a hint of truth in it. 

“Yes but there were two other guys who left the Sharks this year. It might have been one of them,” Vilde still insisted. “Or both.”

“Oh my God, they just graduated. We lost five players this year, it's a thing in university sports.” 

“I also heard something about him running into legal problems though. That someone was sueing him because of... I can't remember.” Eva looked at Vilde for support. 

Vilde agreed. “That part is definitely true, there were pictures of him with his lawyer outside the Shark... Tank.” 

“The Shark-Tower,” Isak corrected. “If he got out of the contract early then there must've been lawyers present either way, that doesn't mean he got sued. Also, I can't imagine that happening without it being in the papers.” 

“It was, though, you just didn't see it. But you can find out now. Just ask him tomorrow.” Eva began piling up their plates but then left them standing on the table. “Your turn to do the dishes,” she pointed at Isak. 

Isak simply nodded and reached for his fork to keep eating, straight out of the dish. “He's awful, if I ask him about the transfer he's gonna rub it in my face again how much he hates being here.”

“Can you blame him?” Eva winked at him and he punched her shoulder this time. “But really, you should make an effort and befriend him, Isak. He's just so nice to look at, imagine having him around all the time.” 

Isak now reached for the plates and carried them over to the sink. So that's what their silent conversation had been about. They were into Even. Isak was aware that Even had a reputation, that he was probably handsome, but he also looked like he knew it. There wasn't anything special about him, he was just another pretty boy with too much product in his hair. 

“Oh he really is,” Vilde agreed. Isak could finally hear how the wine got to her head. It made her flirty more than anything else, and Isak always enjoyed watching her become more confident. “You should invite him over, Isak. Tell him we have real food, I've never seen any in the other flats. Who does he live with, anyway?”

“Jonas,” Eva answered for Isak.

While Isak did the dishes, he listened to Eva and Vilde discuss Even some more – mostly his hair – and after a short while he tuned them out. He wasn't interested in any of that. What he really wanted to know more about, even though it didn't really matter, was the transfer. Sure, Even seemed pretty stupid, but stupid enough to get kicked off the best team in the league? Possibly for something as dull as a love affair? He would have to seriously get his priorities straight if a single thing of what he had just heard turned out to be only halfway true. Like, literally straight. 

He was almost done washing up when he felt Eva sneak her arms around his waist and lean her body against him. “Are we sleeping together tonight? It's been so long.”

When he turned his head around he just saw Vilde's blonde ponytail as she disappeared into her room for the night. For a second he wondered whether she had said goodnight and he simply hadn't heard her. Then he thought back to Magnus calling Eva his girlfriend earlier this night. He turned off the tap and nodded to answer her question. He could see why it would look that way. 

He turned around in Eva's arms and she leaned back enough to be able to look up at him. Her eyes were a bit shiny from the two glasses of wine she had had during dinner and her cheeks were flushed. “I missed you,” she said, putting his own thoughts into words. 

“I've missed you too. Every day.” He pulled her close again, craving that scent of raspberry that always soothed him.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Isak woke up to the awful sensation of checking his phone in what he thought was the middle of the night only to realize his alarm would go off in two minutes. He groaned into his pillow and heard Eva waking up next to him as she mumbled an incoherent question in his direction. 

“Gym,” Isak muttered, and groaned again when his alarm actually went off thirty seconds later. He reached over to his nightstand to turn it off and felt Eva wrap her arms around his back. Her body was warm and soft, and Isak promptly fell back asleep for another few minutes until his second alarm saved him from being late and having to run extra laps. 

Isak and Eva had stayed up until 3:00, chatting about their summer holidays and the new season, and had eventually ended up browsing Netflix. It had only been when Eva had fallen asleep with her head in Isak's lap twice that they had brushed their teeth sloppily and gone to bed. 

Isak briefly fell asleep again while he ate his obligatory bowl of cereal and envied Eva who had turned around in bed and would probably not wake up again until noon. By the time he forced his body out into the chilly morning air, he knew Jonas and Magnus would have left without him already. He unchained his bike and finally felt like he was waking up when he cycled the short route over to the rink.

The gym was part of the same complex as the rink, right next to the building which Isak entered when he was needed on the ice. When he pushed open the doors to the small locker room, he found his team in various stages of sleep deprivation and nakedness. He looked for Jonas and Magnus, gave a tired wave when he spotted them, and sank down on the bench across from Jonas. The dressing room was a lot smaller than the one they used when they got ready for the ice, as it didn't need to provide twenty something giant lockers full of smelly gear. 

“Let me guess, you stayed up all night with Eva?” Magnus teased him, looking the most awake out of all of them. He was already dressed in entirely dark red attire and ready to go, doing impatient stretches as he talked.

Isak didn't really have anything to do other than take off his adidas jacket and shove his hair out of his face with his bandana, as he was already dressed in gym shorts and a white shirt, but he still pretended to be busy with his zipper in order to avoid the conversation they had had way too many times before. 

“Did you guys 'talk' again? About 'stuff' the way 'friends' do?” The quotation marks Magnus painted in the air kind of lost their meaning due to his overuse of them, but Isak still got the point. He simply nodded, knowing that it didn't matter how he reacted, Magnus always came to the same conclusion: That Isak should make his move on Eva before she lost interest. Isak didn't know how to feel about the whole situation. He was glad Jonas had already told him he was fine with Isak and Eva in any way he could think of, but other than that, Isak didn't know what he wanted. 

Sometimes, when Isak came home from practice late at night, tired and sore, and he found Eva already asleep in his bed as if she belonged there, he was glad he didn't have to sleep alone. He missed her when she was gone, he liked holding her close, touching her soft hair, breathing her in. He liked the way they fit together, how everything was easy with her. He didn't know what it all meant. If he believed Magnus, he was at least a little bit in love with her. He wouldn't talk to Jonas about it, what with Eva being his ex, but talking to Magnus was just as much out of the question. He had considered talking to Vilde but had decided she was too close to Eva and it would put her in an unfair position. 

Isak had once decided that all he could do was make a move and see how it made him feel. That had been three months ago and he still hadn't figured out a) whether he should go for the talk or let his actions speak, b) when the right moment would be, and c) whether it was worth risking their friendship. Besides, he still wasn't sure whether experimenting would be fair for Eva. What it came down to was that Isak's confusion paralysed him and he found himself caught between his options without knowing what to do with them. He yawned deeply and leaned his head against the cool wall behind him for just a second. 

“Someone's fucked.” Isak didn't have to open his eyes to know that it was Chris who was talking to him. “Did you and Eva finally get it on? I thought I heard you last night.”

Isak opened his eyes lazily only to roll them at Chris who stood in front of him. He couldn't think of anything to say, but luckily he was saved by Coach who burst into the dressing room, clapping his hands with the energy of someone who had been up for a lot longer than Isak had.

Just to feel like his new position as captain did actually make a difference, Isak did a quick headcount as the bunch of yawning Seadogs were ushered out the dressing room and into the studio to begin their warm up. When he realized they were one player short, a look around told him that Even wasn't among them.

“Was Even with you when you got here?”

Jonas shook his head. “We knocked when we left but he was either asleep or not in. I'm guessing the former, some girl picked him up to go out last night.” 

Isak frowned. Even being kicked off his previous team seemed more likely with everything he learned about him. But then again, he had made it through an entire season with the Sharks, and he had managed to make himself be seen among some of the best players in the league. He obviously didn't think himself above practice with the Sharks, so maybe this was his welcoming statement towards the Seadogs. If he kept it up, he wouldn't stick around for long. The thought satisfied Isak immensely and when he entered the gym, he began to finally feel ready for the day. 

Isak began his workout with a few stretches and then stepped onto one of the cross trainers. Only five minutes went by before their physio Eskild showed up and began greeting them one by one, inquiring who had been stupid enough to break a leg on vacation. Isak assured him twice that he felt fine, but knew that he would have to attend his weekly check up this afternoon regardless. One half of the team had had their appointments yesterday, which left the other half due for today. 

“How do you feel, Isak?” Eskild asked a third time, and checked out his own butt in the mirror in front of them. 

Isak grinned. “I told you, I'm fine.” He sped up his movements so that he now began to sweat. 

“I don't mean just physically. You're team captain now, how's that feel?”

“Not any different so far. We only had one practice, you know.”

Eskild merely let out a “mmhh” and stretched out his back without any real intent to work out. 

“Has Even seen you for his check up yet?” Isak asked before he remembered that Even would have had no time to see Eskild if he had arrived late enough to even miss their first practice. He hoped Even was aware of the appointment so that it wouldn't fall to him to remind him of it.

“No, but I talked to him earlier, he knows about it.” 

“Earlier today? How did you do that if he's not here?”

Eskild tilted his head in silent question and then pointed towards the other side of the gym. “He's right there. That is him, right? Hot guy in blue? I didn't get rejected by some random stranger who’s infiltrated your training, did I?” 

Isak searched the mirror behind Eskild until he indeed spotted Even lifting weights almost angrily on the far side of the room. He was wearing Shark-blue again, Isak could tell, even though he was too far away to actually make out the little emblem on his chest. He was also twice as sweaty as the rest of them. He must've been here way before the rest of the team to already be this worked up, which would also explain why he hadn't been in the dressing room with them. Right now, he was listening to music, talking to no one. He was definitely off to a great start. 

“Rejected?” Isak asked just because he could hear that Eskild wanted him to ask. Isak wasn't sure whether the two of them were actually friends, as they didn't spend time together outside the rink, but they were definitely friendly. 

Eskild nodded vigorously. “He didn't even let me down easy. Just glared at me. I swear he looked like he was about to jump me. And not in the good way, either, more like he wanted me to lose some teeth.” He brought his hands up to his face in honest concern. 

Isak looked back over to Even where he was working his right biceps, a look of deep concentration on his face. “Yeah, he wasn't too friendly with me either. Don't take it personally, I guess.” 

“Oh but you didn't comment on his butt looking good in those tight shorts, did you? If you did and you'd have gotten that reaction, you'd take it personal, too.” 

“Honestly, I wouldn't hit on any of the players in the first place. It's creepy. You're the one who gets to feel us all up.” Isak reached for his water bottle which he had placed in the holder in front of him and took a deep sip. 

At that, Eskild began to walk away from him with a dramatic gesture of hands. “Isak, you know I'm not being serious. It was just a compliment, you know I wouldn't ever try anything with any of you.” He seemed offended and Isak sighed deeply but didn't think it worth interrupting his training in order to go after him. He'd see Eskild this afternoon and it would be forgotten by then. Through the mirror he watched him approach Magnus next who was doing squads with two other guys, still talking too loudly, making the rest of the group laugh. 

To distract himself from his workout, Isak observed the others for a bit, checking what they were up to, whether they all seemed fit and motivated. They all looked fine to him. There were always guys who needed some kind of treatment, but this season they didn't start out with anyone recovering from a long term injury. The only thing they really needed for now, Isak realized, was some intense practice and team bonding. 

It was painfully obvious how they were divided into little groups closely in accordance to their lines on the ice. The main dispute that split the team in half though, was the one between William and Chris' little group and Isak and his few close friends. The other guys had comfortably gathered around them, falling in and out with both groups on a regular basis. 

What bothered Isak most about the situation was that he and William didn't share any kind of history together that would justify their difficult relationship. William had joined the team almost exactly a year ago and sent him crashing into the boards the first time they had been on the ice together without having said a single word to Isak. 

Shortly after that, Chris had started following him around wherever he went. Before William had joined the team, Isak and Chris had gotten along just fine. They hadn't exactly been attached at the hips the way people liked to say it about Jonas and him, but Chris had also never before held Isak back so that William could throw a good punch at him. 

Isak was willing to talk things out with both of them for the team, but it wasn't likely to happen any time soon. When he looked for either of them in the mirror now, he wasn't surprised to see them standing together, close to where Even had now begun pressing weights with his legs. He watched them talk among each other for a second and then walk over to their newest addition of the team. They even looked alike from afar, wearing red on black in the same combination. It was William who took Even's earphones out and Chris who held on to his weights so that Even had to stop his training for them. 

Isak expected Even to complain, to do one good thing and brush them off like he did with everyone else, but to his dismay, he merely sat up on the bench and reached for his water bottle, listening to whatever bullshit William was saying. When he finally replied, Chris broke out into laughter that Isak could hear even though he was too far away to understand the rest of the conversation they were having. They were all smiling now, and Chris made Even bump his knuckles against his. 

Of course they were getting along. Of course William of all people had managed to hit it off with Even. He was lost to Isak now. Or, Isak tried to think more positively, he had just found another reason why they would need a team bonding experience. 

Isak stepped off the cross trainer ten minutes later and spent the rest of the hour doing partner work outs with Jonas and talking about the party they were planning. Apparently no one had seen Noora, the cheerleader, yet, but Jonas and Magnus still counted on her to invite her friends to make the evening more interesting. 

Once they were all sweaty and exhausted, they left the gym to find Even already putting on his clothes in the dressing room. Isak didn't say anything, as he definitely remembered Coach being around during their training and trusted that he wouldn't have let Even go early without some kind of explanation. 

Instead, Isak took off his sticky clothes and headed towards the showers with the rest of the team, joining their laughter and bantering. When he was done, Even was still sat in one of the corners of the dressing room, leaning his back against the wall, knees drawn up against his torso, scrolling aimlessly on his phone. He looked up when Isak eyed him suspiciously. 

“You were gonna show me where to pick up my stuff. Are we gonna do that now?”

The unimpressed look that had decorated his features yesterday was gone, but he still didn't look friendly. Everything about Even seemed to say 'stay the fuck away from me', even right now when he was asking Isak for help. 

“Sure,” Isak nodded and dropped his towel to put on boxers and a fresh pair of sweatpants, tight around the ankles but lose on his hips. During the season, he hardly wore anything else, and neither did the rest of the team. Some of the other players looked at Isak expectantly, as if they were waiting to be introduced to Even, but Isak didn't see why that would be his job. They could all speak for themselves. As if to make his wish to be left alone even more clear, Even drew up his hood eventually and closed his eyes, dozing off in the corner. 

“You coming?” Isak had to ask loudly so that Even would realize that he was done getting dressed. For a split second, when he opened his eyes, he looked startled, almost vulnerable, but then he got up and left the dressing room without another word, apparently expecting Isak to follow him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting!!!:)  
> I just finished chapter 16 and it's so frustrating to keep these slow updates rather than just posting it all in one go, but I am eternally scared of catching up with what I have written too quickly and then letting you guys wait forever while I'd probably get writers block due to the pressure haha.  
> But anyways, prepare for a long story with a ridiculous slow burn <3

They walked together in silence until they left the building and stepped onto the sunny car park that separated the ice rink from the public gym. Isak sighed as the warmth hit his face and he was glad the clouds had finally given way to some better weather. He stopped to shove his jacket into his duffel bag. 

“So, how do you like it so far?” he tried again, a bit reluctant but still hopeful. 

“It's alright,” Even offered. “Your team is less intense, I like it.” 

“Our team,” Isak corrected quietly, but really he was glad that Even didn't have anything negative to say for now. He wondered if he was referring to their schedule or their personalities but he didn’t dare to ask.

Even was silent for a second, but then agreed: “Our team.” The words sounded strange, as if he was still trying out the sound of them. Isak guessed that he was. 

“I heard you went out last night. So you know people in the area?” The Sharks were from Hamar, meaning that Even was most likely from around there, too. 

“I went to school here. Elvebakken.” 

Isak looked at him in surprise. “I didn't know. Magnus, Jonas and I, we all went to Nissen.” 

Even gave a smile at that, but it was an overconfident one, one that annoyed Isak. It reminded him of the look he had had on his face yesterday when he had made fun of the Seadogs. Somehow superior. “High school sweethearts. How cute.” 

Isak rolled his eyes and walked just a little bit faster. He led Even through the large set of double doors into the building that held the two skating rinks, a café, the hockey shop, dressing rooms, and offices. “Have you seen the rink yet?” he asked. 

“Last year when we scored all those beautiful goals on your ice?” Even was smiling now and it seemed genuine for once. Still, Isak didn't feel like laughing. Especially the last game against the Sharks had been a disaster, if not the worst they had ever played. The one in which William had been out due to his misconduct penalty, along with two other vital forwards that had been injured, and Isak himself had taken a puck to the throat during warm up and had felt like throwing up the entire game. 

“Get used to keeping that shit to yourself. I told you before, you're not a Shark anymore. You're not gonna make any friends here if you behave like one.” Isak stepped into the elevator that would take them up to the fourth floor to the Seadogs’ offices. Even followed him, still smiling. 

“Chill out, I don't need you as a friend.” He sounded honest about that, at least. 

“I didn't offer.” 

“Good.” 

They were silent for a few seconds until Isak's frustration got the better of him. “You seemed friendly enough with William earlier.” 

Even shrugged his shoulders. “I talked to a teammate, is that forbidden? Do you have a nerdy rule about that, too? Same way that you have a dress code around here?” 

Isak had to close his eyes for a second so he wouldn't snap at him, but he still kind of did. “There's no fucking dress code other than 'don't strut around dressed in Shark'.” 

“I wasn't strutting, I was in my room, working out.” 

“And at the gym.”

“Everything else is still in boxes.” Even shrugged like he couldn’t care less if Isak believed him or not.

The elevator door sprung open and they both went for it at the same time, almost crashing into each other as they both tried to get out first. Isak stepped back in defeat and watched Even head straight for Coach's office which was four doors down the hall. 

“So you do know your way around,” he observed. 

“I didn't know you pick your stuff up straight from Coach. Sharks have an extra department for that.” Even knocked at the door and let himself in without waiting for a reply the way Isak usually did. Isak knew that the Sharks were not only the best but also the wealthiest team in the league, but he liked the way he knew everyone who was involved with the team by name. 

“How are you getting along? You finding everything alright?” Coach asked after greeting Even with a wide smile Isak had never received from him before, at least not inside the confines of the rink. 

Even nodded and murmured a “yes coach”. He looked over to the window as he spoke and ignored Coach's outstretched hand that indicated for him to take a seat. Isak however sank into one of the two chairs that were stood on the other side of the massive desk Coach was sat behind. He would spend a lot more time in Coach's office from now on, discussing the team, their tactics, their dynamics. 

“What about you, Isak? Eva said you went to Spain, so I'm guessing you had a good summer?” Isak had already seen Coach on the ice yesterday, but it was always like this between them. On the ice, Coach wasn't Eva's father who asked about his holidays. Isak liked that they kept the two things separate. It was easier that way. 

He could feel Even turn his head towards him curiously. “It was great, thank you.” 

“You should come over for dinner some time soon. Maybe this weekend would be good, now that there aren't any games yet.”

Isak cast a quick glance at Even who was outright staring at him now. Yes, he had a personal relationship with Coach, but it wasn't like it interfered with the team. It also wasn't like he hung out with him on a regular basis, so what was his problem?

“I was actually thinking of taking the team somewhere. As you said, soon the weekends will be busy.”

“I'm glad to hear that,” Coach nodded his approval. “What were you thinking of?”

“I don't know yet.” 

“Did you ever do any team bonding with the Sharks?” The question was clearly directed at Even, but he took a moment to realize he was supposed to answer. 

“We went camping once. We also had a Friday night thing where we went to a sports bar but that wasn't with the whole team.” 

To Isak's surprise, all bite had left Even's usually sharp tone. Isak wouldn't have thought him a suck up. While he seemed to enjoy riling Isak up, he was quiet now, leaning onto the backrest of the chair but still refusing to sit down. 

“Well let me know what you guys decide on.” Coach got up from his large, black office chair and grabbed a massive bag from where it was placed on the floor behind him. “I have your clothes, Even. If anything doesn't fit, let me know as soon as possible. Jerseys, away and home, plain practice ones, shirts, jackets, a sweater, sweatpants, it should all be there. The rest of your gear should have already been brought to your locker, it's all been approved.” 

“Thanks.” Even took the large bag and let it fall to the floor next to him with a loud thump.

“Tell me, Even, how are the guys treating you so far?”

Even actually rolled his eyes at that. Not sucking up then. What was it that made him change so much then? Isak tried to figure it out by observing him for a bit longer and noticed the way he was nervously drumming his fingers against the back of the chair, but Even shot him a dark look after only a few seconds. 

“Thanks for the clothes. I need to ask a favour.” Even ignored the question that had been directed at him, but Coach didn't ask again. He seemed unusually lenient towards Even which made Isak only more suspicious. There was definitely something going on that he didn't know about. Possibly something to do with the mysterious transfer. 

“Of course, ask away.” 

Even fixed his gaze on Isak who just looked up at him in utter confusion. 

Even rolled his eyes again, this time at Isak. “Can you leave?” 

“That's it? That's the favour?” Isak asked, not following. 

The right side of Even's mouth twitched dangerously at that. “Fuck, no. Stupid.” Isak could tell he tried hard to sound annoyed when really he wanted to laugh at him. Isak got up anyway, deciding to do what he was asked to. If he didn't, Coach would make him leave instead, he was sure of that. He seemed to like Even for whatever reason. 

“Alright. See you at practice.” 

Isak walked towards the door, nodded goodbye to Coach, and stepped out into the hallway. He could tell Even was waiting to speak until he could be sure Isak had left. He knew it was wrong, but he was too curious to not lean closely against the door once he had closed it behind him. It was silent for so long that Isak started to think they had already picked up their conversation and he just couldn't hear them through the thick wood. Then he heard Even say: “I need another physio.” 

“Another physio?” Coach repeated, sounding confused, but then he seemed to understand, since he added: “Oh, of course. I'll see what I can do. Are you sure though? Have you met Eskild? He's the best you can get around here.” 

“I'm sure. Thanks again for the gear.” 

There might have been more to the conversation, but Isak didn't dare to stick around any longer in case this was it and Even was already headed for the door which he was eavesdropping behind. With quick steps he made his way to the stairs as they were closer to him than the elevator they had taken earlier. 

When he left the building, Even hadn't caught up with him, so Isak didn't know whether he had stayed with Coach or not. None of it made any sense though. As inappropriate as Eskild had been this morning, that couldn't be the only reason why Even would demand another physio. And even if it was, there was no way Coach would agree with him that easily if there wasn't something in between them that explained Even's overreaction. 

“Isak!” 

He heard Eva's voice before he saw her. When he looked up, she already stood right in front of him, squeezing her eyes close as she faced the sun in his back. Her hair was shining in the bright light. 

“Eva!” he imitated her voice and wrapped his arms around her. “Are you coming or going?” She had her skates hanging over her shoulder so he didn't have to ask what she was up to.

“Going? Hell, it's only 10:00, I'm surprised I'm even up already.”

“Right,” Isak remembered. “Coffee?” 

“Yes please.” Together they headed back inside towards the little café right next to the shop in which Isak usually bought all his gear. Eva was walking close enough to him that her skates brushed against his forearm with every step they took. Without thinking about it, Isak took her hand into his to stop her bag from bothering him. In response, Eva leaned further into him. 

“Did you see Dad? I saw you weren't coming from the gym.” 

“Yeah, Even had to pick up his stuff.” 

Eva tried to sound composed but her high voice betrayed her. It bothered Isak, the way she was so infatuated with him. “Oh, have you talked to him some more? Did he say anything about the transfer?”

Isak shook his head. They passed the elevator which opened its doors in just the right moment for Even to step into their way. He looked them up and down with yet a different smile on his face, one Isak hadn't seen yet. It was the one he liked the least so far. All forced and yet somewhat doing its job apparently, as Eva hastily dropped his hand as if she didn't want Even to get the wrong idea. 

Even merely raised his eyebrows at Isak suggestively. Then he turned to Eva and Isak was convinced he made his eyes sparkle on purpose. He offered her his hand. 

“I'm Even, I don't think we've met.” 

“Eva.” 

The two of them shook hands and for some reason Isak felt annoyed with both of them. The way they were eyeing each other, the way Eva seemed to not pick up on the way Even had to struggle to keep up his confident smile. He thought back to the Even he had just experienced in Coach's office and it didn't make sense. How could he be so many things at once? Didn't anyone notice that he was lying to all of their faces?

“I'll see you around, I'm sure,” Even promised and let go of her hand. Then he gave Isak another one of his overconfident glares and vanished behind them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!!! I'm super sick and reading comments always lights up my days enormousy so thanks for making me feel better <3 <3 <3 I'm honestly amazed, especially with all those people who keep commenting again and again and whose profiles keep popping up on all of my stories, it really means a lot to me xx

The first time Isak and Even shared the ice together went even worse than Isak had thought it would. Their communication was as good as non existent and William, who was put against them for the scrimmage yet again, took advantage of their imprecise passes over and over again. Even continuously underestimated Isak's speed which was why his passes slowed Isak down on his way towards the centre line. Isak on the other hand wasn't used to Even's engaging nature, the way he was literally always either in possession of the puck or knocking his stick onto the ice to demand it. It annoyed him so badly he ended up passing to their centre Magnus instead of Even whenever he had the chance. 

In the end, they avoided each other more than they played together. They didn't agree on when to play forward and when to pass back to Jonas, when to move behind the goal and when to push their opponent back into their own half of the ice. Isak was getting frustrated with Even passing the puck right between his skates rather than in front of him while Even was visibly tired of Isak not understanding the tricks and manoeuvres that he was supposed to use to his advantage.

When Even skated past Isak and left the puck behind him for Isak to pick up, Isak only figured that out when William had already sent it sliding towards the goal. When he passed the puck along the boards behind their own goal so that Isak could get it from there, Isak was already sprinting towards the centre line and expected the puck to reach him there. 

By Thursday, they were both so frustrated with each other, they had stopped talking off the ice altogether. Even always stayed behind after practice, taking ages to actually make it to the changing room and avoiding the company of the Seadogs as often as possible. 

Regardless of their miscommunication which began to slowly but surely exasperate the rest of the team, as they had to work twice as hard to make up for their messed up first defence line, Isak was still satisfied whenever he watched Even during drills. He knew that it wasn't a lack of skill on either side that made their game so incredibly frustrating. Even was fast, if not as fast as Isak, and he was aggressive. The latter he was in a way that pleased Isak immensely. Even's violence was directed towards the puck, his strength was put behind his shots, his energy into his sprints, not into fighting. 

Even only had to throw one single punch to get William off his back. During their very first practice together, William had dared to throw himself into Even the way he usually did it with Isak, bodychecking him into the boards so hard Isak could see the plexiglass vibrate on his side of the ice. Within seconds, William had found himself flat on the ice with Even on top of him, both of their sticks sliding towards the goal. 

To Isak's surprise, Coach hadn't even interfered but pretended to be checking something in the stash of papers on his clipboard until Even had gotten back up after he had made his point as if nothing had happened. After that, William had gone back to terrorizing Isak even more so than before, so that Isak's nerves were worn thin by the time the first week of practice came to an end. 

Coach was becoming increasingly unpleasant towards him, too, which bothered Isak even more, as he seemed to be just fine with Even egocentrically playing like he was alone on the ice. Isak had already picked up on the fact that Coach was being lenient towards Even for whatever reason, but this was more than that. This was him letting Even do whatever the hell he wanted without giving him shit for it while he yelled at Isak for basically the entirety of their daily hour on the ice. During their practice on Friday, Isak was so fired up over the whole thing that he decided it was about time to start talking to Even if they were going to fix their line in time for the first game in two weeks. 

“Lengthen your passes, I'll still be able to get to them.” 

Even, who had been busy stretching out his right leg against the boards during their short break, looked up from his skates when Isak spoke to him, but he didn't reply. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, with his face only half visible behind his visor. 

“Just stop aiming for my skates, I'm fast,” Isak added and squirted some more water from a bottle into his mouth. He didn't feel like it, but he still offered it to Even once he was done. Even only stared at him for a second and then reached out to smash his glove against Isak's unarmed hand, making the bottle fall to the ice and Isak pull his hand back in surprise. 

“How about you don't tell me what to do?!” With that, Even skated off the ice and only showed up again ten minutes later when they had already abandoned their scrimmage in favour of some fast crossover-drills. William had whistled after Even provocatively, trying to edge him on, but Even hadn't turned around. He had brushed off Jonas' arm that had tried to hold him back to make him explain himself to Isak and had left for the changing room, smashing his stick against the wall on his way. Now that he was back, he ignored the curious stares in his direction and joined the line of players in the far left corner of the rink without a word. 

Isak was exhausted, but the rage over Even's stupidity and unwillingness to cooperate with him still left him feeling unsettled and angry by the time he left the ice. He just couldn't figure him out. Every time Isak thought he had understood what was going on, his mood switched and Isak was left with nothing. He wished he wouldn't have to bother with him anymore. Even with his new position as captain he might have given up by now, but if they were supposed to play together as a D-team, Isak couldn't just ignore him. Which was exactly what Even seemed to be planning on doing. 

“Valtersen!” 

Isak stayed behind until the rest of the players had passed him and he was alone with Coach. Even was the only one still on the ice, moving in fast backwards circles and keeping the maintenance staff from fixing the ice back up for the next team's practice. 

“It's been almost a week and you and Even still play like crap. Are you planning on fixing this? I can't afford breaking up the other D-teams to switch around, they work too well together.”

Isak was about to snap back but bit his lip just in time. He didn't want to have to stay longer and run laps up and down the stadium for being difficult. Instead, he took off his helmet to give himself a second to gather his thoughts. 

“I tried talking to him, he threw a temper tantrum. Not my fault.” 

“Isak, you've been dealing with these guys for two years now, are you telling me you can't handle a little attitude?” 

Isak scoffed. “A little attitude? I don't know what made you fall in love with him, but he's more than a little difficult. He hates it here, he probably wants to show me how much we suck by ruining the season for us.” Isak felt his anger taking over and he couldn't help but raise his voice. 

Coach sank down onto the home bench and gave a deep sigh. For a while he looked at Even who was still on the ice, not bothered by the zamboni that was visibly ready to enter the rink but was not allowed to until the ice was clear. Isak followed his gaze but quickly got too annoyed with his new D-partner. He tried four different bottles of water before he found one that was still half full and Coach spoke again.

“I can see he is not making this easy for you and I can tell you he's not making it easy for anyone else either. But I can't afford for you to be this easily discouraged. I chose you as captain because I believe you're good with the guys on the team. You could connect with all of them if you really wanted to. Right now you're giving up.” 

Isak stared at him, sweat now dripping off the side of his face regardless of his bandana. “Why don't you talk to him first? It's like you're not even bothered, you just let him act out his dramatic streak and expect me to fix it. How could I possibly make this work if you let him walk on and off the ice whenever he feels like it? If you let him beat people up without saying a word?” 

The zamboni began to inch its way forward and Even started to slowly skate towards Isak and Coach, still taking his time. 

“Trust me Isak, I would if I could. The situation with Even is one I can't explain to you, but he and I both have our reasons for why things are the way they are right now. Just hang in there and keep trying to get through to him. With you two working together, this could be a good season.” 

“It takes two people to work together.” Isak knew that Even was close enough to overhear him now but he couldn't be bothered. He even turned his head towards Even who gave him a small grin as he stepped off the ice and marched right past them, breathing heavily. 

When Isak joined Even in the dressing room, the rest of the team was mostly done showering and in the process of getting dressed. Eskild was crouched among them, massaging Chris' lower leg which had apparently cramped up. He greeted Isak with a wide smile. Their conversation in the gym on Tuesday had been forgotten by the time Isak had showed up for his check up. 

Remembering Even's strange request for another physio, Isak looked over at him to see what his reaction to Eskild was now. He was sitting on the bench in front of his locker, taking deep sips of water, not paying particular attention to anything or anyone around him. He took his brand new jersey off after a while and started working on his elbow pads and chest guard, but then he took out his phone, apparently not in a hurry to get into the shower. Was he really that offended by Eskild being into him that he wouldn't even take off his shirt in front of him?

Isak shook his head and undressed, grabbed for his towel, and walked towards the showers. There were only two guys left in there and they were basically done when Isak entered. After a quick shower, Isak got dressed in silence. He was now almost alone with Even who was still sat in most of his gear even though Eskild had left. He had taken off his shin guards and skates while Isak had been in the shower but now took special care to dry them and put the guards back on. He was stalling and Isak didn't hide the fact that he kept glancing over to him to find out why. 

Isak got dressed and repacked his locker, sorted through his clothes, and was finally alone with Even just as he was ready to go. For a second he contemplated whether he should take the opportunity to bring up their horrible practice to him, but he was too riled up about it to discuss it right now. Instead, he grabbed for his bag just as Even took off his shirt and threw it to the ground. 

“I'm sorry about your hand. I was angry, it wasn't your fault.” 

Isak stopped in the doorway when he heard Even speak and he looked back at him in surprise. The look on Even's face was blank with none of his trademark smiles visible. Isak had expected him to say anything but this, but then again, he wasn't complaining about the attempt at civil conversation. He nodded an okay and then he dared to ask: “What made you angry?” 

“Doesn't have to concern you. I'll lengthen the fucking passes if you bother to look behind you every now and then.” Even opened the band of his hockey pants and let them drop to the floor, finally getting ready to shower. 

“Alright.” And then, just because Isak felt like he should add something, he asked: “Are you coming to the party later?” He wasn't exactly thrilled to keep trying with Even, but he guessed he had no choice. 

Even shrugged. “It's at my place, so I guess that's a yes.” 

“Don't wear Shark blue.” With that, Isak made his way out of the dressing room. He caught Even rolling his eyes at him before he left. 

...

 

By the time Isak arrived at his flat, he was starving. He shoved a frozen pizza into the oven and went to knock on Eva's door as he could hear both her and Vilde laughing behind it. He had taken so long at practice that they only had an hour left before they were supposed to meet up at Magnus and Jonas' flat. The party the three of them had planned was still happening, but they were going to stick to the basics as Isak had decided to indeed make the whole team go camping tomorrow.

They would leave around noon and spend the night in a nearby forest with a little lake that Isak had been camping at before, together with Eva and Jonas a few years ago. To make up for the short notice he had given the Seadogs, Isak had agreed for friends to come along, so their group was going to be rather big and Eva and Vilde had agreed to join them as well. They still had to do their shopping in the morning, so Isak currently didn't plan on staying up all night. 

He found Eva and Vilde already giggly with a bottle of wine, getting ready for the party. He ate his pizza on the bed while he watched Eva do Vilde's hair and makeup at the desk and told them all about how the frustrating practices throughout the week had been topped off by today's disaster. 

“I honestly can't believe Even would be like that,” Vilde protested, which gained her an angry look from Eva who was doing her eyeliner and needed her to stay still. 

“And if he was, I can't believe Dad would be on his side,” Eva added after a few seconds of silence in which she traced a thick black line along Vilde's lashes. 

Isak placed his empty plate on the floor in front of him and let himself fall backwards onto Eva's bed. 

“Well, it happened like that. I'm not looking forward to the whole camping thing, this week has been no fun.” 

At that, both girls gave him warning looks. “Don't you dare cancel it,” Eva said and Vilde nodded in agreement. 

“It's going to be so much fun, Isak, and we'll be such a big group, you won't notice Even at all.” 

“And if you do, Vilde can keep him company so you don't end up accidentally drowning him in the lake.” Eva seemed to be putting on finishing touches now and stepped away from Vilde to marvel at her work. Isak didn't understand. 

“Why's that? Because he's so attractive? Because of that hair of his? I mean, I've seen him shirtless today, I gotta say...” He rolled around onto his belly and laughed at how Vilde put her hand over her mouth in shock. It was always so incredibly easy to get her to blush.

“You're catching on, Isak, that's exactly why,” Eva laughed “And also because Vilde and Even are best friends now. Have you not heard?”

Isak stopped laughing. 

“No?” he half asked, not entirely sure whether Eva was being serious. He looked at Vilde and raised an eyebrow in question. 

“We're not best friends.” Vilde reached for her glass of wine and took a few hasty sips. “You're not best friends with someone after hanging out a few times, are you?” Isak wanted to laugh at how serious she sounded and the way she looked up at Eva in honest confusion, but he was too distracted by this. 

“A few times? He's only been here for like a week. I didn't even know you hung out in the first place.” 

“He started talking to me when I went to the skating shop on Tuesday evening. He bought me coffee and then Wednesday I helped him sign up for his classes because he was making a mess out of things.”

“And then yesterday he invited her over into his bed,” Eva added with an exaggerated wink which made Vilde squirm in her seat at the desk. 

“No no no, we watched a show together, that's all. You two do it all the time. Some crime drama, I forgot what it was called, but it was really interesting.” 

Isak had to take a second to take in this new information. He couldn't wrap his head around it so he decided to settle on the easiest question he needed answers to. “What did you do at the hockey shop?”

“It's not just hockey, you know? I was looking at skates in general, without any real reason.” 

“You're focusing on the wrong thing,” Eva sat down next to Isak on the bed and brushed her hands through his hair. Usually, Isak's eyes fell closed within seconds when she did so, but right now, he was too confused to really enjoy the feeling of it. “What's weird is that Vilde says Even is the nicest guy while you say he wants you dead.” 

“I wouldn't go that far,” Isak mumbled. He didn't want to move too much and make Eva stop touching him. 

“He is really nice,” Vilde confirmed. “He matched his timetable with mine so we have two classes together now.” 

“He's also been nice to me when I met him, Isak, you were there. Maybe he just hates your guts? Who could blame him?” Eva pulled slightly at Isak's hair while she laughed at him. “Are you going to wear sweatpants to the party?”

Isak grumbled something into the mattress his face had sunken into. He couldn't keep up with neither the girls nor with Even. What had he ever done to him? Nothing, just like he had done nothing to William or Chris. The only reassurance Isak could think of was that Even didn't seem to be making any other friends on the team either. But then again, if he wasn't looking for friends, what did he want from Vilde and Eva other than the obvious? 

Isak groaned into the mattress yet again, this time in frustration, and then pushed himself up reluctantly to get dressed.


	6. Chapter 6

They got to the party almost an hour later than they were supposed to since Vilde demanded for Eva to redo her make up once she got a look at herself in the mirror. Isak listened to them bickering back and forth about how thick eyeliner was supposed to be in order to go with the kind of outfit Vilde had chosen, but in the end it didn't matter because Vilde felt uncomfortable and neither Eva nor Isak would make her leave the house in that case. 

So Isak waited and watched. He played some music on Eva's laptop, eventually put on his own simple outfit of jeans and a dark shirt, got another bottle of wine for the girls, and had a few beers he didn't particularly enjoy while he grew more and more fascinated with the way Eva made Vilde look more natural now.

When they were finally ready to go, Isak had to walk between them to manoeuvre them down and back up the stairs safely. The door to the flat stood wide open when they got there and Vilde and Eva headed straight for the makeshift dance floor while Isak scanned the crowded room for Jonas and Magnus. 

Whenever the Seadogs all came together like this, it didn't look like they were split up into their groups the way they were at practice. There were enough people present to fill the gaps between their little islands and the alcohol made them all get along better at parties than they did in the competitive setting on the ice. Still, Isak found Jonas and Magnus standing together the way they usually did, talking to Eskild. Eskild didn't normally join them for their parties, as they “weren't his kind of thing”, but every now and then he would show up for a beer before he left to meet up with his own, older friends. Isak greeted them all with fistbumps as if he hadn't just seen them a few hours ago and accepted another drink from Jonas. 

“We've met Noora,” Magnus exclaimed cheerfully when Isak asked them what they were up to. “She finally moved in today. The blonde one over there, at the window.”

They all looked over to the other side of the room but Isak was the only one who didn't have to turn around to do so. He recognized Noora, but he had never talked to her before. She was standing with a group of people Isak knew only fleetingly from taking classes with them or seeing them in the hallway. She looked nice, all red lipstick and bright smile. Before he could say so or inquire how much time Magnus had actually spent with her, Jonas began talking about the girl next to Noora and he lost interest in the conversation. 

Sometimes, especially when they had been drinking, Isak got annoyed by the limited subject matter his friends indulged in. Usually, it was either girls or hockey, but at parties, it was only the former. Isak had once brought it up to them but they had only rolled his as at him, claiming that he only felt that way because he was taken and shooting significant looks at Eva. Isak couldn't help but think that at least, when he was with her, he could talk about something other than his dating life and hot girls on campus. 

He shifted his attention back to his friends when they all turned around yet again and looked back over to the window. Isak followed their gaze and saw Noora talking to William. He still didn't care about William's love life but Magnus seemed to be more interested. He made Isak and Jonas shut up in order to be able to overhear their conversation, but it was a lost cause. The loud music and the distance made it impossible for them to catch anything they were saying. It was quite clear that they weren't on good terms, though. The smug smile William usually wore was now gone and Noora looked significantly less happy than she had a minute ago.

“Should we go over there?” Magnus asked and looked at Jonas for approval. Sometimes the two of them reminded Isak just the tiniest bit of William and Chris, with the way they always stuck together. The only difference being that Magnus was actually allowed to leave Jonas' side if he wanted to. And that Magnus probably didn't actually need anyone's approval to do that whereas Chris indeed seemed like a lost puppy desperate for William's attention whenever he was left to his own devices these days. 

“To do what?”

“Make sure they don't ruin the party?” 

Isak rolled his eyes at that bad excuse to get closer to the source of gossip. 

“Looks like Noora has it under control,” he commented as he watched Noora point a finger at William's chest, looking angry now. It didn't seem likely to Isak that she needed their help, as William, to his surprise, backed off a second later with an annoyed but defeated look. A few people who stood closer by began to clap their hands and gave impressed cheers at the way William had obviously been rejected. 

Isak sighed again. Drunk people. 

“Okay,” Magnus said dryly once he had turned around again. “You guys can have her, she's too good for me.” He shrugged his shoulders, only half joking. “I'm gonna go over there and find out what heroic thing she said to make William shut up.”

With that, he made his way over to the other side of the room just as Eva joined their little group to stand closely next to Isak. She smiled up at him brightly, eyes sparkling with drunk joy, and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

“Did you hear that?” She laughed into Isak's neck and looked over to the window where Noora had now gone back to normal as if nothing had happened. “I want her as my friend. I will be her best friend, just gotta wait until I'm sober.”

“Okay, good choice,” Isak agreed, holding on to his friend so that she wouldn't fall.

“Come dancing!” Eva began to pull at his arm and Isak didn't have it in him to refuse. He let her drag him onto the dance floor which was really just a cleared out area between the kitchen counter and the dinner table which had been pushed up against the wall. The sofa that usually occupied the middle of the room was pushed against the opposite wall to create enough room for almost an entire hockey team plus friends. Even then, the room was packed with people moving closely against each other, either standing and talking or moving to the house music that was obviously part of Jonas' playlist. 

They only danced for a few minutes, or Eva did while Isak kind of held on to her waist and moved around awkwardly, before they spotted Vilde dancing on her own with her eyes closed. Together they squeezed through the crowd until they reached her.

Isak took another beer that their backup goalie Kasper pressed into his hands with a drunk smile and a pat on his back. Isak opened it with one hand, refusing to let go of Eva completely. Holding on to her somehow grounded him in midst the sea of warm bodies pressing against his own. He exchanged a few words of thanks with Kasper and when he turned back around, he saw William approaching Vilde from behind, moving his body closer to hers until she turned around, eyes wide with confusion. 

Isak eyed them carefully, determined to let Vilde decide what she wanted, but his hands loosened their grip around Eva's backside anyway. Eva was facing away from Vilde, dancing almost for Isak alone, holding on to his shoulders and moving her hips in front of his but not fully against him. 

Isak observed Vilde taking a few tiny steps forward in an attempt to create space between her and William which he promptly filled to catch up with her. William pressed his body against her back under the pretence of moving to the music and pulled her into him in the process, arms wrapping around her in a way that made her eyes go wide in shock. 

The panicked look in her eyes was more than enough to make Isak react and he made to move towards her, but just then Even showed up, seemingly out of nowhere. While Vilde's eyes had been frantically looking for Isak, the relief that washed over her face when she recognized Even made Isak want to rethink everything he thought he knew about him. Even smoothly pulled Vilde towards him and out of William's arms. Isak was completely taken aback at the way Vilde seemed to trust him completely as she let him kiss her on the cheek in greeting and hugged him closely. 

Isak caught the dark look Even sent William over her shoulder and his heart gave a little jolt of newborn, definitely booze-inflicted, affection for his D-partner. He also couldn't help but wonder when he had won over Vilde that easily, though. Vilde, who had taken months to hug Isak without being all stiff and awkward in his arms. Maybe it was the alcohol, but she definitely didn't seem to feel uncomfortable when Even leaned forward to say something in her ear. She laughed and then he turned her around in his arms playfully to move with her in exaggerated and ridiculous dance moves.

It was only then that Even's eyes locked with Isak's for a second. Isak gave him a small smile, partly in thanks and partly in new found hope. Even smiled back at him without a hint of hesitation, but Isak could tell he wasn't sober. It wouldn't mean anything by tomorrow. As much as Isak wanted to keep looking at Even, watch him dance and marvel at his uncharacteristic joy, he brought his focus back to Eva. She had leaned her head against Isak's chest and he carefully moved his fingers underneath her chin to make her look up at him so he could make sure she was alright. Eva only smiled at him yet again and turned around in his arms until they were stood the same way Even and Vilde were right in front of them. 

As soon as Eva had smiled brightly in Even's direction, Isak could tell that she and Vilde were having a silent conversation yet again. Even though he could only see Vilde's face and therefore only half of it, he knew what they were saying this time. Yes, Even was there, yes, Even looked good in his white shirt, yes, Even was dancing with Vilde more closely now, trailing his hands up and down her sides in broad but light movements. Isak could see how it made Vilde blush, but not in the way she so often did when she was embarrassed or overwhelmed. She was enjoying herself, growing more and more confident in Even's arms, most likely feeling the curious and slightly jealous looks on her that the two of them attracted.

Isak could only hope that Vilde knew what she was doing and that she was aware that Even wasn't usually like this. He was drunk and obviously getting her hopes up and would brush her off tomorrow. Or maybe after the weekend, once he had taken his chance to lure her into his tent. Isak felt a bit sick at the thought of that and he leaned forward slightly to tell Eva he was going to go and get another drink. 

He found Jonas and Eskild exactly where he had left them at the fridge. He waved at them, got another beer, and noticed only then that they both eyed him suspiciously. 

“Huh?” Isak made instead of a question and opened his beer at the kitchen counter. 

When Jonas spoke, his words came out quickly, as if he had tried hard to hold them back before.

“Dude, I knew you and Eva were clicking, but last time I saw you together she wasn't sending signals that obvious.” He was laughing now and took another sip of his beer. “Wish she'd been that clear in what she wanted when I was with her.” 

Isak frowned and looked at Eskild who raised his hands in defeat and kind of slurred: “I just wish I could dance like her. Ask her to teach me?” Isak hadn't realized how drunk he was until he opened his mouth. That explained why he was still here and hadn't taken off to his own party yet. 

“What do you mean, signals?” Isak asked Jonas, feigning ignorance. He knew what his friend was referring to, it was just that he had it all wrong. Eva liked dancing, not hitting on him. Apparently Jonas didn't believe his act as he only raised his eyebrows at Isak, expecting him to drop it already. 

“Come on,” he sighed when Isak didn't react. “She's all over you, don't tell me you don't see that. I know her, I've been at the receiving end of that, and trust me,” he pointed a finger at Isak at that, “she's into you.”

“She's into you!” Eskild repeated gleefully as if Jonas had taken the words directly out his mouth. “And Even is into Vilde, huh? Straight guys and their fragile masculinity, can't even give out compliments these days without them running into some girl's arms for reassurance.” His strong words lost their bite towards the end as he began stumbling over them. 

“Yeah I don't get it either,” Isak agreed half heartedly and downed his beer. On the dance floor he had felt entirely sober but now that he had gotten some room to breathe he felt how lightheaded he really was. From one moment to the next he realized he was dancing on that small line between being comfortably dazed and being utterly drunk. It was always like that. He could be taking shots the entire night without feeling a thing until one drink suddenly did it and his body caught up with him. 

“Honestly, I thought Even had a girlfriend, that girl that picked him up the first night,” Jonas stated, “but then he started bringing Vilde home so I figured maybe not. Or he's messing with them the same way he's messing with you.” He pointed at Isak with his bottle of beer.

Eskild's eyes widened at that. “He's messing with you? How? Like, all bodychecks and locker room kisses?”

Isak blushed even though the idea was ridiculous. It made Jonas laugh out loud too, shaking his head at Eskild's wild imagination. 

“Oh my God, no. He's being an asshole, that's what's happening,” Isak was quick to explain even though it made Eskild pout in silent disappointment. He then decided it was time to leave the guys to find Eva again and see whether Vilde was alright. He didn't know what to do about her and Even. It wasn't his place to decide what she should and shouldn't do. And to be fair, Even hadn't overstepped any boundaries when they had been dancing. His hands at least had stayed over Vilde's shirt and away from her breasts, Isak had carefully observed that. 

He still felt odd when he saw them again while he looked for Eva. They disappeared into Even's room together, his hands low on her waist now, guiding her forwards until he could shut the door behind them. Isak only saw them for a second and he couldn't tell whether Vilde seemed alright or not simply by looking at her backside. He was torn between knocking on the door, risking to come off as overly possessive, and his need to make sure Vilde was going to be fine. The alcohol slowed down his brain and he stared at the closed door for quite some time. 

“There you are!” Eva found him before he could keep looking for her. “Let's go home? Vilde is gone and you're not drunk enough to pull out those dance moves of yours.” Her hair was messed up from dancing and her makeup slightly smeared but she looked content to Isak. 

“Is Vilde gonna be fine? I saw her leaving with Even.” 

“Isak,” Eva almost sounded a bit whiny in the way she dragged out the sound of his name. “You think so badly of Even, he's really not that horrible. Maybe on the ice, but he really just danced with us when you left, it's not like he has a hidden agenda or anything.” 

“Did Vilde want to go with him?” 

“She asked him, yes. She said she was tired.” 

Isak still didn't like the idea of Vilde spending the night with Even, but he guessed there was nothing he could do. It really hadn't looked like Vilde had been unhappy in any way. He gave in when Eva took his hand and pulled him towards the door slowly, giving him enough time to protest if he wanted to, which he didn't.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! So sorry for the slow updates, I'm busy with uni, but only one more month and I'll graduate and do nothing but write:)
> 
> Warning: IsakXEva content

Isak and Eva woke up to matching texts from Vilde telling them that she was alright. They had been sent at 4:00 and also stated that she'd sleep in and skip the shopping but would catch them later. After reading the message, Isak tossed his phone into the sheets and turned around to face Eva. She was still half asleep, her long hair creating a tangled mess around her face on the pillows, but somehow already texting somebody. Maybe it was Vilde, Isak couldn't see. 

“I feel like I missed something. How did they become so close in a matter of days?” Isak mumbled. He knew Eva would know what he meant, given that they had just compared their messages. “When has Vilde ever been comfortable with anyone that quickly?”

“I know.” Eva let her phone fall onto her chest and turned her head towards Isak. “It's all happening a bit fast. I'm gonna talk to her first chance I get.” 

Isak nodded, grateful he wouldn't have to go talk to Vilde himself. They were close friends, but their conversations didn't really venture into intense discussions about their love lives. Vilde had Eva for that. Not that either Vilde or Isak ever had anything to talk about when it came to relationships anyway. They mainly talked when they were together with Eva too, so their friendship wasn't as personal as it could be if they spent more time together alone. The way Vilde and Even apparently now did. 

“If they start dating we're gonna have to hang out with Even,” Isak remarked sullenly. 

Eva rolled over onto her side and scooted closer to him. 

“I don't think they're necessarily dating. You know Vilde, she gets excited about things. Maybe they're really just hanging out like she said.” She let her fingers trace invisible patterns on Isak's chest and he sighed contently. He loved waking up with Eva. It was something he had never had with anyone before – not that he would have wanted it – and ever since they had moved in together and started sharing a bed more often than not, he hated sleeping alone. It just felt nice and warm, feeling another body next to his when he was asleep, cuddling her squishy sides and nuzzling her soft hair. 

“But if they were dating,” Eva continued, “you'd be happy for her, right? I mean, as long as he's not messing around with her?”

“Sure,” Isak admitted. For a second he let himself imagine what it would be like to see Even and Vilde together all the time, or to have Even join them for dinner every now and then. He still had a hard time reconciling the image of Even from last night with the Even he had gotten to know during the last week though. Either Even really disliked him personally, which would make Isak dislike him right back, or he was really as unpleasant as he was on the ice, which would mean that he was messing with Vilde and it would make Isak dislike him too. There wasn't any way Isak could think about the situation without coming to the conclusion he had already reached on day one: Even wasn't someone he wanted in his life. 

Eva pinched the tight skin on Isak's stomach and he startled at the dull but sudden pain. 

“Sure? That's it? She's your friend! Your friend who even after two years can't bring herself to sign up for that stupid ballet class because she feels she doesn't have the body for it. It shouldn't take a boyfriend for her to realize how awesome she is, but if Even for whatever reason makes her feel good about herself then that's a good thing.” 

Isak couldn't argue with that. “I just wish it wasn't Even. He still sucks.” 

“Maybe he got sucked, last night. You think so?” Eva smiled slyly, knowing she'd make Isak uncomfortable. 

“Ugh,” he made, and pushed her hands, that had gone back to softly stroking his warm skin, off of him. He still pulled her closer against him though. He never really knew what to do when they were lying together like this. Eva always knew just how to relax him, how to give him goosebumps and make him feel wanted, but all he ever did was pull her in closer and closer until there was no room left in between them. He didn't want to touch her in ways she might not want him to. She always wore only t-shirts and underwear to bed too, and they rode up her back during the night and the acres of bare skin were inviting but also dangerous. What if he fucked up and his touch made her touch him back, in different ways from what they were doing now, and then he wouldn't know what to do with that? He wanted to be sure before he made her a part of that mess in his head. 

“So that's what's wrong with ballet? She never told me,” he asked quietly. They were most likely the only ones awake in a building full of hungover students and somehow he felt like he had to keep his voice down even though they were alone.

“Oh Isak,” Eva moved her hands back to his stomach once he allowed it, “sometimes your obliviousness stops being cute and then it's just sad. Can you honestly not tell how she is about her body?” Isak had realized Vilde's eating habits were off, and he had always known she wasn't confident about her curves the way Eva was, but he hadn't put it all together until now. “She wants to join me in figure skating, but she has these crazy ideas about what skaters are supposed to look like. In order to do skating she has to join ballet though, and she's not ready to do either. I'm working on it.”

“She was looking at skates though,” Isak remembered. “So she's working on it too? Should I say anything to her?” 

“Like what?” Eva looked up at him, a curious but also amused look on her face, her chin resting uncomfortably on his ribs.

“I don't know, I can tell her she's cute. You tell me what to say.” Isak pushed at Eva's head until she got the message and moved further down to rest her chin on his softer belly. 

“That's how you would compliment a girl? Just 'hey you're cute'? Or the even better version 'my friend told me to tell you you're cute'?” 

Isak protested but even he knew that Eva was right. He sucked at this. 

“I compliment you all the time,” he tried anyway just to hear her laugh again. “I said your skirt looked good last night.” 

“So you complimented my clothing,” Eva pointed out and Isak rolled his eyes. “It's still appreciated,” she added and grabbed for her phone again. “We should get going, we only have two hours.”

Isak's hands instinctively moved to wrap around her so she couldn't get up just yet and would have to stay with him for just a few more minutes, but as Eva was already getting onto her knees to climb over Isak and out of bed, his hands ended up resting against the cotton of her simple black panties, if only for a second. Isak knew that to Eva it had to feel as if he was pulling her in closer like that, and he could see the surprise on her face when she sat down in his lap like he knew he had unwillingly signalled her to do. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled, but he still moved to push her hair out of her face, almost out of instinct. 

“That's okay.”

Isak had tensed for a second but he relaxed when he saw that Eva was back to normal after a short moment of confusion. She was still straddling his thighs though, wearing nothing but a short t-shirt and those dark panties he had brushed against, her tanned legs completely exposed to him. Isak didn't know what to do with his arms and he ended up letting them fall onto the mattress next to her once he had tread his fingers through her hair all the way down to her waist. He couldn't help but look at her body; it was right there. Her thick thighs, the faded stretch marks on them, visible where her shirt had ridden up a bit, her nipples straining against her grey t-shirt. 

Isak knew Eva had caught him looking at her, his eyes wandering up and down her body, and he swore he could feel her move just the tiniest bit, pushing her chest forward and making her boobs look more pronounced underneath the thin cotton. He knew that he had been staring for too long, but he couldn't help it. He had never been with anyone, he had never even seen Eva like this. Almost naked and on top of him. It was mainly curiosity that made him look. She was beautiful, there was no denying that. But still Isak didn't feel like kissing or touching her, even now when she so very patiently let him take her in, let him gaze up at her bare collarbone, her chest, and down to that little bit of exposed skin around her waist and the front of her panties. 

Isak bit his lip. It wasn't that he didn't feel anything at all. There was definitely curiosity, buried underneath an unhealthy amount of nerves, paired with something he couldn't quite name. Arousal maybe, at the clearly sexual nature of their position, but it felt more like distant excitement smothered by more nervousness. He knew that his moment to do something was long gone. He felt Eva climb off of him with an almost shy smile and watched her put on her leggings from last night in case Chris was already up and ran into her on the way to the bathroom. 

Once she had left the room, Isak let out a deep, trembling breath. Was he ever going to manage to make a move? Maybe he was going to die untouched. He didn't know what was wrong with him, really. Eva was smart, possibly into him, and his best friend. Didn't people always tell you to marry your best friend? 

After he had gotten up himself he tried hard to push the thoughts about her, or rather her body, out of his mind and instead concentrated on the task at hand which was packing, shopping, and getting ready in under two hours. He managed just fine, but both Eva and eventually also Vilde were frantically running around the flat. They were at some point joined by Chris who still had to organize a tent for himself and was sat at the dining room table, calling everyone whose number he had saved in his phone and who lived in the area. 

By the time they all stumbled into the yard, carrying luggage that would potentially secure their survival out in the woods for at least two weeks rather than only a weekend, everyone else was already outside and in the process of splitting up into small groups of four or five to fill up the few cars they had organized. Most players on the team had a drivers licenses but it had been rather difficult to find enough cars that were available for the entire weekend. They had managed though, and even though Isak found himself squeezed into the back of Magnus' father's car in between Eva and Vilde, they still had a surprisingly good time considering most Seadogs were either hungover or still drunk.

To Isak's relief, Vilde was riding with them but Even wasn't, so they at least weren't attached at the hips now. Isak itched with the question of what had happened last night, but he knew it wasn't the right moment to ask. He inconspicuously checked Vilde's neck for hickeys but there were none to be found. She leaned her head against the cool window after two minutes and complained about a headache and was soon joined by Magnus who spent about half an hour lamenting his bruises from the first week back on the ice.

...

 

The campsite was just as deserted and beautiful as Isak remembered it. Since they were only staying one night there was no need for a cabin or showers or electricity and all they had was a large meadow lined by thick trees, an enormous fire pit, and the lake Isak remembered watching Eva and Jonas make out in. 

The team set up their tents whilst listening to obscene rap music William provided from his expensive speakers and the majority of them already began bickering about who was going to share with whom. When Isak overheard somebody offering to pay 400 krone for a space with some third year girl, he decided his time to step up as captain had finally come. 

“Guys!” he yelled, and waited until the team and their plus ones had gathered around him. “We've come here for some team bonding so I wanna make sure we don't just split up into our usual groups.” He felt more than awkward speaking up like that but he guessed it would just take some getting used to. “I don't know how we're going to do this, but can we make pairs of guys who don't usually hang out? No lines or flatmates sharing unless you seriously hate each other and got some cuddling to do. Also no sharing with plus ones, this is mainly about the team.”

Isak nervously looked down at his battered Nikes for a second but then pulled himself together. Coach had chosen him for a reason. These were his teammates, his friends. Well, not all of them, but it was the goal. He could hear Chris laughing though, and he already knew that he wouldn't like what was coming. 

“I have a proposal to make.” Chris stepped forward into the kind of circle that the team had formed around Isak. “Since you and Even are fucking up our game the most these days, you two can start the cuddling tonight. Have fun.” 

Isak regarded Chris with an annoyed look while the guys around him broke out into cheers and then started an elaborate discussion over the new sleeping arrangements. Of course he had set his own trap but still, sharing with Even? Not the best prospect. Maybe he could pull an all nighter and just not go to bed. He'd spend the night talking to Eva and Jonas down by the lake just like in the old times. But in the end he knew he had to agree since Chris not only had a point but also the entire team on his side. 

He nodded in defeat and looked for Even in the crowd. Isak found him standing with Vilde, of course, as far away from the rest of the team as he could be without being rude. He stared Isak down with a rather emotionless look in his eyes but he didn't look angry. After a few seconds he simply shoved his hands into the pockets of his gym shorts and turned around, walking away from them all and towards the edge of the lake. It only took Vilde a few moments to decide to follow him.


	8. Chapter 8

While most of the team had been tired, hungover, and lazy during the time it took to set up their campsite, the afternoon sun and a swim in the lake cured their pounding heads enough to allow for a game of football. As Isak's team was eliminated after the first round, he quickly went to find himself a spot in the grass near the lake to hold his face in the sun and eventually start a game of cards with the rest of the guys who weren't playing anymore. From afar he watched Eva score for her team and gave her a thumbs up when she waved at him. 

Only a couple of yards away from him were Vilde and Even. Neither of them had changed to go swimming, but Even was at least wearing shorts and stood knee deep in the water, clearly trying to persuade Vilde to come in. Vilde however kept pointing down to her long jeans and stayed safely in the grass. 

“What's going on with those two?” Isak heard Chris ask, who was sat next to him. When no one answered, he realized that the question was directed at him. He only shrugged his shoulders though.

“How would I know?” It felt weird to hang out with Chris like this when Jonas and Magnus were around somewhere and would no doubt make better company. But Isak knew he had to stick to his own rules if it was for the benefit of the team. 

“You're friends with Vilde and Even's your D-buddy? Speaking of which, does it weird you out?” 

“Does what?” Isak began to order the five cards in his hand by colour. He sucked at playing cards and only got dragged through the game by other's suggestions on what to do. 

“Being his D-partner. You think he wants your D?” Chris raised his eyebrow suggestively, holding back a laugh at his own joke but the rest of the guys they were sat with started hooting at him. Isak immediately felt exasperated. It was such a run down joke, it really wasn't funny anymore. 

“What makes you think that? The way he trips me on the ice or the way he ignores me off it?” 

“Come on, he could still be hot for you. The way he was for half of the Sharks.” 

Isak didn't want to take the bait. He knew that whatever Chris knew would be nothing more than what Eva and Vilde had speculated about, but he still felt a strange thrill at Chris' words. The desire to make sense of Even won over his dislike for hearsay, especially coming out of Chris' mouth. When he didn't object, he knew Chris would take it as incentive to go on. 

“You heard about him fucking all his teammates, right? How he started with his D-partner? Mikael? Your turn.” Isak had not heard that. At least not the last part. 

Chris nodded towards Isak's cards until he placed a random one on the towel in between them and listened to the other guys offering their two cents about the mystery that was Even. 

“He totally left with Vilde last night though. Seems like he's not too picky.” 

“Maybe he doesn't go for teammates anymore, ever since he got kicked off.” 

“But Vilde? She's a prude, he's not gonna get anywhere with her.” 

Chris snatched up Isak's card and placed it back into Isak's hand, leaned over to have a look at whatever else Isak was holding and chose a different card for him to deal. “Who knows? He managed to get to his coach, I bet he has game.” When he continued, his words were directed at Isak again. “Seriously, does he not bother you? He's only been here for a week and he's already fucking your friend. It's just a matter of time until he makes a move on you, Valtersen.” 

“My God, cut it out.” Isak complained. “You don't even know what happened with the Sharks, it's just dumb talk. You really think he'd still be playing if he had a thing with his coach? Or a teammate for that matter?” He knew he was repeating himself. It was the same thing he had said to Vilde and Eva, but his opinion hadn't changed much. He still didn't think it likely that any of it was actually true.

“Maybe he did the manager, too, to make him keep his mouth shut.” 

Isak knew his teammates weren't entirely serious, that this was mostly joking around, but he still picked up on that hint of serious uncertainty and curiosity. They were all wondering about Even just like he himself was. The only difference was that they seemed more inclined to believe the rumours than Isak was. Seriously, a scandal like that would have never stayed under the radar enough to only be subject of unfounded guesswork. Even would have never been allowed to keep playing, the Shark's coach wouldn't be around anymore, their manager would have spoken up about it. Whatever had happened must've been a minor fall out. Enough to get Even to transfer but not enough for anyone to make an official statement. 

Isak remembered that in the papers it had said something about a 'disagreement between the two parties' or some other vague phrase and that had been it. In the end, they were just a college league, Even was just one Sharks player amongst many, and his transfer hadn't been the only one at the end of last season. He looked over at Even again. He was currently smiling, his eyes hidden by enormous Ray Bean sunglasses, and splashing water at Vilde whom he had apparently convinced to roll up the legs of her jeans and join him in the low water. Her high laugh carried over to where Isak was sat.

“I thought if anyone knew about Even it would be you, Chris.” With that, Magnus plunged down into the grass next to Isak, checking out his cards. “You and William are the only ones who really talked to him before, right? Except Isak, but all they do is trade insults. I mean, Jonas and I live with him and we haven't even really talked.” Magnus now scanned the cards in between them all and gave Isak a pitying look. 

Chris leaned over again to check Isak's cards as well. “William tried to find out the first day but Even doesn't talk to him anymore. They were friendly for about six hours before Even started being a bitch.” 

Isak, who had been contemplating his next move, looked up at that. He hadn't realized William and Even weren't actually getting along. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't really seen them together after that one time at the gym, but he hadn't assumed they were fighting either, given by how William still avoided crushing Even on the ice. He looked at Chris expectantly, hoping he'd betray William and give up some information. 

“What was he being a bitch about?” Magnus grabbed a card from Isak's hand and placed it in the middle, gaining him an insulted look from Isak.

“All William did was hit on Vilde. We were at the hockey store, Even was there too, and he completely flipped when he heard, don't know why. Well now I do.” Chris cast a meaningful look over to where Even and Vilde were now chasing each other through the narrow water. For some reason it made Isak feel strangely jealous. What was it about him that made Even dislike him so much? If he could get along with Vilde and Eva just fine, why was he being such an asshole to him? And if he was decent enough to save Vilde from being hit on by William multiple times, even if it had only been in his own best interest, why didn't he behave like a human being on the ice for a change? 

“He's such a drama queen.” Chris went on. “He stopped talking to William entirely after that. William believes it's because he's into him.” 

“Into William?” Magnus laughed out loud. Isak rolled his eyes. Of course William would think that the most logical explanation. 

“Yeah. He didn't want William to be with Vilde and also he never showers with the rest of the team, have you not noticed?” Isak felt sick at how much Chris was enjoying himself, at how he revelled in the curious looks of the guys around him. “He's probably way too much into dick to keep it down in the showers.”

Isak pushed his last two cards into Magnus' hand and got up, done with the conversation. As much as he could live without Even, he also didn't think he deserved his own team talking shit about him. Not during their team bonding weekend. 

“You gonna leave me with a shitty hand like that?” he heard Magnus yell after him, but he didn't turn around. Instead, he headed for the first tree line right behind where they had set up their cluster of tents and made his way into the undergrowth to pee. 

Last year, the team had been divided into groups just like it was now, but it hadn't really affected their game. It was natural for a group of about twenty guys to not all get along equally well, and Isak and William's constant fight had really been the worst of it. The team hadn't hung out and held hands every day after practice, but they had all been friendly enough to make it work. Now, however, Isak felt like a camping trip wouldn't be enough to reconcile Even with the rest of the team. How were they supposed to win games in a few weeks if parts of the team didn't even talk to each other? 

What bothered Isak the most about the situation was that it was his job as captain to make the first move regardless of whether Even deserved it or not. It gave Even a free pass to behave like a dick while Isak still had to play it nice and make an effort. He wished he could just let it go and not care about Even, but he had a responsibility for the team now even more so than before. It was this responsibility that had always made him work with William when it came down to it but it didn't look like Even cared enough about the Seadogs to get it together any time soon. 

When Isak stepped back onto the meadow, he saw that a large part of the team had gathered around the fireplace to discuss their dinner plans. It took them quite some time to get a fire started and provide everyone with food, but eventually Jonas and Isak took charge of making sausages. By the time they all felt full and satisfied they gathered around closer to the fire to stay warm now that the sun had gone down. Isak was joined by Eva, Vilde, and to his surprise Even when he found himself a nice spot in the grass. 

Even had gotten them some marshmallows to roast on sticks, and threw one into Isak's lap as he passed by him before he sat down next to Vilde and started unwrapping two of them. Isak listened to Eva tell him about a group of girls who had started a petition for some women's hockey team, but really he watched Even's interaction with Vilde. It fascinated him. The way he picked out the best marshmallow and held it out for her, lifting it up to her nose to smell when she shook her head softly. 

“It's good, though”, he heard Even say. “Have you ever had any?”

Vilde shook her head yet again. “I already had a sausage.”

“A tiny one. I had five. When you spend the day swimming, you should have a real dinner.” 

“I had some salad, too.” Vilde had to move her head back further each second to avoid the sugar being smeared onto her nose. She had already begun to smile. 

“I'll make this anyway. You'll want it when it's done, you can't resist.” 

Isak watched Even stack several marshmallows onto the long wooden stick and shift closer to the fire to hold them over it to melt. He could see Vilde staring at his wide back, almost with admiration. Suddenly he couldn't wait to finally talk to Vilde alone. Or find out whether Eva had already talked to her. He needed to know what exactly it was that she found in Even. What was it that made her look at him like that? And more importantly, he needed to know what exactly was going on between them. Because when he looked at them like this, sitting close together, Even explaining to Vilde the best techniques for roasting marshmallows, the way he made her laugh when he accidentally stuck the stick into the ashes of the fire, there really was no question as to whether they were a thing or not. Maybe he could ask Vilde to secretly swap tents with him. But then again, did he really want them to spend yet another night together when he wasn't sure about Even's intentions?

“Are you so opposed to a female hockey team that you can't even listen?” Eva nudged him in the side accusingly, startling Isak. 

“What? No, I think it's awesome. I'm surprised there is no women's team yet, honestly. Would you want to join?” 

He caught Even looking over at them, taking an interest in their conversation as he withdrew his stick from the fire and stuck new chocolate onto it. 

“Oh my God, no. But you know who signed the petition? Noora. One more reason to be friends with her.” Eva moved forwards and held a single marshmallow on a stick over the campfire. 

“How do you know?” Isak enquired. He tried to keep himself from looking over at Even again and instead focused on his own food.

“I just told you. Magnus talked to her yesterday after we left and she told him.” 

They spent another few hours close to the fire, mostly playing werewolf and talking hockey, and Isak didn't think it went half bad. William and Even, the main sources of discontent within the group in Isak's opinion, mostly stayed silent so that Isak felt everyone else relax around him. Isak lowkey wished for a beer, but he knew he would regret another night spent drinking once he stepped onto the ice on Monday. His performance on the ice highly depended on his health and he wasn't going to risk the season for a wild weekend. Neither would anyone else around him which was why their group started to withdraw into the tents reasonably early to try and make up for last night. It had never bothered Isak that he had to hold back on his nights out. He knew about his reasons and the consequences if he didn't.

When he saw Jonas and a group of girls that had been gathered around him get up, wave goodnight, and head towards the tents, he remembered his sleeping arrangements. He sighed inwardly, but when he looked over at Even he almost forgot what his issues with him were. Even had drawn Vilde close to his side, they had draped his olive green jacket as a makeshift blanket over both of their shoulders and were talking among each other quietly. Isak strained for a second to hear what they were saying, but Magnus was enthusiastically telling a story about some threesome on the other side of the fire and drowned out all other conversation. 

The way they were sat, with Vilde's legs drawn up against Even's, his arm loosely thrown around her, their faces close to each other in order to be able to talk, Isak braced himself to see them kiss soon. The way Even looked down at her seemed oddly intimate while Vilde's eyes were positively gleaming in the low light of the fire. Isak stared at their lips for a second too long, waiting for one of them to lean in, to share intimate touches by the firelight. How did they already look so damn comfortable with each other?

“I'm gonna go to bed”, he exclaimed as he stood up. Eva had left him a while ago to sit with a group of girls whom Isak knew to be cheerleaders just like Noora and so he simply waved good night at her and then took a deep breath and faced Even. “Do you want me to give you a head start?” He hadn't paid much more attention to Even's habit of staying dressed around them until Chris had pointed it out to him earlier, but now that he had, it was painfully obvious again. Isak didn't know about his reasons, but he felt comfortably tired, calm, and determined to put an end to their fighting and take a step towards his D-mate. 

Even and Vilde both looked up at him in question. 

“Do you want a head start to the tent?” Isak clarified and even in the low light of the fire he could make out the complicated look that immediately clouded Even's eyes and the small movement of his jaw as he swallowed. 

“No. I won't share with you, but you go ahead.” He turned back to Vilde, and it was impossible for Isak to understand his change of mood without even directly looking at him. 

“Why? It's just a goddamn tent.” 

“Reasons. I'll find somewhere else to sleep, don't let me keep you.” 

His determination to give Even yet another chance dissolved into thin air quicker than Isak wanted it too, but he couldn't help it. Here he was again, taking yet another step towards Even who was having a perfectly good time with Vilde and became impossible the second Isak opened his mouth. 

Exasperated, he asked: “What did I ever do to you?”

Even slowly turned his head back to Isak and so did Vilde who alternated between looking up at Isak with wide eyes and looking around anxiously at the curious heads that turned towards them. Isak knew how much she hated being the centre of attention but he couldn't help raising his voice at Even when he asked his question. 

“If I were you, I'd take your chance of an empty tent. Unless you want to wake up with a hand down your pants that's not yours.” When William showed up behind him he wore a smirk on his lips and was unsurprisingly followed closely by Chris. He didn't look at Isak but at Even who stood before William had even finished his sentence. Out of instinct, Isak took a step forward to stand in between them. He hadn't realized though just how determined Even had been to make a move towards William until his body functioned as a shield between them and he felt Even push into his side forcefully.

Momentarily surprised by the strength of his body, Isak turned his head to look at Even who frowned down at him in irritation. 

“Move,” he said in a low voice, but Isak didn't budge. He pressed a hand against Even's chest as he felt him move towards William again in a halfhearted attempt to test Isak's determination to stand between them. Out of the corner of his eye Isak could see Vilde struggling to get up as well, holding on to Even's jacket. To her credit, she didn't step away from the fight but she also didn't speak up. 

“Hit a nerve?” William snarled. “Tell me, how many Sharks did you fuck up the ass before they kicked yours off the team?” 

Had Even given Isak another second to process the words, he would have willingly moved back and let Even lunge towards William, but he didn't. Instead, he pushed against Isak again who wasn't ready to let go yet and held his ground out of instinct. The next thing he felt after Even's heated chest pressing against his upper arm was a sharp pain against his nose and eye that made him stumble backwards and into something soft. He could hear people yelling around him but he only saw black and struggled to stay on his feet. 

Isak understood somewhere in his head that what he had felt had been Even's elbow being shoved into his face, but every other thought was clouded by pain. Hands were grasping at his arms and trying to keep him steady but the person who was holding him upright was clearly shorter than him and struggling until there were firmer hands holding on to him and Jonas' voice spoke somewhere near him. 

“Fuck, you good?” 

Isak tried to nod but it sent another wave of pain down his nose and into his neck. He opened his eyes though and looked directly at Jonas. A slight tilt of his head to the side showed him that it took three guys to pull Even back up and away from William who was sprawled on the floor. There were more people holding back Chris even though he didn't even try to get involved. He just stared down at William in shock who laid flat on this back and covered his face with his left upper arm. Even was still struggling, but was outnumbered now. His hair had fallen into his face and made him look wild, he was breathing hard, his shirt had ridden up his chest and strained against his muscles. The look in his eyes was one of hatred mixed with anger, dark and at the same time more distant than Isak had seen in Even before. As if his body had been taken over by something that wasn't him at all. 

“Isak?” Jonas took Isak's hand and moved it away from his face to get a good look at him. 

“I'm fine.” Speaking hurt, but Isak didn't care. He couldn't take his eyes off of Even, still fighting against the three sets of hands holding him back, and now that Isak's vision cleared, he almost thought Even looked more panicked than anything else. He cast a quick look over to William who was sitting back up but didn't make a move towards Even. His lower lip was heavily bleeding. 

“Let him go!” Vilde's voice was high and thin, but she stepped towards Even and therefore between him and William decidedly. Even Jonas turned around when she spoke. “I'll take him down to the lake, he won't hit anyone, just let him go.” 

Voices were mixing avidly around them, demanding to not let go of Even, to hit him back, most of them simply inquiring what the fuck was going on. 

“Is Eskild here?” Isak heard someone ask, but no one let go of Even who had gone almost white and by now looked as if he hadn't been the one to throw the punch but had every reason to be terrified of someone or something. He was pushing and pulling at the arms of his teammates aggressively, kicking at their legs and tearing at some shirt he had managed to grasp. Until Vilde took a step forward and started clawing at the hands holding on to his bare upper arms, until they let him go and he gave a last push at them as if to make sure he had shaken them all off and then basically darted towards the forest, slowing down just enough to allow Vilde to follow him. 

Jonas turned back around at Isak and grasped for his chin when Eva showed up behind him. She moved a hand over her mouth in shock, but only for a second. Then she pushed Jonas out of the way gently and took in Isak's face. His head was pounding, he felt blood running down his chin and over his lips so that he could taste it. 

“I'll take care of him, can someone get a first aid kit from the cars?”

Isak closed his eyes against the feeling of her fingers running through his hair and over his face. He wanted to give in to the touch and let Eva deal with his face, but he couldn't look away from the tree line behind which Even had vanished a second ago.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, thank you so so much for all the encouraging words after the last chapter!! Hearing what you guys think of the story has such an enormous impact on me and even though I expected some people to grow impatient with the slow burn it's still hard not to let it get to me and question the choices I am making. So really, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to let me know that they appreciate the concept of this story, it makes all of this so much more fun to know there's people out there who are waiting for updates, it motivates me so much <3 <3 <3
> 
> Also, I am really torn about whehter I should tag Even's issues because it would be such a spoiler but at the same time I don't want anyone to be surprised by something that might make them feel uncomfortable or be triggering. So let me know what you're thinking in the comments or come talk to me on my tumblr (wecanjustbreathe) if you have any concerns about where this is going:)

In retrospect, they should have probably stayed by the fire where there was at least a little bit of light for Eva to see what she was doing. Instead, they had moved into the girls’ tent and Isak had to improvise and hold up his lit up phone for Eva to be able to wipe and poke at his face. His nose had already stopped bleeding by the time she had pushed him onto her air mattress and opened the first aid kit. There was a dull pounding in his head and he flinched whenever Eva's fingers applied too much pressure against his skin that already began to bruise, but he felt fine otherwise. He had assured the rest of the team several times that he didn't need a doctor for a nosebleed and had been more than glad to zip up the tent behind him. 

“I didn't even see it happen, everyone just started yelling and when I looked over there, Even was going crazy. I didn't realize you were involved until they were holding him down.” Eva complained yet again and wet another tissue with water from a bottle to wipe at his chin. At least that part of his face didn't hurt anymore.

“I didn't realize there was something to get involved in,” Isak murmured. Speaking still didn't feel too good. “I've seen Even push and threaten people last week but he hasn't been violent like that. I thought he'd just make a scene.” 

Isak wasn't sure but he thought he could see Eva roll her eyes in the dim light. “Well he did. What for?” 

“Not sure. Some stupid talk, just William being dumb.” 

“Do you think Vilde will be alright? Should I go after her?” Eva carefully wiped around his nose one last time and then looked at the first aid kit for a while as if she was debating what to do next. There wasn't really anything to do but Isak still moved his phone to shine the flashlight at the little bundle of bandages and tapes. He would have liked some ice but of course there wasn't any. He could go down to the lake for some cold water but he didn't feel like answering questions about what had happened. Right now he had no idea himself. 

“She'll be fine,” he eventually said without having thought about it at all. “As much as I hate Even right now, he's not like that with Vilde. For whatever reason.” 

Eva began rummaging through the kit, not really looking for anything specific. “Why is he like that with you then?”

“I don't think this was directed against me for a change.” He pointed at his face. “I just stood in his way.”

“Will he be kicked off the team?”

“No. If we kicked people off for fighting we wouldn't have any guys left.” 

Again he could tell Eva wasn't pleased with his words, but she dropped it and he was glad for it.

“There's nothing in here that I can use. Unless you need a shock blanket.” 

Isak tried to smile but it only made him flinch again. “Thanks. I'll be fine.” He took the bottle of water Eva was holding out of her hands to see whether it was cool and pressed it against the bruised part of his face. It wasn't exactly cold but still felt better than nothing. After a second in which Eva closed the useless first aid kit she took the bottle from Isak and held it carefully against his face herself. 

“You should talk to Dad tomorrow.” It was Isak's turn to roll his eyes but when he tried to interrupt her, she spoke over him. “I'm not saying you should go cry about being hurt. I know you wouldn't do that. But this wasn't fighting on the ice, Even didn't even have a real reason. No one likes William, still we don't walk around punching him, do we?” 

“Sadly we don't.” 

Isak wasn't sure whether he wanted to talk to Coach. He'd prefer to talk to Even himself first but somehow he doubted that would happen. Besides, right now he would much prefer the feeling of his fist colliding with those perfect cheekbones over having a conversation with Even. He was completely impossible. Isak would be able to deal with the bickering on the ice, he'd learn how to be okay with not understanding what was going on with Even, but what he had started now wasn't something Isak was willing to deal with for the rest of the season. He'd either have to get rid of Even somehow or he had to find some way to bring another end to this. 

“Have you talked to Vilde about last night?” he asked and saw Eva shake her head. 

“Briefly. She says nothing happened between her and Even, they just kept watching that show they started and fell asleep.” 

“They don't look like it's nothing.” 

“They don't,” Eva agreed. She readjusted the bottle against Isak's face but it had already become too warm to feel pleasant anymore so Isak took her hand in his and lowered it. “But then again, people say the same thing about us, don't they.”

Isak knew it was true, and of course Eva would've noticed it too, but neither of them had acknowledged it before. At least not to each other. Her words hung between them for a second too long in which Isak felt the dangerous question behind them. Their hands were still touching, Eva was sat on her knees right in front of him, the thin fabric of her skirt touching his upper thigh, and Isak thought back to this morning, back to how it had felt to have her on top of him, feel her body against his, her nakedness, her soft skin. 

He had felt it then and he also felt it now. That she seemed to wait for something, like the simple act of her being there was an offer it was time for him to either accept or decline. Before the summer, it had been different. He hadn't thought about Eva expecting anything from him, hadn't considered the possibility of her needing more from him in any way. They had been just fine. But now he kept catching her lingering gaze on him, felt her body moving around his in silent questions over and over again. 

He could feel it now. Eva didn't lean against him like she did so often, she didn't look directly at him but studied his bloodied nose, his right eye that felt slightly swollen, but still it felt like he should be doing something other than simply moving his thumb over the back of her hand. To say thank you. To show her he wanted her here. He imagined touching her, moving towards her like he had watched Jonas do it so many times in the past, but all he could do was lower his gaze to their hands that he could hardly make out in the dark. 

It was too quiet between them when outside the tent he could still hear people talking in rushed voices, only slowly going back to easy conversation, but Isak didn't know what to say. He didn't even think about what he felt like saying, but only about what Eva might want to hear. Was she waiting for him to admit that of course there was more between them? That they didn't look like friends because they weren't just that? He hadn't wanted to consider the thought before, but with every time they were alone together, it became harder to ignore.

Isak looked up when he felt Eva's hand against his face again. She avoided his bruises this time, but instead pushed a bit of hair out of his face the way he so often did to her. Even though she moved slowly, Isak wished she would stop for just a second to give him time to think. His heart began to race in an entirely unpleasant way Isak hadn't really experienced before. He got nervous right before he stepped onto the ice to play a game, but those were nerves charged with hunger and adrenaline. This was his body telling him he wasn't ready. He hadn't made a decision yet but still Eva's hand moved down to his neck where he knew she could feel his pulse beating fast. 

With a smooth movement, she was back in his lap, her thighs straddling his, clothed this time, but no less intimate. Their eyes met and Isak could see the same uncertainty in hers, the same fear, but at the same time he could tell she was ready for an answer while Isak had only just begun to realize that she was asking a question. His body felt charged, but definitely with something other than the need to pull her in closer, to press his lips against hers, to move his hands up to her waist. He could feel her pressing down onto his lap and he gave a little gasp which got lost in her mouth, close enough to his so that all he had to do was lean forward the slightest bit to connect their lips, to taste her, to finally find out what it would be like to be kissed. 

The pressure against his crotch felt foreign and somewhat intruding, but just when Isak told himself to get over it, to take his chance at this, just when he wanted to move forward and finally make his move, the zipper of the tent opened behind them and in a matter of seconds Eva brought just enough space between them. Her taking care of his face was a passable excuse for their close proximity, but Isak knew well before he caught the embarrassed look on Vilde's face that she knew she had interrupted something more than than. 

“I'm sorry,” Vilde got out and moved to zip the tent back up but Isak shifted uncomfortably on the air mattress and Eva took the hint. 

“Don't worry. Has Even calmed down?” Eva sat back down next to Isak with a noticeably large amount of space between them, sounding distracted. 

“Somewhat. He's going to sleep in Magnus' car, we got the keys from him. He wanted to be alone.” Vilde still lingered in the open door of the tent rather uncertainly, which Isak was glad for because it gave him an excuse to leave and make room for her. 

“If he wants to be difficult. I'll go ahead and take the tent then.” 

Isak awkwardly climbed over the mattresses and bags, deliberately avoiding eye contact with Eva. Once he was outside, he could tell how hard Vilde tried not to stare at his face, but she failed miserably. He gave her a quick hug, just to give her a second to recover. Once he pulled away from her, she seemed no less affected by it though. 

“He's sorry,” she got out. “He didn't mean to hit you at all, maybe you can talk about it tomorrow?”

The scoff Isak let out sent yet another wave of pain into the back of his head. “Thanks, but I'm not in the mood to talk to him right now.” He quickly said his good night to both of the girls and tried to make his way over to his own tent as quickly as possible. He couldn't avoid being seen and pestered with questions though, and therefore it took quite some time for him to finally settle into his sleeping bag and close his eyes against the dull pounding in his forehead.

The last thing he thought about before he fell asleep should have been Eva. Their almost kiss, the fact that something had so very obviously changed between them and how he wasn't sure when it had happened and why. He should have thought about what he wanted, about whether he could imagine being with Eva like that, whether he could let his body want hers, but that wasn't what found its way into his mind. Instead, he thought of Even and the way he had looked whilst fighting off his teammates. 

Isak had seen a lot of fights among the team, on and off the ice. Drunk players throwing a punch or two before taking a shot and making up, angry bodychecks against the boards, and shoves against lockers and bike racks, but none of them had been like today. None of them had been provoked that easily and escalated that quickly. Isak already knew what his teammates would say about it. 

While they had all secretly wished to see William go down in a fight at least once in their lives, they would be on his side this time. It had been Even who had overreacted, him who had been violent beyond anything they were used to. And Isak also knew he should agree with them, that they had a point. But still the last thing on his mind before he drifted off into sleep was Even's panicked face, the way he had looked more like a deer in headlights than someone who had the balls to send William into the dirt. 

It was his last thought at night, but when he woke up in the morning and he immediately felt the pain on the left side of his face, anger consumed him more than anything. He knew without looking into a mirror that the bruising had moved from his nose to right under his eye where his skin felt hot and sensitive and somewhat heavy. All because Even couldn't deal with a bit of crap Isak himself had gotten from William for months now. He hadn't felt that angry last night, but somehow it hit him hard when he took in the pitying looks his teammates gave him as soon as he left the tent to get himself some breakfast. 

They were gathered around the extinguished fire, making sandwiches and fighting over the leftover food from last night, when Isak joined them. There wasn't any of the good food left so Isak simply grabbed a dry bun and started nibbling on it. He spotted Eva sitting with Kasper, but she pretended not to see him. 

It made Isak feel more horrible than he would have thought it would. He should have just kissed her. Either he just wasn't wired to get too excited about kisses, or he would feel it once he finally let it happen. Either way he should have found out last night. Instead, he had probably made her feel like crap. And now he did too, and he would have to find a way to fix it. 

“Good morning.” Isak almost choked on his bread when Even sat down next to him. Casually, as if they were friends. “Sleep well?” 

“No,” Isak replied, not even bothering to turn his head. How did Even expect him to have slept well with his skull smashed in? 

“Hey,” Even mumbled, his voice low, like he was talking to a pet he didn’t want to scare away. “I'm sorry.” All Isak wanted was for him to go away. 

“Really fucking sorry,” Even added. It only made Isak angrier. Now he could be decent? After he had risked their entire season by almost blinding him?

“I'm not sorry about William. But I am about you,” he repeated and placed something in the grass next to Isak which made him turn his head after all. Even had gotten him a plate full of food. Food that looked a lot better than his stale bread roll. Isak reached for it and made the mistake of looking at Even in the process. For a second he felt sorry for him when he saw him flinch at Isak's black eye, but then he remembered it served him right, and he shifted his face a bit to truly let Even see what he had done. 

“Isak, really.” Even's voice caught in his throat the tiniest bit. “I'll make it up to you. I'm sorry I hurt you.” 

“You can make it up to the entire team by playing like you give a damn on the ice tomorrow,” he mumbled in between bites of leftover sausage and potato salad. “Also you could leave me the fuck alone.” 

Even didn't answer him, but he didn't leave either. He stayed right where he was, sat in the dirt next to Isak, watching him eat in silence. He probably needed the team to see that he was making an effort, to get them off his back. Isak was past feeling sorry for him, though. He had brought this on himself. 

He watched Eva while he ate and tried to find out about her mood. She looked fine, but Isak knew better. He could tell she was trying too hard, laughing too loudly. When Vilde eventually stepped out of their shared tent and sat down next to Eva, he could feel Even following his gaze over to the girls. Even though it hadn't seemed like it last night, Isak hoped that what had happened would open Vilde's eyes. He wouldn't get involved in whatever she had going on with Even, but he still wished it would dissolve into nothing sooner rather than later. 

“If you mess with her I'll punch you right back.” Isak hadn't wanted to say it, but the words were out before he could do anything about it. He jerked his chin over at Vilde when Even looked puzzled. 

His answer was a simple “I won't”, but Isak could tell he wanted to say more. Maybe he would have, had Isak not gotten up and walked back over to his tent to start packing before he could do so.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the comments and the advice!! I will include chapter warnings from now once they become relevant:)

Going to class on Monday was even more of a pain than usually. Not only was it the first day back after the summer holidays, but Isak, still sporting a black eye, also got stared at wherever he went. To top it off, he realized he shared a class with Even; a dull chemistry course that he only took for the easy credits. Isak intended to major in bio-science, even though he hoped that playing hockey would be his profession after college. If not, he could still somehow use his degree to further specialize in physiology and become Eskild's intern. Chemistry was something Isak found logical, just as he didn't particularly struggle with any of the classes he took for his major. Even on the other hand seemed completely lost during the two hours of class, even though they mainly tackled introductory content. He spent the first half of it staring at the board with a frown, chewing on his pencil, and the other half texting underneath the table and doodling on his notebook. 

Isak had a hard time staying awake through his lunch break after which he would have to make his way over to the rink. It would take a while for his body to get used to the team's schedule again and he would have to somehow cut back on the time he spent talking to Eva all night. Yesterday though, he had felt like they needed the evening to see where they stood. They had started talking again on the way back to the dorms and by the time they had made it there, Isak had almost believed Eva's easy smile. He knew that they should talk about what had happened, but for now he was glad they could still get along without discussing it. Vilde had spent the evening out, whether it had been with Even or not, Isak didn't know. 

Even though Isak was dead tired, practice went a lot better than it had last week. To everyone's surprise, Even started to communicate with him. They hadn't talked to each other ever since their somewhat shared breakfast in the woods, so when Isak heard Even yell his name on the other side of the ice a second before he got a perfect pass from him, he still almost missed it simply because he wasn't ready for it. Their game wasn't great, they still had a lot to figure out, but at least Even seemed to try. He watched Isak, figured out the patterns of his movements, and seemed to finally accept that Isak was faster than him. 

Maybe he really was sorry. Not enough to talk to Isak outside the rink, as he had ignored him entirely in class, at the gym, and in the changing room, but on the ice he didn't take his eyes off of him. It pleased Isak. It was all he wanted. They didn't need to be friends as long as they played a good season. Even's efforts on the ice made it easier for Isak to work with him instead of against him, and he grudgingly admitted to himself that Even had had a point when he had complained about Isak not paying attention to his passes, even though they were crap. 

Throughout the week, their game didn't necessarily improve that drastically, but it definitely started to develop into something the team could work with. Isak was happy about their baby steps into communication, but even more happy about the fact that Even was keeping William off of his back. On Monday and Tuesday he thought the reason for William's lack of enthusiasm about crushing Isak's bones was due to the fact that after the weekend he now had a bone to pick with Even and had to divide his aggressive affronts up between both of them. By Wednesday he realized that he actually owed it to Even going out of his way to keep William away from Isak. 

More than once Isak caught Even cutting William off, leaving his post on the right wing in order to come between them and deal with the offence line on his own so that it would fall to Isak to carry the puck back into the opposing team's half, making use of his speed. Isak was more than capable of taking on William in a fair fight on the ice, it wasn't that he lacked the skill, the problem was William's superior strength, height, and unnecessary aggression. Isak was grateful to leave him to Even and instead focus on his sprints and initiating counter attacks, even though he could feel the growing tension between the pair.

It was on Thursday, right when Isak had started to find joy in being able to play to his strengths again, that Even sent William stumbling down onto the ice so hard his well protected head collided with the nearby boards. It had only been a matter of time really. Isak only realized what had happened when he heard Coach's whistle and he stopped abruptly to turn around. He had been on his way to the centre line, carrying the puck forwards after having neatly avoided William and his stick that had meant to trip him. When he took in the sight of William flat on the ice, struggling to get back up while Even kicked his stick towards his own goal with a snarl, he couldn't keep from throwing his own stick and gloves down onto the ice in frustration. 

“What the fuck?” He came to a halt right in front of Even, splashing both their skates with ice. “You are part of this team, don't you get that? Same goes for you!” He pushed back William who had gotten up and moved towards Even, grabbing for his white practice jersey jersey. “Get your anger issues out of the rink for God's sake.”

Isak heard Coach's whistle once again from the sidelines, urging them to drop it and assemble around him, he was aware of other players skating towards them, but he was focused on Even. He was used to William's rough game, he didn't need another team mate lashing out on a regular basis. Yet he could see the disbelief in Even's eyes, the way he gasped for breath as if the unfairness of it all made him lose his words for a second. 

“Did you want another black eye? Cause you were about to get one, I was just getting this fucker off your back!” He managed, and with a sharp movement Even freed himself from William's death grip in his jersey. He was fuming, face red and dripping with sweat behind his visor.

“I was just fine,” Isak tried to protest, but at the same time Even kept on yelling. 

“I can let him send you on a slide face first next time. You weren't fine, he would have fucking tripped you.” 

“I was way past him! Will you two stop this shit already? It's a scrimmage for fucks sake!”

They were all pushing at each other now, Isak was in between them yet again, a position he was growing increasingly tired of being in, pushing back against Even's half hearted attempts to grab for William who had spat on the ice in front of him.

“Next time you raise your stick at my D-mate I'll make sure you and Eskild get to be best friends, you got that?” Contrary to the threatening words he directed at William, Even backed off once Isak got properly caught in between them. It was only a few seconds later that Coach was finally with them, looking as furious as all of them put together. 

“That's it. Off the ice, all three of you.” 

Isak almost tripped over one of the discarded sticks when he made his way over the the main rink door without looking back. He wished he could've hit someone or something, but instead he bit his lip hard and smashed his gloves onto the bench in the changing room with all his might before he sank down on it. He was ready to willow in self pity and let his anger consume him in silence until Coach caught up with them, but to his surprise Even didn't shut up as soon as they had left the ice. He would've expected him to throw a tantrum and kick his bag until he felt sorry for his skates, but instead he seemed eager to express his anger in words this time. 

“Isak!” Isak looked up at him from the bench, well aware that William hadn't followed them but instead stayed behind right at the edge of the ice. Yet again Even looked like he was struggling for words and then busied himself with taking off his helmet before he spoke. “I was looking out for you.” 

It sounded like a bad excuse for violence to Isak. He still bore the signs of how much Even did not look out for anyone but himself on his face. “You weren't. You jumped at an opportunity to throw punches, that's all.”

“Yeah I wanted to punch him.” Exasperated, Even pushed an ungloved hand through his blond hair, making the sweaty strands stick up. “Because you wouldn't.” He reached for a bottle of water from his bag. “How many times do you want to limp off the ice because of William? I was doing you a favour.” 

“You weren't,” Isak was quick do deny, but he also didn't know what else to say. He doubted that Even had meant to protect him. “You can't see the difference between fighting for the sake of the game and simply fighting. William sucks, but he's playing. You're just being violent towards your own team mates.” 

Even almost choked on his water but they were interrupted by Coach before he could give a reply Isak didn't want to hear anyway. William was trailing behind him, looking defeated. He had probably tried to catch Coach right away, to impress his role of the victim upon him. 

Isak listened to Coach for about ten minutes, and even though he got yelled at, it calmed him down. At least Coach finally included Even in his dressing down instead of pretending not to notice that Even followed a different set of rules than the rest of the team. Most of what he had to say, Isak had heard before. Team spirit, using anger as motivation rather than to self destruct, the importance of the upcoming games.

“You go on a team bonding weekend and come back covered in bruises.” Coach pointed at Isak and William. “You think I don't notice when my team starts looking like a street gang? I want you to figure this out. Don't just take it off the ice, figure it out.” He enunciated every word of his last sentence and Isak fought against the urge to speak up. He hadn't started any of this. It hadn't been him during their camping trip, and it hadn't been him today. It was Even who kept pulling him into his fights. Still, he kept his mouth shut. The only way to make sure they would never put an end to this was to suck up to Coach right now. 

Still he cast a rather hateful look towards Even when Coach insisted they cleaned out their team bus tomorrow between their last class and afternoon practice to make up for their “continuing disruptive behaviour” towards the team. 

“You already sent me to see Eskild tomorrow for my knee,” William muttered. He looked even less happy about the prospect of their punishment than Even and Isak did. 

“You can pick up after practice where these two leave off then.” With that, Coach left the changing room and it was only a matter of time before the rest of the team joined them, sweaty and loud, demanding explanations and complaining about their virtually non existent chances at their upcoming practice game this Sunday. 

Even was stalling as usual while Isak dodged the questioning and headed for the showers with Jonas. His already bad mood got worse when he heard Jonas' account of the fight he had witnessed from the goal and how he agreed that Even had prevented William from hooking his stick between Isak's skates from behind. Isak grudgingly accepted that Even might have been right during their argument but still, his violent streak remained a problem. However, while Jonas had been on his side last week, he now stabbed Isak in the back by recounting how he had finally had dinner with Even last night and he “hadn't been half bad”. Isak only scoffed and didn't bother waiting for his friend when he was the first to leave the changing room and cycle home. 

He knew that Eva would be out with Noora tonight after she had managed to talk to her during lunch yesterday, and therefore he knocked on Vilde's door after he had reheated some leftover dinner from the night before. He sank down on her bed the way he usually did in Eva's room and started venting while Vilde watched him from where she was sat in her desk chair, brushing her fingers through her bright blond hair. 

“When do you play your first game?” she asked once Isak stopped talking long enough to shove some food into his mouth, missing the point of his anger completely. 

“There's a friendly game against the second division this Sunday and next weekend the season begins. If we keep playing like this it's gonna be our last one.” 

“Come on, it can't be that bad!” Vilde insisted and followed the movement of Isak's fork with her eyes. “It would have been difficult to adjust to any new player, right? If you give it some time I'm sure you and Even can work it out.” 

Isak groaned. He didn't want to feel better, he simply wanted pity. “Not with his temper, we can't.” 

Vilde only gave him a sympathetic smile and fixed her gaze somewhere behind Isak until he turned around to find what was distracting her. He didn't have to search for long but his eyes almost immediately fell onto a framed picture on her bedside table. It showed her and Even with his extravagant sunglasses, both of them smiling in front of the lake during the camping trip, their hair slightly wet and dishevelled, Vilde's nose a bright tone of pink, burnt from the sun. It was a sappy selfie you only took with your boyfriend. 

“Really?” Isak only asked as he turned back around, but he could see Vilde's face fall just slightly and immediately felt bad. 

“He gave it to me as a present.”

“What is it that makes you like him so much?” Isak didn't think it a rude question at all, but Vilde still somehow looked affronted. He didn't know how Eva did it, or Even for that matter. Whenever he was alone with Vilde and no one helped him out, he managed to insult her rather easily. He just had a hard time understanding her. 

“He's really honest. And reliable. He's sweet but he's not pushy.” Vilde seemed to ignore the way Isak started to frown. He couldn't help it. It didn't sound like Even at all. Just as he was about to say so, Vilde continued. “He doesn't know anyone here, and he's a few years older than most of the Seadogs, too. He misses the Sharks and he can't seem to connect with your team. So we both need a friend.” 

“I'm your friend. And Eva.” 

“Yes but you're also like... best friends with each other.” Vilde looked down at the floor as if the words had been hard to say for her so Isak chose to ignore them for now.

“You saw him at the campsite. Was that sweet?” 

Isak placed his plate on the floor next to him the way he did it in Eva's room but Vilde leaned forward on her chair and picked it up. She neatly stacked it onto her desk together with a bowl of half eaten fruit that was going bad. “No,” she then answered. “He shouldn't have done that of course. But he knows. He felt really bad afterwords, he still does. He wanted to talk to you but he said you wouldn't hear him out.” 

“Of course I wouldn't want to talk to him. He's really not a great person, all he's done so far to 'connect with the team' is either ignore people or hit them straight away.” He imitated Vilde's voice in a way that clearly bothered her. 

“Well what he's done for me so far is everything I've ever wanted from a friend.” She began picking at a foul orange peel from the bowl. “He's so supportive, and encouraging, and he listens. And he wants to be that for you, too, he just doesn't know how.” 

Isak didn't know what to say to that. He didn't want to ruin Vilde's obvious crush on Even. But as much as he wanted to believe her, he didn't trust Even enough to do so. When he said so, Vilde almost looked sad. 

“He doesn't trust you either”, she stated. 

“Why? What have I ever done to him?”

“I'm not sure. It's just because you're the captain I think. Even doesn't like it when people tell him what to do.” 

Isak gave a little laugh. “He's part of a hockey team. Unless he's coach, he's going to have to deal with that.” 

Vilde nodded, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with him. “He's been through a lot with the Sharks. Just please don't give up on him like that. He's...,” she broke off, looking around her perfectly tidy room as if to find something to inspire her words yet again. “He never touches my stomach. I didn't even have to tell him not to, he just doesn't. That's the kind of person he is. Not the kind that you're getting to know. I can see why you wouldn't like him, really, just please don't think that's all there is to him. Even doesn't want to fight you, he's just finding it really difficult to adjust.” 

The careful way in which Vilde chose her words made Isak hold back the answer he thought he had ready. If this was a serious conversation he wasn't going to ruin it by blurting out more crap that hurt Vilde more than he probably realized. Still, he had to ask. “Do you know what happened with the Sharks?”

“I do.”

Isak leaned forward, looking at her expectantly. No matter how much he disliked Even, he couldn't help being curious. By now it might even be more than that. It wasn't just that he wouldn't mind knowing, but he was getting ready to go out of his way to find out. 

“I'm not telling,” Vilde exclaimed, as if it was obvious. “He told me in private. Ask him if you want to know.” 

Isak sighed and stood up from the bed, getting ready to leave. “William asked and he got punched by Even what twice? Thrice? Can't keep up anymore.”

“Not for that, I'm sure.”

Isak only made a vague sound, knowing he wouldn't change Vilde's mind about Even at this point. Instead of leaving her room however, he walked over to the night stand and picked up the picture. Even's long arm that he was taking the picture with was reflected in the dark shades of his sunglasses. His smile showed his teeth, two of them standing out just the tiniest bit, birthmarks and spots splattered over his chin and forehead. It was a good picture of him. He looked so much more like someone Isak would want to befriend than the Even he fought on the ice every day. 

He put the picture back down. “I'm sorry if I'm making you feel bad about him. Or anything like that. I just can't reconcile your Even with mine. It's confusing.” 

“I don't feel bad about hanging out with him, Isak. I just wish you could all see how amazing he is. He likes you.” 

Isak raised an eyebrow at that in question. He highly doubted Vilde's words but he still gave her a smile, a bit pitiful almost. He wished he could talk about Eva with her, too, and get her to simply tell him how Eva felt about him, but he knew it wouldn't be fair to ask.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you a thousand times for your love <3
> 
> Finally, have some real Evak interaction!

Even though Isak had been tired all week and knew he should take every second he could get to catch up on sleep until he got used to his schedule again, he opened the internet browser on his phone as soon as he had fallen into bed. He hadn't wanted to google Even until now, but his talk with Vilde had sparked his curiosity anew. 

The first few websites that were listed were official ones. The Sharks' website with Even's old profile, the Seadogs’ updated roster of the upcoming season, the website of the league. Isak knew all of this information. He knew how tall Even was, what kind of stick he used, that he was right handed, a defence right wing, Norwegian, that he had a pretty smile. He hadn't known Even was twenty one and therefore two years older than him. He suddenly wondered what his major was. He couldn't be a first year student because he had been with the Sharks, another college team. He was taking a first year chemistry course that he sucked at though, that much Isak knew.

He then moved on to social media sites and local tabloids and soon found what he was looking for. There were only a few articles that actually discussed Even leaving the Sharks, most of the websites that popped up were forums and hockey communities like facebook groups. Unsurprisingly, most of what he read, he had already heard from his teammates and from Eva and Vilde. It was all speculation and wild rumours. Something must have happened that had included Even's former coach, though. It was the only statement that Isak came across over and over again and started to believe. It also fit that Even would have a special relationship with the Seadogs' coach. 

Isak quickly found the pictures of Even and his lawyer that Vilde had talked about. In them, Even was leaving the Shark-Tower with dark sunglasses covering his eyes, looking a lot more like the Even Isak knew than the one he had just seen on the picture in Vilde's room. Grim and distant, shutting out the world around him. He pondered over the pictures for a while until he logged into facebook and looked for Even. He found him without a problem as, to his surprise, the majority of the Seadogs had already befriended him. In his profile picture, Isak couldn't see Even's face as he was in full Sharks gear, in the process of scoring a goal. Isak let the cursor hover over the 'add as friend' button for a second but then decided against it and instead clicked through Even's few available pictures. 

It was mostly tagged team pictures or Even playing hockey. There were some in which Even was out with friends, most of them female, smiling, drinking, flirting. Only one of the pictures caught Isak's eye. He double clicked it faster than he wanted to admit and zoomed in on Even at a club, blurred and only in the background of the picture, but he was definitely kissing another guy. The comment section was a bunch of heart eye emojis and inappropriate remarks. Even had never reacted to them. 

Even though Isak spent a good twenty minutes on his research, he didn't find anything else that interested him. The only conclusion that he came to was that maybe there was indeed more to Even than what he had gotten to know so far, but he didn't find out anything about the transfer other than that it was a general mystery and that he wasn't the only one wondering about it. 

Before he locked his phone for the night, the last tab that he closed was the one with the kiss. He looked at it yet again, trying to figure out whether is was serious or some kind of joke by zooming in on the people around them but he didn't find anything to base his judgement on. If Even was blurred in the picture, everything else was even blurrier. The guy didn't look like anyone Isak would maybe recognize from the Sharks either, and he could only see the back of his head anyway. Just to make absolutely sure, Isak googled the Sharks' coach and was relieved when he saw that the hairdo he remembered him having definitely didn't fit the picture, and neither did the body type.

Before Isak fell asleep, he thought about Even and Vilde, about Eskild calling Even straight at the party, about Chris talking shit about him during the weekend. He also remembered how what had set Even off that day was that William had implied he would be into Isak and how he had demanded a new physio after Eskild had hit on him. The more he thought about Even, the more his anger and annoyance at him turned into curious frustration. The way one might wait for a new episode of an objectively bad but still somewhat enjoyable TV show that had ended with a cliffhanger.

 

...

 

Isak's only class on Friday morning after their daily hour at the gym was another chemistry lecture, and this time he knew Even would share the class with him. He didn't expect him to sit down next to him however, give him a tired smile, and sink his head onto the desk to drift off into another five minutes off sleep. The only way Isak himself managed to stay awake during lectures, he had found out the hard way in his first year, was to take notes. It didn't even matter whether they were useful or not, he just needed something other to do than listening, and so he busied himself with writing down everything that was on the screen while Even sipped some energy drink next to him and wrote down one and a half chemical formulas before he gave up. 

During the second half of the lecture Even briefly fell asleep again and then tried to follow Isak's example for a while and copied a diagram from the screen just to turn both axes into hockey sticks. Isak kept sending amused, but also annoyed looks over to him. He definitely wasn't going to share notes when exam period would come around and they'd have to squeeze studying in with five practices and gym sessions during the week plus games at the weekend. Usually, during that time of the semester they spent less time at the gym and merged their ice hours so they'd have at least two afternoons a week off, but it was still hell. 

“So, what condition is your bus in?” Even asked the second their lecturer had dismissed them and they began gathering their things. Isak had almost forgotten their upcoming task and the prospect of it brought back a wave of annoyance. He still thought it was unfair that he would have to waste his precious two hours in between class and practice for something that was Even's fault.

“I don't know, it should be alright.” He stretched out his back that was aching from sitting still for too long and realized once he reached the door to the lecture hall that Even was right on his heels. 

“I'm going to have lunch first, I'll see you there.” With that, Isak turned left and walked down the hallway, deliberately away from the cafeteria in case Even would claim to also be hungry and join him. Once he had successfully abandoned him, he texted Magnus and spent his lunch hour in the courtyard with him. But after that he had to face his doom and make his way over to the rink in front of which their team bus was already parked and ready to be cleaned. Even was waiting in front of it, wearing a dark red Seadogs T-Shirt. It was probably the only thing he could have done to reconcile Isak about getting him into this situation in the first place. 

“Good choice,” Isak commented dryly and stepped onto the bus. He found that everything was ready for them and lazily went through the cleaning products they had been provided with. He could hear Even following him and from the corner of his eye saw him look around the empty bus. It probably wasn't any different than the Sharks' bus. It had two TVs, one in the front and one in the back, rows of joint seats on both sides, a little bathroom, and the luggage departments overhead were filled with first aid kits, flip charts for last minute briefing, stacks of discarded papers, snacks, and mostly trash. 

Isak heard Even ask: “Do you think red suits me?” and he rolled his eyes, not in real annoyance. 

“Better than blue. You're in a good mood today, have you beaten someone up yet?” Isak sank down onto one of the rows of seats in the front with a stack of papers he had grabbed from the overhead department, intending to put off the actual cleaning long enough for William to have to do the better part of it. 

Even followed his example and thumbed through some papers without taking an interest. “Not yet, have you?” he asked, and Isak had to look at him to be able to tell whether he was joking or not. He still found him hard to read, but it was clear from the smile on his face that his mood wasn't faltering just yet. Maybe he was saving his temper for practice today, when they both wore face guards. 

“I don't recall having beaten anyone up, ever,” Isak stated. 

“No one? You've been playing your entire life, how have you never been in a fight?”

“Hockey doesn’t count. And even on the ice I haven’t actually made anyone bleed.” Isak refrained from adding unlike you but he did so in his head. He also wondered how Even knew this about him, but then again, he also knew about Even's career. Those were just things you picked up on when you prepared for games, and both Isak and Even were important players. Players their respective coaches would have warned their teams about. 

Isak remembered only very little from the games he had played against Even back when he had been with the Sharks. That was, he recalled the games, and Even being there, but he didn't remember him personally. They hadn't talked or interacted on the ice, and Even hadn't started any fights as far as Isak could remember. 

“Do you remember playing against us last season?” he asked, just to make conversation. They would have to spend a bit more than an hour together, they might as well put it to good use. 

Even had begun ripping random pages in half and piling them up on the seat next to him and Isak could only hope he knew what he was doing. 

“I do. I scored against you more than once, remember?” Of course Isak remembered. He also remembered him rubbing it in his face on his very first day. “You were sick or something during the last game, I kept thinking you'd throw up on the ice.” 

“Hoping?” 

Even simply shook his head at that. “It was already an unfair game, with you gone it would have been no fun.” 

“How was it unfair?” Isak of course knew what Even was implying, but he wasn't going to accept his underestimation of the Seadogs that easily. 

“You know how. We scored nine goals that night.”

“William didn't play.”

“You didn't really play either. You were busy trying to survive.” Even ripped yet another piece of paper in half and this time Isak snatched it from him to make sure he wasn't destroying anything of value. “Were you actually sick?”

After reassuring himself that the papers Even was getting rid of were actually worthless, Isak replied: “I took a puck to the throat during warm up. It was probably a present from you.”

“Wasn't.” Even grabbed a pile of DVD's from the compartment over them and went through them one by one, visibly bored with the task. “What's your major again?”

“Bio. What's yours?” Isak remembered asking himself that question only last night and with that thought, his other questions about Even and the current search history on his phone came back to him and his face warmed up a bit. 

“Film Studies. You're gonna have to save my ass in chemistry, just so you know.” 

“I already knew that. Why are you taking it?”

“I need a science credit and Vilde told me that's what you're doing. I wanted to sign up for a class you were in, ‘cause I knew I would suck at it, and that one was the only first year course you were doing.” Even didn't show any signs of embarrassment while Isak himself blushed properly now. He was pretty sure Even wasn't being serious. 

“You went through all that trouble, looked up my courses and all, before you even knew me?” He gave a quick laugh to cover up his complete and utter confusion. 

Even smiled at him yet again. Apparently this was the Even Isak had been waiting to get a glimpse at. “No, I did that after I met you. I switched from some physics course.” 

How could he admit to this so easily? If it had been Isak, he would have denied such desperate measures vehemently. “You slammed your door in my face the first time you met me, and then you decided to switch classes just so you could be my study buddy?”

“It sucks that we met like that,” Even said. His smile faltered a bit. “I did like you then, I don't think I expressed it that well. I was annoyed with you, that's all. I never meant to start this thing, whatever it is now.” 

Isak didn't know what to say to that, so he stared at the pile of trash Even was creating next to him on the seat until Even kept speaking. “I also don't recall slamming my door in your face, that must be your grudge against me talking.” 

“I don't hold a grudge against you. Every time we've talked so far you've been on edge, it's impossible to hold a conversation with you.” 

Even shrugged at that. “Well, either way, I'm sorry things suck. Let's make it work, at least on the ice?” 

“We could have made it work last week.” Isak still felt wary of Even's good mood. A couple of days ago he would have gladly accepted this peace offer, but now he somehow couldn't get past his annoyance with Even, like it was too manifested in his mind already. Maybe he was holding a grudge, but for good reason. He took a deep breath and tried to shake it off. For the team. 

“Last week was rough,” Even said, and Isak felt like it was too much of a personal statement for him to react to. Instead, he brought the conversation back to hockey and for a while they discussed the Seadogs’ tactics and what they would have to change in order to get their defence back on track.

They gradually moved further towards the back of the bus, cleaning out the overhead departments and the nets in front of each seat, filling a large trash bag with papers and empty cups. With each row of seats Isak found it just a little bit easier to talk to Even. As long as they stuck to hockey, they got along for now. That was, until Even abruptly changed their topic of conversation and asked about Eva. Isak first didn't realize that that was what he was asking, since he only said: “Did your girlfriend sign up for the women's team?”

“Girlfriend?” Isak's mind went blank for a second until he realized that there was no one else Even would be mistaking for his girlfriend and he quickly added: “Eva? She doesn't want to play, she does figure skating.” 

He wasn't sure whether he should clear up the mistake until Even asked directly. “How long have you been dating? And why can't anyone know?”

Isak shook his head at that. “We're not.” He thought that would end the conversation about their dating lives, seeing that Even had no reason to be interested, but he kept on asking. 

“You're not? Vilde is best friends with you and even she thinks there's something going on.”

“She does?” Isak was startled. He would have thought that at least Vilde believed them. “Well, she's got it wrong then. Nothing going on.” Again, warmth flooded his cheeks and he silently asked himself why. He didn't blush every time Jonas or Magnus talked to him about girls. Then again, those were his friends. His friends who also shared their way more interesting love lives with him. This was Even. 

“Okay,” Even shrugged. Isak was ready to hear him add “it doesn't look like nothing”, the way he had heard it so many times before, but Even didn't. Instead he asked: “She's Coach's daughter, right? Isn't that weird?” 

“Not really. I've known them both before the Seadogs became a team, so it's not like I befriended my coach, but Eva's dad just became that too.” It was the perfect opportunity for Isak to ask. He could simply ask how Even's relationship with the Sharks' coach had been like, he could probably even admit that he had heard there had been a falling out, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. It was the first decent conversation he was having with Even and he didn't want to risk ruining it.

“How do you like Coach?” he asked instead, and he was glad he had settled for the less intrusive question on his mind as Even's face still became serious at once.

“He's nice,” was all he said, and they were silent for a while. Isak somehow knew that even if he kept prying, Even wouldn't give up any more information. He watched him work his way through a box of snacks and throw them into the trash as they were probably expired. His combed back hair had fallen into his face yet again, and Isak allowed himself just a second in which he silently agreed with Eva that Even was handsome. He had acknowledged that before, but in a detached way he would call most people beautiful, or at least not ugly. The thought that was forming in his head now was more than that. It was the realization that he would enjoy looking at Even for longer if it hadn't been weird. 

He dropped his gaze when Even raised his head and simultaneously pushed the lose strand of hair out of his face. Even though he was sure Even hadn't really caught him staring and if he had, he knew there was nothing weird about looking at someone you were currently working with, Isak still felt caught, and he blurted out the first question that came to his mind just for a distraction. 

“Are you sure you're not playing games with Vilde?”

Even reached for more trash that had fallen all the way to the back of the luggage rack and his shirt rode up his chest when he stretched to reach it, as if to taunt Isak for the one second he had allowed himself an honest thought. He quickly averted his eyes until Even was sat opposite him again. He looked a bit sad, as if he couldn't think of a single reason as to why Isak wouldn't trust him. 

“I'm not, I told you. What makes you think that I am?” 

“Your behaviour among the team? The way you keep getting into fights, you're not trying to make friends, you're throwing threats around? Why would I trust you?”

“That's such a paradox. You can't use me not making friends against me to question the one friendship I have built since I came here.”

“But you're not friends with Vilde.” Isak said it without thinking about it, he hadn't considered any other option really, but when he met Even's eyes he realized he had been wrong. 

Even shook his head at him. “We're not dating if that's what you mean. Believe me, she's not into me. Just friends.” He sounded almost bored when he said it, as if he was concentrating hard on the task of separating trash from personal belongings that he had found. Isak was almost certain he had hit a nerve again and so he simply nodded an okay and reassessed every single second he had seen Vilde and Even together in his head. They looked a lot like more than friends, but he knew how much he hated hearing that exact same thing being said about him and Eva and so he dropped it. 

“Isak, even if I was dating Vilde, you could trust me with her.” Even held a glove in his hands now, unsure of what to do with it just yet. “I wouldn't hit her if that's what you're honestly scared of. And I wouldn't hurt her in any other way either. I know what 'no' means.” 

Isak didn't know when their conversation had turned into this, but he suddenly felt warm all over. He looked at Even and realized in the same moment that his demeanour had shifted, and for the first time Isak felt like he could believe him, because he told the truth. The flirtatious smile was gone and so was the distant façade or the passionate anger that usually replaced it. There was nothing Even was trying to be and Isak could literally feel the broken down walls between them, if only for a second. They were up again a few minutes later when Coach came to pick them up for practice, and it left Isak utterly confused, maybe even more so than he had been before. But he followed Even out of the bus anyway and they walked in silence over to the changing rooms.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fast update because you've aaalmost made it through the Evak draught!!

“Even asked me out yesterday.” 

Isak dropped the container filled with ice cubes that he had been holding into the sink. He turned around and took in Eva's outfit again. He had assumed she was going out, as she was wearing a tight, blue dress that was a bit shorter in the front than it was in the back and only just reached her knees while her back was almost fully exposed. In the front the dress went up to her neck, but the way the fabric hugged her breasts was almost worse than if it had it been low cut. Isak had wondered out loud who she had dressed up for, especially on a Sunday night, but he hadn't expected it to be Even. Not at all. 

“I would have told you earlier but I didn't catch you before the game.” The way she said it made it sound like she didn't particularly care. She shook her hair out of her face and over her shoulders when she grabbed for her purse. Isak followed her movements with his eyes but his mind was empty. He didn't know what to do with this new information. 

Only two days ago Even had called Eva Isak's girlfriend, and now he had asked her out? Was that why he had wanted to know about them? To find out whether Eva was taken? Isak wished he had lied. He wished the rumours about Even and Vilde were true. He'd prefer anything over this. 

“Does Vilde know?” he asked, trying hard to sound just as indifferent as Eva did. Ever since last weekend at the lake it hadn't quite been the same between them. They weren't fighting, and it wasn't obvious enough for Isak to feel confident bringing it up, but something had changed. One second they were doing alright and the next he felt like Eva was mad at him. Not enough to really let it show, but it was somewhere there, right under the surface, and Isak knew her too well not to notice. 

Eva nodded in answer to his question. “Of course Vilde knows. She's just friends with Even, we talked about it.” 

Isak couldn't imagine Vilde being fine but he didn't say anything. He wasn't fine with it himself, but he would have to figure out why exactly that was before he complained to Eva about it. Something told him that she would merely snap and tell him that he had had his chance. When she had climbed on top of him in a narrow tent, her hands all over him, her hips pressing down into his. When he could have kissed her but didn't. 

The doorbell rang and Eva made for the door. 

“We'll talk more about it later, okay?” She didn't bother to turn around when she spoke. Isak only caught a quick glimpse of Even through the open door, but it was enough to make him angry. His hooded eyes, combed back hair, lazy smile, jeans jacket thrown over his shoulder. He looked like straight out of some 90s film, ready to pick up his homecoming date. Isak began breaking ice out of the holder and wrapping it into a dish towel to cool some of the bruises he had gained during practice this week, but he abandoned his task halfway through. Instead, he went to his room, got changed, and went for a run. 

His legs were tired from the game he had played only a few hours before, but his mind wasn't. They had lost 4:3, which was bitter as their opponent had been the second division and they should have taken them down easily. Of course it hadn't been entirely Even and Isak's fault, but yet another imprecise pass between them was what had led to the last and decisive goal that had fallen, and the loss nagged at Isak. The fact that it had just been a friendly game didn't change that they weren't ready to play for real next weekend, and Isak had never dreaded a season more than he dreaded this one.

Isak started out with a slow pace, but once he thought about Even he pushed himself further, trying to sooth the infuriation he felt towards him by outrunning it. After the game, while they had gathered together to face the opposite team for the obligatory shaking of hands, Even had come to a halt next to him and almost absent mindedly bumped their shoulders together. For the shortest of moments Isak had thought he had wanted to shove him, but then he had realized that it had been a silent congratulation on their first game together, a recognition that they had sucked but made it through. 

But even then, Even had known that he was going to go out with Eva tonight. Why was it that every time he did something decent, or Isak only started to think that maybe he was capable of it, he went and fucked it up straight away? Why Eva? He hadn't seemed interested in her when they had talked about her on Friday, not at the party, not during their camping trip. For a second, Isak considered whether maybe Eva had asked Even out and not the other way around, but he didn't think she would have lied to him. And besides, she had wanted to kiss him, hadn't she?

Isak still had a hard time accepting that Eva had shown interest in him in that way, mainly because that would mean he would have to react to it. But at this point he could hardly deny it, even though he wanted to. What was she doing, going out with Even then? He was the worst possible choice, in regards to both her friendship with Vilde and whatever was going on between Isak and her. 

Isak couldn't help but wonder where Even was going to take her. It was a bit too late for dinner, but on a Sunday night it was unlikely that they were going to stay out late and hit the clubs. Maybe a bar? A few drinks, slurred words, fumbling hands on knees and thighs, and more comments about Even's fascinating abs. Isak couldn't count how many times he had listened to Eva going on and on about Even's hair, so there would definitely be some charming and touching, and oh God, Isak had seen it in so many crappy TV shows that they had watched together. 

What if Even took her home? Should he text Jonas to keep an eye out for when he got back to their flat? Whether he was alone or not? What if they went to Eva’s place and Isak would actually hear them later that night?

Isak ran faster, he was breathing hard now, his lungs struggled to keep up with his inconsistent tempo and the anger with which he pushed himself further than he should on a game day. Drizzle nestled on Isak's bare arms and face and every movement sent a cooling wave through his body. It wouldn't get entirely dark, but it was late enough for Isak to be on his own when he ended up at the rink without meaning to. He forced himself to slow down to a fast walk and turned around, heading back home more slowly, clutching his aching sides. 

The first thing he did when he got back was to knock on Eva's door to see whether maybe Even had been as awful as ever and she was back early. She wasn't. Apparently Even was better with girls than he was with his teammates. 

Isak took a quick shower and crawled into his bed naked, his face still slightly flushed and his thoughts just as occupied as they had been when he had left. He put on some music and decided to go to bed early, but his body wouldn't let him. The muscles in his legs and back throbbed almost painfully and the empty bed was just another reminder of where Eva was. Probably straddling Even the way she had done with him, looking down at his D-mate seductively. Isak was sure that Even would know what to do. That he wouldn't squirm underneath her and blush, overwhelmed with the feeling of too much naked skin against his. 

He knew what Eva would look like, with her dress hitched up on her thighs and her hair falling freely down to her waist. He knew, so his brain didn't spend much time contemplating it. That was the only explanation for why Isak began to see the scene from Eva's point of view. Because it was something he hadn't seen, something he hadn't even thought about. Looking down at Even, his beautiful face flushed maybe, his hair a bit messy, the way it was after they came from the gym. His strong forearms and his collarbone visible, not covered by his t-shirt. And his flat chest, pale and muscled but still somewhat boyish, straining against the undoubtedly tight fabric Even would have chosen for a date. 

They had played on the same team for two weeks now and Isak had still only seen Even shirtless once. It had been when they had been alone in the locker room. He had heard some of the guys talk about it behind Even's back, wondering what the hell his problem was, but no one had dared to ask. No one really talked to Even much, period. Either way, Even was good looking with or without his shirt on, Isak thought. The thoughts that occupied his mind made him blush a bit even though he was alone, but he blamed it on Eva. What was enticing about the thought was Eva, not Even. Eva experiencing desire, wanting somebody. That was what had made Isak's mind wander, nothing else. 

Isak fell asleep with thoughts of Eva and Even, ranging from furious to annoyed, constantly interrupted by slightly confusing images of their imagined make out session, the way Even would reach out for her, how his lips would part in pleasure and his eyes would close over the desire dancing in them. 

 

...

 

Unsurprisingly, Isak woke up with a raging hard on and no time to get rid of it before he had to get up and hit the gym. He rolled out of bed and pulled on sweatpants and a large Seadogs hoodie. The one with Jonas' last name and jersey number on the back that he had ordered from the official fanshop as a joke. His body protested painfully while he got dressed, but he woke up somewhat on the short way to the rink. Isak cycled together with Chris, which was a first even though they lived together and usually left the flat around the same time. Today, they were both too late to catch their own group of friends. 

They didn't speak much before they parted ways at the rink, but Isak did find out that Eva had come home around midnight when he himself had already been asleep. According to Chris, she had been alone. Isak spotted Even in the changing room and felt his eyes on him, but he made sure to look the other way. 

About half an hour into his workout, Isak could feel the muscles in his lower leg tense up. He only had to make a face for Eskild to jump and make his way over to take a good look at him. Isak's reassurances were for nothing, and he ended up heading over to Eskild's office for a medical massage after he finished an easy version of his workout at the gym. He was more than happy to take Eskild's offer to issue him a medical certificate that got him out of his chemistry class that he shared with Even. 

“What have you been doing? You seemed fine during the game yesterday,” Eskild frowned. He went on to lecture him about letting his body rest when Isak reluctantly told him about his ambitious run. 

“You're on the ice five to six times a week and you're at the gym just as often. You need to take it easy in between that, Isak. Do some stretches, go for a walk if you must, but not even your miraculous body can handle three work outs a day. Not if you don't do it properly.” 

Isak grudgingly agreed and winced when Eskild dug his fingers into the skin of his sore thigh. He was laying face down on the massage table, trying to relax, but his body still felt wired for some reason.

“Did you experience any pain during the game?”

Isak only grumbled a low denial. 

“What about your face? I saw you come back from your camping trip with a black eye but you never let me have a look at it. It didn't affect your skating so as your physio I don't care, but as your friend I want to kiss the one who punched you. You deserve it for being stupid like this.” Eskild's fingers moved down to where Isak's muscles had locked earlier and Isak grit his teeth.

“He wouldn't let you,” Isak got out. “It was Even.”

He could feel Eskild's hands stop moving for a second before they picked up their work. “Even? Not that surprising, but how come?”

“I stood between him and William,” Isak explained. Even though Eskild's massage wasn't pleasant, it still felt good to experience the slow unlocking of the knots in his muscles. “Did he ever come see you for his check up?” 

“No, he's been assigned to Chris Berg. She works with the figure skaters.” Eskild didn't sound as insulted as Isak would have guessed it from him. 

“Why?” He asked. He suddenly realized that if Eskild knew anything about what was going on with Even, the Sharks, and Coach, he would have a good chance to find out now. If anyone would talk, it would be Eskild. 

Today he seemed to hesitate however, and when he gave an answer, it sounded forced. “He's not comfortable being treated by me.” 

Isak could hear in the strain of Eskild's voice that he wanted to say more, so he pushed himself up onto his elbows and turned around as best as he could to be able to look at him and strengthen the effect when he asked: “Why? Because you hit on him? Is that really it?”

“God no,” Eskild huffed. “It's not about me being into guys if that's what you think. Nothing like that.”

“It sounds a lot like that, sorry.”

“It's really not,” Eskild insisted and Isak dropped his face back down into the hole that was meant for it. 

“Then what is this about? If Coach agrees with him seeing Berg instead then it has to be something somewhat more justified, right?”

Eskild was silent for a short moment while he grabbed new oil and moved on to Isak's other leg.

“It's about me being a guy. But not about me being a gay guy. I'm sorry, Isak, I can't tell you more.”

“What kind of issue could Even possibly have with guys? He was making out with one.” Isak regretted his words the second they were out. Here he was, blurting out Even's potential secrets when Eskild was trying hard to protect them. He could feel Eskild's movements on his leg coming to an abrupt stop. 

“What? How do you know? When?” 

“I just saw it on facebook. I don't actually know anything about it.” Isak tried to retaliate, but Eskild slapped his lower leg, hard. 

“I demand answers, Isak! It's not like it's a secret if it's on facebook, so there's nothing wrong with talking juicy details.” 

Isak sat up again once he realized that Eskild wouldn't continue his treatment before he had talked. He held on to the towel around his waist and let his legs dangle from the massage table. Eskild's face had lit up significantly in the last few seconds. 

“I saw a blurry picture of Even kissing some guy in a bar, that's all. It might have been a joke or something, I don't know. He's definitely into girls.”

Eskild sighed deeply and pulled a chair closer to him so that he could sit down on it backwards, facing Isak. 

“There are so many things wrong with what you just said. If Even kisses guys for the fun of it then that's not a joke, that's him being very deep in the closet, my friend. Also, he can still be into girls, no problem there.” 

“I know,” Isak mumbled. “Not just any girl, but Eva for that matter.” 

“Eva?” Eskild pushed his chair a bit closer. “No offence, but I thought you were the one dating her. Or planning to.” 

“No. Planning to, maybe. Getting ready for it.” Isak laid back down, deciding to be done with the conversation, but Eskild wouldn't move. 

“What's there to get ready for?” 

Isak didn't know what to respond. He had been asking himself that same question too often lately, and he wished he had a simple answer to it. He didn't know what was wrong with him, and he wasn't about to discuss it with Eskild of all people. Then again, there was no one else, really. He couldn't talk to Vilde or Jonas for obvious reasons, and talking to Magnus would equal talking to the entire team. There were other people Isak got along with, people he hung out with, but he wasn't close enough to any of them. 

“I was just waiting for it to feel entirely right, the way it should do, and then Even came along and fucking ruined it.” 

“It doesn't feel right?” Eskild asked. “Maybe that's because she's not into it? If she's going out with someone else?” 

“No, she wanted to. At least I think so. Now I'm not so sure again.” 

Eskild's hands were back on his legs but he was moving them a lot less roughly now. “Maybe she's just not waiting around for you then. If she offered something and you didn't take it?” 

Isak only gave a deep sigh.

“You're jealous?” Eskild guessed, and Isak somewhat agreed. He definitely wasn't happy about Even and Eva going out. Maybe the dull pain and sense of loss deep in his gut was the sign he had been waiting for. The sign that he should finally go for it and let it happen the way it was supposed to.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for this haha!

Isak thought he had successfully avoided Even until their practice in the afternoon by skipping class, but of course he ran into him right outside Eskild's office when he left. For a second he thought that Even had also been skipping, but then he realized that it was late enough for him to have just come from campus. Isak couldn't help rolling his eyes when he saw him and the way he smiled at him as if he hadn't been going out with Isak's almost girlfriend last night. 

“There you are, I was wondering about you,” Even said, coming to a halt in the hallway as if he was ready to chat, entirely ignoring the way Isak glared at him. “You saw Eskild?” He asked after he had read the little sign next to the door Isak had just closed behind him. 

Isak nodded. He wasn't Even, he wouldn't make a scene. He would play it cool and focus on the season.

“I took notes for you if you want them.” Even filled the long minute of silence with more cheerful small talk, still pretending he didn't notice something was off. “I don't understand any of it so I'll trade them for an explanation before the exam.” 

Again Isak gave a court nod and this time Even tilted his head to the side in silent question. “What's up?” He asked. As if they were friends and Isak had to justify not wanting to talk to him. 

“I thought you didn't tolerate Eskild,” Isak observed, guessing that Even was here for an appointment after all. Isak himself had never been to the fourth floor unless it was to see Eskild. 

Finally, Even's face fell. “What do you mean, 'tolerate'. I don't mind him.” 

“But you demanded another physio.” Isak remembered too late that this was something he wasn't supposed to know about. He could tell he had caught Even off guard, as he looked at him rather puzzled for a second before composing himself. 

“I have my reasons.”

Isak scoffed. Of course Even wasn't going to give him an explanation, just like no one else would talk to him about what the hell was going on. They were interrupted by a door opening behind Isak. 

“Even? Are you ready?” A young woman Isak hadn't seen before stood in the doorway to her supposed office, wearing rather boring, conservative clothes and short blonde hair. Isak knew at once that she wasn't Chris Berg. 

Even cast her a look that reminded Isak of the way he had looked at him on the very first day. Weary, stuck up, and annoyed. 

“I'll see you later,” he muttered and pushed past Isak and into the office. For a second, Isak stood still, then he retreated a few steps to read the little sign next to the door. So she was a psychologist. Of course Even needed therapy. Isak had figured that much out on his own. 

He didn’t have a lot of time to contemplate Even's history even further before he had to rush to his next class and then make his way over to the rink an hour early to listen to Coach rage about their loss yesterday. The Seadogs were gathered together in their little common room, spread out over sofas and chairs while Coach furiously drew lines over lines on an enormous flip chart and pointed out everything that had gone wrong during the game. 

Even was sat alone on a single chair near the door. He looked at Coach attentively, his attitude completely different from the one he showed in class, and he caught Isak's attention again. He was so unbelievably back and forth, it started to mess with Isak's head. He didn't seem to need him much, the way other new players had relied on their captain in the past, but still Isak felt like Even was his responsibility if only he would let himself be just that. Instead, he apparently got a kick out of getting on everyone's bad side. 

Isak was glad to see that Even wasn't talking to Chris and William anymore, but at the same time it worried him that he didn't seem interested in anyone else either. He had seen Magnus make light conversation with him before, but Magnus would choose Isak over Even in a heartbeat, and since Isak usually made a point of avoiding Even, that friendship was doomed. Other guys talked to Even occasionally, but whenever Isak caught Even socializing he seemed unimpressed and cool. If only he would start making friends already so that Isak could clear his conscience and be done with him off the ice entirely. 

 

...

 

For the rest of the week, Isak concentrated on nothing but hockey and uni. He left his flat early in the morning to hit the gym, went to his classes, hung out with the guys at the library or the coffee shop at the rink to get his homework done, and then put on his gear for practice. He made a point of getting back home late in order to avoid dinner with Vilde and Eva since he still wasn't sure how to handle the entire Even situation. All he knew was that he didn't like it. He had sent Eva a text asking about the date just so he wouldn't piss her off by being a crappy friend, but she had only replied with a thumbs up and Isak had been glad for it. 

On Friday night, he found himself over at Jonas and Magnus' place yet again, holding on to a bottle of beer and playing cards. They had just gotten started when Even, Vilde, and Eva entered the kitchen, loaded with shopping bags, and started preparing an elaborate dinner. 

“Dude, I swear, when will you ever learn?” Magnus threw his hands up in the air when Isak put down his first card. “I'm not helping you out this time, you're on your own.” 

As much as Isak wanted to defend himself, he wasn't about to admit that what was going on behind Magnus, around the dinner table, was distracting enough for him not to care about the game. Even was telling some wild story involving weed while cutting vegetables with Vilde while Eva rummaged around the fridge. Isak hadn't expected Vilde to be so ready to share Even with Eva, but from the looks of it she was. Maybe he had had it all wrong and she wasn't into him after all, like she kept insisting. 

Isak was glad for Magnus to fall into a monologue about some girl he had asked out so that he could tune him out entirely and watch Even and the girls instead. It bugged him how they were all so comfortable together when he would have thought that their relationships among each other would have been at least a little bit ruined now. Not that he wanted his friends to suffer, but a selfish part of him still hated how Even got along with them while being such a pain in the ass to Isak. It felt personal by now. He also hated to see how Eva behaved around him. Vilde having heart eyes for Even had bothered Isak for other reasons than jealousy, but when Eva laughed at his story and then proceeded to make fun of the way his eyes teared up whilst cutting onions, Isak felt like crumbling up the cards in his hands. 

Instead of doing just that, he placed another card in the middle when it was his turn and ignored the way Magnus and Jonas looked at each other in disbelief at his choice.

If he hadn't been such a coward around Eva it would be him over there. He would be with his best friend while Even and Vilde would continue whatever it was they had going on, but at least Even wouldn't be sitting in between the girls now, all of their faces flushed with excitement and the wine they had started to drink. Eva and Vilde wouldn't have their hands all over him and give each other weird looks behind his back, all tipsy and infatuated. 

Isak had enough of it after one game of cards, which he obviously lost, and he announced that he would be going to bed. Magnus protested loudly, but Isak got the feeling that Jonas somewhat understood what was going on, as he simply told him good night, and he made a mental note that maybe talking to Jonas wasn't out of the question after all. 

Maybe he could try and bring it up on their bus ride to Kongsvinger tomorrow. They would leave around midday, spend the night in an inexpensive hotel, and return only on Sunday, as the opening game they were playing was scheduled for the evening and they were expected at a season opening party afterwards. There would be enough time to get Jonas on his own. 

Isak couldn't resist going over to Eva before he left and pulling her into a tight hug the way he used to do it before things had gotten so messed up between them and they were all passive aggressive remarks and unspoken truths.

“Will you come over tonight?” He asked her, loud enough to make sure that Even would hear. Eva seemed surprised by his sudden wave of affection, but she nodded and gave him a small smile. 

 

...

 

It took Eva another two hours before she knocked on Isak's door and entered without waiting for a reply. She was already wearing one of the wide T-shirts she wore to bed and slipped underneath his blanket without hesitation. Isak closed his laptop on the NHL game he had been watching and placed it securely on the ground next to him. 

“How was dinner?” he asked. “You smell like Italy.”

Eva smelled her own hair at that. “True. We burned it a bit but it was good. Vilde liked it a lot.” 

Isak braced himself for more remarks about how good of an influence Even was on Vilde, but they didn't come. Instead, Eva shook out her pillow to make herself more comfortable and then pulled her blanket up to her nose. 

“So you and Even are dating now?” 

The question hung between them for a few seconds and Isak's stomach already dropped when Eva hadn't even given him an answer yet. He didn't want to hear it, but he also didn't want to tiptoe around the topic the entire night. 

“It was only the one date so far, I'm not sure what will happen.”

“Where did you go?”

“Some bar near Elvebakken. Did you know Even went there?” 

Isak nodded. “Did you ask him about the Sharks?” He hadn't meant to ask, but he might as well use any opportunity he could get to finally shed some light on the mystery that was Even Bech Næsheim. 

“Not about the transfer. He didn’t seem to want to talk about the team at all.” 

Isak knew that he should be asking questions about what Eva wanted, whether they would go out again, what had happened after the bar, but he was too selfish. Instead, he pretended to be checking his phone before connecting it with his charger. 

“Are we okay?” 

He took a second to turn back around to face Eva after she had spoken. When their eyes met, Isak felt a strange pull towards her, like his body was telling him how much he missed her, how much he hated the constant weight of their weird fight on his shoulders. 

“Yeah,” he said, not caring about whether it was a lie or not. He just wanted it to be a yes. 

“You sure? Things have been weird, don't you think?” 

Things had definitely been weird. But despite the amount of time Isak had spent thinking about Eva and him, he still didn't know how to explain to her what was going on. He couldn't figure it out himself. He wanted her, but at the same time he didn't. He wanted her to want him, but it also freaked him out. Mostly, he wanted to want her, was what it came down to. 

Isak studied her face for a while, both of them laying on their sides, her hair spread out on the pillow, her face without makeup, all soft and familiar. 

And then he kissed her. It was the best answer he could give her, since he wouldn’t be able to explain to her what the hell was going on without figuring it out first. He realized a second too late that he should have warned her and leaned in more slowly, maybe take her face in his, touch her hair, but instead his lips crashed against hers way too hard. He could hear Eva make a sound of surprise, and she was all stiff against him for a second before he pulled back a bit and gave her room to breathe and react, to move with him if she wanted to. 

She did. Isak's heart was beating ever faster in his chest, he tried to concentrate on their lips, the way Eva's mouth now parted underneath his, warm and pleasant, but instead he thought about what to do with his hands. He ended up lifting one of them up to her neck, but his fingers got caught in her hair and he struggled with the long strands for a second. 

He had expected kissing to be more than what he had seen on TV, but it was exactly that. Nothing mind blowing. It was probably a bit too fast, a bit too wet, and he could tell that her lips were so much more pliant than his own, but it worked. He wondered how long they were supposed to go on with this. How long did the ideal kiss last? What if Eva was getting bored? 

After a short while, Isak thought he could feel her tongue against his lower lip, a sensation he didn't know how to react to. To distract her from his ignorance, he instead focused his attention back on his hands. He had spent countless hours laying next to Eva, enjoying her innocent touches, but he had never laid his hands on her waist like this, had never been more aware of how her body was curving towards his, into his touch. She sighed against his lips and Isak immediately wondered whether he was being too quiet. Should he be letting out those quiet sounds she was making? 

One thing he knew how to safely do was to push up her shirt just the tiniest bit and move his body over hers in the process. If they were doing this, he was going to go all the way. He didn't need Eva to know how hard his blood was pumping through his body, how he was almost dizzy with nerves. He knew she would have understood, but if she noticed, she would suggest to take things slow, to do this all romantic and lovingly, and Isak didn't think he could deal with that. 

What he wanted was for his body to react. To lose himself in her the way he had heard his teammates talk about it in the locker room. He wanted to stop thinking about the time. How it must've been at least seven minutes and he still didn't feel that spark of desire, that tingling in his lower stomach. He had heard about guys who had been too nervous for sex. That was probably it. He was kissing his best friend, of course he wouldn't be relaxed enough. There were too many things to be worried about.

He took a deep breath through his nose and could feel Eva pull back the slightest bit, offering him to stop, to take a second to breathe and to talk, to look at each other. Isak pressed his lips against hers more fiercely. He was fully on top of her now, bracing himself on his elbows on either side of her, holding himself up. One of his hands was on her stomach, the other one buried in her hair. He was doing okay. Her body was all warm and squishy, perfectly curvy, and he could feel her heartbeat somehow, her breathing and the low vibrations that went through her when she moaned silently against him. He wanted this. He could finally feel himself harden in his boxers. Too slowly, not exactly the way he had this planned, but he chased the sensation anyway. 

Isak was startled by the feeling of Eva's hands when they went down his back. He had been so focused on what he was doing that he hadn't even realized she had been touching him too. His hair, mostly, but now she pressed her fingers into his lower back, trying to pull him in closer. He wasn't ready. She would be offended by how not ready he was. He could feel Eva's legs open further, trying to get him to move his body in between them, and he obliged but kept his lower body a safe distance from hers, which Eva took as an invitation to move her hands to his front, fingers brushing over his barely existent happy trail. 

Isak halted his own movements to concentrate fully on her hands, right there, thumbs hooking into the waistband of his underwear, but it wasn't happening. He was maybe half hard, and now that he had stopped kissing her, the reality of what they were doing caught up with him.

With a single motion he moved away from her and over to his side of the bed. He was breathing hard, but not due to desire. He could practically feel Eva's confusion but he closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to deal with it. 

“Isak?” She moved closer to him but froze when he held up a hand. He was laying on his back underneath the blankets and covered his eyes with his other hand now, pretending he didn't exist. His face was hot and slightly sweaty. He didn't tell Eva to stay when he could feel the mattress dipping after a few long minutes, and he let out a deep breath when he could hear her carefully closing the door behind her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm double updating because I don't want to leave you with IsakXEva! Also, I promise Evak progression after this chapter, they'll be interacting a lot more from now on:)
> 
> The Elias on the Seadogs roster is Elias from season 1. I wrote this before season 4 aired so the baloon squad wasn't a thing then but I tried to integrate them somewhat later. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!! <3

“You did what?” Magnus turned around abruptly, spitting out half a sandwich as he spoke. Isak had thought the headphones he was wearing meant he wasn't listening, but apparently he had been wrong. He looked around the bus to check whether anyone else had overheard the quiet confession he had made to Jonas, but most seats around them were still empty as the team would only leave the rest stop in fifteen minutes.

“You heard me.” Isak knew he didn't have to repeat himself, otherwise he wouldn't have gotten Magnus' attention. 

“Yes but... wow, really? I didn't think you'd go for it.” 

Already, Isak wished he hadn't brought it up. The kiss that had kept him up all night. He hadn't even gotten to the part in which he had basically dropped Eva like a hot iron and ignored her leaving the room. He stole a sideway glance at Jonas who was opening a protein bar with slow precision. Magnus now squeezed his head through the two seats in front of them and seemed to wait for more information. 

“Do you mind?” Isak had to ask. The question was directed at Jonas who immediately shook his head.

“No, I told you before.” 

Still, Isak could tell that Jonas avoided looking at him. “Then what is it?”

Jonas straightened his back and pressed the back of his head against the headrest. “Eva texted me last night.” 

Isak took a few seconds to make sense of the information while he could hear Magnus enquiring loudly since when Eva and Jonas were on those kind of terms again. Isak was asking himself the same question, but in the end it didn't matter. What it meant was that he had upset Eva enough to seek out Jonas, the last person she would usually talk to. A part of him felt incredibly guilty while another part of him wanted to shout at her, ask her whether she had forgotten that Jonas was his best friend and not hers. 

“What did she tell you then?” He asked, interrupting Magnus who was rambling about girls never texting him late at night. 

“What you just said.”

“She only said 'Isak kissed me'? That was the entire heartfelt midnight conversation?”

“Isak...” Jonas sounded exasperated. “I don't know whose side to be on here. She came to me because she needed me, I don't think she'd want me to tell you. It's not like Eva and I aren't friends, you know?” 

Isak shook his head in disbelief. “We're better friends.” 

“I'm not saying we can't talk about it. I just won't get involved, that's all.” 

“You just did, though.” With that, Isak got up and made his way down the narrow aisle of the bus until he was outside, breathing in the fresh morning air. They were on their way to their away game and still had a two hour bus ride ahead of them. Isak had wanted to wait until he told Jonas about last night, but he had also known that if he hadn't done it immediately, he wouldn't have done it at all. What he hadn't expected was for his best friend to leave him hanging like this. 

For the lack of something better to do, Isak pulled up his hood and walked over to the little shop the rest of the Seadogs were currently spending their money and time in. 

“Isak!” It wasn't Jonas but Magnus who had followed Isak outside and now caught up with him in a short run. “You want some coffee? I'll buy.” Even though Isak had been headed for the shop he shook his head. He didn't even feel like going inside now that he had reached it, and instead he turned left and walked away from the scattered Seadogs and the few parked cars. 

“Isak, talk.” 

“I just wanted to talk, but my friends have already done that amongst each other.” Isak spat, remembering a second too late that Magnus hadn't done anything wrong. Luckily, Magnus wasn't easily offended. He merely gave Isak a fake pout and pointed at himself. 

“I didn't talk to anyone. Which is why you now have to spill. You and Eva did the dirty?”

Isak rolled his eyes at that. Talking to Magnus always turned ridiculous way too soon. Then again, Isak felt like a giant weight was sitting on his chest and he was about to combust if he didn't talk to someone about what had happened. Magnus wasn't his first choice, but he wasn't his last one either. 

“We didn't. I think we tried.” 

“You think?”

Magnus came to a halt once they reached a giant glass container, and Isak was forced to stop walking if he wanted to keep the conversation going. 

“I don't know, it felt forced.” 

“What about her?” 

“Dunno.” Isak began kicking at the pebbles to his feet. The entire situation was irritating him beyond belief. All he wanted was to be on the ice already instead of having to sit in a tight bus right next to his traitor friend and keep still for another two hours. 

“Good talk, Isak,” Magnus mocked him. “I feel like I've been there with you. Which would have been weird.” 

“What else do you want me to say? I wasn't really into it, there you have it!” He kicked a larger stone against the container. “I wanted to see what it would be like and now I have my answer. I suck at this, that's all there is to it.” 

“The fuck?” Magnus threw his hands into the air. “So you're not into Eva, why's that such an issue? Admittedly, it's hard to imagine anyone not being into her, but maybe she's just not your type? Go find someone else to hook up with.” 

“It wasn't about hooking up with her,” Isak tried to explain, but he already knew it was a lost cause. “I wanted... I want to be into her. She's a great person, I want to date her. Just minus the sex.” 

Magnus regarded him with a long look that said he was entirely lost. It didn't make Isak feel any better and he pushed past him and back towards the bus. 

“Isn't that just a friendship then?” He heard Magnus wonder out loud behind him as he followed along. “What you're saying is you want to stay friends with her? Or are you saying you're just not into sex in general? Do you get it up when you watch porn?”

Isak almost tripped over his own feet, that’s how fast he turned around. 

“It's none of your business!” He didn't care that at this point he almost shouted. All he had wanted was to talk and get things off his chest, but this wasn't helping at all. 

“Chill, it was just a question!”

“An intrusive one.” Isak had to try hard to contain his anger. He kept reminding himself that none of this was Magnus' fault, but it was hard to do when his friend just shrugged his shoulders now, as if he didn't care. 

“So... Not for Eva then?” Magnus made a vague motion towards his crotch area that had Isak blushing at the same time as it made him want to hit Magnus over the back of his head. He still shook his head rather undecidedly, trying to make the situation look less awful than it had been. They had almost reached their bus again and Isak was ready to drop the topic, but Magnus didn't seem to be too eager. 

“I wanna be a supportive friend, but really? Having Eva in your bed doesn't get your dick hard?” 

Isak whirled around again to get Magnus to shut up now that they had made it back to the team bus, but to his horror he could already see the wide grin spreading over William's lips. He was standing behind Magnus, ready to enter the bus with a can of Monster energy in one hand and a sandwich in the other. As Magnus followed his gaze, Isak could see him flinch for a second before he turned back around with a guilty look on his face. 

“So that's what's been hindering your blossoming romance with Coach's girl? Can't get your dick to work?” The delighted look on William’s face was the single most terrifying thing Isak had ever seen.

He only stared at both of them for a second. He could already see Chris approaching them, always William's lapdog, and he knew what he would be listening to for the rest of the season. He sent Magnus a dark look, ignoring the fact that he truly looked sorry now, and got on the bus, his face shining bright red. Isak wasn't usually one to care about the shit other guys might talk about him behind his back, but this time it wasn't made up. He rationally knew that to the rest of the team that wouldn't be obvious, but he himself knew, and that was enough. 

Instead of sitting back down next to Jonas to listen to a cascade of apologies from both him and Magnus for the rest of the ride, Isak stomped towards the back of the bus and slumped into the empty last row. 

It took him about five minutes to even realize that the row wasn't empty, but that Even was spread out on the right side whereas Isak himself had chosen the left one to stare angrily out of the window, trying to single out William and Chris' voices from the loud chatter around him. 

Even had his long legs spread out over the seat next to him, his hood was up, his headphones on, and he looked more grim than Isak had ever seen him even though he seemed to be asleep. While most of the team was wearing Seadog attire, Even was clad in a black and white hoodie and lose sweatpants. Of course Isak stared for a second too long, at the dark bags underneath his eyes that were drawn together, and the way his forehead was slightly crinkled, until Even opened his eyes and looked right at him. 

Isak was used to Even's moods by now, his tendency to shut people out and brood in the corners, but the way he looked at him now still made Isak's heart stumble for a second. The last time they had seen each other, Even had been smiling at him, but now he looked ready to knock him out if Isak only opened his mouth. Without a word he shifted in his seat and closed his eyes again, pulling his hood over the upper half of his face and leaning his head back against the window. 

Isak wasn't stupid enough to start a conversation when Even was in one of his inexplicably bad moods, so he turned up his own music and the two of them sat in silence until they reached their destination.

Once they got there, Even didn't bother to get up, but instead watched with an icy expression as the rest of the Seadogs stumbled out of the bus excitedly. Isak waited with him until they were the last two people on the bus and Coach urged them to get going. 

 

...

 

It was late in the afternoon and about an hour before the game when they entered the locker room they had been assigned. Isak knew all foreign rinks from last season and they all looked roughly the same. He and Even found stalls next to each other near the door and began to undress in silence. The game had been far from Isak’s mind during the bus ride, but now that he inhaled the musky smell of a locker room, his body began to feel charged. He stripped down to his underwear and put on his sports leggings in peace before he picked up on Chris' loud laugh from the other side of the room and he could feel a few heads turning in his direction. 

He wouldn't deal with them right now. He knew he would have to eventually, but not right before a game. He was already distracted, he didn't need this right now. It was the opening game of the season, they were playing the team that had ended up in second rank last season, and his D-Partner still looked ready to smash someone's head in. Isak knew he'd look like a coward, but instead of getting dressed with the rest of the team he dragged his bag into the showers, put on his gear on his own, and then wasted time scrolling through his phone – no messages from Eva – until he could hear Coach enter the locker room for his pep talk. 

Usually, before a game, Isak would get hyped up, ready to play, every nerve ending of his body would be on fire and he would die to get on the ice already to get it all out of his system and concentrate on nothing but hockey for the next few hours. Today, he wished he could stay behind and let his team do the work. It was the first game of the season and he was letting the Seadogs down. He was fully aware of it, too. He didn't think they had a chance to win either way, his mind was too occupied with Eva, with William, and strangely, with Even, who looked just as out of it as Isak felt. 

Isak closed his eyes for a second before he stepped onto the ice for their warm up. He skated a few rounds, did some stretches, and let his gaze run over the audience clad in dark green before he got in line for shots on the goal. Kongsvinger had a rather small stadium considering their team’s popularity in the league. It was filled to the brink and Isak had a harder time than usual to tune out the white noise of the crowd. 

He missed his first shot. He missed his second one too and almost crashed into the goal in the process. Usually, at this point his anxiety would give way to nothing but high wired concentration and the need to win, but today his head was back in Oslo while his body stumbled over the ice uselessly. 

 

...

 

They lost the game 4:1. Of course it had been William who had scored in the third period, but it hadn't made a difference in the end. Isak and Even had both played at their absolute worst, missing each other on the ice pretty much every time they tried to build up their forwards movement. They had been entirely out of sync, both of them playing egocentrically, and they were furious with each other by the time they stepped off the ice. During practice, at least they had made up for their miscommunication through Isak and Magnus' connection, but even they had been completely off today. 

While Isak's frustration had shown in the way his game had become sloppy and imprecise, Even had been getting three consecutive penalties for slashing, hooking, and cross-checking, which was not his usual style, so that most of the goals had been shot during penalty kills. Isak was trembling both with exhaustion and anger by the time they were finally done, and he only halfheartedly saluted the audience and shook hands with the other team while Even was already headed towards the changing room. Isak could see the rest of the team cast angry looks after him. Not for playing like crap, but for avoiding the humiliating the last few minutes they had to endure on the ice.

Isak basically ripped off his gear once he made it to the changing room and past the few rather bored looking journalists that were waiting for them. They all wanted William, anyway. Even merely grabbed his bag and left the room, presumably because he couldn't stall today and stay behind, so he found some other place to change out of his gear. Isak didn't care. He wanted to get out, to be on his own, away from the cheering audience that he could still hear every time the door to the locker room swung open, away from his teammates he had let down, and away from Coach who now started to loudly complain about the game while they were all slumped in front of their stalls, beat and crestfallen. 

As much as Coach liked to yell at them for losing, he didn't spend much time doing so right after the game. He'd probably spend the ride home tomorrow lecturing them through the little mic on the bus. Right now, he only gave a few words about how they would have to do better and then proceeded to inform them on the plans for tonight. 

Isak only listened half heartedly. He had already decided that he wouldn't join the rest of the team for the party. He would be their captain tomorrow and finally step up to the task, but today he was done with the rest of the world. The only information Isak really needed was whom he would share a hotel room with, but when Coach read out “Isak and Chris,” Isak dropped his helmet to the floor loudly in frustration. He knew that Coach paired them up randomly, but he couldn't deal with Chris tonight. Jonas would have been okay, Magnus too, but no one from William's little group. 

Isak wanted to speak up but Coach left the changing room before he could settle on a good excuse for swapping. 

“So Even gets his own room?” He heard Jonas ask grumpily from a few spots over. He was sat on the bench in his chest guard and pants but no jersey or goalie shinguards, his dark hair as wet as if he had already been to the showers. Isak hadn't listened to that part of Coach's speech. 

“He's gonna trash the hotel room, that's why,” Elias, another one of William's followers, laughed. “Shark news hit him hard. He probably misses his lover.” 

Isak looked up. He hadn't heard of any news from the Sharks, but he had also not really been on the internet or interacted with his team today. He pushed his bandana off of his too hot forehead and threw it onto the pile with his sweaty clothes, hoping for the guys to elaborate without him having to ask. 

“You think this still has to do with Even?”

“What else?”

“What about the teammates he fucked, then?”

It was Magnus who defended Even. “I don't think he did.” At that, the team fell into a lengthy discussion about Even and the Sharks, one Isak had listened to a thousand times by now, but they were apparently all informed about what had happened, so that Isak didn't get the explanation he wanted. While everyone else distracted themselves from the lost game by talking crap, Isak followed Magnus into the showers who was the first one there. 

“What news about the Sharks?” He asked as he stepped into the weak jet of water. Magnus gave him a surprised look, probably both confused by the fact that Isak talked to him at all, and that he hadn't heard about whatever had happened. 

“They got rid of their coach. Same vague reason they gave for Even's transfer. 'Irresolvable disagreements among the team', all that crap.” 

Isak didn't answer. He wasn't really mad at Magnus anymore, he was mad at everything and everyone, he knew his team felt the same way about him right now, and he didn't feel like talking. He had just needed to know. It explained why Even had been in such a horrible mood today. At least somewhat at least. It didn't explain anything else that had happened, and Isak still failed to put the pieces together. If Even and his coach had fought or had otherwise gotten involved with each other, for whatever reason, why would the Sharks only kick out their coach now, months after Even was already gone? Why would it affect Even like this? Feeling like his head was about to explode, Isak smashed his fist against the shower wall in frustration and ignored Magnus' disapproving glare.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everything once again!! I will try to keep the faster updates since I like them better as well. Also I think the story will be about 35 chapters minimum, I have 28 written right now:) 
> 
> WARNING: Many of you have already guessed it, as was expected, but the following chapters will include mentions of sexual abuse. Nothing graphic, though. I will post warnings above chapters that have these mentions in them even though they really are minor. This next one has some angst, violence, and threats but not much more than the previous chapters. Send me a message if you want to know more or would like me to handle these warnings in a different way.
> 
> Thanks again for reading! As I said, you've made it through the worst part of the slow burn and I am surprised how many of you are still here, I really expected to lose readers sooner since Evak hasn't so much as hugged so far :D But it's starting now, I promise!

Isak had planned to not only drop off his bag at the hotel, but to stay in while the others went out to the season opening event. Until he had heard that Coach was making them go whether they wanted to or not. Apparently the board had put too much work and money into the whole thing for the Seadogs to skip it and instead either stay in or find some bar to get wasted in. 

Therefore, Isak found himself in the lobby of the hotel an hour later, dressed in uncomfortably tight jeans as opposed to sweatpants, and a Seadogs sweater, still in a bad mood. He had texted Eva on their way to the hotel to ask how she was doing, but she hadn't replied yet. He didn't blame her. The way he had treated her deserved more effort than a simple text message to make up for it, but Isak didn't like calling people and so he had to wait until tomorrow to set things straight. He already dreaded facing her, but she was his best friend and he wasn't about to lose her over this. He would make sure they finally talked once he got back. About everything. 

“Looking sharp, Valtersen,” William commented once he had stepped out of the elevator right behind Isak and spotted him standing on his own. “Planning to get laid?” He gave him a smirk and Isak almost expected Chris to magically appear behind him yet again and validate him with a laugh, but he didn't. Isak had wanted to be late to their meet up, but apparently the rest of the team had had the same thought, as William and Isak were almost alone in the lobby. It wasn't a very large room, more like a common room than anything else, and there were maybe about five guys waiting on the two sofas near the door. Coach was nowhere to be seen yet, either. 

“Are you?” William repeated his question as Isak ignored him. “Need a wingman? Or wait, you already have a girlfriend. One you're not making very happy, apparently.” 

Isak kept staring ahead but he stayed where he was, close to the elevator. He wasn't going to run from William again. He would have to endure this for a while until it stopped being funny to him. 

“You know, I'd hate for you to lose your position as captain over this. Seeing as dating Coach's girl got you this far. Seems to be a package deal, you fucking his daughter and him favouring you.”

Isak reacted at that. It was the first time William had said something that might explain his obvious   
dislike of Isak. So he didn't think Isak deserved his position? It couldn't be only that though, since he had been targeting him all throughout last year too, which had only been Isak's second year with the Seadogs and he had in no way been favoured by anyone. Hell, being captain wasn't a favour either. He had worked hard for this. He was one of the few guys who had helped building the Seadogs up from the ground.

He was about to say something of the like when William continued his monologue. 

“You know, it's not that surprising. You and Eva not working out? You'd rather get into your teammates' pants than hers, don't beat yourself up over it.” William drew out his words for as long as he could, enjoying how they made Isak blush against his will. 

Isak looked over at William who was straightening out the sleeves of his white, expensive looking shirt. It was just dumb talk. It should have occurred to Isak earlier that this was the conclusion William would inevitably come to, simply because it was the best opportunity to talk crap about Isak that he would get. 

“There's something you and Even have in common, you can bond over your desire for dick,” William added, still pushing Isak further, wanting him to react. Isak merely closed his eyes for a second, forcing himself to breathe in deeply. “You know how your D-buddy gets his special treatment just like you do? Sleeping alone? You can bond over that, too.”

Isak opened his mouth, trying to defend himself, but he couldn't think of anything smart to say. He knew that whatever he said would lose its effect by the way his voice would probably tremble with anger. Somehow, the accusation felt more personal than any of the other crap he had taken from William so far. He would have preferred to be smashed against the boards a few times over having to endure this. 

“What's your problem?” He eventually asked, and he was surprised by how little his voice betrayed him after all. “Do you spend a lot of time obsessing over dicks?” 

“Less time than you do, I would guess.” William took a step towards him, a wicket grin on his face. A group of Seadogs came down the stairs behind him, but they walked right past them and further into the lobby, talking amongst each other. “Poor Eva. Did you tell her that it's not her, it's you?” 

Isak dropped his gaze to the floor, no longer able to look William in the eyes. Humiliation burned hot on his face and he tried to push past William to join the rest of his team, but William held a hand out and blocked his way so that Isak walked into it, his chest pressing against his cold fingers for a second. He hadn't really expected their exchange to become physical, so Isak startled and gave a slight gasp as he was pushed backwards harder than he had anticipated. 

William's eyebrows rose up at the low sound Isak had made, the slow smile on his face turning even wider. 

“Is this what does it for you, Valtersen? What turns you on? You should have said! Who knew you'd enjoy being crashed into those boards that much, I should have known it gets you all hot and bothered.” He gave a short laugh, clearly getting off on Isak's flushed face and his current inability to shut him up. 

He quickly took one more step towards Isak just to get to the punchline of his joke, but before he could open his mouth again, he was pulled back by someone and slammed into the wall so hard that for a moment, Isak wondered if he would lose consciousness. Of course it was Even. Who else would lose his shit like that, who else would make sure his fist that connected with the right side of William's face would not only make his nose bleed in an instant but also slam his head back against the wall with a dull thump. Isak hadn't hesitated to get in between the two before, but now he wondered for a split second what he was even supposed to do. 

Even reached out a second time before William could react, and this time Isak was certain he had knocked William out. He couldn't have though, as William's body was intact enough for him to raise his own fist and slam it into Even's jaw without warning. And again. The sight of blood running down Even's face finally set Isak into motion and he reached for Even and pulled him back at his upper arms. It made William get another punch in, on the other side of his face this time, which Even couldn't even block as Isak was holding his arms. Isak flinched as Even swore loudly at him but stepped back. He didn't fight him, and instead his body calmed down as soon as he felt Isak's hands on him.

More Seadogs were with them now, holding back William who was struggling hard this time. The other times Isak had seen them fight, he hadn't actually taken a hit on Even, but apparently he was done taking punches. Isak couldn't blame him, but still he fixed his gaze on Even while the rest of the guys around them were focused on William, simultaneously worried and angry, trying to shove tissues into his face, but also shoving at his chest accusingly. They didn't care about Even this time, not anymore.

Isak took one look at Even and he knew that something was wrong again. The way he was trembling as he looked down at his own bloody hands in shock. His eyes met Isak's when he raised them and they stared at each other for a second. The look Even gave him was almost pleading, but Isak didn't know what he was asking for until he saw Coach approaching them with a few long strides, already demanding what was going on. It was Elias who gave a quick summary of what he had seen. A summary that was definitely biased. 

Coach, too, took a look at William first. He reached for his face almost roughly, turned it this way and that to make sure he'd be alright, before he focused his attention on Even. His face fell, a mixture of resignation and disappointment evident on it. Even averted his gaze and looked down at his hands again. 

“We will not discuss this tonight. Do I need to call Eskild?” Coach looked between both William and Even and took in both of their denials. “Good. Then get out of my sight. You're not going out like this. Get a good night's sleep and clear your head. I'll see both of you tomorrow, and you better have an explanation ready.” 

Even retreated to the stairs before anything else could be said while none of the other guys moved. Instead they started talking loudly amongst each other, cursing Even, all of their tempers stretched to the limit. 

“I'll stay in, Coach,” Isak announced, but he looked at Even's slouched back instead of at Coach. Without waiting for an approval he jumped up the stairs taking two steps at a time until he had caught up with his teammate. 

Even didn't acknowledge his presence. He made his way through the quiet hotel to the third floor and to a room that was only a few doors down from Isak's. He took out the keycard from his back pocket of his jeans and opened the door, but as he entered the room, Isak hesitated in the door frame. Then he realized that Even had left the door open behind him when he could have slammed it in his face, and so he followed him inside and shut the door behind them. 

Even was standing at the window with his back to him and Isak could see his body shaking even from where he was stood near the door. He looked around uncertainly for a few seconds, taking in Even's duffel bag on the foot of the bed, turned over and spilling out clothes, magazines, and a lose toothbrush, a half empty bottle of water on the table and a bag of half eaten crisps. Even didn't move, so Isak grabbed a roll of toilet paper from the bathroom and handed it to him. 

Even took it but didn't bother to wipe his face or his hands. His nose was still bleeding, blood dripping down his chin and onto his white shirt steadily.

“You should lean your head forward. Let it bleed,” Isak suggested when he heard Even sniff back a load of blood and snot. He looked pathetic, standing there bleeding onto his ruined shirt, playing with the toilet paper in his hands. 

“You'll miss the party,” Even replied, turning away from Isak and entirely towards the window. His voice was somehow broken and more tired than Isak had ever heard it. Isak hadn't expected anything when he had decided to stay with him in a matter of seconds, but if he had, it would not have been this. 

“Didn't plan on going,” Isak said. “It'll be the guys getting secretly drunk while pretending not to be sore losers.” 

Even's voice was still low, but he seemed to somewhat gather himself. “They lost because of us. Let them drink tonight.” 

“We lost,” Isak corrected but Even didn't care. “I already knew we would.” 

“How's that?” Even began unrolling toilet paper now, too much of it, but he didn't use it. 

“You looked about half dead when we got here. I felt like it too. Can't win a game like that.” He was rambling, trying to make conversation to avoid an awkward silence in which they would both ask themselves what Isak was doing in Even's room. He got up again and went to the bathroom to wet a towel and held it out for Even when he got back. He didn't know what he was doing. He should be about ready to kill his D-partner, considering how he had lost his temper one too many times by now, but somehow the fight had calmed him down entirely. 

Even didn't turn around when Isak approached him so he simply reached up and pressed the wet towel against Even's bare neck where his skin was flushed and irritated. He didn't anticipate Even flinching so hard at the touch that the towel fell to the floor in between them. Even bent down and picked it up, then he stepped around Isak and sank down onto the mattress at the foot of the bed. 

For a second, Isak was confused at his strong reaction, but then the simple acceptance settled in him that Even didn't like surprises. Isak had been so occupied trying to uncover the reason for his strange behaviour, he had never let himself accept the simple observations he had made about him so far. He didn't like being startled, he didn't like being held down, he didn't like it when people told him what to do. Isak could deal with that without knowing why. 

When he turned around again, he did it slowly. He reached for the roll of toilet paper Even had dropped next to him on the bed in favour of pressing the towel against his neck. He had spread his legs widely and rested his elbows on his knees, leaning his torso forward. There was no blood dripping onto the floor in front of him, so Isak assumed he had stopped bleeding. He reached for a chair that had been pushed underneath the small table in the corner of the room and placed it in front of Even before sinking down on it. Regardless of the deliberate space he had left between them, he could feel Even tensing up. 

“It's cool. Let me have a look at this.” Isak had dealt with his fair share of broken noses in the past and he could tell that this was not the case of one. He reached out for Even's face, forcing himself to move more slowly than he normally would have, and began wiping at his chin first. He soon realized he would need water, and after he had gotten some he worked in silence while Even looked at him critically, almost disapproving. 

His nose was not broken, but the skin on his upper lip was, and his left eye looked red and already slightly swollen. William had done a good job. It made Isak angry to think about it, about his teammates fighting off the ice, jeopardizing the season and their image as a team, so he dropped the thought. Instead, he considered the fact that Even had yet again thrown punches for him. Isak didn't approve of it, but it was also the reason why he didn't feel any resentment towards him right now. A weird, useless sense of joy tingled in Isak's stomach. Maybe their defence wasn't as doomed as he had thought. Still, he wasn't gentle when he pressed the wet tissue against Even's bruised nose. 

“Coach might like you, but he's still gonna kick you off the team at some point. You can't keep this up for much longer.” 

“He doesn't like me,” Even replied immediately. “He likes the team, there's a difference. He wants this to work out so I can make you win for once.” 

It was easy to meet Even's eyes when they were this close to each other. “Fine, everyone's against you, the Seadogs hate you, none of it is your fault.” Isak rolled his eyes at him and dragged the tissue over his jaw. There wasn't any blood there. 

“I never said it wasn't my fault.” It wasn't exactly a confession but it sounded like one to Isak.

“Why do you let it happen then? Why don't you try to be decent?” 

Even shrugged. 

“Why did you transfer to a team you can't stand?” Isak kept asking as he moved his hands down Even's chin and to his throat. The question was charged and he knew Even could tell, as he seemed to choose his words carefully. 

“I didn't choose the Seadogs,” he eventually said. “Yours was the only team wise enough to take me on after the initial transfer period was over. Your manager practically begged me to sign, I didn't even intend to keep playing.” 

Isak's fingers slowed down just a bit, feeling the vibrations of Even's throat as he spoke. “You signed, so you did choose,” he mumbled, slightly distracted. 

“I didn't choose to transfer.” 

“Then why did you?” The question hung between them and the time Even took to answer it already told Isak that he wouldn't get the entire truth tonight. But at least they were talking. 

“Things went badly.” It took half an eternity for Even to get out the words and what he had to offer wasn't much. Isak felt like rolling his eyes at him again, but he bit his lip instead to keep his annoyance from showing. He remembered Vilde telling him how Even had shared his secrets with her and he felt a sharp pang of jealousy when he considered the one vague sentence he had gotten while she had been trusted with the truth. He moved his fingers lower to Even's collarbone.

“Badly enough for your coach to be kicked out over it? For things to still not be settled?” 

“Yes.” Even's eyes went dark at Isak's words and he grabbed for Isak's wrist as he reached the edge of his shirt. Isak froze, ready to move back and give him space, but Even regarded him with a long, dark stare and released his wrist slowly. His eyes followed Isak's movements as he reached for new toilet paper, dipped it in the glass of water he had gotten, and pressed his fingers back against his skin. 

“You didn't get hurt this time, did you?” Even eventually asked. Isak shook his head quickly. 

“I wouldn't be here had you given me another one of those.” He indicated Even's bruised eye and saw his mouth twitch briefly. There was no more blood on his face, his skin was irritated and swollen, but mostly clean except for the open wound at his upper lip. His eyes were warm tonight, attentive and somewhat wary, but not rejecting anymore. 

“Isak,” Even began. It felt weird to hear him say his name quietly, not shouting it on the ice. “I don't want to fight you. I'm sorry if I dumped my personal stuff on you, I know that was me. My fault.”

There were a thousand things Isak wanted to reply so he kept his mouth shut. He wanted to tell Even to make use of his therapist more often, to not use him as a punching bag anymore, to maybe open his mouth once in a while instead of using his fists, but he couldn't. Instead he nodded and stared at Even's Adam's apple bobbing once. Twice. He could feel it in his fingers that were still working on his skin as if there was anything left for him to do. He kind of lost himself and dragged them down to the hem of Even's shirt again, pulling on it slightly to see whether the blood on it had smeared onto his chest underneath. 

Even shifted on the bed and that was all it took for Isak to immediately drop the fabric and move back. He was done here. He could feel his cheeks warming up and grabbed for the pile of bloody tissues to dispose of them in the bathroom in order to avoid Even's heavy gaze on him. Then he moved towards the door too quickly, ready to head over to his own room. He hadn't thought of their close proximity as weird or wrong until he had finally moved out of Even's personal space. He shivered with the loss of body heat and the loneliness that hit him unexpectedly, and every step that he took away from Even felt unwanted. 

“Stay?”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everything!
> 
> WARNING: This next chapter includes mentions of sexual abuse again.

Isak took a few steps back into the room but didn't know what to do with himself. Sitting down next to Even on the bed felt too intimate somehow, as would taking the chair that was still stood in the centre of the room. Walking over to the window would mean crossing the entire room first just to stand over there instead of here. Finally, he settled for leaning against the table. He could feel Even's eyes on him, following the movements of his body. 

“What's the deal with you and William?” Even eventually asked, making Isak look up. 

“Me and William? I could ask you the same question, he despises you just the same.”

“Yes but for a reason. I told him to go fuck himself on the very first day and since then beat him up every time he said a word to me. What did you do to deserve it?”

Somehow, Even managed to make it sound amusing when really it pained Isak to see his team fall apart like this. He gave him a sharp look, hoping that Even realized he didn't take his fighting lightly at all. 

“I don't know. He said something today, about me not deserving to be captain. That's a reason at least, but he was just the same last season when I wasn't captain. He just likes being an asshole.”

“And you just take it?”

Isak shrugged his shoulders. “What good does fighting do you?” He jerked his head forward a bit, toward Even and his messed up face. Even leaned back on the bed, getting more comfortable, while he lifted a hand to his bruises to feel them. 

“Does it make me look awful?” he asked, obviously hoping to make Isak laugh, but Isak just shook his head. 

“It makes you look stupid. Weak.” 

Even considered him for a full minute in which Isak ended up walking over to the window after all.

“I think you deserve being captain,” he then said, no longer smiling.

Isak gave a little laugh this time. “What do you know about our team? About me? You never bothered to have a conversation with anyone.” 

“You know,” Even rested his elbows on his knees again. He looked like he was in some kind of boxing commercial, with his swollen face, his posture bringing out the muscles in his back and arms. “It's not as easy as you make it sound. You like the Seadogs, right? Like they're your family? You spend all day with them, all night sometimes, they're everything you have in a weird way. Right?”

Isak nodded, not sure where Even was going with this. 

“I know you guys see the Sharks differently than I do, but I had friends on that team. Best friends. They were to me what the Seadogs are to you. And then shit happened that no one would believe me about, they cut my contract, the majority of my own teammates supported that decision, and the only team that was willing to take me on represents my home town, a city I was glad to get away from before. And now I'm playing with you guys, a team that thinks I went crazy and fucked my way through the lines with the Sharks. Half of you can't even look at me without thinking of that bullshit.” 

Even didn't raise his voice but Isak felt like he had been yelled at. 

“Every time I start a conversation with a Seadog, they're basically drooling for me to spill. It's all they wanna talk about. You're the only one who hasn't brought it up, the only one that's actually worth talking to. And then you're so damn honourable that you're up my ass all the time for being fed up with the rest of them, and with the fact that everything I had was taken away from me, for something I had absolutely no control over.” 

His words stripped Isak bare and they were sinking in only slowly. Isak stored their real meaning away for later. He wanted to sink his gaze down to his Nikes but Even somehow managed to get him so transfixed that all he could do was look at him even though it felt too raw, too exposed. They stared at each other, letting some understanding finally settle between them. Isak could feel how things fell into place, how they both made their decision in that moment. 

They would do things together now. Isak felt the furious desire to fight for Even, to defend him with all his heart, to show him that he had a place on this team. Even might not deserve it, but all it had taken was for him to finally open up. Isak was ready to accept whatever came next. He opened his mouth to speak, but he didn't know how to convey what irrationally strong bond he felt forming between them.

Eventually, he just said: “You can trust me. I'm gonna think of something, we'll fix this. You're a part of this team, you're my second half on the ice, we'll work it out.”

Even gave him a long, strangely direct look. “They'll bring all of it up again, now that the Sharks fired Coach. It'll never be over.” 

It took Isak a second to catch on. He wasn't talking about the Seadogs anymore. For once, Isak got an explanation for Even's aggressive mood, for the way he had played today and how he had behaved off the ice. And now that he got it, he didn't know what to do with it, really. It had been easier to just think of Even as some moody asshole. 

“It'll be over,” he mumbled, unhelpfully. “Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be forgotten soon.”

Even didn't look convinced, but he nodded anyway. The movement seemed to be painful and he brought a hand back up to his face. 

“Do you want to order room service?” he eventually asked, and Isak agreed. They ordered some food and turned the TV on too low to understand, but loud enough to ease the tension between them a little bit, to lighten the mood and shake off the gravity of their conversation. Isak eventually did sit down on the bed next to Even once the food arrived, crossing his legs underneath him at the head of it while Even stayed at the foot, stuffing himself with potatoes and vegetables until he realized how painful chewing was with a black and blue face. 

When Isak checked his phone a little while later, he saw that Eva had texted him a simple “are you alright?”. He was pretty sure that Coach had let her know what had happened and set her up to the task of checking in with him, so he replied with a “yes”. 

“What about Even?” she asked only few seconds later, and Isak looked up at him and met his eyes. Even raised his eyebrows at him in a silent and visibly painful question when he realized that the text had been about him. 

“Eva wants to know if you're alright,” Isak stated, trying to sound indifferent regardless of the reminder of his initially bad mood. 

He texted back another “yes” as Even nodded. 

“Eva is going to kill me for this, but our date? That wasn't a real date. She asked me to go out with her to get a reaction from you.” Even began mashing his potatoes with his fork to make them easier to eat while he avoided looking at Isak as he talked.

“What?” Isak asked even though he had understood him just fine. He backtracked in his thoughts, back to when he had first found out about Eva and Even, how she had brought it up so casually, trying so hard to seem unavailable to him. How Vilde had been fine with it, how they had made that dinner right in front of his eyes, being all over each other. It made sense. And it had worked.

“It was a stupid plan,” Even admitted. “Sorry if you feel played.” 

Isak didn't. He mainly felt confused. A bit mad at Eva maybe, but considering how he had last treated her, he guessed he was still more in the wrong than she was.

“So you're not into her?” he asked, immediately feeling stupid. 

“No.” Even carefully shoved a fork of mashed potatoes into his mouth. “Not into Vilde either, if you're still wondering,” he spoke around his food, wincing again at the pain. 

Isak reached for the can of fanta he had ordered along with his food and opened it with a pop. He felt a lot better than he had before the game suddenly. He was still annoyed with Jonas, confused and borderline scared about last night with Eva, but suddenly it hit him how he had thrown away the first game of the season because he had had a bad day.

“We should have tried harder today,” he said, and it took Even a second to follow his train of thought. 

“The game?” He, too, seemed a lot more relaxed now than he had earlier. 

“Yes. I'm captain now, I can't lose my head like that.” 

“What made you lose it?”

“You haven't heard?” Isak asked, honestly surprised. He would have thought the entire team would know about his night with Eva by now. But then again, Even didn't talk to the team. He shook his head no, his eyes full of questions. 

“Nevermind then.” It was better this way. He didn't need Even to know about how he had wanted to make a decision when it came to Eva and how his body had let him down. The thought of it still humiliated him. It might not have been that bad had William not heard and would undoubtedly share the story with the rest of the team. It made Isak feel thrice as embarrassed as he initially had, there was no need to tell Even first hand. 

Even stared him down for another few seconds and then threw his fork back onto his plate, giving up on the food. Instead he got up and finally took off his blood spattered shirt. Isak thought that he should have warned him, as he choked hard on his own dinner. While Even had stood with his back to him when he had undressed, showing off acres of pale, muscled skin, he now turned around, his shirt still in his hands, eyes turning curious as he took in the sight of Isak catching his breath on the bed. 

Last time Isak had seen him shirtless had been after practice, while he had been sweaty and still wearing his hockey pants that covered his lower stomach. Being naked in the locker room was second nature to Isak, so he hadn't cast another look at Even. He did now, though. Now that Even was not only wearing tight jeans instead of gear, the band of his boxers exposed just the tiniest bit, but he was also in a hotel room instead of at the rink, and Isak couldn't help but take in his naked body in front of him. 

Even was thin for a hockey player, a little bit too skinny, especially for his height, but that didn't mean he wasn't well defined. His skin hugged his abs tightly, light blond hair vanished down into his boxers and jeans, his chest was decorated with quite a few birthmarks. There was a bruise forming on his right side where William had pushed against him earlier. He was beautiful in a way that none of the other guys struck Isak as so. He could see a flicker of understanding in Even's eyes as he caught him staring, washed away by something complicated and more serious. Even then picked up a new shirt from his bag and walked into the bathroom and out of sight without turning around. 

“Will you tell me why you're allowed to sleep alone?” It was the only way Isak could think of to distract Even as quickly as possible. Asking him something he surely wouldn't want to talk about.

“I asked Coach,” Even said from the bathroom after a second of thought, his voice a little muted, “and he agreed.” 

“Same way he agrees to you being a little shit who comes and goes as he pleases?” Isak made sure Even could hear that he wasn't being entirely serious. When Even reemerged from the bathroom a second later, he was smiling too, still looking a little pained as he did so. 

“Same way,” he said. “Who are you sharing with?”

“Chris,” Isak sighed. 

“Chris. I can't figure you two out. You live together, but you're not friends.” 

Isak had to laugh at that idea. “No, we're not friends. We used to get along somewhat in our first year, enough for the team to work anyway, but now he's grown to idolize William and it's a pain. He's not that bad on his own, but as soon as they're together he becomes just as awful as him. And we didn’t choose to live together, it’s university housing, you know that.” 

Even nodded, straightening out his fresh shirt. It was a Seadogs one. 

“Earlier,” he started, visibly putting his guard back up as he spoke, “was that William coming on to you?”

Isak only stared at him for a second, more pieces about Even's past falling into place. He took in the way his face was entirely serious, his lingering eyes resting on Isak's intently, making sure he understood that he was asking and not making some kind of bad joke. Isak shook his head, frowning. 

“No.” He felt like the answer was obvious, his words coming out just a little bit too strongly. “No, of course not. He pretended to, for reasons that are just... But no.”

They looked at each other for a second longer, then Even gave a little nod. “Okay. If he ever does, let me know.” He walked around the bed and started pulling the comforter off the sheets, forcing Isak to get up. 

“Why?” Isak asked as he grabbed for his shoes that he had taken off earlier, before he had sat on the bed. Even was clearly getting ready to go to sleep, so he'd take his chance at avoiding Chris by being in bed early himself. 

“Because he'll only try that once.” 

Isak opened his mouth to chastise Even, but then he closed it again. He was starting to feel like Even didn't make threats just for the sake of proving himself, the way William did. He didn't seem like the kind of guy who enjoyed fights, neither while he was involved in them, nor afterwards, when his body would begin to shake and he'd look like he'd lose his mind. For whatever reason he sometimes snapped, his body going rogue, and he seemed to only come to his senses a little too late. So Isak stayed quiet this time. Maybe Even had a better reason for his behaviour than he had assumed before. 

“What are you doing?” Even asked as Isak bent down to put on his shoes. Isak froze in the movement, confused. 

“Putting on my shoes?”

“Why? You gonna sleep in them?”

Isak watched as Even began working on his jeans, undoing the button and pulling down the zipper in an almost calculated movement. He didn't take his eyes off of Isak. 

“What do you mean?” Isak asked, even though he thought he knew. Did Even want him to stay the night? 

“Stay,” Even confirmed. “You don't have to share with Chris.” He began to shimmy out of his dark jeans, his gaze dropping to the pillows in front of him now, his cheeks just the slightest bit flushed. Isak couldn't help but watch him. He had never seen Even undress this easily in the locker room before, and now he was willing to take off his clothes and get into bed with him?

“I don't mind,” Isak mumbled, thoroughly confused and distracted.

Even began pulling on one leg of his jeans, stumbling slightly to the left in the process. “I do. If he enjoys coming on to you as some sort of sick joke too, then you should stay. Or, you know, you could finally speak up and not let them walk all over you, but I guess that's not happening tonight.” He drew back the blanket on his side of the bed and got underneath it more quickly than anyone else would have done. 

“You sure?” Isak asked. He noticed for the first time how there were two blankets. Apparently Even had been assigned a double room for only himself. Maybe he hadn't let Coach know early enough that he wouldn't tolerate sharing with anyone. Anyone but Isak, apparently.

Isak felt a bit weird, but he still kicked his shoes back off. He was going to take this offer, if only for the sake of their newly found connection that he didn't intend on ruining straight away. Slowly, he took off his sweater and jeans but kept his T-Shirt, the way Even had done. It was an identical Seadogs one, except his didn't feature Even's 28 but his own number 9. Once he turned off the light near the door, Even switched on his bedside lamp. His eyes were on Isak as he walked over to the bed and got in, laying down as far on his side of the bed as he could without falling off. 

Isak waited for Even to turn off the light, but he never did. Instead, he closed his eyes, snuggling deeper into his pillows, his hair falling softly into his swollen face. Isak made his eyes move to the TV in front of him that was still on, and he grabbed for the remote but didn't turn it off right away. He knew he would have gone right back to looking at Even, which would be weird. So he pretended to watch TV while Even began to slowly, very slowly, relax next to him, his back turned towards the window and his face to Isak, covered by the blanket from head to toe. 

Isak had wanted for them to get along, but now that they were officially not fighting for the very first time ever since Even's arrival, it felt a bit surreal. Every decision Isak had made tonight had been based on him being a momentary emotional wreck, and having made up with Even seemed to be built on unsteady ground. But still, Isak felt that pull towards him that had been there for a while now. The desire to understand Even, to have him on his side instead of fighting him non stop. 

Understanding Even. Isak could feel all the bits and pieces of information that Even had revealed to him fall into place at the same time as he could feel his mind shying away from that particular reality. He didn't want it to be true. He turned to look at Even once he was sure he had fallen asleep, his bruised lips slightly parted, barely visible underneath his unnecessarily strong protection of blankets. It wasn't cold enough in the hotel room for Even to need to vanish underneath it entirely. Isak studied his closed eyes. He could see the back and forth movement behind his eyelids as he dreamed. His breath hitched slightly, then he sighed and pressed his face even deeper into the pillow. 

Isak didn't want to think it, but what he had learned about Even tonight was too much for him to ignore. All the rumours about Even and his former coach having some kind of physical relationship, how he had said no one had believed him. Even wouldn't walk around trying to convince his teammates of his involvement with his coach, would he? 

Unless he hadn't wanted it. Unless what had happened had been enough for Even to be fine with the prospect of never playing hockey again as long as he could get out of his contract and away from his team. It all fit. Even's terror at being held down at the campsite, how every fight he had been involved in in the last few weeks had been somehow triggered by either the threat of physical intimacy or the actual invasion of his personal space. How he had reacted tonight after what he had thought was William making an unwanted move on Isak. Him demanding a physio that wasn't male. That hadn’t made a move on him already. His special relationship with Coach who was an adult man in the same position as the one who must've come too close to him. 

Isak found himself in complete denial at the same time as he knew he was right. At least somewhat. He knew the answers were right there, but he wouldn't accept them. There was no way this could have happened without anyone knowing about it. With the Sharks' coach only being kicked off the team now, months after Even had been around. He had to be wrong. There had to be some other kind of explanation. 

Even mumbled something in his sleep, and for only a second Isak had to fight the desire to scoot a little closer to him for reassurance. He stayed where he was, though. Even would have probably hit him in the face out of instinct, had Isak touched him now. If only a part of his suspicion proved to be true, then how could Even even stand sharing a bed with him? 

Isak stayed awake for another few hours, watching Even sleep, contemplating everything he thought he had known about him and hoping he wouldn't wake up once Isak could hear his team returning from the party, chatting loudly in the hallway.


	17. Chapter 17

Isak awoke to Even throwing his jeans at him. Hard.

“Bus call in 30 minutes,” he said and then vanished into the bathroom. Even through his sleepy haze, Isak realized that he had only been wearing his boxers this time. No shirt. His thoughts were immediately back to everything his mind had been occupied with last night, and he still wondered how they could have spent the night like this without Even minding it. 

He seemed fine though, once Isak saw him again after grabbing breakfast from the buffet and then taking it with him to the bus where the rest of the Seadogs had begun to gather. Isak had gotten about five minutes in his shared bathroom with Chris after he had occupied it for ages, insisting that Isak didn't have a claim to it after not spending the night in their room, and then proceeding to nosily inquire where he had been. Isak had neatly avoided his questioning by ignoring Chris entirely.

Isak's heart beat just a little bit faster once he spotted Even in front of the bus, struggling to hold on to four breadrolls and two apples. He still somehow expected Even's mood to take a drastic turn, but he greeted Isak with a smile and held out half of his food to him. 

“I brought you breakfast, thought you wouldn't make it,” he explained. Isak only indicated his half eaten bagel but took the apple from him with a thanks. 

“How's your face?” he asked. Even wasn't as badly bruised as it had seemed last night. His lip had gotten the worst of it and still looked unpleasantly bloodied and swollen. He brushed it off as Isak took a good look at his injury. “Have you talked to Coach yet?” 

“When? I only just got here myself.” 

“Good morning.” Jonas came to stand next to them, letting his unnecessarily large overnight bag fall to the ground next to his feet that were covered in white socks and adidas flip flops. He cast an unsure look at Isak. They hadn't talked since before the game. 

“Morning,” Isak replied. He hadn't decided whether he was ready to forgive Jonas just yet, but he wasn't angry enough to make a scene. “How was last night?”

He could see Jonas' relief in the way his shoulders lost some of their tension. “Rather boring. Except Chris and Elias got into some drunk brawl so Coach made us all leave earlier than planned. He just about lost it and yelled at us all the way back.”

It felt like yet another responsibility had been placed onto Isak's shoulders. Last season, the team had been fine, and as soon as he had become captain, things began to fall apart. He could see why their little groups weren't on good terms, as he felt the antagonism towards William himself, but Elias and Chris were supposed to be friends, both of them worshippers of William's religion. 

Isak entered the bus as soon as Coach showed up with the keys to avoid having to explain why he had suddenly made up with Even. He could feel Jonas' curious look on him now that his anxiety over their fight seemed to have vanished, and once Magnus approached them from afar, Isak took a deliberate step away from Even. He didn't need to have that conversation right now. 

Their trip back to Oslo seemed to take twice as long as yesterday, as Coach made them watch their friendly game against the second division on the small screens for the lack of footage from last night, and lectured them yet again, pointing out all of their shortcomings. Isak was sat in the front of the bus this time, watching the game intently, trying to avoid thoughts of the conversation that awaited him once he got home. 

Of course Isak ended up watching Even on screen more than any other player. He didn't get a chance to fully appreciate him when they were on the ice together, as he found himself annoyed with their failed interactions, but watching him play now made him realize how great they could really work if only they finally clicked. Even on his own sent butterflies to Isak's stomach, the way he moved on the ice, so full of energy, chasing even the pucks that were already lost to him, not even slowing down during the third period of the game. He was so incredibly good. Isak had almost forgotten in the last two weeks, but he smiled over at Even during their break halfway on the way to Oslo, full of new hope. Technically speaking he had the best D-Partner he could imagine having, they simply had to put more effort into making this work. 

Once they arrived at their home rink, the rest of the team couldn't wait to get out of Coach's sight, but Isak stayed behind to ask for permission to stay on the ice for an additional half hour after their afternoon practices every other day. Even had finally offered him his cooperation and Isak was going to see how far he could push him. 

After he had gotten permission from Coach, he couldn't stall any longer and made his way over to his flat. He found the living room empty and therefore went to his room first, dropping his bag off, and then started a load of laundry consisting of sweaty under armour, underwear, and gym clothes. Then he knocked on Eva's door. 

She was sat on her bed covered in study notes when he entered, wearing sweatpants and a T-Shirt of some figure skating event, her hair was done up in a messy bun. Isak wished nothing more than that he could fast forward to a time in which they had talked and were okay again. He smiled at her timidly, closing the door behind him. They were silent for a good minute in which Eva organized her notes to put them away neatly and make space for Isak on the bed. At least she wasn't kicking him out. Still, he sat down on the chair in front of her desk instead, straddling it and leaning onto the backrest. 

“I'm sorry you lost,” she offered once she was done, thumbing through the stack of paper she had formed. Isak swallowed hard. Usually, whenever they lost Eva would let him make a wish for dinner and distract him. 

“I'm sorry, I...,” he began and forced himself to look at her. “I'm sorry about what happened.” 

Eva began rearranging the papers in her hand, clearly as uncomfortable as he was. 

He tried again. “I want to talk about it, but I really don't know how.”

“How about you're honest for a change?” Eva prompted. “Stop avoiding me, just tell me what you think.” 

Isak couldn't remember ever lying to her directly, but he refrained from saying so. Instead, he took an unsteady breath. He still didn't know how to explain himself. 

“I didn't mean to hurt you. I feel really guilty and...,” he tried, but he could feel how meaningless his words were. They didn't even mean anything to him, they were just a version of what he thought Eva would want to hear, something to get it over with. He couldn't explain to her that he simply hadn't felt anything. He couldn't stand the questions about the why and the how and the “do you get it up when you watch porn?”. Eva wasn't Magnus, but she would have the same thoughts. That Isak, as a 19 year old college student, and an athlete at that, had never been with anyone. That the first time he had had the chance, he hadn't felt a thing. It wasn't normal, even if she was his best friend. 

After another minute of silence, he went for plan B instead. “You are the one who lied to me. You went out with Even as part of some weird plan. And you talked to Jonas instead of your own friends.” 

He could see the surprise on Eva's face. She hadn't expected Even to betray her, and Isak almost felt bad for throwing him under the bus like that. 

“I never lied to you,” she insisted. “All I said was that I'm going out with Even which was true. And you know that Jonas and I are close. Not in the way that we talk every day, but he still knows me better than anyone except you, I dated him for two years. I didn't choose him to punish you or anything.” 

“What's up with asking Even for weird favours then?”

“Do you have any idea how much you confused me lately?” Eva sighed. “I'm sorry I did that, it was a stupid plan. I went crazy with not being able to tell where we stood and what you wanted, and I just needed to know. I still don't, for that matter.”

There simply was no way around having the conversation Isak dreaded. He sighed even deeper than Eva had. 

“I don't know either. Well, I think I do now. But I didn't before we...,” he broke off again. “What do you want?” he asked instead, still stalling. Still hoping he wouldn't have to say it. 

He could tell Eva was thinking, alternating between looking at him and the notes in her hands. 

“I'm not entirely sure. I think what I mostly wanted was to see whether it was a possibility. Us, I mean. I started thinking about it over the summer when a lot of my friends were going out with people and I wasn't, and then when the term started I just thought it would be so awesome if it worked out. Because we're already so close, it would be so easy. And I felt like maybe you wanted that, too. You've never dated anyone else, and you... you behave like my boyfriend sometimes, you really do, whether you intent to or not.” 

Relief washed over Isak in a cool wave. At least she hadn't confessed her love to him. It had been curiosity, just what he had been feeling too. He hadn't realized how scared he had been she would tell him that they could only be lovers or nothing.

“I don't think I want anything to change,” he finally got out. “I want us to be like before.” 

Eva studied him for a long moment. She did look a bit sad to him, but then again, they were also kind of settling a fight. Maybe the entire conversation was simply getting to her. 

“I expected you to say that,” she admitted. “You didn't seem too happy about Friday.” 

Isak began to pick at a fray thread hanging from the sleeve of his T-Shirt. 

“I should have talked to you. Or, like, not ignored you,” he mumbled. “I realized I didn't want to, and then I didn't know how to tell you without hurting you.” 

“It's okay if we're friends, Isak. You don't have to justify that.” 

“I wanted to try, though. I wanted it to work, it just... I don't think it would.”

“That's okay.”

“I feel like I used you.” 

Eva gave a small laugh. “Why? If anything I feel like I pushed you.”

“Can we just,” Isak got up from his chair, throwing his hands in the air, “I don't know, forget about it? We tried, and now we know? Back to what it was like before?” 

“I don't think it'll be that easy, but it sounds good to me.” Eva scooted towards the edge of the bed, sitting on her knees, her arms outstretched. When he hugged her, a rush of appreciation for her hit him. He pulled her in closer, glad to not have to think about whether it was too close anymore. They would be just fine. 

 

...

 

When Isak rushed downstairs on Monday morning, not as tired as he had been last week but still too late, he found that Magnus and Jonas had waited for him today. Maybe they felt like they had to make some things up to him. To Isak's surprise, Even was with them, leaning against his bike casually. Isak smiled at him first. 

They cycled to the rink together and Isak could feel the looks his friends gave him when he started talking to Even about the private practices he planned to schedule this week. Jonas merely seemed slightly confused while Magnus full on stared at Isak, silently begging for an explanation as to what had changed ever since last week. Isak ignored them and instead managed to fall behind and cycle next to Even entirely. 

“We can start tonight after practice. Just one on ones. We can't afford another game like Saturday.” 

“Okay, cool,” Even simply agreed. His face was still bruised, looking worse than it had yesterday. 

Isak asked: “Are you gonna be fine playing with William today?” 

“Are you? You're the one whose career is gonna end early due to some scrimmage gone wrong. William stays away from me on the ice.” 

“I'll figure it out,” Isak said curtly. He knew William was a problem, but now that Even kept bringing it up, he was reminded of just how personal his problem with Isak seemed to be. Isak liked to forget about that fact and simply write William off as a basket case, but Even was right. He did target Isak more than anyone else. 

Even grew quiet once they reached the rink. He stayed with them during their workout but didn't exactly make an effort to be included in their conversation. Granted, they mainly discussed some couple they all knew from their time spent at Nissen which made Even lose interest in them rather quickly. Still, Isak ended up spending almost the entire day with him as their chemistry class followed their gym session and they only parted for their other classes and lunch until they found themselves in the locker room for their afternoon practice. 

It went better than it had during the game. Isak wasn't entirely satisfied with their practice, but then again, he never was. There was always something that was nagging at him, a voice in the back of his head that told him which movements had to be faster, how he should have just taken his shot rather than going for the pass, how his backhand had been off today. Still, he and Even started to get used to each other. There were a few moments during the scrimmage in which they clicked. It only happened a handful of times, but Isak started to get a feeling for where Even was on the ice, what he was planning to do next, how he could react to it before it had even happened. During the last few weeks he had gotten glimpses of how they could work together every now and then, but today it felt less out of reach than before.

Isak was fairly happy once the rest of his team left the ice, but Even seemed distracted yet again. He had played just fine, but he didn't seem as relaxed as he had this morning. 

“What's wrong?” Isak asked as they took their break and waited for the other players to clear out. They were alone on the ice now, leaning against the boards at the home bench to drink, watching the last few Seadogs being lectured by Coach in the tunnel that let to the locker room, out of ear shot. 

“Nothing.” Even's reply came so fast, Isak knew he hadn't given it any thought. He raised an eyebrow at him. Was this the end of their truce? Had it lasted two whole days before Even became unbearable and moody yet again? 

“Can 'nothing' stay off the ice? Otherwise, talk. I want this to work out, I'm not wasting my time with your temper anymore.” 

Even gave him a long look. The kind that he was giving him rather often lately. As if he was judging Isak, trying to figure him out. Isak could only stare right back at him. 

“I had to listen to Coach yell about Saturday before practice. Wasn't nice,” Even finally admitted. “It can stay off the ice.” 

“You deserve it. I stayed with you that evening, but you know I'm on Coach's side.” 

“Which is exactly why I said 'nothing' instead,” Even groaned, putting his mouthguard back in. “I know it was wrong, it's not like I enjoyed it much.” 

“Then what's your problem? You fucked up, Coach let you know. Move on.” Isak put on his gloves and threw the water bottle he had been holding onto the bench behind him. Even gave him another weird look and skated off, taking a puck with him to the centre line. It was only when Isak watched him shoot it at the goal from there with a ferocity that gave him goosebumps that he remembered the glimpse he had gotten at Even's issues. Maybe Coach raising his voice at him was more significant to him than it was to Isak. 

Feeling slightly guilty, Isak skated off towards him with another puck. “Do you want to start with one on ones?”

“No. Let's do passes instead.” 

With that, Even was off, making Isak chase him for a while before they settled into a fast pattern of back and forth passes, interweaving their paths on the ice. They would need another player to really benefit from extra practice, but Isak was convinced that the main reason they didn't work out was because of their issues off the ice. They needed to spend more time together, so he was fine with a slightly futile practice session for now. Adding more players added potential to aggravate Even and make his mood tumble. What Isak wanted right now was to finally get Even to trust him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!! I promise there will be kisses soooon! <3
> 
> WARNING: mentions of sexual abuse.

Isak's legs were trembling when they finally left the ice and headed for the locker room. He was smiling to himself, enjoying the physical exhaustion, the ache in his tired muscles, the prospect of a long shower with no teammates rushing him. He listened to Even tell him about the drills he had done with the Sharks while he took off his gear and spread it out on the floor in front of him to dry. 

Isak began to realize just how much easier it was to get along with Even when they were alone. Easier, but still not without Even stalling and pulling tape off his stick rather than following Isak into the showers. He took off his jersey, chest guard, and skates but then remained on the bench in front of his locker, legs spread wide, his sweaty hair falling into his slightly flushed face.

It shouldn't make a difference to Isak, but he felt disappointed when he left Even behind and moved towards the showers on his own. He would have thought Even trusted him enough by now to take off his goddamn clothes. Not that it mattered. It was simply inconvenient, since they had to leave together to lock up the doors, and this way Isak would have to wait for him to get ready. 

When he stepped back into the changing room, a towel wrapped loosely around his waist, Even had undressed down to his boxers and a skin tight, long sleeved under armour shirt. The last two weeks Isak hadn't paid much attention to either his habits or his abs. Now, he had to swallow hard to shake off his suspicions about Even which were yet again confirmed by his refusal to take off his clothes. He also had to try not to stare at Even, to not make him more uncomfortable than he already was, but he failed yet again. 

He didn't know what it was about him that made him so much more interesting than his other teammates. Maybe it was the fact that he couldn't figure Even out, that he had to try so much harder to get along with him than he had to with anybody else. But it was also the fact that Even's smile was showing more often now, at least when they were alone with each other, and it made Isak feel nervous. All the unanswered questions about Even were bubbling in his head, paired with the realization that Even was decidedly more handsome than any of last year's rookies. Isak was bound to stare at him when he was sat just in his underwear, his shirt sticking to his chest. 

“What took you so long?” Even joked and moved to finally take off his shirt. As if he couldn't have just joined Isak. 

Isak shrugged. “First empty shower in a while.” He turned away from Even when he dropped his towel and reached for his boxers. When he turned back around, the elastic snapping against his hips, he saw Even's suggestively raised eyebrows, his slow smirk, and he gave a short laugh. “Yeah, not that.” 

Even made a non distinct voice, still smiling. Then he grabbed his towel and headed towards the showers, still in his underwear. Isak looked after him and pulled his sweatpants out of his bag more forcefully than necessary. No more staring at Even. It was getting weird.

 

...

 

They didn't immediately get a chance to repeat their extra practice on Wednesday even though Even was in a surprisingly good mood during their regular hour on the ice. He seemed to move past his incident on Saturday and whatever that night had triggered in him and started to seek out company slightly more often than before. Really, he only sought out Isak who pretended not to notice and instead revelled in pride silently. During their scrimmage, Isak finally scored his first goal this season. It was a nice one as well, one that Even played no small part in, and when they bumped their gloves together, Isak could see him smiling wider than he ever had. 

Once they were done, Isak expected Even and him to stay behind yet again, but instead Even was pulled over by Coach as the rest of the team left the ice. Isak skated a few rounds so his body wouldn't cool off entirely and did a couple of penalty shots before he realized they weren't having a regular conversation. From afar, it looked like Coach was consoling Even, as he had placed a hand on his shoulder, still standing as far away from him as possible, his arm entirely outstretched to reach him. Isak didn't think twice before he skated over to where they were stood near the tunnel that led towards the locker room. When he stepped off the ice, he was close enough to understand what Coach was saying. 

“I'm sorry it's sooner than you had planned, but I can't change the schedule. Is there anything you need?”

“What's wrong?” Isak asked. He unclasped his helmet and took a good look at Even, trying to judge his mood. He seemed upset. Not angry just yet, but on the brink of it, like he was fighting an inner battle, trying to look indifferent when really something was bothering him. 

Coach cleared his throat before he answered. He sounded apologetic. 

“You're going to play the Sharks this Saturday instead of the Seahawks, there were some scheduling conflicts. It's not convenient for us to face them this early in the season but we will have to.” 

“It's still a home game?” Isak looked at Even while he spoke. He was staring at his skates, seemingly bored, but Isak could see his shoulders trembling slightly. 

“It is. I will tell the rest of the team right now, I just wanted to catch you first, Even. Come talk to me if I can be of any help.” 

Isak waited until Coach was out of earshot before he started talking. “So...,” he said, not really knowing what Even needed from him. “Have you been in contact with any of the Sharks ever since you left?” 

Even shook his head. “Not really. I still talk to Mikael Overlie every now and then, that's it.” 

“Are you gonna be alright? Must be weird to face them after...,” Isak broke off again. He didn't know for sure what had happened so he couldn't really be of any help. He knew Mikael was Even's old D-partner, but he wasn't sure whether Even wanted him to comment on it so he didn't. It was always good to be safe with Even.

“Yeah,” Even made, grabbing his stick that leaned against the home bench. “Just wish we had a chance to beat them.” 

“We do.” It was an automatic reply. Isak knew as much as Even did that their chances were slim. “We've had a good practice today.”

“You scored a goal, but we also got four in. And we're not gonna play William who gets distracted by pretty fights. The Sharks have Yousef Acar back this season. They put him on their first line with Mahdi Disi, it'll be hell for us.” 

Isak knew the players Even was talking about, he had played against them last season. Not Yousef, their captain, as he had been injured, but Mahdi. Together they were easily the best players on the Sharks’ roster now that Even was gone. Isak would enjoy playing against him if he hadn't walked off the ice a sore loser after every single encounter they had had so far. 

“You never know,” he offered. “It might be unlikely that we sweep them off the ice but you can't think like that. Maybe we'll just get that one goal that counts, force them into overtime, throw them off. Who knows.” 

Even stepped back onto the ice in a swift movement and turned around immediately to face Isak as he skated backwards slowly. 

“They don't have a coach right now. Maybe that'll mess with their heads,” he admitted, and it was only then that Isak remembered that fact. 

“That's good.” He followed Even onto the ice. 

Even gave a short smile but it didn't reach his eyes, as it never did when he talked about the Sharks.

“That's good, yes. You know, I wouldn't play if he was here.” 

 

...

 

It shouldn't have taken Isak long to fall asleep that evening. He was back to his regular schedule of hockey and classes that hardly left time for anything other than squeezing in his homework and spending a few hours a week with Eva and Vilde. Usually, his eyes would fall shut immediately after a day like this that had included extra practice as well, but he didn't feel tired. He kept rolling around in bed, thinking about Even and the upcoming game.

Even was just another rookie, but still Isak's life seemed to revolve around him ever since he had joined the Seadogs. Isak couldn't even tell anymore whether he actually spent an unnatural amount of time with Even or whether he simply thought about him too often. But whatever it was, Even seemed to be everywhere lately.

Right now, Isak pondered over what it would mean for Even to face his old team after being led down by them, after falling out with the people he had recently called his best friends, his family. If the prospect of the game was stressful for Isak, it sure as hell was torture for Even. He had thrown himself into their one on one practice earlier, but it had been obvious what he had been thinking about. Isak wished he could somehow help him, but there was nothing he could think of. Eventually he got up, put on some sweatpants and a T-Shirt, and made his way to the kitchen for something to drink. 

To his surprise, he found Vilde standing in front of the open fridge, staring at its contents pensively. 

“Halla,” Isak said carefully, but she still jumped, slamming the door of the fridge shut in a haste which left both of them in the dark. Isak moved towards the light switch and turned on the ceiling light. 

“Can't sleep?” he asked. Vilde looked the same as him, dressed thoughtlessly in a pink bathrobe. 

“No,” she admitted. 

She looked like a deer in the headlights and Isak had to remind himself to tread carefully when he asked: “Did you want a snack? I could go for some scrambled eggs.” 

Vilde's eyes widened even further and she shook her head. “No. We can't eat at midnight, Isak.”

“Are you hungry?” 

Vilde bit her lip, shaking her head yet again. 

“Have you had dinner?” 

Another denial. “How is your season going so far? Even says you're a really good player, better than him even. He said you'll definitely play professionally after college, so it can't be too bad, right? Losing one game doesn't mean you'll lose another one!”

She was rambling, distracting him, and Isak could tell. As often as he was confused by Vilde, sometimes she was also being painfully obvious. He walked towards the fridge and grabbed a couple of eggs. 

“What else has Even said about me?” 

Vilde watched him carefully for a few moments, then she sat down at the dinner table. 

“Not much. He likes you the most, though. He said you're a good captain.” 

There it was again. More confusing information about Even. More that he had said or done that just didn't make any sense. Isak grabbed a pan, put in some oil, and turned on the stove. 

“If he likes me the most, how come he also fights me the most?” Vilde didn't reply straight away and for a minute he only stared at the oil heating up in front of him, then he turned around. “Has Even been abused by his former coach?” 

The denial Isak had desperately hung on to was smashed by the terrified look on Vilde's face. She didn't even need to say anything for him to know that he had been right. 

Suspecting it and knowing of its truthfulness shouldn't feel so entirely different, but it did. Isak's mind went blank for a second, then he turned off the heat of the stove and leaned against the counter. He felt like his legs would give in if he didn't hold on to it. 

Even. Objectively Isak knew that it was a stupid thing to think, but he couldn't help it. Even was taller than him, stronger, he played hockey, he knew how to fight, knew how to defend himself. It was Isak's first thought, but then he threw it away. It didn't matter. There had obviously been a way in which it had happened and it wasn't Isak's place to question it.

“His coach?” he managed to ask again. His voice sounded raspy all of a sudden, as if he hadn't spoken for days.

Vilde gave a slow nod. “I didn't tell you,” she whispered. “You already knew, right? It wasn't me.”

“No, I figured it out.” He wanted to ask why, how, when, but he knew it wasn't right to talk about it with Vilde. If anything, he would have to ask Even. Which would never happen, because Even would probably lose it if he ever brought it up. Isak wouldn't hold it against him, either. 

“That's why he fights you. Or did, in the beginning. You're an authority figure, you're his captain. You're close to your coach, you're even friends with him. It's difficult for him to trust anyone involved with your team after the Sharks. And he’s incredibly unhappy here.” 

Isak nodded. Of course it was hard for Even to trust him. Of course he wouldn't jump into the showers with them, wouldn't tolerate William's body contact on the ice. Of course he had lost his mind last weekend in the lobby. 

“But Coach knows?” he asked. 

“Yes. But no one else I think, so please, please don't bring it up.” 

“I won't.” Isak wouldn't even know how. It changed everything, every movement on the ice, every stupid joke off of it. “Just... Is he okay? I mean, it obviously isn't fine, but... Is he going to be? Does he talk to you about it?” 

“Not ever since he told me. But can you see how I trust him, now? How I think you should, too? He told me his greatest secret, he said that he needed someone to know if he was going to stay here. He's been so honest with me from the very beginning, so trusting, but that's because I'm not a Seadog, I'm not involved in any of this.” 

It was too much to take in. Isak got up again and continued making his eggs to keep his mind from going wild. He felt like punching something. 

“When the Sharks fired their coach last weekend, why was that?” he asked.

“I haven't talked to Even yet, he was so busy with hockey. I really don't know.” 

“They better fucking kill him.” Isak cracked the eggs into the pan, his heart racing fast. He heard Vilde getting up and then felt her hug him from behind. For a second he was startled at her affection, then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

So now he knew. He knew, and he wouldn't be able to say anything to Even about it. Isak didn't know how he was going to face him tomorrow without Even picking up on the fact that something had changed. 

He concentrated on the food and then ate his half of it in silence. Vilde ended up sharing with him and he gave her a smile. 

“Have you bought skates yet?” he finally asked. There was no way he would forget about what he had just learned, but right now he needed to clear his head.


	19. Chapter 19

While the thought of facing Even kept Isak up all night, it ended up being surprisingly easy the next morning. They weren't alone, as they cycled with Jonas and Magnus again, and Even was mostly talking to Magnus about the KHL preseason, so Isak was given some time to gather his thoughts. He spent most of their gym session with Jonas, doing partner work outs, and was glad to realize that he didn't hold a grudge against him anymore. 

From the corner of his eye, Isak watched Even pushing weights with his legs for a while, listening to music and still talking to no one. Isak smiled at him when he looked over, maybe a bit too widely. Even raised his eyebrows and a slow answering smile that made Isak's heart beat faster spread across his face. 

During their practice that evening, Even seemed more determined than he had before. He was always energetic on the ice, but apparently the prospect of facing the Sharks made him even more aggressive. It looked good on him. 

They couldn't have their extra practice that night as their hour on the ice was followed up by that of the second division, but Isak made sure to take his time in the locker room after his shower, watching his teammates clear out one after the other until he was alone with Even again. 

“Let's talk about Saturday,” he said as soon as the door had fallen shut for the last time. Even began taking off his sportswear immediately, most of his gear was already on the ground in front of him. 

“What's there to talk about? Do you want to go over the line changes again?” 

Isak could tell that Even was well aware of what he had meant and that he was making him work for it. 

“Come on, don't be a dick,” he groaned. “You can't go through the season without ever talking to anyone.” 

Judging by the look Even gave him it seemed like that was exactly what he was planning on doing. Isak stared him down until Even dropped his sweaty shirt to the ground and pushed his hair out of his face in frustration.

“I don't know,” he said. “I don't want to see any of them ever again, but that's not gonna happen so I'm going to have to suck it up.” He sank back onto the bench in front of his stall and took off his wet socks almost in slow motion, one after the other. 

Isak felt weirdly out of his element. He hadn't been chosen as captain for no reason, he had had these kinds of conversations plenty of times in the past, but when it came to Even he was in over his head. What the hell was he supposed to say to him? Especially now that he knew things he wasn't supposed to know. Things that changed everything entirely. 

“Even,” he began, “sucking it up is not gonna help the team. You can trust me, don't make this so difficult. You can't keep pretending you're alone in all of this. I get that being here isn't what you wanted and all, and I get why you wouldn't be happy, but stop making it worse. Talk to me, I'm serious.” 

“It's not about you.” Even threw his socks into his bag but didn't go for his leggings. “You're the one I'd talk to first if it came down to it, okay?”

Isak swallowed hard at his words in order to stay calm. This wasn't about his stupid infatuation with Even, it was about him. 

“Then why don't you?”

Even gave him another one of his long looks that Isak struggled to return this time. He had just taken his shower but he somehow felt hot all over again. 

“Because you're the only one here that's worth sticking around for. And if we talk about these things then you'll start asking questions and that'll ruin it.” 

“Ruin what?” Isak felt on edge suddenly, like even though they weren't talking about the Sharks game, Even was instead offering him a different kind of truth. A dangerous one that made Isak's stomach tingle with something like anticipation, although he didn't know what for. 

“Ruin us?” Even said like it was obvious. It wasn't to Isak, but he wasn't going to push it. “Anyway, there's nothing you can do about tomorrow, okay? It'll suck but it'll stay off the ice this time. Promise.”

Isak only gave him a questioning look. “If it's that easy then why didn't you make that choice last weekend? It's obviously more complicated than that.” 

“I've seen your dopey face after we lost and I don't want to ever see it again,” Even shrugged. 

The tingles in Isak's stomach turned into full on butterflies. 

“Pretty sure your face looked worse after that game day,” he mumbled. It made Even give a small laugh that sounded like an agreement. 

Just to have something to do Isak reopened his locker and studied its contents for a second before closing it again and putting on his jacket. He started to realize that Even wouldn't continue getting ready before he was gone. 

“There's one thing you can do.” 

Isak was already headed for the door that lead into the hallway when Even spoke. He turned around, waiting for his request. 

Even regarded him with his most charming smile, almost viscous in its persuasive power. “Help me score a goal on them.” 

Isak didn't have to think twice. “Done.” 

 

...

 

“Tell me who took it up the ass first so I'll know where to break their defence like I'm playing a girl!”

“Shut the fuck up!” 

William's words were directed at Even, but the force with which Isak pushed against William's chest suggested it was personal. He didn’t even think before his shove made them both lose their footing on the ice for a second. 

“One more word and I'll make sure you're off the fucking ice,” Isak hissed as he pushed against William once more for good measure and let go of his jersey. He could already hear Coach yell at him from the sidelines. 

It was only their warm up, but all the adrenaline that Isak had been lacking last week had hit him twice as hard the second he had stepped onto the ice. He wasn't going to let his team down again. He could see the tension on all of their faces as he skated around them, but looking at Even pained him physically. His face was a solid mask, unrevealing. In the locker room he had seemed nervous, distracted even, and Isak had already let himself be infected by it and doubted himself, but seeing Even turn entirely emotionless within seconds on the ice had pulled him out of it. He was going to let Even score tonight. 

Isak had never particularly liked the Sharks, given that they were their strongest opponent, but knowing what he knew about them now made hot anger boil in his stomach and his first warm up shot on the goal came at Jonas so hard he cursed at him. Isak stopped just short of the boards and got in line again. Unavoidably, he took in the Sharks on the other half of the ice again once he faced them. They were doing a fast skating drill rather than simple shots on the goal, showing off their stamina. 

Isak skated hard once he got to the beginning of the queue again. How could they have simply given up on Even? Whatever had happened, however crazy it might have sounded to them, he had been their teammate. The realization of their betrayal hadn't really sunk in before, but once Isak had spotted more than a few quickly turned heads when Even had stepped onto the ice right in front of him, it had hit him hard. 

After his next shot on the goal, he reached the boards behind it almost in time with Even who bumped his shoulder into his for only a second before getting in line behind him. 

Isak turned around, thinking he maybe had something to say, but instead of talking to him Even only stared him down, giving him a silent thank you. Isak would take it up with William any time if it made Even finally trust him. The overhead alarm went off to signal the end of their warm up time and Isak and Even headed off the ice together, closer to each other than it was necessary, shoulders almost touching. 

They stood together while Coach gave them one last speech in the locker room that got them hyped up, and for once Isak was glad that his close proximity to Even made him inexplicitly nervous the way it did. It would all help him on the ice tonight. Any emotion that he could get rid of by skating faster was just more fuel to him. 

As their captain, Isak was obliged to give a few last words, and so they all got together in a circle, arms around each other. During his little speech about kicking the Sharks’ asses, Isak couldn't help but look at Even again. Magnus held him in a tight grip and Even fidgeted a bit, looking uneasy, but he stayed where he was. He chewed his mouthguard and Isak couldn't help but notice how his eyes were as glued to his as it was the other way around. 

During the last game they had played together, Isak hadn't been bothered to look out for Even. Today it was as if he couldn't turn his awareness of him off anymore. He simply knew where Even was on the ice, knew where he would want him to be, as if they were two parts of the same hockey brain. Isak could feel the tension in the air between the two teams, and he was infected by it, his game becoming more aggressive by the second. During the first period, there were no goals so that during the second both teams grew increasingly more frustrated.

The Sharks' most dangerous forward line consisted of their captain Yousef, Mahdi, and some rookie Isak played against for the first time. All three of them seemed to almost avoid Even on the ice and instead concentrated their combined efforts on breaking through Isak's defence. With every time they failed they became more persistent, and Even ended up on Isak's side of the ice more than he should. While his old teammates outright ignored him, Even began provoking them with increasingly rough bodychecks and shoves which earned him two almost consecutive penalties right before the end of the second period.

When the alarm sounded, Even was still in the penalty box and while the rest of the Seadogs skated towards their home bench, Isak went to pick him up from there, getting a few seconds alone with him. 

“We're doing good, don't lose your shit now,” he panted, out of breath from the intense penalty kill that had just about ended him. “I got them.”

Even gave him an annoyed look but didn't rush to get away from him. Instead, they took their time joining the rest of the team. 

“Being your D-mate is a pain what with the way you attract the offence,” he muttered. “I'm not even playing hockey, all I do is watch your back, making sure William doesn't fucking kill you during scrimmage and now they are...,” he waved his stick roughly towards where the Sharks were stepping off the ice. 

“I know they're targeting me, but that's good. We're gonna use all that space on your right side and move past them. If we wanna score that goddamn goal, you gotta be on the ice for that!”

Isak didn't lose sight of Even, not during the intermission and not after, and so he caught the way his face fell when the Sharks scored on them within the first minute of the third period. Isak and Even weren't on the ice but watched from the home bench as Mikael, Even's old D-Partner, got celebrated, the rest of the team throwing themselves on top of him as he slid along the ice. 

“Get them back!” Isak yelled as he jumped the boards and back onto the ice as soon as it was their shift. He fought even harder than he had during the penalty kill earlier and pushed the Sharks back behind their blue line as soon as he was in possession of the puck. Usually, he would try and take a hard shot at the goal himself at this point, but instead he looked for Even, setting up their game at the blue line with back and forth passes. Even caught the perfect moment in which the Sharks’ defence opened up and slammed his stick down onto the ice, shooting the puck in the upper left corner of the goal. 

Isak could hear cheers erupting around them that were muffled when Even pulled him into a bone crushing hug. Gear slammed against gear and Isak could feel heat and euphoria radiate from Even's body before he broke free and skated towards their side off the ice, waving at the audience before the rest of the team could think of joining their celebration. Isak took their hugs instead, no doubt keeping Magnus from burying Even underneath him. 

His last minutes on the ice were cut short however. With the score being even, the Sharks threw everything they had into their offence, still only heading for Isak's side of the ice whenever he was on it. As Isak fought off Mahdi who tried to manoeuvre the puck around him, he could see Even approaching them, offering his help. Isak managed to move his struggle with Mahdi forward but leave the puck behind for Even to collect. From his peripheral vision he could see Even picking it up which meant he now had Yousef and the rookie at his back. 

Isak moved towards them before he could think. All that mattered was that the Sharks’ rookie had his stick up too high and that he was headed for Even, ready to crush him into the boards to clear Yousef's way towards the goal. Isak threw himself forwards and between them, but as he pushed against the rookie, something hard hit him across the eye and he went down, seeing only stars. He wasn't in too much pain at first, but it hit him after he was already crouching on the ice, taking his gloves off frantically to bring his hands up to his face. 

He could hear music playing which meant the game had been interrupted, he could tell that sticks were flying onto the ice somewhere behind him, people were yelling around him but he couldn't make out any words. Then Even was crouching in front of him. His gloves were off, he was grabbing his wrists and pulling his hands away from his face. 

“It's not your eye, it's your cheek. You'll be fine.” He sounded almost dismissive of his pain, but it was exactly what Isak needed to hear to soothe his approaching panic. Just a bruise then. Sometimes, when he couldn't tell where the pain came from, whether he was bleeding or not, when all he knew was that something was wrong with his face, his brain went into frantic panic mode. What if he wouldn't be able to play anymore? What if he lost an eye? Even's reassurance wasn't calm, but it was reassurance nonetheless. 

Isak got up, holding on to Even's arm, and headed towards Eskild who was waiting for him at the home bench. People slapped his back in empathy on his way there, but it was Even who didn't let go of him until one of the referees joined them and started to push them apart, making sure Isak got off the ice and Even onto the home bench. 

“What happened?” Isak had to ask as Eskild started pushing some cool cloth into his face after a quick look at his face. He felt dizzy. 

“High stick got you in the face.” It wasn't Eskild's voice but Coach talking to him. “What the hell were you doing?”

Isak had to think hard for a second to remember and when he did, he decided he'd rather not tell. 

“I thought I could get to the puck,” he lied, but it was better than admitting that all he had cared about was keeping that rookie off of Even's back. Playing the Sharks was hard enough for Even as it was, he didn't need to be attacked from behind and trapped between a large body and the boards. Let alone the fact that anyone approaching with a high stick didn't intend to go for the puck. 

“Is he off the ice?” Isak asked, meaning the rookie.

“He got his penalty,” Coach confirmed. “Even is dominating our power play.” 

Isak wanted to turn around to face the game, but Eskild wouldn't let him. “There's only thirty seconds left, sit it out. You won't do much good.” 

“I wanna see, not play,” Isak protested and Eskild finally let him turn, still pressing the cloth onto his now numb skin. 

Isak became aware of the audience getting louder around him and he immediately knew why. It wasn't hard to figure out that Even was back on the ice. In fact, he was all anyone looked at. The last few seconds of the game saw nothing but his attempts towards the goal, passing back and forth with Magnus now that Isak was gone. Isak knew he was good, but even with one eye covered by ice he could tell that this was some next level. With only two seconds to go Even broke through the Sharks’ defence and finally scored, but the overhead buzzer was already sounding. It didn't count. 

Even had been thrown onto the ice during his last shot and stayed there for a few seconds. Isak could see his heavy breathing even from the sidelines. He prayed he would have the sense to get up before the Seadogs were all over him. He did. He was back on his skates and Isak lost sight of him as the team crowded around him as if his last goal had counted. The game would go into overtime, but the team still celebrated, patting him on the back in congratulation. 

Isak smiled at his team as they spilled off the ice and included him in their helmet patting and hugging. They hadn't expected to make it to overtime against the Sharks, especially with the way their season had gone so far. It was more than they had hoped for. Isak embraced Jonas who laughed and gave an exasperated sigh when he took in his bruised face, but he looked for Even over his friend's shoulder. He only just caught sight of the back of his jersey with the 28 as he headed towards the locker room for the brief intermission.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it finally is! I wanted to wait until tomorrow to post it but your comments and kudos and tumblr asks make me so so happy, I want to share this with you !!! <3

The Sharks scored a goal on them in the first minute of the overtime. Isak found himself back on the ice for it, but there was nothing he could do. They had still managed to get a point today when they had expected to go home with none, though. Once Eskild allowed Isak to join the rest of the Seadogs in the locker room, Even was already gone. 

“He didn't even shower, just dropped his gear and left,” Jonas explained to him when Isak asked. The wide smile on his face showed that the team's new found love for Even only went so far, as none of the other guys seemed to care much either. At least Jonas added: “Shit, that last minute of the third period? He's crazy! Had you been there he would have for sure scored in time.” 

“Who went in for me?” Isak asked, leaning his back against his locker. The Seadogs around him had started singing about beer and it made his head pound. 

“Elias. He might as well have stayed off though, Even outright ignored him.” Jonas gave a laugh at that and then took a beer from Magnus, chugging the whole can to the euphoric chanting of the rest of them. 

The team celebrated as if they had just won the season. Isak guessed they had just needed a reason to do so, after their awful take off this season, but as glad as he was to join their drinking game in the showers (chug the beer until the automatic water timer goes off), he also really needed to go see Even. Before the game he might have told himself that it was his duty as captain, but by now he knew it was more than that. He cared about Even in a weird way, and after tonight he wasn't going to go out with the Seadogs and leave him behind. 

Once he got out of the showers, even more dizzy than before from drinking too much in a short amount of time, he searched for Even's number in the Seadogs group chat before even getting dressed. 

“where r u?” He asked and then hit ‘send’ without thinking about it. If Even didn't want to see him he could simply ignore his text. 

“Fuck, Isak, nice assist!” Chris beamed at him, much to Isak's surprise. “And nice bruises,” he added, not even in a rude way. Isak took his fist bump, and he could see William scowling about it in the background before reaching for another can of beer. 

Isak's phone vibrated with a notification just as Coach entered the locker room together with Eskild, joining their cheers. 

“home. left the door open.” Even had texted, and Isak was quick to get dressed. He had to endure a last check up by Eskild who made sure that the high stick had indeed only caused some swelling and an aggressive bruise, but then he was out of the locker room without saying goodbye. He didn't feel like explaining his reasons for leaving the team behind and heading home early when the rest of them was undoubtedly planning to go out. 

He sent a quick text to the group chat saying he felt dizzy and would go lay down, accompanied by the trophy and the beer emoji, and replied with “thanks” to Eva's cheerful congratulations that made his phone vibrate again. Then he got onto his bike and cycled home, more slowly than he wanted to. His headache hadn't been a lie and was now accompanied by a light buzz. 

The door to Even's flat wasn't locked, just like he had said. It was new to think of it as Even's flat and not Jonas' or Magnus', but it was outright weird to make his way over to Even's room instead of the ones he was used to. He gave a sharp knock and was greeted by Even within a heartbeat. 

His hair was wet and so was part of his T-Shirt that stuck to his not properly dried off chest. He wore the same dark sweatpants as Isak did, only with the 28 on the left thigh. Just looking at him made Isak nervous. Not because he looked more handsome than ever, but because he was clearly agitated, a feeling that quickly became mutual. 

Even opened the door for him, stared at Isak's bruised face for a second, and then turned around abruptly to go stand near the window just like he had the last time his body had trembled with anxiety. He didn't seem quite that upset now, but his shoulders still bore enough tension for Isak to linger around the door instead of approaching him. 

“You were great,” he finally broke the silence. “I know you're used to winning but this is an amazing outcome for us.” 

Even turned around at that. “We could have won had we scored in the first period. That would have confused them enough.” He was distracted though, and his voice didn't carry much conviction. Isak could see how he had to bite his lower lip to keep it from trembling. His gaze lingered on Isak's bruised face. 

“There will be another game and we'll win it.” 

“I'll let you score then. You deserve it.” 

It wasn't even a real compliment, just hockey talk, but Isak still felt his pulse pick up. What the hell was wrong with him? Why did everything Even said make him nervous as if it somehow counted twice as much as anyone else's words? 

“You have better chances, if they keep avoiding you like that,” he said matter of factly. “They probably wouldn't even try to stop you.” Isak hoped Even would elaborate and finally talk if he brought the game up directly but he didn't, so Isak went on. “I can tell you're not fine. Just drop the act already.”

“I know you can tell,” Even was quick to answer. “And I wonder why. Why does it matter to you? We played a good game, you should go and celebrate. My shit stayed off the ice enough so that we made it to overtime, that's kind of what you wanted.” 

Isak would have pushed Even hard against the window sill in frustration had he not known that it would ruin everything they had built within a single second. 

“You can't be one person on the ice and another one off of it, you know that as much as I do. It won't work in the long run.” Isak didn't push Even, but he did move to stand next to him now. “It's not only about hockey,” he added without thinking about it. “Your friends fucked you over but you can't go on trusting no one at all. You'll need someone on this team and I...,” he broke off. It was going to sound too sappy, even for him. 

To Isak's surprise, Even made a step towards him so that they were stood right in front of each other. When he lifted his left arm and placed a single finger on Isak's bruised cheek, Isak's heart almost skipped a beat. He didn't follow anymore, his brain was being emptied simply by the close proximity to Even that he suddenly found himself in. The fact that it had been Even who had closed the distance would have made Isak's chest swell with pride, had he not felt entirely paralysed. 

“You messed up your face for me. Again,” Even said, quietly. “How can you say those things? How are you here and not out with the guys when I've been a selfish ass on the ice again? You could've scored yourself but instead you dedicated your entire game to me. I held you back tonight and you're telling me you don't care? That's not how you work, I've got that much figured out about you, Isak. You care about hockey first.” 

It took Isak a second to realize it was his turn to speak. When he did, his voice sounded strangely weak, even to him. 

“That's not even true. I care about the team. And I didn't mess up my face for you,” was all he could come up with. Even's fingers tracing feather light lines across his cheek were too distracting. He had planned on confronting Even with the obvious way he suppressed seeing the Sharks again, playing against rather than with them, but he lost his train of thought. 

Even gave a little huff. “Of course you did. You checked that rookie so he wouldn't check me. After lecturing me about doing the same for you the other day, I might add. I just don't get why.” 

He dropped his hand and Isak took a deep breath that made him realize he had been holding it in.

“You're too much of a nice guy,” he mumbled, sarcasm dripping from his raspy voice. “Gotta watch out for you.” 

Even laughed silently, but he went back to being serious too quickly. 

“You figured out I can't deal with body contact,” he stated, and it hung in the tense air between them for quite a while in which Isak fidgeted and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. 

“Wasn't that hard to figure out,” he finally said. 

Even made a vague sound that might have been agreement or protest, but he only said “thank you”. Then, after another minute of silence, he added: “You're the best thing the Seadogs have to offer, you know that? And I'm not talking hockey.” 

Isak had to swallow hard against the actual, physical sickness that overtook his stomach. He felt like he had to say something, anything to lighten the mood, but he could only stare up at Even, his mouth probably hanging open. 

“I'm seriously sorry for all the shit I've put you through. I'll try harder, I promise. There's some stuff I gotta figure out, but I will. I said this before, but it's not your fault. You're the best captain I've ever had.” 

He was still in Isak's space, even though he had dropped his hand. Isak cleared his throat rather noisily. His head was spinning and he was certain it wasn't due to the stick to the head or the beer he had had. For a second he wanted to deny being a good captain since he knew better, but he pushed the thought away. It didn't matter. 

“Take all the time you need,” he whispered instead. He didn't mean to, but his voice betrayed him. “I'm with you, I said that before, too.” 

The look on Even's face became almost pained at that. Isak could have sworn that his eyes turned glossy right before he closed them for too long to count as blinking. 

“I want to let you in, Isak. It's just really fucking hard. I...,” he took a deep breath and leaned in instead of continuing his sentence. His nose brushing Isak's cheek was more than he could have ever said, though. Isak stood still, his heart thumping loudly in his chest, no longer racing but going almost too slow. He stopped breathing altogether when he felt Even's lips press a light kiss to his injured upper cheek, right below his eye. 

Even's hands moved to his waist, and Isak knew it was to be in control of this, to keep Isak at a distance, but the touch still sent goosebumps through his entire body. That, and the feeling of Even's lips moving lower, across his cheekbone and down to the corner of his mouth. They weren't real kisses anymore, just a slow drag of lips and hot breath on his skin that was tingling with the sensation. Isak's arms hung uselessly at his sides, his lips were still slightly parted, he didn't remember how to move, to reach out for Even and touch him back. 

The only thing his body didn't forget how to do was to close his eyes once he felt Even's lips on his. Ever since Even had shown up in Oslo he had been all hard edges, a constant misshapen worry on Isak's mind. But his lips were soft, reassuring. Isak felt a dull sensation of panic, his brain trying desperately to send the signal that would make his body run, break away from the press of lips that didn't move against his, just rested there for a long second, but he kicked the door to his thoughts shut. Something clicked, something suddenly made sense. This was why Even was different.

It took Isak too long to react, too long to decide that kissing Even was exactly what he wanted. He only realized how badly he needed Even's lips to stay when they broke apart too soon. Even didn't step back so Isak could've easily reached out for him, but his body still felt numb while at the same time he was overly aware of how his skin was heating up and goosebumps formed on his arms and neck. Finally, it was Even who spoke. 

“Stay over again?” he asked, his voice deeper than usual but a lot more gathered than Isak's would undoubtedly be if he answered. Knowing this, Isak merely nodded. He didn't even think it through, he just knew that once he left the room, the reality of what had just happened would crash down on him and he wasn't ready to face it yet. He still waited for the panic that was lingering somewhere deep inside him to kick in, but it didn't. Instead, he felt calm, the same way he had felt in the hotel room they had shared. 

Isak could feel Even's eyes on him and he eventually managed to meet them, taking in Even's somewhat curious look. There was a small smile playing on his lips and the way he studied his face now seemed almost fondly. 

“Are you okay?” Isak asked before Even could, his voice indeed quivering. Even broke out into a wide grin and lifted his hands back up, this time to wrap them loosely around Isak's neck. 

“Am I okay? You're the one who looks ready to faint.” 

“Yeah, well,” Isak said, trying hard to bring some life back into his body, but the touch of Even's fingers was distracting him yet again. “You're the one who said body contact wasn't your thing, so...,” he brought up his own hand to gesture vaguely in between them. Even caught his wrist and placed Isak's hand on his chest in a slow movement, almost as if to prove a point. 

“This is different,” he insisted. He looked like he wanted to add something, an explanation of sorts, but he never did. Instead, he looked down at Isak's hand splayed out on his chest and Isak followed his gaze. He could feel Even's heart beating faster than he would have thought, judging by his otherwise calm attitude. Knowing what he did about Even, he didn't dare to even move a finger.

“Do you want to just go to bed? We can watch some netflix, have some food.” 

Again Isak only nodded. 

“I'll have a look at your laptop,” he decided and stepped around Even and out of his space. He still refused to leave the room, knowing that he would probably have a minor breakdown in the hallway and end up ditching Even without saying a word. Instead, he took Even's laptop when it was handed to him and started scrolling through Even's ‘to be watched’ list to find something he would be interested in as well. It turned out that for an art student, Even's choice in films was fairly mainstream and Isak ended up clicking some crime drama after he remembered Vilde saying it was something Even was into. 

Even returned a few minutes later with a large plate full of what seemed like leftovers and climbed onto the side of the bed Isak wasn't currently occupying, pulling the duvet from underneath Isak's legs and throwing it over both of them. Isak settled into the pillows as far away from him as he could without having to give up on the warmth of the blanket. Their eyes met when Even placed the plate on the mattress between them, and whatever infatuation that had drawn Isak towards Even before turned physical in a matter of seconds. 

He wanted nothing more than to lean over and connect their lips yet again, or at least cuddle up in Even's arms, even when the thought of it left him breathless with confusion and a hint of shame. He wouldn't even have considered closing the gap between their bodies before Even had shown him what page they were on. Now that it was an option, his thoughts suddenly went wild.

“You've never kissed a guy before, have you?” Even stated rather than asked. Out of the blue, a slow smile back on his face. “Are you freaking out?” 

It shouldn't be surprising that Even could tell, but Isak still felt like he should have done a better job at keeping his composure. Then again, if he wanted Even to trust him, he couldn't be a closed book to him. After a long moment, Isak shook his head no. 

“I haven't. And I'm not.” The second part of it he knew would be a lie once he was out of Even's sight, but Even didn't have to know that. Isak grabbed a fork and dug into the food to avoid having to explain himself, but Even didn't pry. They finished their late dinner and started the film in silence which Isak used to mentally place every bit of his worries into a box and shut it tightly, storing it away for later. This felt too right to walk away from just now, and so he was going to let himself have it. 

Isak only lasted until they were done eating and Even had placed the plate on the night stand before he paused the film and admitted: “I don't wanna watch this.” 

He only realized how suggestive his words would sound to Even when he could see the ghost of a frown crinkling up Even's forehead and he froze in the movement of scooting a tiny bit closer to Isak. 

“I don't mean that,” he blurted out way too fast. “I don't... no, I just mean there's so much I want to ask you and now we're finally talking, I don't to waste this and watch a film.” 

Even visibly relaxed next to him and he grabbed the laptop and placed it on the floor next to him, the smile back on his face in a heartbeat as if the prospect of more kissing hadn't just freaked him out. With the light of the laptop gone, they were left in the dim light of Even's bedside lamp that he had turned to face the wall behind them so it wouldn't reflect on the screen. 

“You've been dying to talk to me? You could have done that all this time, you know that, right?” 

“I don't, actually. You beating up people for asking about your past is not exactly confidence inducing.”

Even sounded genuinely confused. “When did I do that?” 

“Didn't you fall out with William because he asked about the Sharks? Next thing I knew you were throwing punches, so...” 

Even gave an exasperated sigh. “That's what you wanna talk about? I didn't punch him for asking, that just made me stop wanting to be friends with him. I wanted to knock him out because he implied I was going to touch you, you don't remember that?” 

Isak did remember, now that Even reminded him. It also made it just a little bit harder to avoid the giant truth he held about Even that he wasn't supposed to bring up. He already felt like he was lying to him. 

“Did you talk to any of the Sharks today?” he asked, knowing it was just another topic Even wouldn't want to talk about, but he couldn't navigate around all those landmines for ever. 

Even regarded him with another annoyed look, but he replied nonetheless. 

“Mahdi tried after the game. I didn't let him, though.” 

“Why not? Their team doesn't have one brain that controls them all, does it? Maybe some Sharks are actually worth getting in touch with, as weird as it feels saying that.” 

“I don't want to talk about the Sharks, okay?” Even pulled his side of the blanket up to his face like he had back in the hotel room. It made him look more vulnerable, more childlike. 

“Okay,” Isak said. “Tell me about the guy you're kissing on facebook.” He felt like everything he was dying to ask Even about was unsafe territory, including the picture he had seen weeks ago. Unsurprisingly, Even scrunched up his nose at his question. More things he apparently didn't want to discuss. 

“He was just some guy in a bar. We were out celebrating the last game of the season and I got a bit carried away.”

“Just some guy?” The words were out before Isak knew it and they sounded more pathetic than he had intended. Like he was a hurt puppy. 

Even's hand appeared from underneath the blanket to move some strands of blond hair out of Isak's face. 

“Like I said, I got carried away. Can we not talk about this?” 

“What can we talk about?” Isak tried hard not to let his disappointment show. He had told Even to take his time, he couldn't push him now. Underneath the blanket he buried his hand in the fabric of his own shirt to keep himself from reaching out to Even and reciprocate the touch, to let his hands push through the slightly wet strands of Even's hair. 

Isak gave an involuntary gasp when Even's fingers moved lower and back to his neck, lightly scratching the skin there. 

“I'm sorry. Kissing that guy is what started all the shit with the Sharks. How about we just...,” he broke off, his gaze dropping down to Isak's lips. Isak felt the sensation of kissing before Even even leaned over, like being regarded by him like that alone was a caress he was starving for.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love you all to bits <3
> 
> WARNING: Even (briefly) talks about his abuse in this chapter. It's still not very graphic but more so than the previous ones. If you want to skip that part, it's from where Even says "There's not much to tell" until "Isak nodded in agreement" !

Their kiss lasted longer this time. Isak still didn't dare move his hands and instead kept them tangled in his own shirt, but he did press his closed lips against Even's slightly parted ones. The touch sent sparks all through his body which seemed to gather in his lower stomach and he could feel some heavy pressure stretching lower as he began to harden against the fabric of his boxers and sweatpants embarrassingly quickly. Even's hands were moving lower, pressing against his chest, and yet again it felt like he was keeping Isak at a comfortable distance rather than touching him because he wanted to. Isak opened his eyes. 

He remembered praying for his body to participate when he had been with Eva and now it physically hurt him to pull back. It was too much. He realized Even hadn't let his eyes fall shut, he felt the push of his hands against his chest more heavily than he was probably meant to, and there was only one thought on his mind. He couldn't kiss Even without letting him know that he knew. He couldn't kiss him when he was losing his mind over it while he could also feel that Even's body was tense now that they had moved to the bed, lying closely together in the half light. 

“Even,” he said. For a second he contemplated whether it would be too much to touch him, but then he disentangled the fingers of his right hand from his shirt and slowly raised them to Even's face just like he had done it to him earlier. “I know what happened. With your coach.” It was hard to keep going once he felt Even's entire body go stiff, but he forced himself to keep talking. “I figured it out and then I asked Vilde about it. Just... I can't pretend I don't know.” 

Isak couldn't tell whether Even was about to get up, get out of bed and away from him, or whether he was simply gathering his thoughts. He didn't respond right away, a shivering breath went through his body, and he was clearly fighting to not close his eyes in avoidance. 

“It's okay,” Isak whispered, dragging his finger down to his shoulders and gently digging into the warm skin there. Even's muscles were locked, his entire body was strung tightly, ready to burst. Time passed in silence and Isak began to shiver with the weight of it. He drew long lines along Even's skin, from his jaw to the back of his neck, trying to calm both of them down. There was so much unsaid between them, but Isak couldn't find any more words before Even had said something himself. 

Isak could feel Even's muscles relaxing slowly after what might have been ten minutes, or maybe thirty, and he could tell that he was taking deep breaths, trying to match his breathing with Isak's. 

“How much do you know?” he finally asked.

“Not much at all. Just that...,” Isak couldn't bring himself to say it. The word abuse hung between them and Isak knew that they were both thinking it. He didn't need to hear what exactly had happened to know that it was something he couldn't even come close to understanding. “I'm guessing something happened that you didn't want to happen. That's enough,” he finished. 

He made himself meet Even's eyes and a wave of affection went through him when he realized that for once Even didn't look angry or annoyed with him. He was willing to have this conversation now that they had gotten this far. 

“You don't need to tell me anything,” Isak felt obliged to add, simply by how Even's guard was down. 

“There's not that much to tell.” Isak's fingers went back to Even's throat in an instant when he started speaking. He still remembered the last time he had touched him like this, revelling in the vibrations underneath his skin. He dropped his gaze as if looking Even directly in the eyes was too intimate in light of what he was already sharing with him. “I kissed that guy in the bar and the picture of it ended up online as some drunk joke among the team. A few days later Coach asked me to stay behind after practice and we discussed some tactics in the locker room. Everyone else was gone when I took a shower and he followed me in.” 

Isak couldn't help but halt his movements, only his fingertips pressing lightly against skin. He could feel Even swallowing. 

“Afterwards I felt like it shouldn't bother me that much. I was able to get him off of me before anything really happened. His hands were there, everywhere, and he held me down, pushed me against the wall, but he never got to do what he wanted to do. So I went home that night and I tried to shake it off but I couldn't. I talked to Mikael and he believed me I think, but some other guys overheard us and it became this crazy story before I could decide on what to do. I think some of the guys, definitely Mahdi, Yousef, my closer friends, would have understood, but they heard this wild rumour before I got to talk to them, so we just fell apart like that. There was a lot of misunderstanding and me avoiding them because I felt so betrayed that they would believe that shit in the first place. Like I would have wanted it, things along those lines.” 

Even began playing with the hem of Isak's t-shirt, his hands still on his chest but no longer flat against his skin like he was ready to push him away. 

“Seeing them all today was a lot. It's like I can't leave this behind me. Every time I feel like I'm doing okay some shit happens and it's back on my mind. Like William talking crap or Coach finally being fired over this, or now the game. Whatever I do, it's just never over.” 

He was quiet for long enough that Isak kick started his brain, trying to come up with something he could reply, but then Even kept going. 

“It just makes me angry. Like he just fucked up my entire life in those few minutes and everything I worked for is gone. I didn't want to start over, I didn't want to leave the Sharks, and I tried so hard to just ignore what had happened, to not let it get to me, but I couldn't, and I hated not being in control of it. To not be able to get over it when I want to.” 

Again there was silence in between them, and this time it didn't feel like Even had anything to add. He dug his fingers into the fabric of Isak's shirt, staring down at his hands. 

“Just because it wasn't as bad as it could have been doesn't mean it wasn't anything at all. Don't talk like it doesn't matter just because it could have been worse.” Isak could feel Even shrug his shoulders at his words. 

“I'm trying. I used to think I overreacted and that I could have sucked it up, but I've since seen the light.” 

Isak nodded in agreement. “Good.” 

“Which is exactly why seeing you get fucked over by William makes me so incredibly mad. How much more do you want to take before you put an end to that?” 

Isak was a bit startled by the sudden turn their conversation took and he opened his mouth to respond but his mind stayed blank. He made a vague sound instead, trying to drop the topic. 

“I hate seeing you hurt,” Even said as an afterthought, and Isak immediately felt like slipping into a hot bath after a long and strenuous game. The feeling intensified when Even ran his fingers over his injured cheek yet again, and Isak had to close his eyes for a second to deal with the intensity of it. He couldn't believe how a few words, a light touch, could do this to him when making out with Eva for quite some time had felt like absolutely nothing. He slammed his mental box shut fiercely and opened his eyes, avoiding the thought. He would have his mental breakdown later. 

“Did you kiss me to prove a point?” he asked, only realizing that the thought had been on his mind once he heard himself say it out loud. Even wrinkled up his forehead and only gave him a questioning look, his fingertips digging ever so slightly into his bruised skin, as if in warning. “To yourself I mean. To prove to yourself that you're over what happened, that you can deal with it. Or, I don't know, to stop me from asking more questions. To avoid conversation. It's something you're good at.” 

“Maybe the second time,” Even admitted. “I know I can deal with it, but maybe I wanted to shut you up.”

“Can you? Not only deal with it, but want it?” Isak asked, his voice thinner than he wanted it to be. He couldn't even deal with it himself, but he wasn't about to share that bit of vulnerable information. He'd manage to wrap his head around it later. Somehow. 

“I can, and I'll tell you if I can't. Don't hold me down, don't do anything stupid, but this is fine.” 

There was nothing Isak could do but believe him. It wasn't like he was ready for much more than what had happened himself. He would probably pass out if Even ever kissed him again, for longer than a second or two. 

“Then why the first time?” His question sounded teasing, but only because Isak willed himself to not be pathetic and show how much he genuinely wondered. It made Even smile a bit, his eyes lighting up again, which Isak was glad for.

“Because you're really fucking cute, Isak.” 

Isak couldn't help but blush when Even leaned over and placed a careful kiss on the tip of his nose, laughing against his skin, his warm breath making his skin tingle. A cascade of new thoughts, concerns, and outright fear started to form in Isak's mind and he had to take another deep breath to keep it all from catching up with him. He wouldn't let this be ruined. 

He didn't pass out when Even kissed his lips again. He felt on the brink of it though, his head spinning as soon as he closed his eyes. Maybe the stick had hit him harder than he had thought. Isak hadn't known how to touch Eva, every single movement had been calculated, but now his fingers were twitching with anticipation, with eagerness to explore Even's skin. He slowly inched his fingers up into his hair that almost mirrored his own in the back. No long strands that his fingers got tangled in and that he constantly pulled on by accident. Touching Even was easy. Like gliding on the ice when there was no one else at the rink. Still restrained, Even's words to not do anything stupid ringing in his ears, but charged with the need for more, to pull Even in closer. 

Isak finally opened his mouth and let himself feel the moisture of Even's tongue that had been gently probing his lower lip. A shudder went through his body at the feel of it and he would have felt embarrassed had he not been too caught up in the way Even was carefully moving closer to him, their chests almost pressing together now, parts of the blanket still stuffed between them. Isak forced his fingers to remain in Even's hair, to not move them lower and drag them across skin and ridden up fabric. He pulled him in by the back of his head though, moaning quietly at the image of Even moving on top of him forming in his head. 

Even stayed where he was, on his side right next to him, but it was good enough. Their bodies were slowly relaxing against one another, losing all the tension that had carried them through the game day. The way their lips were moving against each other became sloppier, Isak's lips growing more pliant, letting Even in. Even's left hand was back on his bruises, the dull pain mixing with the pleasure of his touch as he cupped his cheek carefully and pulled it up with him when he moved towards the back of his head, opening Isak's mouth enough for him to let out another moan that made him blush this time. He could feel Even's sharp intake of breath at the low sounds he couldn't help making, the gentle pull of his hand in his hair, and then they broke apart, lips trembling against each other. 

Isak's heart was beating as if he had played three consecutive shifts on the ice, his head was dizzy and he had to blink a couple of times when Even's face became slightly blurry. 

“Are you sure you're not passing out on me? I know this is awesome, but...” Even's eyebrows narrowed in a mixture of amusement and worry. 

“It's all good. Just a bit much. I shouldn't have been drinking, maybe that's it.” Isak knew that it was mostly Even, but if he could easily blame it on the alcohol then why not. 

“How much have you had?” Even asked, the tone in his voice definitely concern now. 

Isak shook his head lightly. “Not much. A few beers, it was just too fast. You know how they drink in the showers.” 

“I don't, actually. But you're sure it's not your injury? We could always call Eskild, you're close to him, right?” 

“It's not that.” Isak didn't want to admit that he was mostly overwhelmed with the outcome of the day. Sure, getting hit in the head probably contributed to him feeling beat, but it was his own fault that he had been drinking, cycling, and making out with with his D-partner right after it instead of resting. “What makes you think I'm close to Eskild?” 

Isak was glad for the distraction. His body was still on fire, begging for more skin, and Even rubbing slowly at his neck didn't help. His lower stomach was pulling tightly, he was hard in his boxers, and not used to the feeling of wanting someone so much it almost hurt. 

“You talk all the time. Whenever he's with the team he says hi to you individually.” 

“I don't know. We're friends I guess. He's a bit too old for us to really hang out,” Isak mumbled, pressing into the touch of Even's hand while studying the beautiful arch of his eyebrows. He wanted to give in and touch them, trace them with his fingertips, but something was holding him back. Making out with someone was one thing, but simple, affectionate touches were another. Maybe the latter wasn't what Even had had in mind at all. 

“Does he remind you of your coach? Is that why you don't want him working with you?” 

Even's touch became just a little bit uncomfortable, his fingernails scraping at the nape of his neck.

“No, he doesn't remind me of him. It's just that he made a move on me. It's not his fault.” 

Isak gave a sigh, glad that Even hadn't proclaimed he simply didn't want to be touched by someone who was potentially interested in him, expecting Eskild not to be able to keep his hands to himself on principle. 

“He told me, yeah.”

“Isak, do you want to sleep?” Even asked, and it alerted Isak to the fact that he had been swallowing a yawn. He wrapped his arm around Isak, pulling the blankets up and tucking Isak in. It made Isak smile stupidly, but he also felt his nervousness come back to life. 

“Do Magnus or Jonas ever come in here?” he asked, casting an unsure look towards the door. The last thing he needed was for his friends to walk in on them in the morning, wrapped up in each other, before he could get a chance to understand what was going on himself. 

Even's arm disappeared from his back in an instant. 

“Not really. Not unless I let them in,” he said, a hint of annoyance in his voice. As if Isak not wanting to be caught in bed with him was actually hurting his pride. Isak rolled his eyes at him before Even twisted in the sheets to turn off the bedside lamp. 

“You can leave it on if you want to,” Isak yawned, remembering how they had slept with the lights on last weekend. 

Even was silent for a full minute and Isak couldn't see his face in the dark. 

“I trust you.” 

 

...

 

Isak slept well, but he woke up too early considering it was a Sunday and he could sleep in for a change. The first thing he noticed was Even's hand in his. They still lay on their sides, facing each other, their hands intertwined between them, resting on the pillow. Even was still asleep, puffing out warm air through his lips, chapped from breathing through his mouth for too long. Isak wanted to kiss them better, and at the thought of it he immediately became overly aware of how aroused he was underneath the blankets. 

With a sigh he disentangled his hand from Even's and sat up, careful not to pull the blanket with him and to leave some of it in his lap in case Even woke up. His head wasn't spinning anymore and he was used to the dull pain of the bumps and bruises that he could feel on his face. All he had needed was a good nights sleep. After he had brought his fingers to his cheek to determine the damage that was left there, he rubbed at his eyes, knowing he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep now that he was awake. His body was too accustomed to early mornings after three weeks of practice. 

When he looked back at Even who showed no sign of restlessness, he allowed himself a moment of honesty. He shoved aside the fact that it was Even, the fact that it was a teammate and he was his captain, the fact that they had to work together on the ice and getting involved with anyone in that position would be a bad idea. What he tried to wrap his head around was the simple fact that making out with a guy had made him feel more than all the girls he had fantasized about before. 

Porn worked for him. The sexual nature of bodies getting off on each other, the directness of it, the moaning, the dirty talk, it did things to him. Just not enough to really crave it in real life. It was something he could fantasize about to make getting off easier, but nothing he had ever really needed to happen for real. Not with girls, but also not with guys. There hadn't been anyone he had really been interested in, which had made him think he simply wasn't a person to develop affection easily.

Besides, hockey kept him busy. He hardly ever went out, there hadn't been many opportunities for him to meet someone he might want to get to know. He had considered guys handsome and not thought much about it, always thinking back to his crush on Eva, glad that he liked her so that any other thoughts he might have had didn't need to mean anything. It had worked in his head. 

Now it didn't anymore. Now he had woken up with a raging erection after spending the night bumping noses and holding hands with his way too handsome teammate. As much as he hadn't felt any different after his night with Eva, he felt so now. It wasn't exactly surprising. He had thought about it, had considered whether it was normal to be more fascinated by dicks than chicks in porn, but just when it had really become an issue, he and Eva had started to hang out without Jonas being around. Even after realizing that kissing her wasn't something he wanted, he had been able to tell himself that it didn't necessarily mean he wasn't into girls at all. There had always been another excuse, another explanation, more wishful thinking. 

Now Even was lying next to him and he was pushed up against a wall. There were no more ways to avoid dealing with this. It hadn't been some drunk kiss, some bet, or even a confused act of curiosity. Kissing Even was right up there together with the best feelings of his life: Hat tricks, overtime goals, lifting trophies over his head. 

With a last look at Even, Isak got out of bed, listened at the door for a second before opening it carefully, and broke into a run as soon as he was out of the building.


	22. Chapter 22

The two people Isak considered talking to were Eva and Jonas. He knew that Jonas would be at his parents’ place this Sunday, so that left him with Eva, but she was brunching with Vilde and Noora in their kitchen once Isak got back from the longest run he had ever been on. He still wore yesterday's clothes that were now sweaty and gross, and he hadn't even brushed his teeth in 24 hours. All he wanted was a bathroom, so he simply waved at the girls and declined Vilde's immediate offer of waffles. Isak might have sat down had it only been Eva, but he wasn't in the mood for a crowd.

“Where were you last night?” Eva didn't let him walk past them but instead got up and walked over to him, cutting off his way to the bathroom. “I thought you had gone out with the guys but this morning you weren't in your room and it looked like you never made it home. Did you stay over somewhere?” She gave him a look that was more worry than accusation. 

Isak cast a quick glance at the girls at the table, reassuring himself that they weren't listening in on them. Vilde was busy dissecting her food, but Noora was looking over at him. He could have sworn she blushed when he caught her eyes, and she quickly turned her head around, hiding her face behind a curtain of blonde hair. Isak frowned, but then he brought his focus back to Eva. Did he want to be honest? 

“I stayed over at the guys' place,” he said, settling somewhere in between a lie and the truth. He was well aware that 'the guys’ place' did not include Even's bed, but it technically wasn't wrong. “I'm sorry, I'll send you a text next time.” 

“We should spend time together, yeah?” Eva looked like she wanted to give him a hug but decided against it when she took in his dirty clothes and sweaty hair. “Things have been weird so we shouldn't stop hanging out, it'll just make it worse.” 

Isak's schedule had kept him busy enough to not really spend time with Eva in the last week, so he knew she had a point. Then again, he didn't know whether he could keep what had happened last night to himself once they were on their own. And he hadn't decided yet whether talking to Eva would actually be a good idea. After all, they had only just had a conversation about potentially being more than friends, and Eva had gone out with Even herself, even though it had apparently not been a real date.

He still nodded. “Sure. What are your plans today?” 

“Open ice. Oh, you should join us, actually! Vilde has her new skates so we are going to try them out,” Eva beamed at him. When Isak turned around to the table again, Noora's eyes were on him once more, her cheeks still a healthy shade of pink. Isak tried to recall having talked to her before but he didn't think he had. She quickly averted her eyes again. 

“Okay, yeah, open ice,” he agreed a bit absent mindedly, confused by Noora's behaviour. “Let me take a shower first.”

“You need one, yes.” 

With a rather distracted smile, Isak pushed past her and into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Spending the day with Vilde and Eva would mean catching up with them without having to figure out whether he wanted to talk about Even just yet, which he was grateful for. He needed more time to process what had happened, and he didn't feel ready for anyone's input. 

Yet again Isak was only allowed a brief shower as Chris started banging on the bathroom door after only a few minutes, demanding that Isak would “hurry the fuck up”. Isak groaned and reached for Eva's raspberry shampoo after realizing his own was in his bag that he had left at Even's place. Once he was done, he retreated into his room to get dressed and gather his thoughts. 

He knew how ridiculous it was, but he felt like the touch of Even's lips was visible on his body. As if him making out with a guy was written all over him, as if it had changed him on such an elementary level that there was no way Eva wouldn't realize what was going on in a heartbeat. He was glad he would be on the ice in a bit, where he usually managed to clear his head. 

When he finally walked back into the kitchen, dressed in yet another pair of sweatpants and an old KHL jersey, he wished he had spotted Even before he had spotted him, so he could have simply turned around and gone back into his room. But Even had his eyes on him as soon as he entered the room. He was sat on a chair next to Vilde, her new skates in his lap, tying the laces properly, while she seemed to be thinking out loud about what best to wear on the ice. Isak wasn't sure what to make of the look he gave him. He didn't smile, but he also didn't seem to be in one of his bad moods. He was relaxed, leaning back onto the chair, wearing Seadogs Red, considering him with a neutral expression that was definitely more guarded than he had been last night.

Isak hated the idea of him not giving him one of his smiles, but more than that he felt relieved when he realized that Even wasn't going to get up and hug him, or much worse, kiss him. His shoulders had tensed up for a second and he rolled them back, trying to calm himself as he approached him and the girls. Noora wasn't with them anymore, but Eva turned around to beam at him once he reached the table. Isak's eyes were still on Even. 

Seeing him again, in brought daylight, made him more nervous than he had expected to be. His run had mostly cleared his head, and everything that had happened last night had felt unreal in a way that it wasn't now that Even was right here. His shirt had ridden up his back that was pressed against the backrest of the chair, exposing a few inches of bare skin above the waistband of his sweatpants. Isak knew he hadn't kissed Even's pale skin anywhere, that he had stuck to his lips, but he still checked his neck and collarbone, just because he knew how much he had wanted to leave his mark there last night. 

“I brought your bag,” Even declared, jerking his chin over at where Isak's smelly duffel bag laid on the floor near the door. 

Isak's heart almost missed a beat. He could only pray that Even wasn't stupid enough to assume that him staying over in Even's bed was something Isak was ready to share.

He had to clear his throat before he could speak. “Thanks. Must've left it with Jonas last night.” He made sure to look Even right in the eyes, hoping he would understand. Even's features hardened a bit, and they looked at each other long enough for Isak to become almost certain that at least Eva would notice something was off. 

“Yeah, it was in the kitchen,” Even finally shrugged, dropping his gaze to the skates in his lap as if he couldn't care less. 

“Even is going to come skating with us,” Vilde interrupted Isak's mental meltdown, sounding delighted. “He said he'd teach me how to properly body check someone.” The wide, almost admiring smile on Vilde's face helped calm Isak down just a bit. It was going to be fine. Even was going to keep his mouth shut. 

“I said I'd show you once you wear gear.”

“Just make sure Vilde doesn't break any bones,” Eva noted in Even's direction, “she'll need them for ballet.” 

“I'd never let that happen.” Even still looked down at the skates, moving on to lace the second one. 

Vilde leaned forward to rest her elbows on the table as she spoke to Eva. “Come on, Even does it all the time, it looks really cool, I think. If he can play hockey and do ballet then so can I, right?” 

Isak's breath caught in his throat and he covered up his little sound of surprise with a cough. 

“Checking is not really playing hockey, Vilde,” Eva lectured her. “But yes, we should both learn this, it'll come in useful some time. Like at clubs, can you imagine just slamming into guys who are bothering us?” 

“I don't think it works that well off the ice,” Even smiled. 

Was no one going to pick up on what Vilde had said? When it seemed like they were dropping the topic, Isak couldn't help but blurt out: “You do ballet?” 

Even lifted his head, holding one of the long laces between his lips to keep them straight. He gave a casual nod, but Vilde answered for him whilst also draping one arm around him affectionately.

“Even and I made a deal. He's going to start the ballet course with me so I don't have to go on my own. It's every Wednesday.” 

Eva beamed at Isak again. “Awesome, right? So in a couple of weeks Vilde can finally join skating.”

“Aren't you also at ballet?” Isak asked, thoroughly confused. “Vilde wouldn't be alone, right?” 

Eva shook her head at him and gave a laugh. “I'm not doing the beginners course, Isak.” 

Isak gave a non verbal agreement at that. He had to admit, the wide smile on Vilde's face looked good on her. He was glad she was finally ready to do this, but what bothered him was the sinking feeling in his stomach that he got when he studied Even again. It felt like yet another nail in the coffin. Even wasn't just good looking, and Isak wasn't just confused and maybe a bit turned on by him. He was beginning to actually care for him, and it scared him like nothing else. Even doing nice things for his friends and being all casual about it didn't help. It made Isak's stomach double over. 

It was only when Even handed over the skates to Vilde and stretched out on his chair that another thought hit Isak like a truck. Even was going to wear tight leggings in a room full of girls who would drool over him, parading his body around, stretching and flirting, being his most charming self. It did two things to Isak. A wave that was unmistakably jealousy washed over him when he imaged all those eyes that would no doubt be taking mental pictures of Even's body. It also gave him an instant hard on. 

He leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table just like Vilde was doing, hiding his lap. The easy way Even now discussed his inability to find ballet shoes in his size with Vilde made him realize yet again that Even's relationships with girls seemed to be so much less charged with distrust and bad memories than the ones he had trouble forming with the Seadogs. It didn't seem to bother him that he would be ogled at by a room full of girls, neither did he seem to mind sharing a bed with Vilde or being close to her in public. Going out with Eva also hadn't been an issue. Isak pondered over the thought, trying not to judge but to simply observe his behaviour, storing it away for later, every puzzle piece about Even being something he would hold on to fiercely. 

“Ready to go?” Eva clapped her hands and Isak hastily retreated to his room to grab a hoodie he'd be sweating in just to be able to hide his still hard dick underneath it until he would hopefully calm down soon. 

They cycled together, the girls and Even filling the silence with chatter about hockey and figure skating and uni, and Isak only got a minute alone with Even once they got to the rink and left the girls to grab their skates from the Seadogs’ locker room. 

He entered the smelly but familiar room before Even did, holding the door open for him. Even was right on his heels, heading for his locker a few spaces down from Isak's without a word. Isak watched his backside, the way his neck was slightly flushed from cycling in the surprisingly warm September sun. He wanted to say something but couldn't think of anything that wouldn't sound forced. Even opened his locker, grabbed his skates, and slammed the door shut before Isak could even rip his eyes off of him. Being alone with Even was stressful, the air between them felt charged, and Isak knew that the ball was in his court. He had walked out on Even this morning. He had made him lie to his friends. 

He averted his eyes just when he knew Even would now turn to look at him. His skates were right where he had left them yesterday and he took them out of his locker, taking off the guards to check whether the blades needed sharpening any time soon, stalling while he could feel Even's eyes on him. From his peripheral vision he could see Even moving towards him and he passed behind him as he made his way towards the door. Before Isak could think about it, he reached out for him. He had meant to go for his wrist, but as he couldn't see Even when he was behind him, he now held on to a fistful of his shirt somewhere down by his side instead. 

Even stopped in his tracks, almost too abruptly, as if the sudden touch sent as much of an electric shock through him as it did to Isak. Then Isak remembered, and for a second he felt horrible before he let go of Even immediately. He stayed though, standing behind him, probably waiting for Isak to say something. 

“Sorry,” Isak mumbled as he turned around and closed his locker in the process. Even took a slow step closer to him though, taking both of his hands in his. Just holding his hand felt like Isak was recharging somehow, like he could think more clearly, breathe more easily than before. Like he had missed him even though it had only been a couple of hours. He shook his head, trying to get rid of his weirdly intense thoughts. But he was still holding Even's hands and it still felt too good. Fuck it. 

Isak leaned forward, lifting his head up just a bit, offering, asking a question. His eyelids fluttered shut when he could feel Even's breath on his lips. Excitement rushed through his body, gathering too quickly in his balls again. This wasn't normal. 

For just a second, their lips touched. Even placed an almost invisible kiss on Isak's lower lip, both of them trembling with the need to push closer and with the frustration of the mere promise of a kiss lingering between them.

“Not in here.” Even's voice came out broken and raspy, mirroring Isak's lack of common thought. He pulled away too quickly and Isak could see on his face how much it pained him too, to be stepping away from him and out of his space. It was a locker room. Of course it had been a bad idea to be asking for kisses in here. Kisses that were still unanswered questions paired with nervousness and only tentative, grudging trust. 

“Sorry,” Even said as he dropped Isak's hands.

“No, I'm sorry. I should have known. Bad idea.” Isak had to try hard to keep his voice from trembling but he knew that it showed. He saw Even lowering his gaze down to his lips, staring almost longingly, his hands turning to fists by his side as if he was fighting to keep up the space between them. 

“It's just...” Even made a wide gesture to indicate their setting. “Not a bad idea, just a poor choice of a moment.”

Isak nodded, a bit more enthusiastically than he would have needed. The last thing he would ever want was for Even to believe he wasn't going to respect his boundaries, or for him to have to justify them. He considered saying something of the like when suddenly Even was in his space again, pressing a brief but hot kiss against his forehead. He recoiled as quickly as he had moved in on him and let out a sharp breath. 

“We'll find a better one.” 

With that, he turned around and kicked the door into the hallway open, the words making their way through Isak's body dangerously fast. They stayed in his head all through their two hours on the ice, like a sweet promise that he dreaded at the same time. 

He tried to stay away from Even as soon as they entered the ice and stuck to Eva while he watched Even and Vilde from afar. Now that he knew the two of them weren't romantically involved, it had suddenly become a lot easier to appreciate their friendship. Vilde wasn't on the ice for the first time, but she was on new skates and generally insecure, so she held Even's hand anyway as the two of them circled around Isak and Eva a couple of times until Vilde looked more confident with every round they took. 

There weren't many other people on the ice. The rink was reserved for students only, most of which weren't too interested in spending one of the last sunny afternoons this year skating. Some figure skaters occupied the centre circle, holding a private practice, but it was far from crowded. It left Isak with a good view of Even, and he realized that he had never seen him skate without gear before. It took some getting used to to not look out for his number 28 out of instinct. It also made not looking at his body so much more difficult, as his sweatpants were tight and his shirt stuck to his chest every time he skated harder. 

In a matter of days, not looking at Even had become a real task, and Isak didn't know what to do with himself. He pestered Eva with questions about her classes, her friends, anything he could think of to keep her talking and avoid any possibility of her realizing that something was off. She did ask him how he was doing, what was new, but he kept to generic answers, safe ones that did not include 'I made out with Even and I'm slowly losing my mind'. 

“Isak!” 

Vilde skated towards him after she had spent quite some time simply talking to Even at the boards on the other side of the ice. She had to hold on to both of his upper arms to come to a halt in front of him and Isak slid backwards a bit in order to soften her fall into him, holding her steady. 

“Even won't crash me into the boards, will you show me?” 

Isak gave a nervous laugh. “No? I won't check you, Vilde, you're not even wearing gear.” 

“Softly of course,” Vilde retaliated, but Isak still shook his head. 

Eva snorted and took Vilde's hand once she had let go of Isak even though she looked rather steady on her skates now. 

“A soft body check? Really? Do you remember when Isak couldn't eat for a week because he hit his chin on the boards? When he also got whiplash? That was only during practice, right? And he was wearing gear.”

“That was an accident though, not a bodycheck,” Isak threw in. Even, who had been skating in circles around them, came to a halt. 

“What about the concussion?” Eva turned to Isak, raising her eyebrows in question. “That was someone checking you, right?” 

Isak gave a wary nod and rolled his eyes when Even asked: “So Isak gets hurt a lot, huh?” 

“Not anymore, but in high school he used to be the smallest player on the team and had to take a lot of accidental elbows and was squished half to death.” Eva smiled as if she was recounting a fond memory of how she and Jonas would patch him up again after practices with much larger guys, but Even didn't look amused. 

“But Isak's not going to hurt me,” Vilde insisted. “I just want him to show me how checking works. Like, in theory.” 

Even gave a sigh, finally breaking into motion again and skating around them once more. 

“How about next time you borrow some gear of mine. Then I'll show you.” He came to a halt behind Vilde and wrapped his arms around her in what was meant to be a casual way, but Vilde immediately lost her balance and fell into him. Both her skates were literally lifted off the ice when Even caught her and held her to his chest, setting her back down again gently. Isak couldn't help but flick a gaze at his biceps. 

“You can show me with Isak, he's not that 'soft',” Vilde turned around in Even's arms and gave him a pout, her tone clearly indicating that she was quoting him on something he must've called her earlier. Isak had to agree with Vilde in that case. None of the girls he hung out with were actually too soft to handle some playful shoving. But he still knew what Even meant. He had refused to show Vilde as well, out of principle and her lack of gear.

“Are you kidding me?” Even asked, a teasing smile now on his face. “He's the softest. Squishy and all.” He let go of Vilde carefully while Isak was frozen in place. He tried to give Even a warning look which he ignored. He didn't really expect Even to blurt out what had changed between them, but he didn't have to if he kept on making it that incredibly obvious. 

“Come on,” Isak said, his only thought being to end the conversation and wipe that damned flirty smile off of Even's face. If it took body checks to get there, he was going to take that deal.


	23. Chapter 23

Isak skated off towards the nearest boards to the sound of Eva hooting, but Even only followed him hesitantly. In the short second in which their backs were to the girls and the rest of the rink, Even gave him one of his rare honest looks, raising an eyebrow at him in question, the spark in his eyes still there, almost as if he was challenging him. 

“Sure?” he asked in the second of silence before the girls caught up with them. “Checking a hard dick into the boards might hurt.” 

Isak only opened his mouth and closed it again. Even's words alone had his body interested and he had to admit that he had a point. Still, his first instinct was to look around them to make absolutely sure no one else had been standing close enough to overhear them. 

“Shut up,” he mumbled in lack of a better reply, his face burning. He couldn't believe him. One minute he was so serious and the next one he was teasing. Neither options made Isak very happy right now, but this version of Even was definitely interesting. 

As soon as Vilde and Eva had caught up with them and Vilde was safely clutching the boards, facing Isak, Even began to explain hockey to her and Isak zoned out, focusing so very very hard on erasing those words from his mind, along with Even's earlier promise of finding a better moment for them later. It had his body thrumming with anticipation and adrenaline pumped through his veins once Even gently nudged his shoulders in an extremely vague demonstration of a body check. 

“You can't charge and you can't check from behind, for example,” Even explained. “Just make sure you hit your opponent on both shoulder and hip, take his whole body equally. It would be difficult for you to check Isak or me, obviously, because of your height, so it would be even more important for you to use your whole body.” Again Even carefully bumped against Isak, making him hit the boards this time, their bodies pressing close together from hip to shoulder for a terrifying second that had Isak's head spinning. 

“Check from behind?” Vilde sounded as innocent as ever, but Isak could see Eva biting her lip to hold back a laugh. He wasn't sure whether she was serious or not, whether she simply thought it funny that Isak was growing disgruntled with this or whether she seriously picked up on the more than obvious tension between them, but it was enough for Isak to roll his eyes at her to make sure she knew how this was definitely not getting to him. He knew it was a lost cause when Even moved behind him and he already groaned in annoyance before Even had even touched him. 

“You can't check from behind,” he repeated. “From where your opponent can't see you and is defenceless.” 

Isak felt his hands at his shoulder blades, pushing him forwards and into the boards while at the same time he moved in with him, holding Isak against his chest and sheltering him so he wouldn't get hurt. It happened within a matter of seconds, but once they bumped into the boards together in slow motion, the impact pushed their bodies flush together for a brief moment and Isak could feel Even's body against his, hot and hard in places that made Isak gasp involuntary, a sharp sting of heat exploding in his belly. He was glad for Even's hands around him that kept his front from being properly pressed into the boards. It would have hurt, just like Even had teasingly said. His dick strained against the fabric covering it, twitching at the feeling of Even's chest pressing against him. He could tell Even was keeping his hips away from his backside deliberately. 

Eva's voice sounded far away even though she was standing right next to them. “Let's get some coffee, I'm getting cold from just standing around.” 

Isak's brain was still malfunctioning and he realized a second too late that he was leaning back against Even's body, pulling his hoodie down in the front while Even's arms were still around him just like he had stood with Vilde earlier, holding Isak against his chest. Isak didn't have it in him to break free until a few seconds later when the girls turned around and skated in front of them hand in hand. Even gave himself a push and moved them forwards together as figure skaters would do. He let Isak glide in front of him without putting any effort into the movement. It only took a curious look from one of the skaters standing near the centre line for Isak to break free from Even's lose hug and bring some distance between them. 

Isak couldn't look at either Vilde or Eva while they took of their skates on the lower row of seats that surrounded the rink. Looking at Even would have been even worse. He took deep breaths in and out, but his body was out of his control, thrumming with all sorts of new impulses that his brain had a hard time processing. 

“See, we're all still whole, no one's broken anything,” Eva exclaimed too cheerfully, and Isak could tell that she was just as distracted as he was, only she was trying not to let it show. She had definitely picked up on the tension between Even and him. “Oh, I remember another Isak hockey injury. When he had two black eyes at once?” It wouldn't be amusing to anyone else, but Isak had been playing hockey for so long, Eva had gotten used to his bruises. She still got worried, but only until he said he was going to be fine and she could be sure he wasn't lying. 

“No,” Vilde groaned, massaging her feet that were clad in extra thick socks, “That wasn't from hockey. The left one was, but the right one he got at the Christmas party last year, remember? When Chris and William even got suspended for two games even though it had nothing to do with hockey.” 

“What?” Even asked, his voice having gone back to deadly within a matter of seconds, and Isak would have maybe prevented Vilde from oversharing, had he not been busy trying to get the thought of Even's warm chest rubbing against his back out of his head. 

“Chris and William cornered Isak in the bathroom at a party. I wasn't there, obviously, because it was the men's room, but Magnus has told me that Chris held Isak down and William was just beating him up, it was two against one and you know, Isak isn't...” she shut up after Eva elbowed her in the side. Isak only saw because he had lifted his head after all, shocked by her lack of tack.

“Wow, thanks for the reminder,” he muttered, trying hard to avoid looking at Even. He knew he was only going to stare at him again, his eyes full of anger and that weird hint of a possessive attitude Isak had caught in them lately. He didn't want Even to think of him as weak. He wasn't. He had been outnumbered, surprised by the violence that had been over the top even for William, and stabbed in the back by Chris who had up until then not been a problem to him. Isak didn't like to remember that night and he hadn't planned on sharing it with Even any time soon. 

“Let's talk about something else?” Eva suggested, a hint of desperation in her voice after she had dared to look at Even while Isak was handling his skates too roughly. “Like, now that you've not lost against the Sharks, whom are you playing next?” 

Eva’s distraction of talking about the Seadogs worked for Isak, but not for Even. He fell behind when they made their way down to the café and announced that he would be meeting up with another friend as soon as they got there. Isak could tell that something was bothering him and he considered leaving with him, but Vilde offered first. 

“I'll go with you, I have a test tomorrow and I need to study. Besides, Eva said you two need to catch up, so enjoy.” She took Even by the arm and with that, Isak was alone with Eva. He stared after Even for too long. He knew it had been the story about William that had made him fall into one of his downs, and while he could somewhat imagine why that was, he still didn't know how to deal with it. All of this, all of what had happened to Even, was too big for Isak to comprehend it all at once.

“So how was last night? We haven't even talked about the game yet, you were so good!” Eva said as soon as they had sat down in the very back of the almost empty café. The walls around them were covered with framed posters of hockey players and figure skaters, and drinks were served in GET league cups. Isak felt right at home and he hoisted his legs onto an empty chair next to him. 

“It was about time we got it together, don't you think?” Isak said, intent on only focussing on the Sharks game. “After last weekend, we needed this. And we're playing the Wolverines next Saturday, they suck worse than we do.” 

Eva went and ordered them coffee while Isak turned up the volume of his phone just in case Even texted him and wanted to hang out. He dropped the device onto the table in shock when he considered the possibility that Even was telling Vilde all about them right now. They had gotten so close in a matter of days, and Even didn't really seem to keep in touch with many people from his past. If he was going to discuss last night with someone, the chances of it being Vilde weren't small. If Vilde knew, would Eva know soon? She had kept Even's secret about the Sharks, but this was different. This involved Isak, whom Eva potentially still had a crush on. What if Vilde thought Eva deserved to know? Did she? Was it Isak's responsibility to let her know? 

Eva pushed a cup of coffee towards him and Isak was pulled out of his thoughts roughly. He wrapped his hands around the warm porcelain and waited until Eva had settled down again, then he asked: “So you're hanging out with Noora now?” 

“I am! She's so nice, you have to meet her.” 

“She was a bit weird this morning, to be honest.” 

Eva frowned, as if she was trying to recall a possible reason. “Weird? To you or to us you mean?” 

“To me. She was staring.” 

“Well, Isak, you're cute, what do you expect?” Eva winked at him from over her cup and Isak smiled a bit, glad that they were moving on, that things weren't weird anymore, at least not for the most part. “But I'll try and find out. Maybe she was just interested in us because, oh, you know what she said?” 

Isak raised his eyebrow at her when she only stared at him as if she expected him to guess. 

“She thought Vilde and I were dating. Like, really? I had about a hundred people ask me whether you were my boyfriend, but she honestly thought I was with Vilde. And only from watching us from afar, we never even talked before.” 

Isak thought about it for a second. “Weird,” he said slowly. It was a good way to test the waters, but it might also remind Eva of things on her mind that she wanted to ask Isak about. 

“Would you tell me if you dated a girl?” he eventually asked, calculated and too serious. 

Eva tilted her head at him. “Why wouldn't I? That would be awesome, right? Guys are so damn extra, I mean, if I dated a girl I'm sure that'd be easier.” She poured heaps of extra sugar into her coffee. “Like, Even for example, he's all awful to you and now all of a sudden you guys seem super friendly. What's up with that, it's confusing.” 

Isak bit his tongue in his rush to take a deep sip from his drink, trying to avoid the question, but it only made Eva keep talking. 

“The last time we talked about him you were annoyed because he was fighting in Kongsvinger, and then yesterday you worked out great? And today, that didn't look like you weren't getting along either.”

Slowly, Isak shook his head. He wouldn't give away too much if he admitted they were friendly. On the contrary, it would be more suspicious if he claimed he still couldn't stand Even but then kept spending time with him. 

“No, I guess we're figuring things out.” He had to swallow hard to keep from just bubbling out all that had happened, all his confusing feelings and memories of last night. And earlier today, for that matter. Maybe he'd have to tell Eva out of respect for her, but telling her simply for his own sake felt wrong after their recent history.

“So he apologized? Has he said anything about why he's been so difficult?”

“Yeah, I get it now. It's hard to explain but I understand him, which makes things a lot easier.” 

Eva frowned into her coffee. “Wow, he must be some really twisted person. Vilde keeps saying the same thing, about how he's hard to explain. When I was with him that one evening he seemed perfectly normal.” 

Isak hadn't really thought about their date, but now that she mentioned it, he realized he had never asked her about it. “How was that, anyway? Hanging out with him? I feel like everyone got to know him before I did.” 

“It was nice,” Eva said. “He's so charming, it's crazy. It wasn't at all like a date, though, we just played some pool. Oh, we even bumped into his ex girlfriend and she was with us for a while. Definitely not a date.” She laughed and Isak tried hard to remember Even mentioning an ex girlfriend, or boyfriend for that matter, but he didn't recall any talk about relationships. 

“Isak, are you sure we're alright?” Eva suddenly sighed. “I feel like you're really far away today.” 

She wasn't wrong. Isak took her hand, hoping that it was still okay, that things between them hadn't changed too much. He thought about all the times they had almost fought, and about Eva's constant persistence that they'd talk things out, that he'd share his thoughts with her. Whenever he had done so, she hadn't led him down. 

“There is something,” he admitted, but even now that he had said it out loud he wasn't sure how much he wanted to tell her. She only looked at him, waiting for him to decide. “Can I just tell you something and we don't talk about it? I don't really have any thoughts on it yet,” he eventually tried.

Eva nodded, but Isak didn't speak for what felt like ages. He studied the posters on the wall, noticing not for the first time how striking it was that most of them were rough, bearded, muscled, everything that could possibly be seen as stereotypically manly. Isak himself was tall but skinny, unable to grow a beard, and quite possibly gay. It scared him. All he had wanted growing up was to play hockey, for his picture to be framed in some bar one day, and knowing what he was starting to know about himself was an obstacle to that. At least in his mind it was. He had a hard time reconciling the thought of being a successful hockey player with that of him going down on guys. Not that he'd given it much thought. Everything about it felt like he had to make a choice of some sort.

“I think Even is rather attractive. That's all.” 

He didn't take his eyes off the wall, his gaze was stuck on Jonathan Toews as it usually was when he had his coffee at the rink. He was nice to look at. Isak waited for Eva to reply but at the same time he hoped that she wouldn't. 

“I agree,” she finally said. “I know you, Isak, and I know you're beating yourself up for thinking this. But damn, he's attractive, there's nothing wrong with that thought. Just let yourself think it.”

At first, Isak hadn't been sure whether his statement had been enough for her to realize what he had actually said, but he knew it had been when Eva squeezed his hand tightly in hers. He finally turned his head towards her and took a deep breath. 

“So how's your girlfriend doing?” he asked, making Eva break into a smile. 

“Vilde is amazing. She did so many great things for herself lately, it's good to see. Even is a good influence on her. Did you know that he's seeing a counsellor of some sorts? Not surprising really, but Vilde has been obsessing over it and how Even keeps telling her how much he benefits from it, so I think she's considering talking to someone about everything that's going on.” 

“That's good,” Isak smiled. His body was almost trembling with relief over how Eva gave him what he had asked for and didn't ask any questions. For all that he kept telling Even that he wasn't alone and how he had to talk to people, he himself should make use of it more often.

Eva laughed, somehow seeming just as relieved as Isak did. Maybe knowing what was going on between Even and him would be good for her after all. It had to ease her mind somehow, show her that them not working out hadn't been her fault. Maybe she was just glad that Isak had told her what was going on and no longer stared at the table in front of them absent mindedly. 

“But the ballet though? Can you believe Even is going to go with her?” She laughed even louder now and Isak couldn't help but grin. 

“It's ridiculous. I don't think he'll enjoy it.” 

“Oh I think he will, as long as Vilde likes it.” Eva downed the rest of her drink. “I really do hope that he figures out whatever it is that is going on with him. He's such a great person otherwise.” 

Isak only nodded in agreement. When he went back to studying the pictures on the wall he imagined Even on there, scoring a goal like yesterday's, wearing his number 28, smiling brightly, letting his teammates pat him on the back for it. Even wasn't straight, and it didn't feel contradictory to imagine him becoming a professional hockey player. He was a skinny, bisexual, ballet dancing defence man, and it worked. More than that, it was a mixture that drew Isak in and fascinated him more with everything that he learned about him. 

When his phone notified him of a text a minute later, Isak grabbed it eagerly. His face lit up when he saw that Even had sent him a single question mark accompanied with a pin of his location.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guyyys I honestly can't thank you enough for all the love you are showing this story, I'm completely overwhelmed with it all xxxx
> 
> Prepare for lots of fluff, lenghty smut, and less drama in future chapters!

Isak found Even on campus, lounging in the grass behind the biology building. He had his chemistry book lying next to him but was listening to music and scrolling on his phone instead of studying. There were no other people with him, since the building itself was closed and if there were people on campus on a Sunday, it would be in the library. Even had chosen a good spot for them. 

“Halla,” Isak said, but Even only looked up at him once Isak joined him on his windbreaker that Even was using as a makeshift blanket. He pulled out his earbuds and smiled at Isak, his eyes going small as he was facing the late afternoon sun. For a second he looked like he expected Isak to lean into him and claim his lips, but Isak didn't. They were still on campus, out in the open, and besides, Even had been in one of his moods earlier so Isak didn't want to just assume it was alright to be affectionate with him now. 

“You smell nice. Like coffee,” Even remarked and Isak almost rolled his eyes at how his heart got stupidly excited about every kind of praise Even gave him. 

“Everything smells nice when you're used to stinking gear and locker rooms,” he protested weakly.

“I bet your gear smells good too.” 

Isak snorted. “Wouldn't bet on it.” 

It was ridiculous how his face was heating up already. He lifted it into the sun to be able to pretend it was simply its warmth sending colour into Isak's cheeks. 

Even still smiled when he said: “I just learned that you made out with Eva.” 

He was so good at changing topics in a matter of seconds that it took Isak a moment to catch up. He had been under the impression that everyone knew what had happened between him and Eva, given that he had listened to jokes about him not getting it up for her for a week now. 

“I... yes?” He didn't know what to say about this. Was it an accusation? Simple curiosity? “I thought you knew. Everyone else does.” 

“Well, I don't talk to everyone else so...” Even neatly rolled his headphones around his thumb and forefinger, concentrating hard on the task.

“Even, the whole team is talking about it.” It still made Isak cringe to think about it. Magnus loudly proclaiming that Isak didn't get it up for girls wasn't something a locker room full of guys would forget any time soon. It was mostly jokes and stabs in the dark about what the real story behind the rumour was, but it was annoying enough. 

“I heard some people talking shit about you not being into girls, but I already knew that so I didn't know it was because of you and Eva. Vilde just told me, though.” 

Isak bit his lip. “What do you mean, you already knew that?” 

He watched Even raise one eyebrow at him suggestively. “Did we not flirt from like day one? Despite everything? Was that just me?” 

Again Isak didn't know how to respond. Even was the one who had placed his hands on Isak's chest last night to make sure he wouldn't cross any lines, but yet he was the one moving too fast for him. Isak could only shrug his shoulders and pretend he didn't know what Even was talking about. 

“I haven't really given this any thought. Until a week ago I thought I was into Eva.” 

“But then kissing her sucked?” A smile crept into Even's words and Isak had a hard time keeping up with him. Just an hour ago he had considered following Even out of the rink because he had seemed upset. Now here he was, being his happiest self, teasing Isak in a way that made him uncomfortable, but at the same time felt exciting. 

“Kind of,” he admitted. He met Even's eyes when he leaned back on his elbows and into the grass. Even had to turn his head to look back at him, and his eyes sparkled as the sun got caught in them. Isak swallowed hard when Even followed him back, hoisting himself up on his side, bringing their faces closer together. He placed his free hand on Isak's chest again, not to hold him back this time but to trace the print on his shirt with his fingers.

“So there's nothing between you two now?” 

Isak shook his head no. He only had time to cast a quick, nervous look around before Even shuffled closer to lean over him and connect their lips. Isak's elbows gave in almost immediately, trembling with the feeling of their chests pressing together, and he let himself fall onto his back, every thought about people watching them wiped off his mind. He wrapped his arms around Even to pull him with him. Their lips never lost touch and Isak gave a sigh at the slow pressure of Even's mouth. He had done this twice now but Even's lips were still worth exploring, like he had still only gotten to know so very little about the taste of him and the sensations of their mixing breath. Their lips stayed closed, carefully mapping each other out, pushing and pulling, noses touching. 

Isak buried his hand in the back of Even's shirt to yet again keep himself from desperately grasping at his skin. His knuckles still grazed his bare back as his shirt moved up a bit and Isak bit down on Even's lip at the feeling, making both of them gasp. Even's left hand found its way into Isak's hair while he still held himself up on his forearm, and his other began to explore his chest over his shirt. Isak shivered at the feeling of it, his own hands staying perfectly still at Even's warm backside. 

It was a slow kiss, Even's hands moved lazily over the white jersey, trailing from his collarbone down to his sides, dipping into his belly button and tracing his abs back up. Isak pushed into the touch. His brain had become entirely useless. There was not a single thought on his mind other than that he wanted this. He wanted Even to learn him, wanted to confide in him, wanted them to look at each other and simply know. Everything that was between them, everything that wasn't there with anybody else. More than anything, he wanted to be known by him. Wanted to know him.

And he wanted his touch. Soon, there was no space for Even's roaming hand between them, but Isak lifted his back off the grass with every sensation that went through him, pulling Even in closer, making him lower his upper body down onto his, trapping him underneath him, their chests pressing together. Their breathing sped up but their movements didn't. Isak revelled in the small whimpering sound Even made when he pushed his tongue against his lower lip, again and again until Even let him in, swallowing his moan. Isak could feel Even pulling at his hair with the hand that was underneath him, cradling his head and keeping it from resting in the grass. He leaned his head back, following the pull of Even's body, and gave a quiet sound of protest when Even's lips left his and moved over the side of his mouth down to his chin and onto his neck where Isak's pulse was beating fast. 

Isak wanted to bury his hands in Even's hair to make sure he wouldn't even think of leaving his body, but he clutched his fists in his shirt too tightly to move. The sharp sensations that rushed through his body made him dizzy, and he pushed his hips up into nothing out of frustration. Even's lower body was too far away, not even entirely on top of him, but Isak didn't dare to try and tangle their legs together. Even's tongue began tracing circles on Isak's skin, right over where his blood was pumping through his veins, and it was the only movement that wasn't slow. It was fast and hungry, and Isak gave another moan and threw his head back, exposing more of his neck to Even. 

How had he ever doubted wanting this? How had he not even known this existed? The thought brought some sanity back into his head and he opened his eyes for a second, squinting against the bright sun. They were still alone, but the second of distraction made Even pull back and look around them. He threw a questioning look at Isak. His cheeks were flushed, his lips shiny. 

“Nothing,” Isak said as if Even had asked a question. He wanted to pull him back in by the back of his head, finally disentangling his hands from his shirt, but Even fell back onto the grass next to him instead. Isak pouted at him and watched as Even made a face and pulled out the chemistry book from underneath him, having accidentally sat himself on top of it. He pushed it aside and sighed. 

“I don't understand a thing in that class, Isak. I wasn't kidding when I said I needed your help.” 

“Sure,” Isak nodded. His thoughts were too caught up with how the sun fell on Even's face just right and made his eyelashes throw shadows on his high cheekbones. He was tempted to reach out and touch his face again, just like he had been last night, but he still considered it too affectionate a touch. He was still fighting the urge when Even reached out for his hand, linked their fingers together, and let them rest on his own chest. Isak was fine with it. Maybe affectionate was what Even wanted. 

“Have you told Vilde about this?” He hoped to God that Even wouldn't make him define 'this' because he was clueless. 

“I didn't. She was your friend first, I wouldn't tell her anything that involves you like this does.” 

This.

Even began playing with Isak's fingers in his, disentangling them to press their palms together, to replay the motion of intertwining and letting go of them over and over again in slow motion. The movement cast shadows on Even's shirt in the quickly vanishing sun and Isak found himself mesmerized by it. 

“Thank you,” Isak mumbled. “If you really need to, you can talk to her. I know there's not many people around here that you trust.” 

Even brought their hands up to his face and placed a soft kiss on Isak's palm, and he wished he had had the balls to just touch his face. This kind of touch was clearly not off limits and Isak craved it as much as he was excited about the idea of Even's jeans looking fairly tight in the front. Isak tried not to stare. He knew his own erection was clearly visible in his sweats and he would be more than uncomfortable if Even pointed it out to him again. 

“Did you talk to Eva?” Even asked, his voice sounding slow and relaxed. Isak realized that he had closed his eyes and rested his head in the grass entirely now. He kind of made a sound of approval that could also mean the opposite. 

“I think I might need some time to process,” he admitted, and even though Even's face remained thoroughly calm it felt like the conversation was potentially charged. Isak knew about Even's moods by now, about how opinionated he was, his strong temper that he couldn't always control, and it was likely that this was something Even hadn't given any thought at all. And once he would, it was likely that he would decide to drop it rather than pursue it. After all, it made things difficult. It would require trust and commitment and for Even to open up and let Isak in, and even though they were working towards it, Isak still felt like there was a lot Even kept to himself. 

Besides, once they talked about it, Isak would be forced to give answers himself, and he didn't have them yet. 

“Don't worry about it,” Even said quietly. “Take your time.” 

“So to you this isn't new?” Isak asked, pursuing a conversation that he had just decided he'd rather not have. But it was a chance of getting to know more about Even, and surprisingly it didn't seem like a topic Even would immediately shy away from. Isak was going to take what he could get. 

“Kissing guys?” Even asked, opening one eye and squinting against the sun to take in Isak's nod. “No, I've known that for pretty much forever. To be honest,” Even sat back up again, not letting go of Isak's hand, “what I need time to process is the fact that you're so incredibly easy to trust.”

Isak almost wanted to laugh out loud and say something along the lines of how he couldn't imagine Even being more unknowable, and how he couldn't believe that this was Even trusting him, but he held himself back. Of course Even wouldn't trust people easily. Isak followed him and sat back up again, pulling his shirt down over his crotch in the process. 

“Like,” Even went on, “I just look at you and I want to tell you all my secrets. It's scary. It’s why I tried to make you stay away from me.”

“You can,” Isak blurted out too loudly. “I know they're just words and seeing is believing and all, but you can. Trust me, that is.” He stumbled over his words in the end and bit his lower lip to keep from rambling. 

“Yeah, you've said that. Mikael said that too, and then he looked me in the face and asked whether I'd enjoyed sucking Coach's dick.” 

“Holy fuck,” Isak mumbled. He dropped his gaze to their hands, not wanting to see Even's eyes go all dark again. “But you said you still talk to Mikael.”

It was more of a statement than a question, an invitation to keep talking nonetheless, and Even, to Isak's surprise, did. 

“Yeah, we talk. He did apologize, we did make up, but it's not like it was before. It's not even entirely his fault, the whole team just reminds me of all the crap that has happened. I played with them for almost a month. A month spent in a locker room with 20 something guys who all call you a fucking liar.”

“You played a month under your old Coach? After it happened?” Isak asked, thrown aback. “How?”

“I told you, I tried to convince myself that it was nothing, that I was overreacting. It was Mahdi, he wore the second A then, because Yousef was injured for so long, who finally made me talk to the officials. He gave the A up again this season because he still blames himself for not realizing what was going on for so long.” 

Isak could only nod and take in this new information. Finally, he asked: “How could you stand to see him every day for weeks and weeks after it happened? How did you manage to take orders from him, to play for his team?”

Even thought for a bit as he looked up at the sky where the sun had now finally given way to thick clouds. “I don't know, I just did. How about you teach me some of this chemistry crap?” 

With that, their conversation was over. Isak didn't try and push it, he was still happy for every second that Even chose to let him in instead of fighting him. 

They ended up doing some homework but it was a slow process as Even was even more behind than Isak had thought he would be, and they had to go back to the basics for everything they tried. Isak didn't mind, but it visibly frustrated Even and they only lasted about an hour before he took the book out of Isak's hands and leaned in to kiss him again.

They spent the rest of the afternoon like that, sitting crosslegged in front of each other, talking, and content to kiss each other's lips sore but keeping their hands to themselves. It was only when Isak checked his phone a couple of hours later that he realized he should have been at Jonas' and Magnus' place an hour ago for dinner and NHL replays. 

Even made a face when Isak told him to go ahead so they wouldn't show up at the flat together, but he did as he was told. 

“Come join us in a bit?!” Isak asked, his lips brushing against Even's with each word he spoke when they had finally gotten up but Even wouldn't stop kissing him.

“Maybe,” Even teased. He still pretended to be offended by how Isak didn't feel like parading into the kitchen with him, proclaiming they had spent the entire day together when last week they had shot death glares at each other from across the ice. 

In the end, he did join them in Jonas' room and sat down on the floor while Jonas and Isak were leaning against the headboard of the bed and Magnus was sprawled out across the duvet. Isak was more than tempted to spend more time looking at Even than looking at the screen, and he would have been fine with it had he not been terrified of the possibility of Jonas noticing. Magnus, he was pretty sure, was too occupied yelling about the game. So he stared at the screen almost forcibly, clutching a can of soda in his hands and arguing about penalties to keep himself from being distracted by Even's blond hair being tousled in the back from leaning against the back of the bed. 

Their eyes only met when Isak said goodbye for the night and suddenly Even's pretence of being offended earlier seemed very much real. Isak dared giving him a quick one armed hug that he hoped wasn't too suspicious and carried the memory of his scent with him until he fell asleep that night.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so so much for everything! <3
> 
> I am finishing up the story at the moment and since I'm not sure about what to include in the epilogue yet, I thought I would give you the chance to make wishes. In the comments, or on tumblr if you're more comfortable on anon, you can send me anything that you would like to see, any side characters you would like, anything Evak (e.g. I got a lovely anon that wanted Evak spooning so yay that's coming up), literally whatever you can think about that you would like me to write. Can be smut, too, but I'll only write what I'm comfortable with. I can't promise that everything will be in the epilogue but I'll do my best and if there's something I really really like I might post extra scenes (that's also something you can request, scenes from other POVs or missing scenes) once the story is over! (Mayyyybe even a part 2 if I can think of a plot that I want to pursue). So yeah, no promises are being made and I'm already sorry if I don't end up using everything you guys send me, but I'm interested in trying this out, I've never taken requests before! :)
> 
> On another note: I think Even canonically being pan is so so so amazing and I celebrate it but I've already written 98% of the story and he's bi in this, so I won't go back and change that. I hope that's not offensive to anyone, I don't mean to erase any representation here.

The next morning Even was already at the rink when Isak got there, just like he had been early on his very first day with the Seadogs. When Jonas, Magnus, and Isak entered the gym locker rooms, Even's bag on one of the benches was the only indicator of his presence. Isak chose a spot far away from it just in case, even though the irrational desire to go through the duffel bag and find a shirt to sniff made Isak shake his head at himself. 

He sank down onto the wooden bench as he always did, already dressed in gym shorts and a washed out Nike shirt. He wouldn't ever understand why most of the guys rolled out of bed at 6:30, put on clothes, and went to the gym just to change out of them again. Either way, Isak waited as his team began changing around him, yawning and stretching to wake up his tired limbs. 

Just like every Monday, the Seadogs were especially slow, taking off clothes in slow motion, talking about their weekends, repacking duffel bags, and taping ankles to stay in the comfortable haze of sleepiness for just a little while longer. 

Isak let his gaze wander through the room and took in his teammates' various stages of nakedness. He hadn't ever really cast a second look at anyone. Not a long one anyway. Sure, whenever there was a new guy on the team he was a bit curious, and he might have had a brief period of fascination with Chris' abs that his awful personality had quickly put an end to, but those had been moments of natural interest and had nothing on the way that he looked at Even these days. 

Slowly, Isak leaned his head back against the wall behind him and pulled a knee up to his chest. Jonas was right next to him, standing shirtless and with his back to him, his skin a bit darker than Even's. Next to him was Magnus in his too tight boxers, his dick somewhat half hard as it sometimes happened for no reason, tenting the fabric a bit. It didn't do much to Isak even though he made himself look on purpose. It probably would have worked on him had it been an anonymous dick, but seeing Magnus like this didn't mean much. Neither did the view of Elias' bare ass that was presented to him a second later when he changed into his spandex shorts that sparked another round of the seemingly endless discussion of whether going commando to avoid panty lines was considered gay yet. 

None of it got to Isak. It never had. The thought of seeing Even hard in his boxers already made his balls feel heavy, but this was so different. He had been sharing locker rooms for his entire life and it hadn't ever been a problem to him. It wasn't one now either, since Even stayed out of the communal showers. Isak honestly didn't know what he would do if Even ever decided to join them. 

He had heard Eskild complain about it often enough, he knew how wrong it was to assume anyone being into guys to automatically swoon over every dick in a ten mile radius, but he still felt like he should be more sure of his sexuality, given that he spent at least an hour a day around naked guys. But then again, whenever he had played on a team, those people had been his friends. It was normal not to be into them, as far as Isak was concerned. It was possible to prefer guys over girls and still not get it up for each and every one of them. And he had been conditioned to not look for too long, he was used to being surrounded by naked bodies. 

And now that Isak was properly looking, maybe there were some nice, strong thighs, some cute happy trails and, yes, Chris' abs around him that were worth looking at. They just didn't matter enough for Isak to really appreciate them for longer than a second. They were attached to people he cared about and it was probably normal not to lust over them. 

But Even was different. He was doing push ups on a narrow bench when Isak finally entered the gym, a bit distracted from his locker room thoughts, and his eyes went wide in an instant. He knew he was staring but he couldn't even be bothered. Even wore shorts that hugged the curve of his ass tightly as they obeyed gravity and Even was holding himself horizontally to the ground, his strong arms pushing his body up and down, a bead of sweat dripping onto the floor in front of him. He wasn't wearing a shirt which was what threw Isak off the most. He had hardly taken it off in the locker room before and now he was working out with his naked chest on display, flushed and gleaming with sweat.

Isak was almost relieved when Even looked up at his approaching team and immediately interrupted his training to put his shirt back on. He took a deep breath, trying not to stare at how the white fabric clung to Even's skin and did hardly anything to hide his body. He remembered the few times Even had undressed in front of him, how it had always felt like a piece of trust, something that was reserved for Isak alone, and even though he knew that he should be happy if Even started to feel more comfortable around the guys, something inside of him felt satisfied when he realized that he was still the only one Even would willingly take his clothes off for. 

It was the same part of him that gave a flutter of excitement when Even smiled at him widely. Isak had almost expected him to hold a grudge for not holding his hand and being all cuddly when the guys were around, but instead Even walked over to him almost immediately. The relief Isak had felt at his smile turned into nervousness in a matter of seconds. It was good for the team to see that Even was making steps towards them, it was good if they hung out, but every second that they spent in each other's space was a second in which they could fuck up and stare at each other's lips for too long. To Isak, the smile Even gave him when he came to a halt in front of him said nothing but “it's been too long since we've kissed” and he cast a look around them to make sure no one was gaping at them open mouthed just yet. When he looked back at Even, he rolled his eyes and the smile was gone. 

“Alright, let's go back to not giving a shit about each other. It's not like you complained about that, too.” 

Isak sighed and he almost reached out for Even's hand when he was about to turn away from him.

“No, it's cool. Wanna do stretches? How long have you been here for?” 

Even shrugged his shoulders. “An hour. Stretches are fine though, I'm pretty much done.” 

“Great, I need to warm up,” Isak muttered, annoyed with how Even was being difficult this early in the morning. Together they moved towards the part of the gym that was laid out with thin mats and began stretching next to each other even though Isak had really intended for them to do the partner work out he usually did with Jonas. Jonas had headed straight for Eskild today and Isak could hear him complain about a muscle ache in his back from the other side of the gym. 

They worked in silence for only a few minutes before Isak could see William approaching them, a towel thrown around his neck and Chris nowhere to be seen for once. 

“Good morning, boys!” He sat down opposite from them on the adjacent mat, seemingly casual, but Isak could feel Even tensing up next to him. He wished Vilde had kept her mouth shut at the rink yesterday, but knowing her, she had probably told Even even more about William and Isak's issues if he had asked her about it once they had left. Apparently, hearing about some of last season's incidents had made Even feel more aggravated against William as ever. 

“Fuck off,” Even spat the next time William only so much as opened his mouth. “Go and spread your bullshit somewhere else.” 

Isak didn't say anything, but he did abandon his stretch and lowered his arms.

“Yeah, now that you point it out, there seems to be an overload of bullshit right here,” William spat and proceeded to kick Isak's water bottle over with his foot that he had stretched out to the right under the pretence of a work out. 

Even was on his knees before Isak could even say anything. William was quick to follow and they stared at each other intently, eyes narrowed. Isak gave a deep sigh and followed their movement, sitting up on his knees. 

“Will you drop it? This is really fucking childish.” 

He knew there was no arguing with William so he directed his words at Even who looked outright betrayed. Isak could tell he wanted to protest but William was already talking again. 

“Childish was the way Even was hiding from his old friends on Saturday, right? I was hoping to witness a reunion but someone was being a coward.” 

To Even's credit, he didn't use his fists. He did however reach for William's shirt and gave a sharp tug at it before pushing him backwards. William was back in his space in a matter of seconds and Isak yet again found himself between them, shoving at William himself this time. He was done not taking sides.

“Are you serious right now?” Coach's voice bellowed through the gym and Isak could tell that all conversation around them fell silent as he approached them. William immediately clutched at his chest, pretending to be in pain from where Isak had touched him briefly with his flat hand. Coach gave him an indifferent look and then fixated his eyes on Isak. 

“Valtersen. Captain. With me.” He enunciated the word ‘captain’ and couldn't have made it more clear that Isak didn't deserve his position right now. Maybe he never had. 

When Isak met Even's eyes after he had gotten up, he almost looked apologetic. William stayed on the ground with a spark dancing in his eyes, but to Isak's surprise, Even got up with him. 

“Coach,” he said, his voice still so entirely different from when he talked to anyone else, “Isak got between us, none of the fighting so far has been him. He just always gets in the middle of it.” 

Coach simply nodded in acknowledgement. He still led the way out of the gym and Isak followed him after giving Even a small smile. They ended up in the locker room where Coach indicated for Isak to take a seat, and he realized that this was going to be more than just another lecture about fighting among the team. 

“Isak,” Coach began, his voice grave and sincere, “I made you captain in hopes that you would take it as your chance to rise to your true potential. You're a great player, we all know what you do for us out on the ice, but as a captain, you're not doing your job.” 

Isak lowered his gaze to the floor out of instinct. 

“I didn't make you captain thinking you were going to have it easy. I chose you because I thought you would take the challenge. That it would motivate you to put whatever has happened between you and William aside. You could be a great leader, but right now you're not. This past month has seen more fighting amongst the team than the entire last season. And I know you're not to blame for a lot of that, I know you can't control what Even is doing, what William is doing, but you can't captain a team if you let yourself play a crucial part in it. Your job is to prevent this from happening, not to contribute to it.”

“I know,” Isak admitted. It wasn't hard, either. He knew he hadn't done a great job as a captain. On the ice, yes. But off of it? Sure, he hadn't instigated the fighting, but he also hadn't actively tried to prevent it. He had been too preoccupied with his personal life, especially with everything Even had brought to it. 

“Isak, I can see you and Even are working things out and I am glad that you are. Saturday was a tough game and you pulled through, this is what I want to see. But as captain, you need to give it more than your minutes on the ice. You need to stick with the team. You can't stay in when everyone else is out celebrating. You can't let them do their thing and hope it'll be alright. How are they supposed to respect you if you run away from the responsibility? Right now, you and William are dividing the team, and you can't be captain if you make them take sides. I don't care if it's your fault or not, I need you to find a way to fix it. Make an effort.” 

Again Isak nodded. He knew Coach was right, but he couldn't think of a way to ever get William to start working with him and keep his mouth shut. He could deal with Even. Even didn't actively try and create tension among the team, whereas William literally just talked to rile Even and him up. He agreed though that it was about time he found a way to put an end to it. 

Still, hearing that he had disappointed Coach didn't leave him with a great feeling, and he ended up overdoing it during his training once he got back to it in order to get rid of the biting feeling of failure that gnawed at him. Even was done with his work out when Isak picked his back up so they didn't get another chance to speak until their shared chemistry class. 

“What did Coach want?” Even asked as soon as Isak had slumped into the chair next to him. They had sat together the last few weeks so it wouldn't be weird if they kept it up. 

“To tell me I am doing a shitty job as a captain,” Isak said grumpily, slamming his chemistry book onto the table in front of him. He could see Even tilting his head in question from the corner of his eye. “And don't tell me he doesn't have a point because I know he does,” he added, resting his chin on his book and closing his eyes for a second. 

Even didn't reply now that he had shut him up, but instead started whispering when their lecture had already begun. 

“Okay, maybe you could do better in some respects. But don't let anyone tell you you're an overall awful captain. I told you before, you're the best one I ever had.” Somehow, his words sounded more intimate now that he was whispering them to Isak and had to lean in closer in order for him to understand. Close enough for Isak to smell that he had just taken a shower. 

“There's things you need to work on, but you're trustworthy. You're loyal. You care. You have great qualities for a captain, you just need to apply them and make the rest of the guys listen to you too.”

Isak gave a crooked smile at that. 

“Too?” he whispered back, raising an eyebrow at Even in question. 

“Well, I try. You're worth listening to. Don't doubt yourself, just think of what you can do better. Any captain has room for improvement, it doesn't mean you suck.” 

Isak didn't dare turn his head to Even but stared at the large screen in front of him instead, pretending to pay attention to it. For a second he fought the urge to drag the pen he was holding over to Even's notepad and draw a little heart in the margin, but of course he didn't. It wasn't like that between them. So they had kissed, there wasn't anything more to it at this point and Isak had no idea what Even was actually after. He was obviously lonely, so maybe he just craved some body heat and an ego boost. Isak spent too long thinking about how to thank Even for his reassurance that the moment passed without him reacting to it. 

After their lecture Even rushed off to his therapy session and Isak felt strangely bored in his next hour of class. He didn't bother taking notes and therefore drifted off in a matter of minutes, pondering over the fact that Even hadn't made his therapy a secret but called it by what it was when he had left him earlier. 

Physically, they hadn't even been that intimate, even though Isak hadn't ever gotten closer to anyone else before. Still it felt like they had taken an impossibly large step towards each other during the weekend, and it made Isak's head spin to think about it. About how suddenly besides Jonas and Magnus, Even felt like the person he was closest to on the team. Even, whom he hadn't been able to stand just about a week ago. It felt as if kissing him had converted all the negative attention he had given him before into affection. Suddenly he felt like texting him underneath the table, even though he knew he was busy, and after an hour of studying in the library that followed up his lunch break, he found himself heading over to the rink earlier than usual in hopes to catch Even, as he was usually the first one there to change in peace. 

It hadn't even been 24 hours but Isak still wished he could have kissed Even the second he entered the locker room and indeed found him there on his own, in the process of pulling on his under armour. But he knew better than to try anything in the changing room again, and he wasn't willing to risk his team walking in on them anyway. So he settled for yet another smile and some unsubtle glances at Even's naked chest that he wasn't as quick to cover up as he had been this morning. They didn't even talk, but Isak felt calm around him, like his conversation with Coach had never happened and there was nothing to feel awful about. 

Even was fully geared up by the time the rest of the Seadogs started stumbling into the locker room, and even though Isak made an effort to talk to some guys that usually hung out with Chris and William, he was distracted by how he could feel Even's eyes on him as he changed. He wasn't being secretive about it either, sitting on the bench in front of his locker with his legs spread wide to accommodate his gear, looking Isak up and down and giving him goosebumps. It felt weirdly exciting to have his eyes on him, but at the same time Isak wished he'd be less obvious about his staring. Maybe he only noticed because he knew what to look out for, and it wasn't like the rest of the Seadogs paid Even much attention these days, but he had enough rumours about him circulating. 

Throughout practice, Even wouldn't take his eyes off of him either and Isak felt increasingly exposed by him. It probably didn't look suspicious to anyone else, but it was enough for Isak himself to grow paranoid over the rest of the team finding out about them. What if it did somehow show? He tried his best to not only focus on Even, but to finally step up as a captain, to talk to his team and find out where he might be needed. He hadn't really spent any time contemplating what his approach to this new responsibility would be and so he merely offered his input wherever he could, testing the waters. 

Once their hour of practice was over, Even was by his side immediately. 

“Are we still doing extra practices?” he asked, and Isak nodded. 

“Yeah, why not? Can't hurt, right?” 

So they stayed behind again, mainly playing against each other now that they were getting better at being a team and didn't need to focus all their time on learning the other's moves on the ice. Coach watched them for a bit from the sidelines but eventually retreated into the tunnel below the stadium and as soon as they found each other alone, Isak relaxed and their game became more fun than practice. 

It did curious things to Isak's stomach to hear Even's cheerful laugh resounding from the bleachers every time he scored a goal on Isak, to see him playful like this, thoughtless even. The way it made him giddy with happiness was becoming a problem, but Isak could only respond by trying even harder to make him smile as they outsmarted each other during one on ones, dancing around each other and testing their skills. Their bodies moved in on each other closer with every time one of them made a move towards the goal and soon they were pushing and pulling at each other, play fighting their way through the other's defence. 

Isak made sure to stay away from the boards, to not crowd Even against them or to hold on to him in earnest, even though he knew that Even had to be able to deal with this kind of body contact in order to play hockey in the league. They were both smiling when they finally left the ice almost an hour later, sweaty and exhausted. However scary it was to be with Even like this, it also made Isak shiver with how good it felt. His entire body seemed to be wired towards Even, reacting to every inch of space that was closed between them, his heart jumping in his chest every time their eyes met. It was definitely becoming a problem. 

Unsurprisingly, they were the only ones in the locker room and Isak was quick to get rid of his sweaty gear and under armour in order to not make Even wait for long. At this point he expected him to wait until he was done with his shower and to head towards the bathroom as soon as Isak got out, the way he always did. He was halfway done and almost dropped his bottle of shampoo when Even entered the showers with a towel wrapped loosely around his waist. 

Isak was stood facing the wall, but he turned his head as soon as he sensed Even come in. He lingered in the doorway for a while, watching Isak's backside unashamedly. He seemed to be concentrating hard on the task of choosing a shower, his gaze flickering around the room for a bit and landing back on Isak's naked skin. Isak stood almost frozen, his head turned around to watch Even make a decision about what to do, his body still facing away from him. He swallowed hard when Even's hands moved down to his towel and hesitated there for another second. Isak’s eyes followed his movement but when he looked back up at Even's face, Even fixated his eyes on his and Isak made himself look back at him and not down to where the towel dropped to the floor.

He held his gaze while Even took a few steps towards the shower nearest to the door and stepped underneath it, turning towards the wall the same way Isak was stood, but never breaking their eye contact. It could be because he wanted to make sure Isak stayed where he was, or it could be to remind himself of whom he was with, that they had made the decision to trust each other. Isak didn't want to look away in case Even needed him to somehow reassure him that it was alright, but his eyes flickered down to Even's shoulder blades a few times unintentionally, and when it became too hard to ignore the presence of Even's naked body right in front of him and only look at his face, he turned his head away from him just to avoid fucking up and dropping his gaze. 

He concentrated hard on watching the wall in front of him when he finally squeezed some shampoo into his hands and rubbed it into his hair, but the only two thoughts in his head were about Even trusting him, making this massive step towards him, and about Even's naked body being right there, only a few showers down. He bit his lip and tried his best to fight the tingling feeling in his groin, well aware of how inappropriate it was, but his dick was only interested in the knowledge of the discarded towel on the floor near the door. 

He grew hard against his thigh, twitching and filling up in record time, and his lip began to hurt with how much he bit down on it in shame and something that almost resembled anger. This wasn't a sexual situation. This was Even coming to terms with his past, but his body didn't get the memo, his dick pointing steadily upwards, the tip of it almost flapping against his stomach. 

He had left his own towel at the door near Even's and would have to pass him in order to leave, which he wasn't going to risk. He would stay where he was until Even was done and back in the locker room, but that also meant there was no way he could hide his body's reaction once he had to inevitably follow him, unless he planned on staying in the showers until the water turned cold and his dick calmed down. 

Even turned off his shower after only a few more minutes and Isak kept from turning around until he was sure that he had left. Then there was no way around turning off the water himself, wrapping his towel around his waist and trying to hide the hardness underneath it as well as possible.

When he reentered the locker room, Even was in his jeans already, sitting on the bench and towelling his hair dry. He looked exhausted from more than just their two hours on the ice. Mentally drained. Isak knew in an instant that the way he was clutching his towel told Even everything he needed to know and his gaze flickered down Isak's body slowly in confirmation of it. 

“Sorry,” Isak mumbled, blushing furiously as he turned away from Even again to put on his boxers. 

“No,” Even said, his voice raspy and he cleared his throat before he went on. “Don't be. Fuck, you're the best person I ever met.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!! I love all your suggestions and literally everything you send my way <3

They didn't find time to be alone with each other for more than a few minutes for the rest of the week, which resulted in Even growing more flirty around Isak by the hour and Isak's paranoia about the team finding out about them increased accordingly. On Tuesday, Magnus invited himself to their extra practices which Isak couldn't refuse as it did indeed make more sense to play with more players if they were to pretend they were defending as a team. Isak finally went over to Eva's house for dinner with her parents on Wednesday while Even and Vilde had their first ballet class, and on Thursday, Even went out with his ex girlfriend whom Isak grew increasingly interested in. She seemed to be the only person in Oslo that Even was still in contact with, even though he had grown up in the area, so Isak couldn't wait to finally get Even to himself again and pester him with more questions. 

He couldn't believe how badly he craved Even's body, not only in the way that he couldn't wait to get his hands on him again, but also in the way that he wanted to simply hold him close and hear about his week. Even grew more comfortable around the team with every day that passed and Isak overheard him talking to teammates more often now, but he was still not the same as when they were alone together. All his, that was. Isak already missed his slow spreading smiles and easy laughs that he had only discovered recently. 

Since their next Saturday game was against the Wolverines who had been placed dead last in the league the last two seasons, Magnus had convinced the rest of the team that throwing another party on Friday night couldn't hurt too much, and Isak found himself sitting on the sofa in the guy's kitchen by then. He had decided not to drink and hoped the other Seadogs weren't risking their game day tomorrow either, and so he held on to some cheap soda and nodded along to the awful rap music that blasted from Jonas' speakers. He was rather bored. Even hadn't shown up yet, Eva was off getting drunk with Vilde somewhere, and his boys had started a game of cards without inviting him for obvious reasons. 

Every time the door to the flat opened and more people came in, Isak lifted his head and low key hoped it would be Even, even though he was most likely in his room. Maybe it was better this way. Isak wasn't drinking, but being around Even certainly would make him feel like he was, and he didn't need to proclaim to everyone how infatuated he was with him. The next time the door opened, it was Noora, and Isak watched her decline drinks from Magnus and then make her way over to her own room. By the time she reemerged, Isak was half bored to death, tired of people watching on his own, and ready to go home to at least get a good night's sleep. Or maybe he could knock on Even's door. Or text him to join the party, as that would be less suspicious. 

Noora giving him another weird, somewhat freaked out look when she passed by the sofa was about the most interesting thing that had happened all night and so Isak took the opportunity and got up to hastily follow her to the fridge. He suddenly thought back to Saturday morning and how he had left Even's room. What if she had seen him then? That would explain why she would be giving him weird looks.

“Halla,” he said once they got there, leaning against the kitchen counter. “It's Noora, right? I'm Isak, I don't think we've met.” 

Noora froze in her movement of opening the fridge for only a second and took too long to answer him, as if she was contemplating what to reply. 

“Everyone knows who you are, Isak. You're the Seadogs captain. Also, I live with your friends.” 

She wasn't unfriendly per se, but brisk enough to let Isak know that she didn't want to talk to him. He had to take a deep, calming breath at her words and reminded himself that she probably wasn't referring to Even, but to Magnus and Jonas. And even if she thought he was friends with Even, there would be no harm in that. He could have simply been hanging out with Even, it hadn't exactly been a walk of shame.

Again, a curtain of blonde hair fell over the left side of Noora's face and hid her soft features when she leaned forward to inspect the drinks in front of her. 

“Oh, right,” Isak said, not knowing where to take their conversation, really. What if the only explanation for Noora acting strange around him was indeed that she was into him? Isak doubted it, but according to Eva it was a possibility. 

“Have we met before?” he asked, deciding to cut right to the chase. “Before Saturday I mean?” 

He couldn't see her face until she reached for a can of soda and shut the fridge, finally turning to look at him. She tilted her head a bit and regarded him with a long look, kind of like the way Even looked at him when he was trying to figure him out. He raised an eyebrow in question that made Noora sigh and look around them for a second as if to check whether anyone was listening in on them. 

“We haven't,” she said. “But I've kind of used you as an alibi once. I never thought we would have anything to do with each other, so this is really awkward.” 

“An alibi?” 

Noora opened her drink and stared at her hands for it, the flush in her cheeks making it painfully obvious how embarrassed she was. 

“I don't know if you know this, but I've gone out with William a few times. Last summer, right before the semester started.” 

Isak nodded when she looked up at him and tried to give her a smile, but he knew the look on his face probably couldn't hide what he thought of anyone going out with William. 

“I know,” Noora sighed, “biggest mistake of my life. He became really pushy and selfish even after I told him I didn't want to keep seeing him after the summer. So I kind of told him that I was dating you. Or like, that I was into you.” 

Isak didn't know whether he should laugh or not. He hadn't even known who Noora was before she had moved into the flat, why would she have chosen him as some excuse to get away from William? 

“I know, I'm sorry,” Noora gave a little desperate laugh at his confused face. “I was talking to William in the courtyard last year and he became kind of scary, pushing me to stay with him, and you were hanging out near the biology building so I kind of just pointed at you and said that you and I had a thing. I didn't know about hockey then, that you and William knew each other. I thought you were just some random guy.” 

Isak opened his mouth to say something, but he needed another minute to process. So he had gone through a year of being William's punching bag just because of some girl that wasn't interested? Was that really it? He gave a disbelieving huff. 

“That's why he can't stand me? Because he thinks you're into me?”

“I'm so so sorry if this caused you any problems. I thought about talking to you after I found out you were on the team, but William was dating someone else then so I thought he was over it and it wouldn't make a difference.” 

“It doesn't.” Isak downed his soda and placed the can on the kitchen counter in a puddle that smelled like beer. “Not now, anyway. I doubt that's the only reason he has to be awful, so don't bother bringing it back up.” 

Noora gave him an apologetic look. “I'm serious though, I never meant to pull you into this. I shouldn't have used some stupid excuse in the first place, I don't have to justify not wanting to be with him. It was a stupid thing to do.” 

“What was?” Even joined them, eyebrows raised in casual curiosity, looking between Isak and Noora. He wore tight, light blue jeans that made Isak swallow hard and his hair looked a bit ruffled as if he had just woken up from a nap. Maybe he had. Noora lowered her head, almost in shame, but Isak didn't see any reason to lie to Even. 

“William thinks I've dated Noora last year. Which explains a lot.” 

“Does it?” Even looked confused, stepping a bit closer to Isak to let two girls pass behind them who hugged Noora enthusiastically.

“Noora went out with William,” Isak explained, his eyes roaming the crowded room, trying to judge how suspicious it would be if he and Even disappeared to his room. Or maybe out of the flat, to go over to Isak's and finally be alone together again. They could even leave one after the other. As if Even could read his mind he placed a hand on the counter next to Isak when more people squeezed past him. He didn't even touch him and Isak still felt his side tingle pleasantly. 

Even furrowed his brows a bit and nodded, pretending to be listening when really he dropped his gaze down to Isak's lips. Isak suddenly felt hot all over and his mouth went dry. Even was standing too close to him but he wanted him nowhere else. If anything, he wanted to pull him in closer. It had been almost a week since they had kissed. What if it had just been some stupid fantasy? For a second it felt as if Even was leaning in even closer but then he pushed himself off the counter and moved to grab a beer from the fridge. Isak was busy watching his lips wrap around the head of the bottle when someone stumbled into him. 

Eva giggled loudly after having apparently tripped and fallen into Isak's arms, and when she looked up at him he could see how glassy her eyes were, her pupils wide and her cheeks rosy.

“Isak,” she hummed, wrapping her arms around him to steady herself. He reached out for her automatically, pulling her body into his side. “I was wondering where you were,” she almost slurred. Her breath smelled of beer and her body felt hot and slightly damp against his skin. It wasn't an attractive mixture, but Isak held on to her anyway, ignoring how Even smiled at them, amused, as he had to step out of the way yet again to let Noora and her friends leave the little space in front of the fridge. He watched them head for the centre of the room and start dancing before he leaned his body against the counter right next to Isak's. 

Isak tensed up, not only due to Even's sudden close proximity. He also couldn't be too sure of how well drunk Eva would remember their deal not to bring up the confession he had made about Even the other day, especially now that he was right here with them. He was relieved when she didn't comment on Even standing too close to him yet again but instead began babbling something about vodka and playing truth or dare with Vilde and Chris during their pre game. 

For a while, he listened to her while Even quietly sipped his beer next to him, his eyes on Isak. The room was too crowded yet again and the air around them quickly became thick with the smell of alcohol, sweat, and perfume. Bodies pressed against them every time someone made their way to the fridge and Isak couldn't help but think that maybe they should get out of here not only to get some alone time, but also simply for Even's sake. He seemed fine but Isak felt him inch his way closer to him slowly, until their hips almost touched, and adrenaline rushed through his body. 

“Do you know what Chris also said?” Eva rambled on, and Isak didn't really think she wanted a reply. She hadn't the last five times she had asked him a question. Instead of answering, his entire body concentrated on the fact that Even moved his bottle of beer from his right into his left hand and then dropped his arm casually to his side, making it brush against Isak's skin. It was only a second before Isak felt his fingers press against his upper thigh, somewhere near the seam of the pocket of his jeans. No one was watching them, the room was too packed with people for anyone to notice, and if so, it was a casual enough touch. They were simply standing close to each other because it was loud and they were talking, and people were shuffling around them so they needed to make space. It was just a single finger brushing against Isak's jeans, but it was as far from accidental as it could be. 

“He said you never even go out with the team anymore,” Eva slurred, and Isak had a hard time listening to her. “But you went last Friday, right? You were out all night!” She pressed her head into Isak's chest and it became even more difficult to understand her. “So I told him not to be a fucking liar and he got all pissed at me for defending my best friend, and I mean, you said you were out so you were out, right? Last Friday?” She had been cheerful a minute ago but when she looked up at him now, her eyes were almost filled with tears. Isak took a deep breath, but Even spoke before he could.

“Last Friday? I don't know, Isak, were you out with the team then?” Even asked, his voice deliberately innocent. He pressed his finger just a little bit harder into the crease between Isak's thigh and his hip, and Isak gasped He only just refrained from arching into the touch so as to not push Eva away, who was still leaning into him. 

“Of course I was,” Isak lied, his words almost getting lost in the music overhead. “We went clubbing after the Sharks game.” he didn't look at Eva but turned his head towards Even, searching for his eyes. Had Even really expected him to just tell everyone he had spent the night in his bed? He had been annoyed with Isak's secrecy before and he looked it now, too. Contrary to the almost offended look on his face, he inched his finger over Isak's thigh though, moving gradually towards the bulge that was straining against his jeans.

“Well that's why I told Chris to fuck off,” Eva announced, patting Isak's chest.

“What club did you go to again, Isak?” Even asked, looking him straight in the face. His finger wasn't quite there yet, but it was close enough to pull at the tight denim of his jeans and to make it press against his hardening dick in a delicious way. Isak's eyes fluttered close for a second when Even moved in even further, stopping just shy of where Isak wanted him, and pressed his thumb into the side of his leg along with his index finger, only inches away from his dick. 

“Don't recall,” Isak got out, his brain no longer functioning. “Let's bring Eva home? Are you gonna help me?” He was too drunk on Even's fingers to care about how he probably stared at him with dark, wide eyes. All he wanted was to get out of the guys' flat and into his own room, close the door behind himself and Even, and not leave the bed until it was time for their bus call tomorrow. 

“No, I think I want to party tonight. Like you did last Friday.” With that Even pushed himself off the counter again. But he didn't just leave Isak, which in itself would have been bad enough. He moved past him and Eva, his body temporarily in between them and the rest of the room, his hand still on Isak’s thigh, and Isak was glad for the music when he pressed his thumb into his hard dick for the shortest of moments, starting at the base and dragging it down to the tip. Isak's entire body jerked forward and into the touch, and he let out a sharp breath that made Eva raise her head from his chest and lean it backwards so she could look at him. 

Even raised both eyebrows at him as if to say “have fun dealing with that” before he vanished into the crowd and left Isak with his entire body pulsing hot with need. 

“Can we talk about what we're not supposed to talk about?” Eva slurred and turned around clumsily, staring after Even just like Isak did.

“No,” Isak pressed, his voice sounding strangely empty. “Are you fine or do you want to go home?” 

“I think Even just tried to touch my ass,” Eva laughed, and Isak only nodded in agreement even though he knew better. 

“Do you want to go home?” he asked again. “Because I'm going.” 

Eva protested loudly at both, so Isak made a halfhearted effort to find Vilde for her before he left the party. As soon as he had found someone who had recently seen her, he left Eva with a rushed goodbye and was out the door before anyone could hold him back. He did feel a bit bad, but it wasn't like Eva was among strangers or too drunk to function, and she wasn't far from home either. 

Isak made his way down the stairs taking two steps at a time, his head racing to keep up with his thoughts about Even's hands, his mouth, his body heat, and that pout that Isak hated to have put there while at the same time he knew he'd do it over and over again. If Even had expected him to share what they had started with everyone else, then he was wrong. Isak didn't even know what the fuck was going on himself, he sure as hell wasn't going to tell anyone else about it. 

When he threw the door open and stepped into the courtyard, he spotted Even within a second. In the next one he realized it was raining. Even was leaning against the brick wall right next to the door to Isak's flat. He wasn't wearing a jacket and the heavy rain had already drenched his shirt and jeans, his hair was pushed out of his face naturally but dripped water anyway. It was hard to read his face until Isak was standing right in front of him. He wasn't smiling, but he didn't seem to be angry at Isak's lies either. He looked a bit resigned, still pouty, and Isak almost lifted his hand to his face to touch his lips that looked even more puffy than usual. 

But he remembered the windows into the courtyard in time and turned around to check whether anyone was watching them. Some dark silhouettes were outlined against the dancing lights of the party in the third floor where Isak had just come from, but they didn't seem to be facing them. Isak could hear Even make a sound of annoyance and when he turned back around, he dared to lift his hand to his face. Even's skin was wet with the rain, heavy drops were running from his hair over his cheeks and onto his lips, and Isak couldn't wait to kiss them away.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Double update! 
> 
> Warning for explicit smut, yay!

Isak could tell that Even was growing impatient with him. He hadn't said anything about Isak shying away from his every touch during the week when they hadn't been alone, and Isak had been grateful for it, but he was clearly growing annoyed with him when he not only turned back around to reassure himself that the courtyard was empty before he let both of them in, but also made Even wait in the hallway until he was sure that his kitchen was empty. He was fairly certain that Chris would be at the party, but he hadn't seen him there so he couldn't be sure. Once they reached Isak's room, Even stepped back from the door to let Isak go in first, mocking him. 

“Wouldn't want the monster under your bed to catch us together, right?” he mumbled under his breath, but he followed Isak in nonetheless. Isak only huffed and turned on the small light next to his bed rather than the hard ceiling light while Even slammed the door shut behind them like Isak had wanted to do for too long now. Even looked around the room curiously, but Isak closed the distance between them and pressed his lips onto his, claiming his attention almost furiously. He gave a sigh at the feel of Even's body against his, not daring to touch him yet but revelling in the hot warmth of his mouth, his lips opening underneath his own without him even having to ask for it anymore.

Their first kiss had been like this, standing in a barely lit room, hardly touching, all lips and breath and wanting. But now Even stepped forward, his hands on Isak's waist again, not to hold him back but to pull him in, pressing their bodies flush together, and Isak made a little noise of complaint at feeling the cold and wet fabric of Even's shirt against his own, but he pressed his chest against him anyway, taking everything Even was willing to give him. Their kisses were no longer careful and full of questions, but instead both their mouths told the same story. 

It had been too long. Isak lifted his hands to Even's hair, the only place he knew he was probably allowed to touch, simply because he had done it before, and tugged at the wet strands, pressing his thumbs lightly into the damp skin of his neck, down to the collar of his shirt. He smelled like rain, like Even, like something Isak needed so badly his entire body ached for it. He still made himself stop there, reducing his movements to those of his lips against Even's and the slow strokes of his fingers, caressing his skin but not moving underneath his shirt.

Isak did his very best to hold himself back, to not push his hips up into Even's, but Even's movements against him were frantic and uncontrolled in return. His hands roamed his back, his t-shirt slightly damp from the rain but far from being drenched like Even's was. He had waited outside for him, had missed him too, needed this as much as Isak did. Isak's breath sped up at the thought of it, of Even wanting him, Even being as hard in his jeans as he was himself, and it made staying still so much more difficult, especially with the way Even now pulled at the fabric of Isak's shirt and pushed it up his back and out of the way, his fingers finding naked skin and still needing more of it. Isak only realized Even wanted his shirt off when it was pushed up to his shoulder blades and Even kept pulling at it, making a little sound of annoyance. 

Isak lifted his arms over his head and it shouldn't have felt that exciting to be shirtless right now, not after Even had seen him take his clothes off about a hundred times by now, but he still felt like it was a first. But Even didn't even look at him. Instead, he reconnected their lips as soon as the fabric was out of the way and pulled Isak's lower lip in between his, a stifled moan leaving his mouth, and Isak's hips surged forward at the sound and met Even's thigh for a second. He bit down on his own lip, or maybe it was Even's, and stilled the movement to instead focus on his hands again, trying to be satisfied with the feel of his hair moving between his fingers and the hot, sticky skin of his neck. This was all he needed. Even. In any way he could have him. 

Apparently Even had other plans for them though. His hands dropped to the small of Isak's back and pulled him into him, pushing their hips together until Isak could feel him press hard against his own dick, and his mouth fell open in pleasure as their kiss became a mere mess of heavy breathing and moans. Even shivered with the intensity of it, but he pressed against him nonetheless, hips staying still now that they could properly feel each other. 

Isak grasped the fabric of his t-shirt in his fingers in desperate need to hold on to something so as to not send his hands down Even's back, pushing him too far, taking what he wasn’t allowed to take yet. Their lips were still touching but not moving, and so were their hips, just their bodies straining against each other in anticipation, waiting for the other to take the next step. Isak's eyes flew open and he could see Even's half lidded ones staring down at his lips, long lashes throwing shade against his cheekbones again. 

“You can touch,” Even whispered, just air really, the words hardly there but still loud between them.

Isak swallowed hard. He forced himself to go slow, to give Even room to change his mind, but he lowered his hands over the long stretch of Even's back where his wet shirt stuck to his burning skin. The cotton felt cold against his skin regardless of his warm body and Isak bunched it up once he reached the hem, pulling it upwards in slow motion, waiting to be told no. But Even lifted his arms like Isak himself had done and when he dropped them again they ended up even lower than before, cupping Isak's ass over his jeans. 

It made Isak yearn for his lips again and he lifted his head to find them, kissing Even while sending feather light touches over his back. He was soft with Even while Even began rubbing at his body more roughly now, making Isak whimper against his lips, making his balls ache and the challenge of keeping his hips still became an almost impossible one. 

Even was still shivering, the cold air hit his damp skin and the sensations of Isak's light touch seemingly added to it. He rocked his hips forward a bit, ruining Isak's self restraint and making him move with him, both of them panting into each other's mouth. Even felt large against him, rock hard in his wet jeans, and the friction wasn't enough, they weren't moving fast enough, and the button of Even's jeans pressed against Isak's dick almost uncomfortably.

“Bed,” Isak gasped, and immediately added a rushed “if you want to.” 

Even didn't even reply. He pushed Isak backwards towards the bed as if he had only waited for him to ask and climbed on top of him as soon as Isak's back had hit the mattress. For the first time, their eyes met and Isak's dick filled up even more at the sight of Even above him, his face more real than it had ever been before, stripped of all pretence and guarded tension. He looked young, honest, a strand of wet hair fell into his face as he leaned over Isak with his arms placed next to his head, giving him enough room to escape, to push him off if he needed to. 

Isak wasn't having it. He pulled Even down by the back of his head and reconnected their lips, the taste of him already something he knew he was going to be addicted to. Even kept miles and miles of space between their bodies now that Isak was underneath him, and Isak wasn't sure whom he was trying to make more comfortable. They should have talked about this first. Slowly, he moved his hands down Even's back until they rested just above the waistband of his jeans and dug his fingers into his skin there, trying to pull him into him, to reconnect their hips, but Even was moving too slowly, lowering his upper body first and still keeping just enough space between them so he could let his right hand roam over Isak's chest. 

Isak whined when his fingertips brushed his nipple which made Even let out a low sound in return, and his fingers stayed right there, teasing him, sending shivers through Isak's body. Isak was starting to think that this was it, that he had pushed Even far enough, his movements having stilled except for his curious hand on him, that Even was going to stop any second now, but then his fingers dropped lower, down his stomach and to the band of his boxers and jeans. Isak pushed his hips up into nothing, already on edge, ready to explode if Even did anything else to him. 

“Okay?” Even asked, his thumb and forefinger brushing the button of Isak's jeans, pulling at it in question, and Isak nodded frantically and threw his head back into the pillows. Even opened his trousers and pulled down his zipper in slow motion, and Isak's dick revelled in the feeling of being somewhat released from its close confines, pressing steadily upwards now, leaking a wet spot into the fabric of his boxers. Isak bit his lips so that his moan didn't sound like a complaint when Even moved his fingers back up his chest once he had undone his jeans and went back to circling his nipple. 

“Fuck,” Isak panted, feeling embarrassed for only a second. They both wanted this, there was no room to feel ashamed for it. Even began peppering his mouth with small, closed mouthed kisses before making his way down to Isak's neck, his large hands now spread out across his stomach, his touch not light like Isak's, but confident in contrast to the slow pace. It was becoming harder and harder to keep still, to not simply reach for Even and press their bodies together, seeking friction until they both found their release. Just the thought of seeing Even's face, feeling his body reach its high above him, touching him, being the reason for it, brought Isak close and he pushed the tips of his fingers into the waistband of Even's jeans. He could feel the vibrations of Even's throat against his neck when he moaned. 

Isak tried to match his pace with Even's when he moved his fingers over his sides, traced the line of his tight boxers to his front, and hooked his thumb around the button of his jeans. He didn't dare to do anything before asking a question, even though Even clearly pushed his hips forward and into Isak's waiting hand. 

“That okay?” Isak got out in between heavy breaths and Even lifted his head from his neck and sat up on top of his thighs. He looked down at Isak with a longing look that was new to him. Isak's hands had dropped down onto the mattress when Even had sat back, and now he traced his fingers over Even's knees and up his thighs while Even bit his lip and moved to open his own jeans, pulling down the zipper slowly. Isak couldn't help but stare and it made Even smile a bit, his body visibly relaxing a bit further, looking even more confident. 

Isak had thought seeing Even on top of him like this, straddling his thighs, undressing for him, would be the sexiest thing he had ever seen, but he changed his mind when Even gave him a cocky smile and moved his hand over the bulge of his own dick, squeezing himself through the thick denim and letting out a hoarse moan at the feel of it. For a moment Isak thought he would come there and then, his balls drew up for a second, but he took a deep breath and kissed Even back when he leaned forward and hovered over him again, covering Isak's body with his. 

“Even, please,” Isak breathed into their kiss, pushing his hips upwards, searching for Even's, but Even moved his hand between them instead and dragged his thumb over Isak's jeans just like he had done earlier tonight. Isak moaned loudly and bit his own lip, his entire body anticipating the touch. Even just missed him on purpose, not touching his dick that was throbbing with its nearing release but pressing his finger into his skin right next to it, up and down as if he was moving on his dick instead, and it drove Isak crazy. Something snapped in him and he pushed his hips up fiercely, needing nothing else but that little bit more friction, Even's thumb moving that tiny bit more to the right. 

“Fuck, fuck, Even, fuck,” he panted, his breath hitched in his throat, his hips thrashed upwards uncontrollably. But Even continued the slow, torturing movement and watched Isak lose it underneath him with a fascinated smile on his face. Isak clenched his eyes shut, his dick grew impossibly harder, his right hand moved to Even's biceps as if to urge him to move his hand, to pick up his movement. 

“Shit, you're close,” Even gasped in realization, “so beautiful, fuck.” He pressed his thumb into Isak's thigh one last time with even more pressure than before and Isak knew he was going to give in and finally touch him for real, but he didn't need to. 

He came with a deep moan, with his come messing up his boxers, the fabric clinging to the head of his dick an added bonus of friction and sensation. It seemed to last forever and when he came to, he could taste blood on his tongue, the taste of it familiar and somewhat grounding from countless split lips and nose bleeds. 

Isak didn't dare to open his eyes, he didn't think he could take the sight of Even above him any longer, knowing he had just witnessed him coming basically untouched, that stupid smirk of his no doubt still lingering on his face. But Even leaned over him and pressed a small, almost shy kiss on his lips that eventually made Isak look at him. He was smiling, but not in a way that made Isak feel uncomfortable. He looked high, pupils blown, face flushed. 

Isak couldn't help but smile back at him, laughing a little with the rush of relief and afterglow taking over his body. When he dropped his gaze to the hard bulge in Even's jeans, Even climbed off of him and it was all he needed to say. There would be enough time for him to catch up with Isak when he wanted to. For now, he fell onto the mattress next to Isak, both of them breathing too hard, smiling at the ceiling. It felt like something had fallen into place, and even though Isak didn't know what it was yet, he could still feel it settling between them. 

He took Even's hand and the touch felt strangely intimate regardless of what they had just done. They lay like that for an eternity, waiting to calm down enough to speak. Isak tried his best not to get hung up on the sight of Even's straining jeans, aware that Even would know best what he wanted and what not. He refrained from reassuring himself that he wasn't being selfish, but instead made sure to keep touching Even in other ways, easier ones, letting him know that the offer was there. 

Every second they had spent with each other so far had been charged with curiosity, with not knowing, and Isak hadn't wanted to waste a single opportunity to ask questions, but right now he felt like he knew everything there was to know about Even for now. He felt comfortable laying in silence with him and cuddling into his side, at least until he winced at the wetness in his boxers. 

“I'm gonna go change,” he said after a while and Even nodded, giving him another smile. 

By the time he came back from the bathroom, Even was sat crosslegged on Isak's bed, dressed in nothing but his boxers and a Seadogs shirt from last season that had Isak's number 9 on the sleeve and on the back. 

“You don't mind if I borrow this, do you? It's a bit cold.” 

Isak swallowed hard, his dick already showing interest again in the sight of Even wearing his clothes so casually. In the sight of his dick still laying half hard against his thigh and him not doing anything to hide it. 

“It's fine,” Isak said and cleared his throat. “Do you need anything? Are you okay with staying the night? I won't be offended if you need some space.” 

He wouldn't be offended, but definitely heartbroken. Luckily, Even shook his head no. 

“I want to stay. Unless you're scared of someone walking in on us, that is.” He gave Isak a searching look, clearly only half joking. 

Isak hadn't considered that maybe Eva would come join him in bed later or in the morning. But for now, being with Even was more important, so he would take those chances. He walked over to the bed and settled underneath the sheets with him, their bodies pressing together to get warm and comfortable, sharing light kisses and studying each other's faces in the dim light. 

Maybe this was the moment to ask Even what he thought this was, what they were, but Isak couldn't be bothered. He wasn't in a rush to define whatever they had, mainly because he knew that once he did, he would have to also define it in front of others. He could accept that he was into Even, there was no doubt about that anymore. He was also fairly sure that in general, he wasn't interested in girls, but that guys were a lot more appealing to him, even though his interest in Even was still on an entirely different level. 

The thought in itself freaked him out, but what it meant in practice didn't. It meant he got to kiss Even, and there was nothing at all wrong with that. If they could keep it between them, Isak was more than ready to define it, to let Even know how badly he needed him to be his, that he wanted to share with him what he didn't share with anyone else. But he could already tell it was going to be more difficult than that, so he bit his tongue and instead went along with it when Even eventually started to talk about some film he had once seen. 

It was too late when they finally fell asleep after having talked the night away, and Isak had never felt more relaxed when Even wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into his chest, cuddling him from behind. 

 

...

 

When they woke up again it was light outside and their phones both rang aggressively at the same time. Isak reached for it blindly and saw Jonas' name on the screen while Even had to get up and get his phone from his jeans that still lay abandoned on the floor. 

“What?” Isak grumbled once he had picked up, sitting up in bed and watching Even take his phone out of his jeans pocket way too slowly after it had already stopped ringing. 

“Where the hell are you? And is Even with you? We were meant to leave like ten minutes ago!” Jonas almost yelled into the phone at the same time at which Even turned his lock screen for Isak to see how late it was. They had slept until past 11:00. Isak didn't have time to fully realize how the lock screen was definitely a picture of himself, his number 9 on last year's jersey clearly visible while he was in the process of sending the puck far over the ice. 

“Fuck,” Isak groaned while he practically jumped out of bed. “I'll be there in five!” He reached for his jeans while Even did the same, not even bothering calling back whoever had tried to reach him. 

“Is Even with you?” Jonas repeated his question impatiently and Isak suddenly felt hot all over. Shit. Him and Even both being late, and Even not being in his room where the guys would have undoubtedly checked first, looked bad. 

“I... I think he stayed with Vilde last night,” Isak stammered a reply and Even shot him a dark look from across the room where he was fighting with his own tight jeans. “I'll bring him. Can you come meet us here?” Isak hung up on Jonas to avoid more questions and reached for Even who was already headed for the door. 

“You're wearing my shirt,” he said, motioning down to where the number 9 hugged Even's biceps. For a second it looked as if Even would refuse to take it off, but then he sighed and pulled the shirt over his head and picked his own up from the floor. It should be dry by now but would definitely not feel nice to wear. Isak considered giving him another one of his, a plain one that wouldn't necessarily be too obvious, but Even having changed at all could be noticed by the rest of the team and so he decided against it. God, was he glad the Seadogs hadn't sent Chris up to come and look for him. Isak grabbed his half packed duffel bag, hoping he would have everything he usually needed and knowing that he could always borrow the rest.

There was no time to check whether the kitchen was empty this time, and Even was out the door before Isak could even think of it anyway. Isak, stunned, watched him wave at Vilde and Eva who were sat at the kitchen table together. Even smiled brightly as if he hadn't just emerged from Isak's room in the morning, wearing yesterday's clothes, being late for their bus call. The girls probably didn't know about that last bit, but it was bad enough, and Isak immediately felt angry about his own carelessness last night. He avoided Eva's puzzling look and simply mumbled: “I'll tell you tomorrow,” before he followed Even to the door and left her behind. 

The door fell shut behind them and Even suddenly wasn't in a rush anymore. 

“Will you? Tell her I mean?” 

Isak gave him a wary look as he pushed past him and made his way down the stairs. “I don't know. I'll think about it.” 

That seemed to be good enough for Even until they reached the foot of the stairs where he placed an arm against the door that Isak tried to open, holding it close. 

“Isak,” he said, his voice calm. “Don't freak out, okay? It's gonna be okay, they're your friends.” 

Isak turned around to him and suddenly found himself trapped between Even and the door. Even took a step back to give Isak space, but he still looked at him in a weirdly intense way. 

“Just say you've been at Vilde's. Please,” Isak begged, his throat dry from talking the entire night. 

Even didn't look as offended as Isak had expected but merely shrugged his shoulders, trying to hide something like sadness on his face, and it was definitely worse than him rolling his eyes again. It made Isak reach out for him and place a kiss on his lips. He wanted nothing more than to deepen it, to kiss Even for at least another few hours, but there was no time.

“Thanks.” 

With that, he turned around and stepped outside where he could see the team bus waiting for them at the curb. He took a deep breath and then jogged over there to join his team, feeling like he somehow let Even down.


	28. Chapter 28

Magnus and Jonas had gotten themselves a row of seats each, so Isak sat down next to Jonas with Magnus in front of them again. He yelled an apology for being late through the bus, glad that at least Even had to run upstairs to his flat and grab his bag first, so they didn't have to enter the bus together. Still, they would have to be even more careful now, and Isak hated it already. 

Yesterday he had still thought that what he had with Even might just be some casual thing, a bit of a distraction and a way to relief the stress that built up throughout the season. At least for Even it could have been that. But after last night he was sure there was more to it. It was more than just mutual attraction, and there was no way either of them would put an end to it any time soon. So they would have to think of a way to make it less obvious what they were up to, especially now that they had already drawn attention to themselves. 

Apparently Even didn't agree with him though, as he sat down next to Magnus when he entered the bus a few minutes later instead of finding a seat further away from Isak. He let Magnus convince him to play ‘I spy’ with him after some while, and Isak had a hard time listening to Jonas talking about last night rather than Even taking guesses in the seat right in front of him. In between guesses, Even was making a big show of emphasizing how he had spent the night with Vilde, raising his voice every time he retold the story of how much fun it had been to stay over there, in a strictly platonic way of course, and Isak kicked his knees against his seat every time he did so. 

Jonas finally caught his attention when he told Isak that he had hooked up with Noora last night after almost everyone else had been gone, and they stayed on the topic until they took a break for lunch and Isak got told off again by Coach for being late earlier. Apparently Jonas hadn't given being with Noora any thought, and them making out last night had been part of some stupid drinking game, but Isak picked up on the way it had obviously left him feeling confused. 

It would have been the perfect opportunity for Isak to share some of his own confusion about his love life, which was no doubt worse. But he couldn't do so, since Even was right there, let alone the rest of the team, and Isak still didn't know whether he wanted anyone to know. Maybe telling Eva and Jonas wouldn't be too bad, but anything beyond that was too scary to contemplate right now. 

During their lunch break Even bought him some stupid coffee with a cocoa heart sprinkled on the foam, which he couldn't have known about before buying it of course, but Isak still had a hard time taking the cup from him and instead of thanking him, he sent him a warning look. He texted Even a blue heart and the coffee cup emoji once they were back on the bus though, and his heart beat in double time until Even replied to him. Isak stared at his message for too long and made sure to hide the screen from Jonas. It showed the emoji of the two guys kissing with a heart in between them. 

For the rest of the ride, Isak intended to listen to Jonas talking about Noora and make plans about how to proceed with her, but he got distracted once Even texted him some cryptic emoji sequence Isak had trouble decoding. Jonas eventually made do with talking to Magnus who had turned around in his seat again, and Isak stared at his phone until they reached the stadium where they would defeat the Wolverines today. 

He was fairly certain about what Even had wanted to tell him in his first message, as the hotel emoji paired with a pink heart, a bed, and the champagne bottle was rather obvious, but the next one included the hockey stick and goal together with the kissing lips and Isak pondered over various ideas. They all led down the same exciting path though, and Isak was lost at what to text back. Eventually he settled for a thumbs up, the possibly lamest sext ever. 

He could hear Even laugh in front of him a second later and kicked the seat again for good measure. Even sent him the facepalming guy and Isak decided to leave it at that and instead typed: “why am I ur lock screen?”.

Even never gave him an explanation but stuck to emojis. He sent him the guy who shrugged his shoulders, the boys in love again, and a finger pointing at Isak together with the fire image and Isak shook his head at that and instead opened his conversation with Eva who had sent him seven question marks in regards to this morning. He texted “tomorrow” and then added a couple of hearts when he realized that he had hardly replied to her messages at all lately. He had never been great at texting, and Eva knew, but he still felt like he had to somehow make more of an effort for her.

When they got to the rink, Even was luckily stuck with Magnus who had delved into a detailed account of a game they had played last season and so Isak managed to get to the locker room first and secured himself a spot in the corner with Jonas next to him so that Even couldn't sit down with him to continue putting thoughts into his head which he didn't need to have right before a game. He changed with the team today, which he had only done before when there had been no way around it, and Isak made himself look away once he had stepped out of his jeans and into his leggings. Would he take a shower with the rest of them today? Even had undressed down to his boxers in the past, but never further than that. 

When they had geared up and sat in a circle to listen to Coach talk about never underestimating your opponent, Isak caught Even's eye, and it scared him how familiar he already looked to him. He was in a room full of people whom he had all known for years now, most of whom were his friends, and still looking at Even made him feel most like coming home. Isak wasn't even exactly anxious about the game, but Even made him feel calm anyway. He was no longer just Isak, but an Isak who could confide in Even, who somehow always knew whether he was right behind or next to him, who looked out for him without consciously wanting to. Everything was centred around Even these days. Kind of like a boyfriend. 

Isak jumped when Coach suddenly clapped his hands and the guys around him got up, bumped fists, grabbed their gloves, took last sips of water, and headed for the door. Isak gave Magnus and Jonas his usual pats on the helmet that kind of resembled hugs that were almost impossible to pull off in gear, and when he reached Even, he did the same to him and pulled their bodies together as best as he could, not bothered by what it looked like to the others. It was okay to care. No one would think they were involved with each other because of a simple good luck hug. 

Even's eyes went small when he smiled, and he kept it up all throughout their warm up, looking like he finally enjoyed wearing Seadogs Red and supporting his team. When they slumped down next to each other on the opponent's bench after their first shift, Even leaned in close to him and asked: “Have you figured out my message?” 

It was loud around them with the audience going wild and the Wolverines already yelling about some holding penalty William should have gotten, but Isak still shifted closer to Even to make sure no one listened in on them. 

“I think so?!” he half asked. “Trying to focus on the game though.” 

“You should,” Even smiled. “Just keep in mind that you get to choose where you want my lips tonight for every point you get.” 

Isak had never been hard with his protective cup on before, and it wasn't a pleasant feeling. Not painful just yet, but it sure would be in case he actually fell or got a puck to his crotch. He stared Even down but only received a wink before Even jumped the boards when it was their turn on the ice again, leaving Isak so startled that he almost fell as his skates caught on the boards when he followed him. 

It took Isak almost the entire first period to get the thoughts of Even's lips out of his head, but luckily William and Chris were less occupied wth their love life and both scored within twenty seconds of each other. The Wolverines scored off a breakaway from a sloppy turnover during the second period though, and Isak, furious with his own stupidity, finally woke up and decided to make Even proud. 

By the time he saluted the unenthusiastic audience after the third period, he had scored his first goal of the season and gotten two assists. Even didn't brake before he pulled him into another hug and they crashed into each other more roughly than Isak would have chosen to, had he been the one approaching him. But Even seemed to be fine and he beamed at Isak from underneath his visor and made Isak laugh before he was jumped by Magnus who cheered loudly into his ear. 

Their 6:2 win called for another celebratory scene in the locker room, and this time Isak found himself at the centre of it. He even tried to prolong it when he saw Even making his way to the showers right away, which was a more daring move than Isak had expected. He would be alone there for now but there was no way of knowing whether it would stay that way. Even wouldn't have taken those chances if he didn't think he could deal with sharing the showers, but Isak still made his team chuck beers in unison and yelled and cheered with them until Even emerged from the showers dressed in black boxer briefs. 

“Good job, Dogs!” Coach announced in the same second that Even rejoined the team, towelling his hair dry. “This is what I want to see from now on, well played! We'll look at the game tape on the way back.” He clapped his hands again and the guys began chanting Coach's name while they kept undressing and drinking. 

“There is a sportsbar just down the road from the hotel, but I want you to take it easy. I won't put a curfew on you guys, but know that you have a responsibility towards the team and that you owe it to yourselves to stay safe,” Coach declared with a wide smile and then continued to read out his list of hotel room pairings. When he casually threw in “Isak and Even”, Isak wasn't the only one who lifted his head from his skates in surprise. It was surprise at first, but it quickly became dread when he realized how many pairs of eyes were on him while Coach kept on reading. 

Maybe he could pass it off as a coincidence. Everyone knew that Coach used his random system to pair them up, but only Isak had to know that this was definitely not a result of it. He could claim he had nothing to do with it and would try and talk to Coach. But at the same time, every time he pretended not to be involved with Even at all, he made it harder for him to actually become a part of the team. He knew the right thing to do was to parade their friendship around, to set a good example, let the other guys see that Even was more than an ex-Shark. If only that didn't also mean drawing attention to the fact that he was very much hoping to get off with him tonight. 

No one asked Isak about his roommate for the night until he walked into the showers and away from Even. Apparently the guys were still careful not to piss Even off. 

“So you're sharing with Even?” Kasper asked and immediately drew attention to their conversation. “I thought sharing was beneath him.”

Isak took a deep breath before he chose his answer carefully. “We should be glad he's taking steps towards us, okay? I don't know what this is about, but apparently he's trying harder now so we should do the same.” 

Jonas nodded in agreement. “Yeah, he's actually been a lot easier to deal with lately. He's been hanging out with Mags and me, too.”

“It's because he realized he can't fuck teammates who hate him, come on!” Elias complained while rubbing shower gel onto his chest. “Everyone's seen on facebook that he's into dudes, right? There's no way I'm ever sharing a hotel room with him. Fuck Coach's system.” 

Isak wouldn't have known what to say, but luckily Magnus got angry enough for the both of them and was supported by one half of the team who threw insults at Elias while the other half hadn't known about Even being into guys and started a loud discussion about it as if Even wasn't in the room next door and was likely to overhear them. Isak closed his eyes and tried to tune it all out, but it was hard to do. He was glad to hear how many of his teammates actually agreed with Magnus when he called Elias a homophobic piece of shit, but he also hated how interesting it apparently was for the guys to discuss Even's sex life. They had just started to get over the rumours that surrounded the transfer but were already on to whatever else they could talk crap about. 

Isak rubbed shampoo into his hair too roughly and watched as the Seadogs around him got louder and more aggravated with each other. Elias defended himself in one corner, supported by William who gave Isak a headache by claiming that it was natural to feel disgusted when undressing in front of someone who might be staring at his ass. Soon everyone talked over one another, yelling about sucking dick, gay relatives, and lesbian ex-girlfriends. Only it wasn't a conversation but a fight of sorts which developed faster than Isak could understand. When, to Isak's surprise, Chris began pushing at Elias and was in turn met with a shove from William that almost made him slip on the wet tiles, Isak turned his shower off and reached for his towel to cover himself up before he got involved. 

“What the fuck?” he yelled. William and Chris weren't actually fighting, but Isak still moved to stand between them, just in case. He had never even seen them argue before. 

“Can we go one weekend without this shit? There's no fucking reason for this, okay? Get it together!” 

“Says our beloved captain who likes it up the ass himself and hasn't gone five days without a black eye this season,” William laughed. “Hey, now that I think of it, tonight could be the night for our D-team!” 

Jonas and Magnus both moved in on William at the same time, but Isak held them back and luckily they let him. 

“What's your problem?” he asked. “Is it Even? Because if it is then you can go suck it up. He is a part of this team and you're gonna leave him the fuck alone. If it's me then I'm ready to get this out of the way when you are.” He turned around to make sure to not only talk to William when he kept going. “We have a season ahead of us that I don't want to see ruined because of pity fighting like this. We're gonna go out tonight and celebrate and no one's going home with a shiner this time. If there's anything you can't deal with at this point, you can talk to me. Make it the team's problem.” He turned back to William. “I'm done with this crap. You either fix your shit with me or you don't, but it needs to stay away from hockey.” 

Isak felt his teammates' eyes on his back when he left the showers and his heart was racing fast. It had undoubtedly been time for him to say those words, but they had also been an overreaction to what had actually been going on. He hadn't been wrong, but he had still chosen the wrong moment, had taken things too personal and exploded in front of the team. 

Isak was shaking when he entered the locker room and he was beyond grateful to see Even sitting on the bench in front of his stall, fully dressed, his eyes wide but not in a bad way. 

“Fuck, you're hot like that. I'd love to kiss you, but it'll have to wait, right?” he whispered and Isak nodded. 

“We're in a locker room anyway,” he observed, holding on to the sound of Even's words to keep him from getting caught up in a spiral of unhealthy thoughts about everything he shouldn't have said. About how he had probably made things way too obvious now. 

As if Even knew what he was thinking about, he said, still quietly: “You weren't out of line. You're captain, you're supposed to speak up, take a stand in this. You can't watch them fight and do nothing.” 

“It became too personal,” Isak muttered, but Even couldn't reply as the first Seadogs came in from the showers. It was weirdly quiet for a few moments until Jonas joined them and put on music on his phone, and so their celebration slowly resumed. Isak took careful note of how William and Chris weren't speaking to each other, and he made a point of including Even in his conversation with the team. He had to find a way to unite the Seadogs without declaring his thing with Even out loud, but ignoring him was not a possibility. Not when Even was still so incredibly misunderstood by most of them. 

 

...

 

By the time the Seadogs hit the sportsbar Coach had pointed out to them, the tension in the showers was forgotten and Isak felt calm again, happy about their win and the fact that except for William's little group, that was really only Elias and Chris when it came down to it, the team seemed to be on his side. William found himself a spot at the bar to brood while the rest of the Seadogs claimed three large tables in the back. Even ended up next to Isak and he didn't mind it for now, as long as neither of them got too drunk and affectionate. 

The first round of drinks went on Magnus and when the rest of the team toasted to Isak, as the number one player of the game, it felt like it was more than that. After a few shots of cheap whiskey Isak felt his thigh press against Even's on the high bench they were sat on and he ordered soda for the next round. Even followed his example the next time someone got up and cheered loudly before taking their orders and heading towards the crowded bar. 

Isak did his very best to keep including Even in their conversation while at the same time not giving away how much time they had actually spent together lately. Eventually, Even's body next to him distracted him enough so that he got up and made Jonas play darts with him, but he still ended up watching Even from afar. Isak could see how conflicted he was about the team, going back and forth between easy conversation and casting them annoyed looks while staring Isak down from across the room as if begging him to come back. 

Isak made a point of taking his time with Jonas and buying him another drink once they stopped playing. He understood that Even wasn't crazy about the team, especially after today's post-match behaviour, but at the same time he knew it wouldn't get any better if they didn't get to know each other. 

So Isak downed another drink with Jonas after all and then headed for the bathroom afterwards. He wasn't surprised when Even joined him by the time he let cold water run over his hands while staring at his reflection in the mirror. They were alone in the small room and so Isak smiled at him once Even had closed the door behind him. 

“Hey, number one player of the game,” Even said in a low voice. To Isak's surprise he closed the distance between them decidedly and wrapped his arms loosely around his middle. Isak looked back over to the door out of instinct, growing tense and ready to step out of Even's space the second it was reopened. He hated not being able to simply hug Even back, kiss him even, let him know how much he appreciated him. 

“You played good today,” he chose to say when really he felt like saying something a lot more personal than that. “It's your win too.” 

Even smiled, his eyes growing small the way Isak loved it. He couldn't help but be fascinated with his lips once Even's tongue darted out to wet them, as if he was getting ready to kiss him. The thought of it almost ached in Isak's chest and he leaned forward before Even could do so, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. He wanted to hold Even, to pull him in closer, to share with him everything this day had been, and to make it theirs simply through the reassuring touch of their bodies. Even's eyes fell close at their kiss and Isak couldn't help but do it again, pressing his lips against Even's, lightly and closed, but still speaking volumes of how badly he wanted to be alone with him. Not only to claim Even's lips like they had been promised to him, three times for three points, but also to see Even relax again, to talk to him the way they only talked when they were alone. 

“Let's leave soon?” Even asked, his thumbs brushing over Isak's bare hips underneath his shirt, and Isak could only nod. It was almost midnight, there was nothing weird about going back to the hotel. Even if they went together, it wouldn't be too suspicious, as they were sharing. And if it was, Isak could deal with it in the morning. He would find some explanation. For now, he leaned his body against Even's, intending to pull him into a hug, but Even lifted his chin up instead and reconnected their lips for yet another kiss that made Isak sigh contently.

He closed his eyes and let himself revel in the smell and the taste of Even for a moment, the feeling of not being alone, but for Even to be there with him. He was still stood too close to him, their lips still touching, when the door opened behind Even and their brains worked too slowly, their bodies were too accustomed to be touching by now so that it took them too long to part, to bring a decent distance between them. 

There was no way Chris hadn't seen them kiss. He froze in his movements, his mouth falling open just the slightest bit, and he let the door fall shut behind him with a bang when he entered the bathroom as if to announce Isak's doom.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still can't comprehend all the love you guys send my way. Seriously, thank you for always being kind, positive, and so so encouraging and sweet <3

Isak opened his mouth to say “it's not what it looks like”, something he felt like saying out of instinct, anything to stop the panic from spreading within him, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. It was exactly what it had looked like and after one look at Even, Isak knew that he wouldn't manage to lie about it that blatantly. Even's hands were still on his hips and Isak couldn't even bring himself to take another step back. It was only Even's touch that kept him from trembling. 

It only took Chris a second to recover and he merely raised his eyebrows, almost indifferently.

“Wow,” he said dryly and stepped around them, heading for one of the cubicles. “Such style. Making out in the bathroom. No one's gonna kill you for doing that out there.” He already had his back to them and pointed behind him towards the bar with his thumb as he spoke. 

Isak turned around and stared at his back until he had vanished into the cubicle. He still didn't know what to say. Instead he looked back at Even, his eyes wide, somehow expecting him to have all the answers. Even looked calm, his thumbs went back to stroking over Isak's hipbones as soon as they were out of Chris' sight again. The only sign of him being upset came in the form of worry when he looked down at Isak. 

“It's alright,” he mouthed. Then he lifted one of his hands up to Isak's hair and pushed it out of his forehead. Isak bit his lip but took a step back from him now. Chris barging in on them was already more than he could handle, he didn't need more Seadogs to see them standing like this. Then again, it was probably only a matter of minutes before the rest of the team knew. 

For whatever stupid reason, the only thought on Isak's mind was that he would have to step down from his position as captain. Maybe, a very big maybe, he could stay on the team and strike a deal with the Dogs to never ever talk about it, but there was no way they would listen to him after this. They wouldn't let him lead them if they knew, would they? 

Chris didn't cast them a second look when he reemerged and began washing his hands. Isak knew he needed to say something, but he couldn't think of anything. Instead he silently pleaded with Even, hoping he would understand and take the lead here. He did. 

“Can this stay between us?” Even asked, addressing Chris' backside. “It's not really the right time to share it just yet.” He sounded too casual for Isak's liking. For all the temper he usually showed, he was calm now, cold even, as if he couldn't care less what Chris did. 

Isak watched Chris shrug his shoulders. “Sure. It's none of my business, right?” 

When Even looked at Isak, tilting his head to the side as if to ask “good enough?” Isak finally found his voice. It wasn't good enough. He needed some of the threats Even was good at making, needed Chris to be scared of ever saying a single word about this. 

“I swear to God, if you bring this up, I'll make sure you're off the team. You've done enough shit to deserve it.” 

It was wrong to use his position as captain against Chris, it was all kinds of wrong to threaten him in the first place, but in his panic Isak didn't think about it. He could see Even's face turn to stone, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that Chris should not have been the first person to find out, and now the only thing he could do was to make sure that William wasn't number two. 

Yet again, Chris shrugged. “I really don't care, okay? There's no reason to hide this shit if you ask me, but that's your decision to make. I won't say anything, calm down, Captain Closet.” 

Isak should have felt calmer at his unusually decent words, but he didn't. How could he believe him?

“William?” he asked, just to make sure Chris knew what he was mainly talking about. 

Chris only scoffed. “William has been all kinds of crazy lately. He's on his own.” 

He pulled a couple of paper towels out of the dispenser and dried his hands, then he was out the door without saying anything else. Isak had realized earlier that he and William seemed to be fighting, but he hadn't known it was more than just bickering. Apparently it was enough for Chris not to be in the mood to screw Isak over.

A minute ago Even had been comforting Isak with his touch, but when Isak stared at the closed door for too long, unable to move, his panic a constant, heavy weight in his guts, he didn't react. They stood together for quite some time before Isak finally tore his gaze away from the door. If Chris honestly hadn't said anything, then staying in the bathroom with Even for ages would speak for itself. 

“Let's leave,” Isak muttered. It seemed to pull Even out of his own trance and he nodded slowly. 

“Are you gonna make me wait ten minutes until I can follow you?” 

Isak was sure his words were meant as a joke but they didn't sound like one. His voice was flat and emotionless but Isak's own head was exploding, he couldn't take care of Even just yet. They had to get out of this bar. 

Isak shook his head. Then he made himself place his hand on Even's chest for a second, feeling his heartbeat. He wanted to kiss him again, at least on his cheek, reassuring both of them that they would be alright, but something about Even's rigid body told him that it wouldn't be the best idea. Instead he touched his chest and then moved past him and back into the bar. 

He almost held his breath when he took in the sight of the Seadogs, including Chris, assembled around their tables, loud and confident. Some girls had joined their group and everyone was chatting loudly, each one outdoing the other, being their most charming and obnoxious athlete selves. It made Isak sick. It always had. Whatever he had with Even, it was definitely worth more than this. But for now, no one seemed to cast a second look at them when they grabbed their jackets. Even stayed quiet and Isak only informed a few guys that he'd be leaving before he hastily made his way out of the bar, following Even who was already waiting for him outside.

For just a moment Isak was scared he would have gone without him, but he was right there, standing near a group of smoking girls who had their eyes on him. Isak didn't dare and take Even's hand right now to make a point of how he was his, but he would have, had it not felt as if they were fighting for some reason. Either that or Even was spiralling down into his thoughts yet again. Isak couldn't tell. 

They walked together in silence until they reached the hotel and the fresh air worked wonders on Isak's confused self and made him feel somewhat more composed by the time they entered the crappy lobby. Coach had chosen another cheap hotel for them, but they were only a college team after all. Everyone agreed that they'd rather have shiny new sticks each season than a king sized bed in a private room each. 

Isak had already taken note of the two beds in their shared hotel room when they had dropped off their bags earlier, after the game. He hated the idea of being that far away from Even for the night, but of course Coach wouldn't place them in a couple's room. It also meant that whatever Even had told him to get them to share hadn't included the truth. 

They took the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator and still hadn't spoken a word by the time they reached their room on the fourth floor. Even's face was still blank of emotions, but no longer as tense as before. He vanished into the bathroom before Isak could say anything and so Isak sank down on the foot of his bed, the one on the far side, and kicked his shoes off as he waited. When Even joined him again he was only in his t-shirt and jeans, and he dropped his jacket on the floor somewhere near his duffel bag. It was a good sign. 

“Hey,” Isak broke the silence and Even stilled, looking over at him. “Come here?” He patted the bed next to him but Even didn't come over to sit with him. Instead, he sank down onto his own bed, not far from Isak's but still too far away. 

“Are you mad that I don't want people to know?” Isak guessed. He knew there was more to it than that, but it was a beginning. 

Even sighed deeply and visibly began to relax his body, as if he had to put a tremendous amount of effort into it. 

“I'm not,” he finally said. “Don't make this all about me. I should be there for you right now, I'm sorry. I'll come over in a sec.”

Isak frowned. “No, you don't have to. Stay where you're comfortable.” 

Even looked at the floor between them. “I'm sorry Chris walked in on us, I shouldn't have followed you in there in the first place. I knew you didn't want people to know and I should have respected that more.” 

“Yeah. But I kissed you first. You didn't do anything, don't worry about it.” Everything inside of Isak longed to touch Even's body, to at least be on the same bed as him, but he stayed where he was. This was good. Better than Even becoming a hot mess and throwing punches like he had done in the past when something had triggered him. 

“I hate the idea of him knowing,” Isak admitted. They were going to do better from now on. No more passive aggressive fighting. 

“I fucking hate Chris, no matter what,” Even pressed. “I couldn't care less about what he knows or not. Let him think whatever.” His voice was strained and Isak took in the way he buried his fists in his sheets. 

“Why is that?” Isak had his own reasons to not be fond of Chris, but as far as he knew, Even's main problem lay with William. Apparently he had missed something though, as Even made wide eyes at him. 

“Are you serious? Chris and William both did that shit to you last season, right? I don't get how you can even still play with them. You're telling me I didn't overreact in my case, transfer and all, but you don't open your mouth when your own teammates abuse you?” 

Isak had expected them to argue about what had been building up between them ever since their first kiss, about the fact that Even was clearly annoyed with Isak not being comfortable enough to admit to what they had started. Not this. 

“It's different,” he tried but he could already see that Even wasn't buying it. 

“How is it different? No one tried to shove their dick up your ass, but is that the only way you define abuse? It wasn't even provoked, was it? That's not some argument gone out of hand, that's not fighting on the ice, that's just fucked up. And you don't see it, that's the worst part. You're just there, thinking you probably deserved it, while you tell me I made the right call by leaving my team behind for it. What is it, Isak, it can't be both.” 

“What, no, I don't think I deserved it. Where did you get that from?” Even was a step ahead of Isak, taking him by surprise, and the only thing he could do was pick up on the one thing that really made its way through to him. 

“Maybe not, but what other reason do you have not to care?” 

Isak didn't know what to respond anymore. Eventually, he shrugged his shoulders. 

“I don't know. It's still different. Chris and William are my age, they never actually meant to... I don't know, permanently do any harm? They were drunk and angry, about something as stupid as jealousy or whatever. I'm not saying it's right, but it's also not like it was for you.” 

“Isak, you were the one who told me not to downplay it just because it could have been worse.” Even extended his leg and touched Isak's foot with it, needing their bodies to touch. It was a surprisingly gentle motion and his voice immediately calmed down with it. “I'm not saying you should quit the Seadogs or that it's entirely the same, it never is. But don't defend them, don't act like it's nothing.” 

Maybe Even did have a point. Isak remembered Magnus and Jonas, the only guys on the team who somewhat knew about last year in detail, telling him similar things, urging him to go speak to Coach, but they had eventually let it go. 

“Okay,” he admitted. “Is that what happened earlier? When you suddenly couldn't even look at me? Was that because Chris was there?”

It took Even a good minute to reply. “No. That was you threatening to kick him off the team if he opens his mouth.” 

“Fuck.” 

Isak jumped up from his bed without thinking about it, ready to wrap his arms around Even, but he remembered and sat back down without moving towards him. 

“I'm sorry.” It took him another few minutes in which they sat in silence to fully comprehend what Even was saying. He hadn't spent much time thinking about what had happened to him in detail, thinking that Even would let him know whatever he wanted him to, but he suddenly thought that maybe he should have. He still didn’t know how to deal with it all, how to understand the gravity of what had happened.

“Don't feel guilty, Isak.” 

Their beds stood close enough to each other that Even could grab Isak's hands in his without having to get up. They sat facing each other, holding hands, both of them staring at their intertwined fingers. 

“How can you stand this? Being with me like that?” Isak eventually asked. He remembered Even saying that it was different, but he still didn't see how. 

Isak hadn't expected Even to smile at his question, and it felt weirdly out of place until it didn't and instead made Isak take a deep and calming breath. 

“It's different,” Even said again. “You’re not giving me any reason not to trust you. Sometimes thoughts get into my head but then I look at you and I know this isn't that. I don't connect the two things. It's way more on my mind in moments like earlier than when we're together like this.” He squeezed Isak's hands in his and Isak couldn't help but smile a little, too. “Last year I made out with strangers at clubs sometimes after we won games. I don't think I would do that anymore. That's something I've lost interest in and that would probably scare me to death these days. But not what we have.” 

Just earlier today Isak would have given a lot to avoid the conversation Even was inviting him to have, but now things had changed again. He didn't think he could muster up the nerve to tell Eva, to talk to Chris again, to deal with people sooner or later finding out about his sexuality, without having Even there to help him along. 

“What do we have then?” He asked weakly. He already knew the answer to his own question, but allowing himself to ask it felt like relief, like giving up resistance. 

Even didn't give him a real answer, but instead he said: “We first kissed on September 28th. That's our jersey numbers. 2809.” 

Then he got up and sat down next to Isak, their thighs touching yet again. 

“Oh,” Isak said in realization. “That's so pretentious. It's gonna sound like we did either one on purpose.” 

“So you're implying that one day people are gonna know?” 

Isak gave a deep sigh and fell back onto his back, pulling Even with him as their fingers were still intertwined. 

“I guess so. Give it some time. I'll tell Eva for now.” 

“No pressure,” Even said and he sounded like he meant it. “I just hate lying about it. Sneaking around, pretending we're not even friends.” 

“Of course we're friends. And the guys can know that, okay? I know I'm being paranoid.” 

Even shook his head at that, turning it to the side to look at Isak. “You're not. I get it.” 

“Does your family know? Your friends? About you being bi?”

“I’m pan, Isak. There’s a difference. But they do. What about your family? You never talk about them.” 

Isak filed that piece of information away for later.

“I don't know. We're not that close. My parents go back and forth a lot, they're not easy, not really in a good place mentally either. My sister does her own thing really. We get along, but it's okay if we don't talk all the time. We go on holiday every summer and that's about as much alone time with them as I can handle.”

Even only hummed, either thinking about what Isak had said or giving him the choice to keep going. Isak didn't. He didn't feel like discussing his family much, which was also why he didn't ask about Even's. They would have enough time for it later. For now they just lay in bed together for a bit longer, completely dressed, not even kissing, their earlier anticipation of tonight forgotten. 

Isak thought about their jersey numbers, about how deeply superstition was ingrained in hockey, and about whether maybe a part of Even, if he had known about it, had done it on purpose. Kissed him then just to secure them a cute anniversary date. He disregarded the idea though. Their first kiss had been too much of a stepping stone for it to be calculated. 

Isak felt like kissing Even now, but he wasn't sure it was the time yet. It was something he would have to learn how to figure out if they were going to do this. Be together. He thought back to Chris, about having to talk to him again to make sure he kept his mouth shut until he was ready to come forth about it. Would he ever get to that point? It seemed to be incredibly easy when he was with Even, but every time he wasn't, the idea of telling people seemed ridiculous.

It felt right though, when they eventually crawled into one of the small beds together instead of claiming both of them. They kept their shirts and boxers on, an unspoken agreement between them that too much was on their minds right now, and their exploring hands would have to wait until they got back to Oslo. It didn't keep them from kissing each other goodnight though, noses bumping and fingers tracing promises over each other's sides. 

“What have you told Coach?” Isak mumbled sleepily once he remembered to ask. “About rooming together.”

“I told him I would be fine sharing with you but no one else, and he said he was glad,” Even whispered back. They had already turned off the light and the exhausting day started to catch up with them. 

Isak didn't manage anything more than a hum as a reply. Right now, in his sleepy haze, Coach knowing about them didn't seem like the worst thing in the world. Really, Chris and William had been his worst fears, and today one of them had turned out to be unfounded. Whether Chris told William was something else entirely, but Isak had to give it to him that he had reacted well. Maybe coming out wasn't that impossible after all. It was easy enough to consider it when he lay in Even's arms, breathing in his scent, his heart beating faster once he realized that he could now have this whenever he wanted to. Whenever Even wanted it too, that was.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!! I remember wishing to write a story that makes it to 30 chapters and here we are haha! 
> 
> How do you guys feel about smut, yay or nay? There's definitely more coming in this story, that's already decided and written and will definitely published, but I also had an idea for an extra scene that I want to write and maybe publish after everything is done, so tell me whether you'd be into that, too?!:)

Like Coach had promised, they watched their game tape on the way back to Oslo the next day, but Isak had a hard time concentrating. He was sat next to Even in the last row of the bus with no one else behind them, and after he had watched Chris' every movement from there for a while and had reassured himself that he wasn't talking to William, but instead watched the game intently, Isak had begun to relax. Nothing had changed so far. No one had brought up him sharing a room with Even again, no one had noticed them spending an awfully long time in the bar's bathroom together and leaving immediately afterwards, and apart from a few curious looks, no one noted them sitting next to each other now. 

Coach talked to them through the microphone, pointing out possible moves and improvements, but Isak was more interested in what Even had to say to him when he whispered in his ear in a low voice. 

“Okay, so I'm only telling you because you need to help me out here.” He was in a good mood today, all smiles and playfulness. “Do you think Eva could be into Vilde?” 

“What?” Isak laughed, having a hard time to keep quiet. He preferred this easy conversation with Even over whatever else was on their minds too often, but this was ridiculous. “Is this some stupid lesbian fantasy of yours? That's wrong on so many levels, you know?” 

“Hell no,” Even laughed. He was close enough for his breath to tickle Isak's neck. “They've both said some things, unrelated to each other.”

“What things?” 

“Well, Vilde outright told me she's not into guys. She never told me to keep it a secret, either. I think Eva might even know.” 

“She's a lesbian?” Isak asked again, growing more serious now. “How do you know this and I don't? I've known her for way longer.” 

“Well, she told me.” Even pressed his leg into Isak's. They both felt like this today. Unable to keep their bodies apart from each other. “You don't really talk about these things with her, do you? But anyway, when I was out with Eva she got really talkative after some time and drinks and she started talking about wanting to experiment with girls. Like, she's not opposed to the idea. I don’t know how serious she is about it, but still.” 

“Wow, what a compliment.” Isak said, but he had to laugh anyway. “That was only days after we kissed, right? Must've really sucked for her too then.” 

Even swallowed his laugh. The row before them was taken so they had to keep their voices down in order not to be overheard. 

“She never said. And if she had I wouldn't tell you. But either way, we should set them up.” 

Isak had thought it was funny before, but now he groaned. 

“No, that's awful.” He wasn't being entirely serious and he knew Even wasn't either, but sometimes he couldn't be sure with him. “First of all, we aren't gonna use Vilde as some test run for Eva to see whether she's into boobs. And then how do you know whether Vilde is into Eva? Just because she's not straight?” 

“Well, it's all speculation from there on. I just thought we could see where it goes. Give them some hints.” 

“Yeah, I don't think I'd be good at that.” Isak leaned forward to grab his blue gatorade from the net in front of his seat. “You can try though, apparently you and Vilde have this weird bond that makes her worship you and everything you say. Reason number one why I thought she was as straight as it gets.” 

Even took the bottle from him once he was done drinking, casually, as if them sharing was the most ordinary thing in the world. 

“I told you from the get go that we're just friends,” he whispered. “She's not into me, do you believe me now?” 

“I think I believed you before, but yes.” 

Even leaned in even closer and Isak automatically let his gaze wander over the backs of heads in front of him, making sure all eyes were either closed out of boredom or stuck on the screen where miniature Isak had just scored his goal. Coach replayed the shot while Even's lips ghosted against Isak's ear, drawn into a wide smile.

“You wanna know who I'm into?”

His words made Isak laugh out loud, fully aware that Even was alluding to him scoring, and even Magnus who was sat at least five rows ahead of them turned around to see what was going on. After that, Isak made sure to stare at the screen and follow the game, but he could feel Even's eyes on him and it made him giddy with happiness. He reached for Even's hand, glad that they had chosen a spot where they could do this without having to think about it too much, and only let go of it once they arrived in Oslo around midday. 

When they got off the bus, Eva was waiting for them in front of the rink, her skates thrown over her shoulder, wearing an adidas jacket of Isak's. Isak embraced her, highly conscious of Even who was right behind him. He knew that Eva knew something had happened, and it was obvious in the way she now took both of them in, smiling while she did so. 

“Don't run off somewhere again. We have things to talk about, so bye, Even!” She reached for Isak's arm, slid hers underneath it, and only let Isak go long enough for him to grab his duffel bag from the luggage department underneath the bus. Then they started walking back to their flat, waiting until the rest of the Seadogs had spread out, most of them grabbing their bikes and cycling back home. Even waved goodbye and left together with Jonas and Magnus, and Isak stared at his back until he was out of sight. 

“Okay, spill!” Eva demanded as soon as they were alone, still in the car park of the rink. “Things went from 'oh I think Even is attractive' to 'I spent the night with him' fairly quickly, don't you think? I know you said you weren't ready to talk about it, but are you sure? Because I can tell that a lot is happening, and you're not talking to anyone else, are you?” 

“No, right,” Isak began, just to have something to say. He considered bringing up what Even had said to him on the bus earlier just to distract her for a bit longer, but then again he was kind of dying to get things off his chest. Not even the bad parts, the scary ones that involved coming out, but the good parts. The ones in which he had the cutest boyfriend and he was crazy about him, regardless of everything they still had to figure out. Still, he felt like he had to ask a question first. 

“Are you sure you and I are alright the way we are? I don't want to tell you these things when they might hurt you.” 

Eva leaned a bit closer into his side and pulled him into her. 

“Oh, so it's this kind of thing? The kind of thing in which you and Even are getting it on?” She sounded excited enough for Isak to believe her, but he still looked at her expectantly, waiting for her answer. 

“Yes, Isak,” she finally said, “I'm sure we're alright. I had a bit of a crush on you and I was confused, but I don't think I would have really wanted to date you had it come down to it. It was curiosity, okay?”

“Okay,” Isak said. “Well, I'm taken now, so you better be over me,” he joked. 

“Taken?” Eva came to a halt and squealed when he nodded, throwing her arms around him. “Fuck, Isak, how come you're only telling me now? You didn't really think it was gonna be a problem, did you?” 

“No. But it's scary, okay? I didn't realize any of this until now. It's new and I'm not sure how to deal with it.” 

“But so it's serious? You're actually dating?” Eva's complete obliviousness to the issues that came with it somehow managed to make Isak feel better. Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as he had thought it was. Maybe it would just take some getting used to. 

“Yeah? It's new though.” 

“Fuck,” Eva said again when they kept walking, slowly, as if to prolong the time until they got home, but they still got there too fast. So they dropped off Isak's bag and Eva's skates, and went out for lunch. Isak gave Eva a run down of what had happened, leaving out the juicy details, but quickly moved on to gushing about Even without any real purpose to his talking. It took him an embarrassingly long time to finally ask about Eva, too. 

“Have you heard about Jonas and Noora?” he asked carefully and was glad when Eva nodded. Her face fell a bit and lost the bright smile she had worn all through Isak's detailed description of Even's weird morning routine and how he liked to brush his teeth before having breakfast instead of after. 

“I have. It kind of sucks, doesn't it?”

“Why? You and Jonas, that's been over for quite some time now.” Isak studied the menu behind the counter of the kebab place they had chosen, even though he knew he would go for his usual. 

“Oh no, not because of that. Jonas can do whatever he wants, I just think Noora isn't a great choice.” 

Isak ordered his kebab but immediately asked: “I thought you liked her? You were such a fan a few days ago.” 

“Well now she's made out with my ex the first chance she got, which is not a great move, but I could see past that. They're roommates after all, so maybe there's more to it. What's worse is that she told William she dated you! She told me after the party just because she felt like I would find out anyway. You don't think that's a dick move? I mean, considering how it resulted in William hating your guts?” 

Isak had almost forgotten about Noora after his mind had been occupied with Even yet again. Everything else seemed to be only of secondary importance right now. He just didn't have it in him to really care about what had happened between Noora and William over a year ago.

“I don't really care,” he said. “William's just an awful guy, I don't think him being jealous about Noora made such a difference there.” 

“It's not just jealousy, though.” Eva took her food and they made their way over to a table in the window. “William's possessive, he literally thinks Noora is his. I'm sure him thinking you had a thing with her would change things a lot. So you had to go through all of this just because Noora couldn't break up with him? She should have at least said something to you afterwards, she knows how William is. She should have known this would happen, it's that simple.” 

“I still think it's more than that. He said something about Coach favouring me because I'm apparently dating you. He's got all kinds of things backwards.” 

“Well maybe it's a mixture of everything then. But Isak, Dad doesn't favour you, okay? He even once told me he was worried he was too hard on you because he knew you could do better. All he wants is for you to use your potential and he's giving you the possibility to do that.” 

Isak thought back to his conversation with Coach a few days ago. He had said similar things. 

“I definitely haven't done a great job as captain. But maybe it'll be easier now. I think Chris and William are fighting, so maybe once he's on his own things will change.” 

“Oh, they're fighting?” Eva asked, and Isak told her about the day before, filling her in on all the drama amongst the team, and then listened to what was going on with the figure skaters. It was good to catch up with Eva. No matter how much time he spent with her, it still felt like it wasn't enough these days. Isak didn't know what he would have done had they lost each other as friends after their weird make out session. He took her hand when they walked back to the flat and somehow it was even easier now than it had been before everything had happened. 

When they got home, Even and Vilde were sat at the kitchen table together, listening to mediocre pop music and sticking pictures in Vilde's photo album. Isak gave his boyfriend a questioning look regarding Vilde and he nodded. She knew, so there was no reason not to walk up to him and wrap his arms around his neck from behind, placing a kiss on his cheek. Even's face lit up at the touch and Isak could tell that Eva and Vilde were looking at each other yet again, communicating without words, all raised eyebrows and sparkling eyes. 

They ended up spending the afternoon together again, playing street hockey in the courtyard together with a few other Seadogs that had seen them from the window. Even didn't complain this time when Isak became significantly less touchy with him once they weren't alone anymore, and Isak was glad for it. Telling Eva and Vilde was one thing, but telling the team was another. He would need more time for that, and he would start with Jonas and Magnus first. If only Chris kept his word and didn't ruin things.

When they had dinner together in Eva's bed while watching some stupid romcom Isak hated, they stayed away from each other and let the girls cuddle up between them. Even sent Isak significant looks at the way they were huddled closely together, but Isak still wasn't convinced. He could see what Even meant though, so he shrugged his shoulders, letting him win for now. He grew increasingly jealous with how Even started to absent mindedly play with Vilde's hair about half way into the film and craved Even's touch badly enough to ask him to stay over once he got ready to leave. 

“Are you sure? The guys are gonna notice if I'm not home.”

“I'm sure. You can get to the rink early again and say you've stayed at a friend's place.” 

They were stood in the kitchen by themselves as Eva and Vilde had stayed in Eva's room, too comfortable to get up again. Isak reached for Even's hand when he could see his little pout. 

“I don't want to lie to them like that. Not telling is different from outright lying about it,” he complained, leaning his back against the closed door to Isak's room as if to keep himself from giving in and entering.

“Don't tell them anything then, they don't have to know where you stay the night.” Isak stepped into Even's space and remembered in the last moment to keep some distance between them instead of pressing his entire body up against him. He ended up only burying his face in Even's neck, breathing him in. 

“Magnus is gonna think I stayed with Sonja,” Even said into Isak's hair. “He already asked me whether I was still dating her like three times.”

“Sonja?” It took Isak a second to connect the dots, but he realized she had to be Even's ex girlfriend before Even said so. 

“She's the only person I still talk to around here, so I see her sometimes. And Magnus doesn't seem to understand the concept of being friends with girls.” 

Isak decided to ignore the hint of jealousy that he felt. Even was allowed to be friends with people, even the ones he used to kiss. 

“Yeah, he was obsessed with me and Eva getting together too,” he said instead. “But let him guess, I don't care. Just stay over.” 

When Even nodded his agreement, Isak lifted his head and pulled him into a kiss he had been waiting for all day. It was only a second before Even pushed his back off the wooden door and turned them around, one forearm braced against it, his other hand going down to Isak's waist. Isak's skin was on fire within seconds and he found himself unable to concentrate on anything other than the thumb that was pushing underneath his shirt and started stroking the skin at his hipbones. He was so gone for Even, it was ridiculous. 

Isak sighed into their kiss and pulled Even in closer, trying desperately to take what he had been deprived of all day. Somewhere in the back of his head he thought that they should have at least made it into his own room first, but he couldn't help it. Even was here, pressed up against him, kissing him deeply now, and there was no way Isak was going to tell him to stop just so that they could go hide from his roommates who already knew. 

Instead of doing what he should have done, namely pulling Even into his room and finding out whether Even would be okay with him climbing into his lap to push down onto the hardness that began pressing against his thigh, he could only let out a choked moan at the feeling of it. Nothing felt better than knowing Even was comfortable enough with Isak to touch him like this, to let him know how hard he already was for him, how he craved his touch too. Isak groaned at the thought of it, of touching Even, making him come the way he had done last time, getting to see Even falling apart under his touch, letting him in entirely. 

Still, against all instincts, he made himself slow down the movement of his lips, his hands, his hips, to give Even a second to decide. He smiled against Even's lips when he let out a low whine and pressed his hips against Isak's with more determination, his erection hard against Isak's leg. The way his mouth fell open at the feeling of their crotches rubbing together was answer enough for Isak and he was ready to pull him back in, no, to push him off of him just to climb on top of him in his bed, when the door to their flat opened. 

They weren't kissing anymore, but their position was still a lot worse than it had been last time Chris had walked in on them. Even either didn't bother to take a step back and get some space between them or his brain was as dazed as Isak's, but he didn't move an inch, even after he had turned around and taken in Chris who looked their way with an amused grin on his face. 

Even only moved when Isak pushed at his chest, but he reacted to that touch in an instant, letting go of Isak without making him feel bad for it. Instead, he studied Isak's flushed face with a hint of disappointment, but mainly understanding. 

“A couple of guys are coming over in a bit to play NHL, so maybe you should move it behind that door you're currently fucking against,” Chris leered from across the room while he made his way over to the fridge to fill it with two six packs of beer that he was carrying. 

“Not that I care,” he added once he got there, “but I remember getting instructions not to overshare.” 

“Right,” Isak said, clearing his throat. “I think Even was about to leave, right?” His face was burning hot red and even the way Even's face fell couldn't replace his embarrassment with guilt. He couldn't have Even over, let alone stay the night, while half the Seadogs were right next door in Chris' room getting drunk. 

It only took a minute for Even to leave, and Isak hated to watch him go. Everything in him wanted to hold him back, tell him he had changed his mind, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. It was too risky, and he had already been caught twice now and come out to two of his friends in one day. He was moving too fast, and he knew that underneath Even's disappointment with the situation he didn't hold it against him. 

Once the door fell shut behind Even without them exchanging goodnight kisses, but with Isak promising he'd call him in a bit, he found himself alone with Chris who had started to make himself a late dinner. Isak was about to walk past him and already headed towards his room with the intention of calling Even to make sure they were alright, when he realized that getting the chance to talk to Chris on his own was rare, unless he created that situation on purpose. Maybe this was the right moment to make sure Chris and he were on the same page about what had happened. So he stopped dead in his tracks, took a deep breath, and walked over to their little kitchen corner.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise smut for the next one ! :)

Isak hadn't had a civil conversation with Chris on his own in over a year. Any kind of conversation really. They talked occasionally when other guys were around, or when they inevitably saw each other in the kitchen or hallway every now and then, but those exchanges were limited to hockey, small talk, and complaining about the condition their flat was in. It wasn't like they had been incredibly close in their rookie year, but they had made an effort. It was strange to approach Chris now instead of ignoring his presence and closing the door on him. 

“Thank you for not telling anyone,” Isak said, deciding to start out carefully. He tried to keep in mind how Chris had been more than decent the last few days and not to think about the darker moments in their relationship. “At least I'm assuming you didn't?” 

Chris took his time cutting a hamburger bun in half, opening it up, and reaching for some gross sauce that was definitely not a part of Isak's diet. 

“I said I wouldn't,” he then complained, as if Isak not trusting him came as a surprise. “Why do you care so much?”

It was a conversation Isak hadn't even managed to have with his closest friends, so he wasn't about to have it with Chris out of all people. He leaned his forearms onto the backrest of a chair, his eyes glued to Chris' back that was clad in a dark t-shirt that seemed to be of some of junior league hockey team. 

“How can I be sure you're not going to tell the team once you make up with William?” he asked. He didn't want to actually say the words 'what do I have to do for you to keep your word', didn't want to make Chris realize how much he had on Isak right now, but he also didn't know how else to make sure Chris knew how strongly he felt about him keeping his mouth shut. 

“I'm not interested in outing you, okay? You do you, I don't care.” 

“Why?” Isak asked while Chris stacked ham onto his burger in furiously calm movements. “You can't blame me for not trusting you.” 

The muscles in Chris' back shifted, but he didn't turn around even though it looked like it for a second. 

“I guess not. But there's nothing you can do, right?” 

Isak hated that he was right. Even if he struck some kind of deal with Chris, he could never be sure he would actually stick to it. His only way would be to tell the Seadogs himself. 

“You were first in line when it came to talking crap about Even, what has changed your mind now? I don't get you,” Isak admitted, thinking that maybe honesty was his best option.

This time, Chris turned around to cast a quick look over his shoulder at Isak. 

“It was all dumb talk until it wasn't. I mean, Even being some sex crazed weirdo was a joke that stopped being funny when I talked to the Sharks last week, okay?” 

Isak swallowed hard. “What?”

“Yousef told me what kind of shit has gone down with Even. I don't know whether you know or not, but the joke is kind of gone.” 

“I know,” Isak forced himself to say. Regardless of how Chris had decided to deal with the news, it was scary to know that he had found out about Even's biggest secret. Isak wanted to rip it out of his hands, wipe his memory, and lock it back in with himself and Even, safe between only the two of them. 

“Well then you should get why it's no longer fun. I won't tell anyone you two were tongue fucking each other in the bathroom of some bar because Even doesn't need any more shit being talked about him, it's that simple. You can believe me or not, that's your decision to make, but I stopped being interested in where his dick goes once I found out about who else had one thought too much about that.” 

Isak pulled the chair he was leaning on out from underneath the table and sat down on it as his legs felt weak all of a sudden 

“I don't care if you tell the whole world I'm dating Even as long as no one ever finds out about what happened with him and his coach. I'm serious, do you get that?” 

Chris actually rolled his eyes at him and then continued to load his burger with more meat and a sad pile of vegetables. 

“So am I. I get that this is more serious than talking bullshit about a rookie, okay?” 

“You haven't told William once you found out?” 

“Told you, William's been weird lately.” Chris took his plate and turned around entirely now, pulling out a chair from across where Isak sat and sitting down in it. “I don't think I'll be hanging out with him much in the future.” 

Isak wasn't particularly interested in their crisis, but asking gave him a few more moments to take in what Chris had said about Even. 

“What's going on then?”

“Well,” Chris mumbled through a bite of his food, “he absolutely lost it when Noora made out with Jonas on Friday. Like, that shit isn't even funny anymore. Then he's obsessed with taking you down and making you give up the C, preferably taking Even out along the way for reasons that he can't even explain. He's just bitter that Even chose you over him on day one. Also, as much fun as it was to joke about Even being into dick, I'm not actually on board with him being a homophobic asshole.”

“He wants me to give up the C?” Isak watched Chris eat for a while and he was growing impatient. “Is that because he thinks I don't deserve it?”

“Well that and the fact that he's incredibly jealous. During our rookie year, when William wasn't with the Seadogs yet, he played defence for his former team and his coach used to always tell him to play more like you. So he already kind of hated you when he came here. Then you started a thing with his girlfriend, and now you're captain which, to be honest, is a weird move from Coach. I'm not saying that happened because of you fucking Eva, that's some wild theory of William's, but you wouldn't have been the most obvious choice, right?” 

Isak was ready to whole heartedly agree when he bit his lip. Admitting it wouldn't gain him any more respect among the team. So he simply said: “I'm neither with Eva nor with Noora. Nothing ever happened with Noora, I just found out on Friday that she even told William that.”

Chris raised an eyebrow at that but still managed to look bored. 

“Not a big surprise. I always wondered what would have brought Noora and you together, but William got hung up on the whole thing without even thinking about it for a second.”

Isak didn't know what else to say and so they sat in silence until Chris was done eating and checked his phone for the time before typing out a text, probably asking what was keeping his friends so long. 

“What's your problem with me then?” Isak finally dared to ask. Nothing of what Chris had told him had anything to do with Chris himself. 

Chris balanced his phone on its lower edge for a bit before letting it drop onto the table and leaning back on his chair. 

“Right now, I'm not so sure there is one,” he said. “Back when William joined the team I understood why he would feel that way about you, so it was easy to go along with it. I didn't really connect with any of the Dogs in our first year, so it was just good to have someone to hang out with. Things went a bit out of hand.”

Isak would have laughed out loud about the understatement had he not sensed that considering whom he was talking to, it was already a milestone to even get to where they were. Chris wasn't joking, which was rare, and when he looked at Isak now, there was some strange honesty in his eyes that hadn't been there for the longest time. 

“I'm sorry about what happened at the Christmas party, okay? I got carried away with all that shit that was going on with you and William and I felt what he felt just because I spent too much time with him. I'm sorry that happened.” 

Isak wanted to say something about how the Christmas party had really just been the worst of it, and how what he had gotten now wasn't even a good excuse, but he swallowed his complaints and instead took the apology. It was strange that he had even gotten one.

“Okay,” he simply said. He tried to think of what Even would make of this conversation. Would he urge Isak to take the chance of making up with Chris and unite the team, or would he be frustrated with how easily he was willing to forgive Chris for being more than just a pain in the ass? Then again, Isak didn't feel anything like forgiveness. Just a sense of accomplishment at how they had gotten to the point where they were talking, and some satisfaction about hearing that Chris knew he had been wrong. Chris wasn't forgiven, but maybe they could move on and keep existing next to each other in ignorant bliss. 

When the doorbell rang, Chris didn't get up immediately. He leaned forward onto the table for a second, looking Isak up and down. 

“I won't tell anyone about Even or that you're dating him or whatever, don't lose sleep over that. And I don't care about why you're captain either, I won't stand in your way.” Then he got up to open the door and Isak made sure to vanish into his room before he had to face the guys in his confusion. He needed to be alone, to take in everything Chris had said to him. 

As soon as he closed the door behind him though, he found himself with his phone in his hands. Wanting to be alone somehow didn't include the desire to be away from Even. He let himself fall back onto his bed and listened to the dial tone impatiently. 

“Halla,” Even greeted him after a moment, sounding neither mad nor cheerful. “Have you changed your mind yet again?” 

“No.” Isak closed his eyes, taking in the low sound of Even's voice as it washed over him and gave him goosebumps. “It's not happening when the team is over here, sorry.” 

“You could come here instead.”

Isak thought for a second. “They would still notice in the morning. We'll find a way, okay? Not tonight.” 

“We better do. There's not much time we can actually spend alone with each other during the day, and I'm tired of getting worked up over watching you skate but not doing anything about it.” 

Isak couldn't stop the grin from spreading on his face. “You like watching me skate?”

“Of course I do,” Isak could tell that Even was smiling, too. “You think of yourself as so damn average, you have no idea how hot you are in your gear. Or hey, under armour, that's even better. I can't look away from you.” 

Isak nodded, knowing what Even meant. It was hard to keep his eyes off of Even in the gym every morning.

“That bandana does it for me too,” Even continued. “Any stage of half undressed and sweaty works. You know what's the hottest thing though?” 

Isak was glad Even couldn't see him blush. Listening to his voice alone, deep and slow, had him hardening in his jeans again. 

“What?” he managed to ask. 

“You getting points. Assists, goals, whatever. The way your face just lights up, like you can't even understand that you've done that. That you're that good. Fuck, you're hot on the ice. I sometimes wish we weren't a D-team just so I could watch you more. Wish you got to do face offs, that would be my new lock screen for sure.” 

“Stop it,” Isak mumbled, but he didn't really mean it. “You gotta change that picture, it'll be weird when someone sees it.” 

He could hear Even sigh into the phone. 

“Way to ruin the mood, Isak. You could change yours to a picture of me, then it wouldn't be weird anymore. Just boyfriends.” 

It was the first time one of them had said the word out loud and it did funny things to Isak. He suddenly felt incredibly fond of Even, and a wave of appreciation hit him. 

“You're quite the sight too,” he admitted. “Thank you for not being pushy. I know it sucks to keep us a secret.” 

Even only hummed in reply and took a moment before he kept talking. 

“Have you talked to Chris?”

“How do you know?”

“I just thought you might have. You wanted to make sure he doesn't say anything, right?” 

“Right,” Isak said and he wondered for a second whether telling Even what he had heard from Chris was a good idea or not. He didn't want to keep secrets from him, but he also didn't want to trigger another downwards spiral for him. Eventually, he decided that Even would want him to share.

“Chris apologized to me,” he started. “For last year. He's broken up with William, too.” 

“He did? And he has?” Even sounded genuinely surprised, but not entirely convinced. 

“Yeah. Seems like he's realized that William is intense. He said he's crossed too many lines.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like him freaking out over Noora and Jonas apparently. And the homophobic comments. Also giving you shit for the transfer.” Isak took another deep breath, then he half asked: “He kind of talked to Yousef? He knows, so he'll back off now.” 

Even was silent for too long and Isak counted the seconds, wondering when it would be time to say something else. 

“Good,” he eventually heard Even's voice say, quiet, but not breathless the way he got when he started being anxious. “As long as he doesn't tell the rest of them. It's good to have him off our backs, right?”

“Yeah,” Isak agreed. “I don't think he will. But I still don't like him, don't worry.” 

“You can like him if you want,” Even's voice had gotten a lot more vulnerable and Isak pressed his phone closer against his ear. He should have done this in person to be able to pull him into his chest and fold his arms around him. 

“I don't like Chris,” he repeated. “I can live with him, that's it. And I'm glad he's no longer worshipping William.” 

Yet again Even didn't reply immediately and the silence that spread out between them became uncomfortable. Eventually, Isak said the only thing he could come up with to ease the mood, to make Even laugh again. 

“I think Chris' abs might have been my first crush, you know that? Then you showed up and they became the most boring thing to look at.” He closed his eyes tightly, hoping that he had said the right thing and not made things worse by making Even think there was any reason for jealousy.

Relief washed over him when he could hear Even give a short laugh. 

“Wow. Chris, really? Can't relate.” 

“Well, just his abs, nothing else.”

“I have nice abs,” Even stated matter of factly, and Isak could hear the smile that was back in his voice. 

“You do. The nicest. Can't wait to touch them again. Or to kiss them, either one works.” 

“Come over, Isak. I'm not wearing a shirt.” Now Even sounded slightly breathless. 

Isak bit his lower lip. He listened to Even's breathing for a while, contemplating, but while they were quiet he could also hear Chris and the other Seadogs in the kitchen. Apparently they hadn’t made their way over to Chris' room and the xbox just yet. He knew that Jonas and Magnus liked to spend their evenings in their kitchen too, hanging out on the couch together, doing homework. Chances were high that they were there right now, and that they would see Isak entering Even's room late at night and not leaving anymore. He couldn't bring himself to do it. 

“Tomorrow night,” he finally said. “We'll find a way then.” 

“Can't,” Even sighed. “I'm at my parents’ place tomorrow. Tuesday night.” 

“Eva night,” Isak groaned. “Her first skating event of the season.”

“Ugh. Wednesday. Promise?” 

“Promise. You're seeing your parents? I didn't think you talked to them much.” 

“What made you think that?” 

Isak couldn't really remember what had made him come to that conclusion. 

“I just remember that you said you were glad when you left Oslo after high school.”

“That's because of Sonja, though. My family is alright. I said that because I was glad to get away from her after we broke up, to get some space.”

“Oh,” Isak made, not sure what else there was to say. 

“You've never been in a relationship, have you?” Even asked, but Isak was sure he already knew the answer to that. 

“No. I third wheeled Eva and Jonas for the longest time.” 

“Sounds like fun.” 

“What's up with the rumours about you and Mikael?” They hadn't even really been rumours, just Chris saying something of the like, but Isak felt like by now he could ask questions without Even losing it. 

“Nothing's up with that,” Even sighed. “We were friends, nothing more. I may have been interested in him at some point, but nothing ever happened, we were just close. If you've ever been into someone on your team before you'll get how hopeless that really is most of the time.”

It was easy to tell Even about his lack of feelings about the Seadogs after that, and after an hour or two of talking about it, nothing he'd ever experienced felt strange or scary anymore. Even was surprisingly good at reassuring him, making him feel like everything that was going on was the most ordinary thing in the world, and when they finally hung up, Isak felt about ready to barge into the locker room tomorrow morning, holding Even's hand. He wouldn't do it, and he knew his confidence would be gone in by then, but it was a good feeling that he would try to hold on to.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is such a huge chapter for them emotionally, I hope you like it! I am super nervous about it for some reason! xx
> 
> WARNING: I was asked to give an in text warning for smut so I will put *beginning of smut* and *end of smut* in there. But in general for this chapter, you have now been warned for the naughty! For everyone who's skipping the smut I'll put an end note as well but it's a spoiler.

Since Isak already knew he wouldn't be able to be alone with Even before Wednesday, the beginning of the week seemed to last forever. He tried to focus on his skating and finally got some much neglected homework done, but he still felt jittery with happiness and jumped every time his phone buzzed and Even's name appeared on the screen. They texted whenever they weren't actually with each other, and it scared Isak a bit to realize how used he had gotten to Even's presence in his life already. 

By Wednesday he was almost certain Chris really didn't intent to drop the bomb and let everyone in on his secret. His issues with William seemed to have torn apart their little group at the core and Isak witnessed them sitting in awkward silence on Monday before they began scattering around the gym on Tuesday morning and Chris traded lockers with Kasper to get away from William's death glare. After the change had been made, their locker room chatter suddenly became a lot more inclusive, and on Wednesday Isak finally felt like something was falling into place. In addition to William, and therefore his friends like Elias, staying on the down low, Isak was happy to see Even initiating conversations with the others. He also seemed to have become friends with Jonas and especially Magnus by now.

After their afternoon practice on Wednesday, Isak hit the library for an unproductive hour before he remembered that Even and Vilde would be having their second ballet lesson just about now and he made his way over to the giant gym complex near the rink. He told himself over and over again that it wouldn't be weird if he was seen there, since he was friends with Vilde and, as everyone had realized and commented on by now, Even. It was normal to be interested in what they were up to, no one would come to the conclusion that he was dating Even just because he stalked his ballet lesson. No one would know that he simply missed him already, after spending an hour between practice and now on his own.

Isak had watched Eva's practice maybe twice before, but he hadn't made a habit out of it because it had bored him half to death. Watching her skate was a lot more exciting than watching her and a bunch of other girls stretch and jump up and down in a row. He still knew his way around the building though, and he knew that the room the majority of ballet practices were held in had a gallery that overlooked it. When he entered the stands, it only took him about half a second to find Even in the group of dancers that were lined up in front of the long, mirrored walls, holding on to the barre. 

He wore black leggings that Isak had seen him wear before, as under armour, and a tank top that showed off his muscled arms. He had apparently found shoes that worked for him, but he wasn't standing on his tiptoes like the girls around him were. Of course he was the only guy there, towering over everyone else. It only took Isak another second to figure out why he had been made to take a place right in the middle of them all. Every time he turned, the eyes of the girls in his back turned to him, and Isak wanted to laugh about it, didn't want to care, but it kind of annoyed him. 

To distract himself, he looked for Vilde and found her in an instant. Isak didn't know whether she was doing a good job or not, but at least she was stood on her tiptoes rather than cheating like Even was. Her face was scrunched up in concentration, but Isak was glad to see that she didn't look unhappy or stressed. When he looked back at Even, his boyfriend's eyes were on him, sparkling with the wide grin that was now on his face. 

Isak raised his eyebrows at him and gave a little wave, not bothering to hide his amusement at how Even was clearly not keeping up with what the rest of them were doing. He did seem to try, but his body was a lot larger and less graceful than the ones around him, and he very clearly lacked any bit of finesse. 

Isak found himself a chair and gave Vilde the thumbs up once she spotted him too. He liked that she waved at him excitedly rather than being embarrassed. Mostly, his eyes stayed on Even, though. On the way he did his stretches, bending over forwards and backwards, and failing magnificently at doing the splits. His teacher kept encouraging him, but Even only looked up at Isak helplessly and laughed. Isak had seen Even stretch before, but on the ice he obviously wore gear that made them all look bulky, and in the gym he warmed up differently, less exaggerated and pronounced. 

Right now, Even's body was on display for Isak, moving slowly and deliberately, and Isak knew that Even was aware of his presence, of how his eyes were glued to him. It had been so long since they had touched, and while Isak had been impatient for tonight, he simply couldn't wait any longer now. He felt hot all over at the way Even looked up at him every now and then, pretending not to notice what he did to Isak, stretching his legs just a little bit wider, pushing his chest out towards him. 

Isak had low key expected Even to be at least a little bit uncomfortable being watched. It wasn't a situation he could easily escape if he wanted to, like he could when they were physically together. This way, with Isak up in the gallery, his eyes taking in every single one of Even's movements, Even was trapped in a way that Isak hadn't been sure he would appreciate, and he had been planning to leave if he showed only the smallest sign of discomfort. 

Every time they had been together so far, Isak had wondered whether Even was ready for them to be so, had been waiting to be pushed off, to be told no. Without a doubt in his mind, Isak would stop dead if it ever happened. And he knew Even would do the same for him. So maybe it was exactly because he kept waiting for Even to say no, that him saying yes still overwhelmed him. 

This was Even enjoying his eyes on him, wanting him to look, trying to seduce him even. This was Even trusting him and letting him in, and Isak felt almost dizzy with the realization that what they had wasn't anything Even would share with anyone else. He didn't have to care about any of the girls around him because none of them mattered.

Even wasn't uncomfortable. Isak could tell he made a show of his stretches on purpose, letting his fingers wander over his own body whenever he could without being too obvious about it, wrapping them around his ankles and then sliding them up his legs when he came back up, meeting Isak's eyes deliberately, still sparkling with joy, but also with something daring now, a challenge for Isak to take on once they got out of there. 

When they did, Isak briefly thought about joining Even in the men’s changing rooms as they would most likely have them to themselves, but he decided against it. Keeping himself from touching Even right now wouldn't be easy, and he was sure that the locker room was still a no go for them. So he waited outside instead. When Even emerged, there were too many people around to kiss him, but Isak felt comfortable enough to pull him into a hug and let his lips graze his cheek for a second. 

“Are we waiting for Vilde?” he asked, hoping for a no.

“Hell no,” Even breathed, and he reached for Isak's hand and held it for about four seconds before dropping it, realizing that this was a step they hadn't taken yet. Isak sighed, even though he was thankful for it. He knew he was the one to call the shots here, that he was the one who had made the decision not to come out just yet, but most of the time he just wanted to get it all over with and fast forward to where he could hold Even's hand whenever he wanted to.

They walked back home closely together, shoulder against shoulder, and chose Isak's flat over Even's in a heartbeat. If they were seen together, explaining themselves to Eva and Chris would be a lot easier than Jonas, Magnus, or Noora. 

“Are you hungry?” Isak asked, yet again hoping for a no. 

“Not really. I had a huge lunch, we can eat later.” 

 

*beginning of smut*

 

Isak smiled at that and he pulled Even into his room before they could be interrupted by Chris in the kitchen yet again. The second they were alone, they were kissing, and for the first time Isak didn't feel like he had to be too careful with Even. Considerate, yes, but he didn't have to hold back. Even trusted him. He would tell him if anything was wrong. Right now, there was not a single thing in the world that wasn't absolutely perfect though. 

They were both touch starved and desperate, and their shirts came off in a matter of seconds. Isak couldn't decide what he wanted more – to wrap his arms around Even and pull him in close, to press their chests together until there was no space left between them, or to reach out to touch him and let his hands explore his strong upper body. Even made a decision for him when he moved in as close as he could, pressing their bodies together in a way that made Isak gasp. He began to tremble against Even and leaned his body against his until neither of them would probably be able to stay standing without the other's support. They were one but still pulling closer, grasping at each other's backs, mouths opening against one another. 

Isak moaned at the sensation of feeling Even harden against himself, not against his thigh but right where he was swelling up himself, and they already pushed their hips together, rubbing up against one another even though they weren't completely there yet. Even was breathing heavily into his mouth and Isak swallowed his sounds, tasting them on his tongue. It was all he wanted to do for the rest of his life. Kiss Even and play hockey. 

Even's hands travelled down Isak's bare back and lower, over the back of his sweatpants, and Isak pushed his hips forward into Even's again, making his breath hitch. 

“Isak,” Even breathed, and Isak thought he knew what was coming; he already nodded in agreement. Move to the bed. Get those sweats off. Finally touch. But Even's lips began to tremble against his, no longer kissing but only connected for an exchange of breath. He lifted his hands to Isak's cheeks like he had done the first time they had stood like this, only neither of them were bruised now. 

“I'm falling in love with you.” 

His words were merely a whisper against Isak's open mouth and they hung between them for only a second before they got lost somewhere in between their lips. Isak's eyes flew open, he waited for something to hit him, something like dread or fear, but he could only nod. It was true. Moments passed in which they were stood in silence, frozen in place, Even's hands on Isak's cheekbones.

“I know this is too soon,” Even finally mumbled against him, their lips still touching, neither of them was brave enough to move away from each other. “I know. I know,” he repeated like a mantra against Isak's lips. “But fuck, Isak. This is...” 

“I know. Yeah.” 

Isak stopped waiting. There was no anxiety that was going to swallow him whole. This wasn't bad at all. He moved to capture Even's lips again and could feel how relief washed over both of them. 

Isak pushed Even backwards, carefully, deliberately slow, and after a brief moment of hesitation, Even let him. He moved with him until they reached the bed and Even sat down on it and pulled Isak into his lap. Isak made sure to hold himself up for a while, to not trap Even underneath him entirely but to only kiss him, over and over again, both of his hands in his hair. Eventually, Even's hands settled at the small of his back again and pulled him down and against him, and Isak let himself be guided and pushed down onto Even's lap. He dropped his hands to Even's chest, drawing long lines over his bare skin, and moved his hips down every time Even made him do so by pushing his fingers into his lower back, after he realized that he was still in control of this. 

It was more difficult than Isak would have thought to get the angle right. He could either rub his own hardness against Even's lower stomach, his hipbone, or press down onto the hard bulge in Even's sweatpants, but getting both of them off at the same time proved to be more difficult than Isak would have thought. He moved in time with the push of Even's fingers, searching for friction, for the right angle, and it was all so good, but not enough for either of them.

“Keep going,” Even gasped when his hands left his back, and Isak gave a shudder when he moved to pull at the drawstring of Isak's sweatpants, teasingly, before cupping him over the thick fabric. Isak groaned, everything in him screamed for release, all he wanted was to push up, to rub himself against Even's unmoving hand until he came, and it was hard to keep up the slow, controlled movement of grinding down. His gaze dropped down to Even's hand on him, and he could tell Even did the same. He made himself push down hard and was rewarded with a tight squeeze of Even's hand, and this was better. So much better. It had both of them moaning and they moved in for another kiss, sloppy and desperate. 

Even wasn't even doing much and still Isak could feel his orgasm building up too quickly and it took all he had in him to not simply let go. But he managed to get a hold of Even's wrist and to pull his hand off of him, whining at the loss of friction and warmth. He could see the confusion in Even's eyes when they looked at each other and Isak didn't find words for what he wanted. All he knew was that he needed to feel Even, needed it to be good for him, as good as it was for himself. 

“Wanna touch you,” he managed before he pushed Even back onto the bed, aware of how he was pushing all sorts of boundaries and tensing up a bit, waiting for Even's reaction. It came in form of a deep breath and Even willing himself to relax underneath Isak who moved down to straddle his thighs now. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Even nodded, and Isak moved up to kiss him, his entire body hovering over Even's now, and so he took another minute for him to get used to it until he could feel Even pushing his hips up underneath him, urging him to keep going. Isak let his hands wander down his chest, over his strong muscles and soft stomach, down to the band of his sweats and boxers, and he moved lower, over his clothes at first, taking it one step at a time. He groaned when his fingers grazed over the wet spot on Even's thigh and Even shuddered at the touch, pulling Isak's lower lip into his mouth. 

Isak made sure to move slowly, not only for Even's sake but also for his own. A wave of nervousness hit him when he cupped his hand around Even's dick loosely, and he took a few moments to get used to it, to figure out what felt good for both of them. It didn't take too much effort though. Isak couldn't put it past Even, as he was about ready to explode himself, but he made himself stop when Even gave a short moan into his mouth and his dick grew even harder under Isak's hand. 

“Fuck,” Even complained weakly, but a desperate smile was spread over his lips, and Isak covered it with his own. Even immediately pushed his hips back up into Isak's hand and Isak nodded, squeezing him one more time, but then moved to push his fingers underneath Even's sweats and into his boxers, wrapping them around him. 

He had planned to be careful, to go slowly again, but apparently Even was done with those things. He moaned loudly, his body moved up against Isak's, and he kissed him furiously, almost angrily. His one hand gripped Isak's biceps as if to make sure he wouldn't stop this time. Isak didn't. He began to push his own hips into Even's thigh at a way slower pace than his wrist was going at, but it still made him groan into Even's mouth and he felt Even's other hand move down and pull his hips into him in encouragement. 

Isak was trembling with emotion, gasping with how much he wanted this, how real it all felt, and he would have thought his brain would be wiped blank, but apparently he could still form words.

“Love you,” he whispered against Even's lips, “love you so fucking much.” He pushed his thumb down onto the head of Even's dick, spreading the moisture there, and he could feel Even tensing up underneath him, maybe at his words or maybe at the feeling of Isak stroking him tightly now, no longer drawing it out. 

“Isak,” he gasped, “fuck.” His hips almost lifted off the bed and Isak held his breath when Even came over his fingers, throbbing in his hand, and it almost had him coming too, had he not stopped his movements against Even's thigh just in time. It would feel too much like he was using Even. Like he wasn't asking permission enough. 

He kept himself from collapsing onto Even, from making him carry his whole weight, but instead he merely buried his face into his neck and after a few seconds he bit down on his skin where he could feel Even's pulse racing. He had never given anyone a hickey before, but he figured it out, marking Even's skin, sucking and biting at it until Even threw his head back and gasped, sounding almost like he was in pain. 

“Sorry,” Isak mumbled, but Even shook his head decidedly.

“I like it,” he admitted, out of breath, and his hands went down to Isak's hips, moving from his sides to his front, caressing the v of his hipbones. 

“You okay?” Isak asked quietly and Even nodded this time. They smiled at each other for a moment before Even looked down between them and immediately frowned. 

“Shit, I thought you...,” he moved to cover Isak's straining dick again, wrapping his hand around him. Isak sighed and pushed into the touch, leaning his forehead against Even's and letting his eyes flutter close. 

“Love you too, Isak,” he could hear Even say quietly, and he smiled again as he let the words wash over him. Maybe it wasn't right to first say them in a moment like this, to say them at all when he couldn't quite grasp what they even meant yet, but Isak couldn't care less. He could feel the heat building up in his lower stomach and he bit his lip in anticipation, but Even slowed the movement down to a lazy rub. 

“Do you still want my mouth?” he asked, his voice raspy but not weak, not unsure at all. Only then did Isak remember the promise he had made before their last game. 

His breath caught in his throat and he nodded, trying hard not to look too eager, but he knew he failed. He took a deep breath, trying to hide his excitement, and got ready to get off of Even and move onto his back instead, but Even held on to his hips. 

“Move up,” he said firmly but raised one eyebrow in question, making sure to still make it an option only. Isak took a second to connect the dots and when he did he actually found himself blushing. 

“Are you sure?” 

Even nodded and pushed at Isak's hips, signalling for him to move upwards, to straddle his chest instead of his thighs. There was not a single hint of uncertainty in his face, but instead his eyes were teasing again, the way they had been when Isak had watched him stretch earlier. He trusted him. He trusted him enough to let himself be held down like this, for Isak to be moving forwards still. He licked his lips as Isak pushed his own sweats and boxers down, the colour in his cheeks rising. He didn't dare to look away from Even. This was more than they had ever done, in so many ways. 

Isak wasn't sure what to do, he simply felt more and more exposed sitting above Even like this, his dick pointing proudly upwards, leaking onto his stomach. He still needed Even to make the first move. When he did, a shudder wrecked Isak's entire body. 

Even lifted his head up a bit and licked a bold stripe up Isak's dick, teasing him, urging him on, and Isak went with it, leaning forward and pushing into Even's hot mouth, too slowly, too controlled for both of them. He stopped when Even began sucking at his tip only, knowing immediately that he could come from only this, that he didn't need anything else. But Even opened his lips wider, his tongue pressing against the sensitive skin of the head of Isak's dick, and his eyes told Isak to go on, not to stop now, and so he didn't.

Isak reached for the headboard to hold on to it while he looked down, his eyes never leaving Even's for a second as he pushed his hips forward more boldly. He almost lost it at the sight of how his dick vanished into Even's mouth, at the feeling of Even sucking him, his eyes getting a bit watery. Isak couldn't help but moan, he had a hard time keeping his eyes open and when Even echoed his moan around his dick, his hips surged forward again, chasing the vibrations of it, and he was gone for. 

He let his eyes fall shut and started moving, listening for any sound of complaint, hyper aware of Even's hands on his hips, ready to pull off if he felt like Even wanted him to. But he didn't. Even kept quietly moaning around him at every quick, aborted thrust into his mouth and Isak let go, speeding up his movements even more and then coming to a halt too soon. His mouth fell open when he came down Even's throat, and he could feel him swallowing around him. 

Isak did pull out, but he felt too overwhelmed to move for a second and so he stayed above Even, holding on to the headboard for dear life until Even moved forwards once more and circled his tongue around the tip of Isak's dick, making him hiss while he smiled brightly.

 

*end of smut*

 

“Fuck,” Isak let out and finally managed to move. He climbed off of Even and fell onto the mattress right next to him, cuddling his side. He wanted to ask Even again whether he was alright, whether they had gone too far, but Even laughed breathlessly above him when Isak buried his face in his neck and he somehow knew he didn't have to reassure himself. This was what both of them had wanted. 

“You're in love with me,” Isak smiled after a while, the words no longer a hushed whisper between their greedy bodies. They still didn't feel untrue, but maybe a little bit scarier. 

“Fuck, I am,” Even agreed and he kissed Isak's hair, his hand coming up to push it out of his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who skipped the smut: It's kind of important to know that they say 'I love you' in this:)


	33. Chapter 33

“Isak?” Jonas' voice on the phone sounded sleepy, but not annoyed with him.

“Yeah, it's me.” It was unnecessary to point out, but Isak couldn't help it. He was crouching on the bathroom floor at 3AM, throwing a load of laundry into the machine. His brain was useless, replaying the last couple of hours with Even over and over again, and simply wouldn't shut up.

“Are you okay? Did you make out with Eva again?” 

“What?” Isak got up, filled too much washing powder into the container, and slammed the door shut. 

“Last time one of you called me in the middle of the night you had just had this wild make out session that ended kind of badly.” 

Isak felt like him kissing Eva was months and months back when really it had hardly been a few weeks. 

“No,” he said, shaking his head even though Jonas couldn't see him. Isak hated talking on the phone. It hadn't been that bad with Even, and he was okay with talking to Eva whenever they weren't on campus for a longer period of time, he had gotten used to her voice and she was good at filling awkward silences, but Isak had hardly ever called Jonas before. Not for a reason like this. 

Even had wrapped his body around him from behind once they had settled down a few hours ago, pulling him closely to his chest, nuzzling his face in his hair. It should have been easy to fall asleep, but Isak hadn't managed. Even had realized that he was restless, had drawn slow circles over his stomach and even started humming softly into his ear, but it hadn’t done much other than make Isak even more emotional. 

The things they had told each other. They were in Isak's head and he had to say them out loud, had to talk to someone who wasn't Even. Not Even and not Eva, who delightedly squealed at everything he said these days. 

“What's up then?” Jonas asked. He still sounded tired, but Isak knew that he would know this wasn't some random phone call. 

He took a deep breath. This was Jonas, his best friend. 

“Even said he's in love with me.”

It was the wrong information to start with, but it was the thought that blocked everything else on Isak's mind. He couldn't even start thinking straight with those words still flashing like a neon sign. 

“Um, what?” It took Jonas a moment to reply, but his answer still wasn't any better than that. Isak hit the start button on the washing machine and gathered his thoughts for a second, trying to decide where to begin, but Jonas already kept talking. 

“Seriously? That makes no sense at all, I mean, does he even know you? Where does that come from, I mean... what?” he ended up repeating. 

“No. No, I said it first. He said he was falling in love with me, which is huge, but not as bad as saying 'I love you', right? It's kind of like 'oh, I feel a thing, I think it's headed that way', completely fine, but then I said 'love you'. Not even just that, I think it was something along the lines of 'love you so fucking much' which is too much, right? That can't even be true, I've only known him for two months. He gave me this amazing thing, saying he was falling in love, something we could have both agreed on, and then I fucked it up and took it too far. I'm not even sure if I meant it like that.”

There was only silence and Isak sank down to the floor again, sitting cross legged and watching his and Even's jerseys, under armour, and work out clothes get soaked and spun around. He had taken the liberty of emptying Even's duffel bag as well as his own, trying to make the most of being productive in the middle of the night. 

“He said it too, though,” he eventually added when Jonas still didn't say anything. “Like, twice.” 

“Isak, are you high? Drunk? Anything other than apparently 'in love'?”

“No.” 

“Then just fucking tell me from the start? This makes no sense at all, okay? I mean, you being involved with each other is not that much of a surprise, but... what?” 

“It's not?” Isak asked. “I knew you'd be able to tell but I didn't know how to say anything to you. So I kind of stayed away from you, I'm sorry. I just had to figure this out first. And I'm not even there yet, it's still so fucking confusing.” 

“What is, Isak?” 

The number 28 got stuck at the front of the machine and Isak smiled at it. He imagined Even being there with him instead of in his bed next door, holding his hand, and he took another deep breath. 

“Even and I are together. Have been for about two weeks now. Well, no, we got together on the 28th. Which sounds pretentious because that's our jersey numbers. 2809?” He rambled before he shook his head. He could hear himself not making any sense. “So, I'm serious about him, yes, but then we said those things tonight and I just feel like we're moving too fast.” 

“Okay, wait. Fuck, Isak, two weeks? You never said a thing. I mean, not even in the slightest. You just became super distant and everything was about hockey suddenly, nothing else. Damn, I even made you listen to my rambling about Noora for ages when you had a thing with a teammate going on?” 

“How are you and Noora?” Isak asked, but he immediately heard Jonas scoff. 

“Not important right now. You're dating Even? Don't tell me the whole hating each other thing in the beginning was just an act.” 

“It wasn't. I mean, I mostly just didn't understand him, but now I do. He makes more sense than most other people actually. He's smart.” 

Isak watched his wet jersey hug Even's while Jonas took another few moments to reply. 

“So, okay,” he said slowly. “You're dating? Seriously? You've talked about it and all? You're on the same page?”

“Yeah. He wants us to come out and be proud and all, but I don't know. It's a huge step. It still feels wrong to even say I'm gay. I mean, I know it's true, technically, and saying I'm into Even doesn't feel weird anymore, but coming out seems so final. What if it's just Even, you know?” 

He could hear Jonas' breathing on the other end of the line. 

“Wow, how has so much happened and I didn't know? You're ahead of me here, I'm sorry.” 

“I know,” Isak agreed. “You were always the first one I was gonna tell except then Chris caught us. And Eva and Vilde know.” 

“Chris? Holy fuck!” Jonas sounded significantly more awake all of a sudden, if that was even possible. “Did he threaten you or anything?” 

“No, no he took it really well. He says he doesn't care. I believe him on a personal level, but I'm not sure that he's never gonna use it against me if it comes in handy. Like when he makes up with William and needs some sympathy points from him.” 

“Yeah,” Jonas said. “I don't know. Chris on his own is alright, he's all stupid talk. It's mostly William who's done all the shit. Except for last Christmas. I know you like to pretend that didn't happen, but it did. We can't trust him, whatever he says now.” 

Isak scooted backwards on the bathroom floor until he could lean his back against the shower door.

“He actually apologized for that. Said he wishes it didn't happen and all, and that William's not right in the head.” 

“Wow. I mean, he's been decent lately, but still. I'm not over last year, I don't care if you are. I'm not gonna start any shit with him for the team's sake, but on a personal level I wish he'd just transfer already. But back to Even.” 

“Mmhh,” Isak made. “He's in my bed right now, sleeping. I just couldn't stop thinking about what he said. I mean, that's not something you just throw out there but now we did.” 

“At least you both did, right? You feel the same way then.” 

“Yeah, but telling each other you're in love after two weeks does not sound like a healthy relationship. But that's what I want for us. It's been baby steps for weeks and now within a couple of days it's just gone super fast. It freaks me out. He's like, taken over my life. In a good way, but still. It's a lot.”

“Hey, they're just words, you know? It's not like you committed to moving in together or anything. Nothing's gonna change except you said those things. And if you meant them then whatever. It's soon, yeah, but whatever works for you is what you should do. Don't look at other people, you can say whatever you wanna say to him, right?”

Isak nodded again, his head thumping dully against the shower wall. Just words. 

“It doesn't even feel like I lied or anything. I mean, it was a spur of the moment thing, definitely, but it still doesn't feel wrong.”

He could hear Jonas laugh silently. “Wow, so you said it during sex? That really is weird, dude. For the first time, I mean.”

“Shut up,” Isak groaned. “I know it is. But we also said it after.” 

“Isak, you worry too much. Tell him if you wanna slow down and don't if you don't.”

They were silent for a while and Isak began to wonder whether he should let Jonas sleep, but then he thought of all the things he had wanted to tell him lately but hadn't, and so he kept talking instead. 

“I don't want to tell the team about Even because it'll just suck. All the shit they're gonna talk, the drama it's gonna cause. Not just for me, also for Even. But at the same time, keeping him a secret makes being with him feel wrong. Like, if I treat being into him like some unspeakable disaster that I can't ever talk about, then that's what it's gonna feel like, and I don't want that.”

It sounded like Jonas was opening a snack on the other end of the line. 

“Yeah, I agree. It's gonna suck, but you have to face the team or it's not only gonna take a toll on your relationship, but also on your sanity. You can't lie to yourself like that forever. And you know, the Dogs love you, they're gonna keep loving you. William and Elias are gonna be bitches, but they're on their own.”

“You sure though?” Isak asked. “I'm kind of a shitty captain for you guys right now. I tried to step it up, and it's easier now that things are changing within the team, but that's not my doing, just luck. It feels like I didn't do anything to make things better, they just happened to improve like that. So how much support do I really deserve here?” 

“God, Isak, you're dumb sometimes.” Jonas was indeed chewing now. “You coming out has nothing to do with you being captain. And you're doing good, no one's questioning your captaincy. You're not making history, but you've only been at it for a month, come on. Even though maybe you are. Making history, I mean. Maybe you're the first gay captain ever, who knows?” 

Isak laughed and he closed his eyes for a second. This was it. He had told Jonas, and of course it hadn't been a problem at all. 

“So you and Noora?” he asked, even though sleepiness suddenly hit him, as if getting the words out had drained him entirely. 

“Not much has happened. I like her, but we're not crazy in love like you guys.” 

Isak rolled his eyes at that, but he smiled. 

“Do you know what she told William about me?”

“Yeah, she told me. Said she wanted to come clean about it with everyone, she feels really bad. She also never knew William took things out on you like that, she would have talked otherwise.”

“I'm not mad, you know.”

“I know. I think you should be. Not at Noora, maybe, but at William. But I've told you that a thousand times.”

“You have.” It was a conversation they had had many times before. Jonas pestering Isak to go talk to Coach about being William's personal punching bag, and Isak downplaying the situation. 

“Even's on your side. I kind of get what you mean,” Isak admitted. 

“Oh, so now you do? Now that Even says it? Sorry I don't have that quiff, is that what makes you like him so much? We could get Magnus to get one, he talked about copying Even's hair, he's into it too.” 

Isak laughed at that. “Sorry. He gets to me, I don't know why.” 

“So you wanna talk to Coach?” 

“Not really. It's just not gonna do any good. I might just sit them down and talk to them. William, Chris, Elias. The whole team maybe. Just let them know that that time is over and we're not gonna be that kind of team anymore, in general. They're broken up now, that's good. It'll be easier to get to them, right?” 

Jonas agreed with a hum. 

“Are you gonna ask Noora out then?” Isak had to speak up as the washing machine began to give it everything it got. 

“Yeah. Let's see where it goes. Maybe we'll confess our love to each other in two weeks, who knows.” 

Isak wished he could punch Jonas in the arm, but he also wanted to pull him into the tightest hug he had ever given him. 

“I fucking love you too. No one's safe,” he laughed, and when he finally hung up an hour later, he felt more relieved than he had in weeks. 

 

...

 

“Hey, Isak.” 

Isak woke up to Even's soft voice near his ear and his face right in front of his. 

“Where did you take all my stuff? We gotta be at the gym in 15.” 

When he opened his eyes fully, he found Even crouching next to the bed, already dressed in yesterday's clothes. He had his hands on Isak's face again, stroking his cheeks awake with his thumbs. The look on his face was soft and affectionate, and Isak smiled into his pillow despite the fact that he was tired enough for it to feel like a dream. 

“In 15?” Isak mumbled. He felt like he had only just fallen asleep a few minutes ago. 

“Yeah. I tried to let you sleep as long as possible but you kind of have to get up. Where did you take my things?” 

“Dryer,” Isak yawned and rolled around on his back while Even left the room. He fell asleep again until Even came back with an armful of clothes and stuffed one half into his duffel bag and threw the other half at Isak. 

“Come on. Who did you talk to all night? I could hear you being on the phone through the wall.” 

“Sorry.” Isak rubbed sleep out of his eyes and finally sat up. “I talked to Jonas.” He pulled a freshly washed sweater over his head and then wistfully pulled off his blanket to get his sweatpants on. “Told him about us.”

The look on Even's face would have been worth telling Jonas a lot earlier, Isak thought. So was the kiss that was planted on his lips a second later. It wasn't just a peck, it was Even climbing into his lap and kissing him full force, open mouthed, grinding their hips together more skilfully than Isak had managed last night. It took Isak a moment to react, to catch up, but by the time he did, Even already pulled away, beaming at him. 

“I'm proud of you. I hope you didn't tell him for me.” 

Isak shook his head no and tried to hold Even back when he got back up, but he didn't let him. 

“We gotta head out, Isak. Don't wanna be late.”

“Ugh,” Isak complained and let Even pull him up and into his arms so that their faces were close enough for Isak to place another kiss on his lips. 

“Hey,” he began instead of hurrying up. “We're alright, yeah? Last night was intense. I mean... We didn't do anything you didn't want to do? It was kind of a lot, I mean, with me on top of you, and...”

“Isak.” Even looked him right in the eye when he answered. “I promise you, I wanted it just like that. Everything. I trust you.” 

“Okay,” Isak breathed and he leaned forward again, unable to keep their lips apart for more than a few seconds.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so close to the end, I can't believe it!! But I wrote the first Even pov chapter today and I think they will be (incredibly painful but) interesting.
> 
> Have this last bit of William being complete and utter shit, I hope you enjoy it:)

They would have been on time for the gym had they not made out against Isak's bedroom door before leaving, knowing they wouldn't get another chance to kiss until the evening. Or maybe if they hadn't done the same down at the front door. But they had, and so the rest of the Seadogs had already left the locker room by the time they got there. Isak only felt stressed for a second when he realized what both of them being late might imply, but then he met Jonas' eyes while Coach lectured them about getting enough sleep and being on time, and he could only smile at him widely and forgot about what the rest of the team might think. 

Making out with Even some more had been worth them getting scolded, but Isak started to regret his decision in the afternoon when Coach also made them pick up some new sticks on the other end of the campus right before practice which almost made them late for that too. They changed in a haste while the majority of the team was already out of the locker room, and Isak only realized when Even stepped onto the ice in front of him, when he stared at his own name and the large number 9, that something was wrong. 

It was too late to stop Even though, and so he could only follow him. 

“You're wearing my jersey,” he rushed to say, skating next to Even who was already on his way to the centre circle where the Seadogs had just gathered together except for Jonas who was in the goal, deflecting Magnus' shots to warm up separately. Even turned around to look at him, and when he did, so did Isak, looking down at his own chest and immediately missing the big C there. They had mixed up their jerseys. 

It wasn't a big deal in general, but it was suspicious as fuck. At least in Isak's opinion. Since they all did their own laundry, he couldn't blame it on people working at the rink, and their lockers weren't even next to each other so that they could have grabbed the wrong jersey by accident. If any of the guys started to think about it more, they would definitely find it weird. 

Isak was already freaking out before he even got to the centre line where he watched Even pull his jersey over his head to hand it over to him. Practice hadn't officially started yet, so at least it wasn't quiet, but Isak could still tell that all eyes were on them. He pulled Even's jersey off in a haste and grabbed his own to the sound of someone hooting. 

“Oh, so you've finally scored. Congratulations!” William drawled just as Isak had pulled his own jersey over his head. The words were directed at Even, and when Isak was done struggling with his sleeves getting caught in his elbow pads, he saw that he had skated up to where Even was stood and had come to a halt in front of him. He was close enough for Isak to push him over if he reached out to him, and he had to curl his fist into his own jersey in order to keep himself from doing so when William put a finger to Even's neck.

Isak couldn't see it because he was on Even's other side, but he knew that he had sucked a bright red mark into Even's skin last night without thinking about it. He had seen it this morning and already lost his mind over it during his Math class, but in the end he had come to the conclusion that there was nothing he could do but hope that no one would point it out, if they even noticed. But of course William had done both. And not only that, he was up in Even's space, touching his skin, pressing his finger to the spot where Isak knew Even's pulse would beat fast. Where only he was allowed to touch him. 

“I was wondering when you'd get yourself some dick around here to continue your streak. Who was it?” William continued and Isak could see Even taking deep breaths, staring William down, not moving an inch. He wanted to rip William's hand off, wanted to slam into him full force, but he also wanted to let Even decide what to do. 

“A shot in the dark says Valtersen. Late for practice in the wrong jersey with that? Easy guess.” He jerked his chin towards Even's neck and Even finally moved to swat his arm away when William dragged his finger down to the hem of his jersey.

It was an almost bored motion compared to how he had reacted to William in the past. A quick look around him told Isak that everyone was watching the two of them, some of the guys looking ready to intervene, others only studying them, probably taking guesses on who would snap first. They would all say Even if they were asked, and Isak hated it. Besides everything that had changed lately, Even was still the new guy while William was whom they had all grown used to and somehow expected to know his limits. The majority of the team wasn't necessarily on William's side, but they would be if Even was their other option, Isak was sure.

With a quick push Isak skated up right next to Even, close enough so that their shoulders touched. He wouldn't let Even stand alone anymore. 

“Last chance to shut your mouth,” he said. “I told you before that you're going to have to cut this shit out.” 

William only smirked, and Isak could feel Even's fingers digging into his upper arm in warning, a silent pleading not to lose his mind, but also maybe for reassurance. 

“I don't fucking give a shit, captain,” William laughed as he moved in on Isak, standing dangerously close to him, but also to Even who shifted next to him. Isak knew he was ready to get in between them if William so much as raised a finger at him. 

“Get out of his face, will you?” 

It was Chris who skated towards them first, and Isak thought he might be talking to Even and him and come to William's defence, but then he grabbed William's arm and pushed him backwards.

“Stop being such a dickface, no one gives a shit.” 

William moved in a heartbeat, shoving Chris backwards and then following just to connect his fist with the right side of his helmet and send him down onto the ice where he landed on his ungloved arm. It was clear that he hadn't just fallen like they were all used to by the way he cried out and stayed down, crouching over with his forearm clutched to his chest. 

Suddenly, everyone was moving, either holding on to William or sinking down onto the ice to check on Chris, and Isak only took a second to see whether Even was alright before he crouched down next to Chris himself and saw the panic in his face more than the pain. The kind of panic that meant that he knew that the season was over for him. It was only another few seconds before Coach, who had been nowhere in sight until now that the team had started yelling, finally joined them, already calling out for Eskild who had appeared near the home bench. 

Isak got back up to give them space, calling back his teammates too, and then he looked for Even again who was standing a bit further off, looking terrified. Isak didn't think another second before he skated towards him and shook his gloves off before taking his hand in his. 

“They're gonna find a way to blame this on me,” Even whispered. “Third fight that I'm involved in.” He was watching William who didn't even struggle but only stared at Chris who was still down, his eyes wide in uncharacteristic fear. 

Isak opened his mouth to say something, anything to reassure Even, but he didn't find the words. He was right. Even and him had been involved in every single fight in the last few weeks, and Coach had already made it clear to him that he didn't care who had started it. And one of them getting seriously injured would definitely have more consequences than a talk down in the locker rooms or cleaning out the team bus. He wanted to tell Even that it would be alright, but he wasn't so sure himself. He wanted to believe in his team, wanted to be sure that they would be on Even's side but he couldn't be.

He watched Eskild flinch at the first look at Chris' arm and then lead him off the ice while one half of the Seadogs was quiet in shock and the other half was loudly fighting. He watched Coach assemble them around him but when Even didn't move an inch towards the team, neither did he. He still held on to Even's hand, their gloves forgotten somewhere on the ice around them. When Coach demanded to know what had happened, he got ready to speak up, to defend Even to his death, but he didn't have to. 

The team stood in unison when they agreed that Even hadn't moved an inch, that Isak had tried to get through to William before, and that William wasn't fit to play on a team any longer. They didn't stab Even in the back as they so easily could have done, and neither did they question Isak's abilities as captain. 

Isak exchanged a long look with Coach before he took William of the ice with him and announced that Isak would be leading practice in his stead. Coach nodded at him, finally showing him his appreciation, and then he was gone and suddenly, all eyes were on Isak. If it had been up to him, he wouldn't have dropped Even's hand, but Even let go of him in an instant. The guys had definitely all seen them holding on to each other but no one said a word. 

“Okay. Fuck.” Isak got out, his heart beating in his throat. “Chris being out sucks, but I'm glad we're finally standing together in this. We'll get him back, and we'll deal with William one way or the other. Let's play this season as a team. I want to be the best captain for you that I can be, so let's get together this weekend and discuss what's coming and how to move forward.”

Sticks clapped onto the ice around him in form of support and Isak almost got goosebumps at the sound of it. It sucked that they had most likely lost Chris for at least the first half of the season, but this was still what he had wanted. The team standing together, finally on the same page. 

“Let's do a scrimmage, we can take it easy,” he announced and the guys around him started to split up without complaint when Even cleared his throat next to him. 

“Guys, I'm sorry I haven't tried harder to make this work. I'm glad to have a place on this team and I'm willing to work in order to keep it.” 

For a second there was only silence but then Isak brought his stick down onto the ice and the others joined him, giving another round of clapping. They got together in a circle the way they did before games, holding each other close, and for the first time Even didn't look uncomfortable being included in it when Isak met his eyes. 

 

...

 

When Isak first crawled into Even's arms it felt weird to see Magnus' eyes almost pop out of his head, but when he realized it was a sign of happiness rather than him being freaked out, he relaxed against Even's side. They were sat on Even's bed together, eating the pizza they had ordered and going over today's practice again and again. Isak hadn't been about to spend another entire evening next to Even without being allowed to touch him, and so he had told Magnus that they were dating the second they had entered the room together. It had been a few hours and Magnus still couldn't take his excited eyes off of them, but Isak had stopped caring a while ago. 

Now, he pressed his body into Even who was leaning against the headboard of his bed while Jonas and Magnus were sprawled out at the foot of it. Even gave him a smile and pulled him into his side, wrapping his arm around him. It felt good to not be hiding anymore. 

“As much as I can't be bothered with Chris, that sucks for him. Eskild said three months the least, right?” Even asked. 

“Yeah. I hope William feels fucking awful. He probably wouldn't mind breaking your bones, Isak, but Chris? That's something I'm sure he didn't plan on,” Jonas said, reaching for the last slice of pizza that had already gone cold a while ago. 

Isak agreed. “Not only that, but being suspended? He definitely deserves it, though. Maybe it does him some good to watch us win without him. Show him we don't need him.” 

“Neither do we want him, right?” Magnus stated. “I mean, after today not even Elias was on his side anymore. He has no one left and even when he's back on the ice, his every move will be watched by Coach.” 

“If he even comes back. Coach said they hadn't decided about what happens after the suspension yet, right? That it depends on how he does in therapy?” Isak remembered that part because he had been glad to hear William would be finally forced to deal with his issues. If he didn't, there was no coming back for him and Isak was glad for it. 

“Funny how everything fell into place, huh?”

“Isak, nothing fell into place,” Even groaned. He was repeating himself. “William didn't just get suspended out of pure luck, Chris didn't apologize and see the light for no reason at all. You keep saying you're such an awful captain but really, had you not watched out for me from day one, the team would still be a mess. Things happened this way because you knew where your priorities lay, and that's a good thing.” 

Isak couldn't help but smile at him. “You're my priority, yeah.” 

“Ugh,” Magnus immediately groaned while Jonas buried his face in Even's blanket. “Okay, you've never been that cheesy with Eva, how could I have thought you two were ever going to be a thing? Are you and Noora going to be like that, Jonas? Because I'm going to either have to find a girlfriend or I'll have to ditch you all and start hanging out with, I don't know, Chris? He's friendless now, right? Now that his second half has literally broken up with him?” He enunciated the 'broken' and wiggled his eyebrows at his own pun but the others only groaned. 

“You should ask Eva out, she's the best and we could all hang out,” Isak suggested, but he immediately felt Even pinch his side for it. 

“We have a plan, have you forgotten?” he whispered, and Isak buried his face in his shoulder and groaned again. 

“A bad plan that I am trying to forget about, yes.” 

But Isak still turned to kiss his cheek which was apparently the last message Jonas and Magnus needed for them to finally leave for the night. 

“We'll see you in the morning. If you can make it on time,” Jonas said while he got up, and Isak caught his wink. “Seriously, it's gonna be so weird without William and Chris there.” 

“Nice, you mean,” Magnus corrected. “You really think William won't even join gym sessions anymore though? If he doesn't, then there's no chance he'll be in good form even if he does come back after the suspension.”

Isak nodded. “Well, he's prohibited from joining team activities so... Guess he'll have to train on his own. But on a non-personal level, him and Chris both being gone is gonna suck for us. They do kind of carry the team, they're core players, both of them.” 

“Well, time for all of us to step up our game then,” Jonas said. “I mean, we have the hottest D-team out there that’s probably gonna make the GET league after graduation, so playing to zero should be no problem at all, right?” His tone was challenging and Isak was glad he wasn't as pessimistic as himself. 

“Hot as in like, attractive?” Magnus asked, “because yeah, I agree, but is it the quiff?” 

Jonas had to shuffle him out of the door and Isak could hear Magnus ask: “You think they're gonna make out now?” before they had even closed the door. 

As soon as they were alone together, Isak leaned in to place a soft kiss on Even's lips. Then he realized that he could have done the same with the guys still in the room and the thought of it made him smile. 

“You do have nice hair,” he stated and promptly reached out to touch it, letting his fingers run through the blond hair that was pulled out of Even's face as usual. Even closed his eyes at the touch, and it still excited Isak to see him relax in answer to a touch rather than lose his mind. 

For a while they sat like that, touching and kissing, simply catching up on time alone. Eventually though, Isak let his head fall back on Even's shoulder, closing his own eyes.

“I'm glad today happened. For the season it sucks, but I feel like the team needed this split. William and Chris both being gone for a while?”

“I'm still surprised they sided with me.” Even did sound overwhelmed, even now. “That they had my back.”

“Of course they did,” Isak agreed, even though he hadn't been too sure of that either. “I'm proud of you. For not letting William get to you, for staying calm.”

“I didn't even want to hurt him, I just wanted him off of me.”

“For good reason. You could have thrown him off and no one would have had the right to hold that against you.” 

“They would have, though. I would have been the one to start the fight, right?” 

Isak opened his eyes again and looked up at him. “No. They still would have had your back. They're our team, we gotta learn to trust them. Both of us.” 

“Why you? You're already in love with them.” 

Isak shrugged his shoulders. “I'm surprised no one said anything about us holding hands. They all saw, right?” 

Even only nodded. “Yeah.”

“Maybe they won't freak out over us,” Isak admitted, and in that moment he could see it. Them holding hands casually when they went out with the team. Exchanging kisses and sitting next to each other on long bus rides, sharing hotel rooms with no one batting an eye at them. It was going to happen, and for the first time Isak felt like he was ready for it.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit awkward and short, just a filler before the epilogue really, oops!

Isak could tell that Even was awake when he woke up in what felt like the middle of the night. His back was pressed against Even's bare chest closely enough for him to feel his constant breathing that was too shallow to be that of a sleeping person. Isak had been dead tired earlier due to being restless the night before and had fallen asleep in an instant, wrapped up in Even's arms.

“Are you awake?” he whispered into the dark around them even though he already knew his answer before he could feel Even nod behind him and press soft kisses onto his hair. “Can't sleep?” 

“Thinking too much.” Even's voice sounded tired but nowhere near sleepy. Him being honest like that still filled Isak with a sense of joy and affection. 

“About what?” 

Before he answered, Even took a moment to let his left hand run down Isak's chest and settle on his stomach. 

“Sharks. And today. You.”

“Me?” There was no point in keeping his eyes open in the dark and so Isak let them fall back shut and pressed himself closer to Even's warm body. He had never been more comfortable in his life. 

“You. The way you dealt with Chris and William.” 

“You still don't approve?” His words came out as a sleepy mumble while Even sounded wide awake. 

“Don't know,” Even said, his fingers ghosting over Isak's skin. “I was so mad at you in the beginning, for letting them get away with everything that's happened. But I'm starting to think if you can live with that, if it won't come back and haunt you, then it's cool.” 

“Then what are you thinking about?” Isak contemplated turning around in his arms but his touch felt too good. Being all wrapped up in Even's arms, his smell hugging him. He didn't ever want to move. 

“About how I can get to where you are. Being fine with what happened, moving on from this. Completely, I mean. And it's hard not to compare. To not feel like shit for still not being over it when you're literally living in a flat with Chris, being friendly.” 

“But my way is not yours, Even. I'm okay, that doesn't mean you need to be. Though I want you to be, of course.” 

“I know.” Even pressed another kiss into Isak's hair and then moved to his neck, kissing his skin there and blowing warm breath over it. “I just. I've been thinking about pressing charges. I think Mahdi and Mikael would testify for me. Maybe some other guys. Yousef has been messaging me in name of the team after Coach got fired, asking me if I wanted to pursue this any further.” 

Isak turned around at that. He couldn't really see Even's face in the dark, but he could at least touch it, his hair, give back some of the soft, calming touches. 

“Well, even if you didn't have a chance, you should still do it as long as you feel like it could give you closure. I'm glad you're thinking about it.” 

“Would you go with me?”

Isak nodded and kissed his lips. He could feel Even pulling him in closer yet, his hand settling at his lower back, dipping below the band of his boxers that he was unnecessarily wearing. 

“Yeah,” he breathed. “Anywhere.” 

“Anywhere?” Even smiled. Isak couldn't see it, but he could hear it in his voice. It sounded challenging and he couldn't help but smile in response. He took Even's hand in his and placed a kiss to the tip of his palm. 

“I guess so,” he teased. “But you don't expect me to press charges against Chris and William, do you?” 

“I get that it's different. And it's your choice, anyway. But if you wanted to, I'd go with you.” 

“I don't,” Isak clarified. He still couldn't quite explain how the situation was different to him, but it was. 

“So you've be talking to the Sharks then?”

“I haven't even replied yet.” 

“We could go to Hamar together and talk to them. Or they can come to Oslo. I don't know, some of them seem alright.” Isak traced his thumb along Even's, intertwining their hands and playing with his fingers. 

“They were. Are. I don't know. I just wish things hadn't gone to shit.”

“We can fix it,” Isak mumbled, and he dropped Even's hand to hug him instead, pressing their chests together. Being sleepy made him sappy and more hopeful than he might be in the morning. But Even coming to terms with everything that had happened, Even smiling on the ice during their next game against the Sharks, enjoying the competition rather than trembling with anxiety, was something that he wanted for him more than anything.

He searched for Even's lips in the dark and when he found them, there was nothing more important than that. It was still scary, but way less so. What it was now, was something Isak didn't ever want to live without, no matter how new he was to this. He had already begun to regret all the times he had shied away from Even's touch before, all the opportunities he had had to show him how much he appreciated him and that he had wasted. For a second, he wanted nothing more than to get up and walk over to Even's desk, to get out his notebook and draw hearts all over it, the way he hadn't dared to do before.

Even broke away from him after a while and said quietly: “I don't think I would have stayed with the Seadogs had it not been for you. I would have probably dropped hockey and given up on everything.” He was breathless, and when he found Isak's lips again he could probably feel his smile on them.

“I'm glad you didn't. The only time we would have met would have been when we played those awful games against each other last year. That would have been your only impression of me.”

Even laughed soundlessly and Isak could feel his body moving against his. 

“It wouldn't have been. I already had an impression of you then. I remember getting drunk with Mikael a couple of nights before the last Oslo game and making plans about how to best start a conversation with you.” 

Isak actually pulled back from Even as if he could get a better look at him that way, even in the dark. 

“What? Like, last year?” 

“Yeah. I always thought you were cute, but then we didn't get the chance to talk at any of the games we played.” 

Isak settled back into the pillows, undecided about whether he should feel flattered or simply confused. 

“Well, I probably wouldn't have known what to do with you hitting on me back then, so I'm glad it never happened.”

“You also didn't know what to do with me hitting on you now, Isak,” Even laughed. “You were so clueless.”

“You hit me in the face, that's all the hitting you did,” Isak complained rather loudly, but he had to laugh, too. “When did you ever make a move on me? All you ever did was sulk in the corner and get into fights. I don't blame you, now that I know why, but seriously? You really think I would have picked up on any flirting?” 

“Well, it's not like it was the only thing on my mind, I was pretty out of it when I got here. But it was at its best when I went out with Eva. That was as much me wanting to make you jealous as it was her having the same plan. It was just convenient that she had asked.” 

“You're ridiculous,” Isak smiled. He still shuffled closer to Even, needing the space between them to disappear. “How long have I been your lockscreen then?” he asked after a while of listening to Even's breathing finally slowing down to the point where it felt like he might be falling asleep.

Even reached for Isak's hand again, holding it in his. He seemed to have to think for a while before he half asked: “About half a year? It's been a while.”

Again, Isak could only shake his head in surprise. 

“And you didn't think to change it when you moved here? Having a stupid google stock photo of me on your phone didn't embarrass you?”

“Should it? It's a cute picture. Not google though, I took it myself.” Even kissed his palm the way Isak had done to him earlier and then they kissed again, wrapped up in each other, their legs tangling together underneath the sheets. Neither of them thought about boundaries and taking things slow any longer. They were all in. Isak still felt sleepy, but he wasn't too tired to react to Even's hands on his body, to him hardening against his thigh and touching his tongue with his. 

“I love you, Isak.” The words were still just a hush of breath between them, but they felt different than last time. Isak knew that they would be able to say them out loud by now, that it would be just as easy to say them in the morning. They didn't feel like just words, like Jonas had said.

“I love you too,” he whispered, but it sounded more like a moan than anything else, what with the way their bodies began to move with each other, rubbing against one another slowly. 

 

...

 

Their game on Saturday was against the Seahawks who had been in second place, right behind the Sharks, last season. It was a home game, their stadium was packed, and Isak waved at Vilde and Eva in the crowd, smiling at how they wore jerseys with the numbers 28 and 9. The team had only had two practices without William and Chris, and their chances weren't great, but Isak still felt hopeful. They would have to throw in everything they had, would have to play better than they ever had before to make up for their missing forward line, but it was possible. 

The atmosphere among the team had turned around completely now that William was out of the picture. No one had seen him ever since Thursday, and Coach had said something about him having gone home to his parents' place for a few days until things had calmed down and he would have to come back to resume his classes and pick up his weekly therapy sessions. They would inevitably have to deal with him again, but Isak didn't fret over it for now. For the first time in two years it felt like they were truly a team and he cherished every second on the ice, even when they fell behind two goals in the second period after having kept up a 2:2 tie for a while. 

During their intermission, Chris joined them in the locker room, his arm in a cast, looking somewhat miserable, but they still made him join the tight circle that they formed before going back onto the ice for the last period. 

It was Magnus who saved the day and scored two goals for them within four minutes. They were three minutes away from having to go into overtime yet again and when they got a power play shortly after, Isak looked at Even. They were tired, the game had been more intense than what they were used to, and the Seahawks were definitely the best team out there next to the Sharks. 

But they weren't too tired to throw themselves into the last few minutes of the game. Isak could hear the overhead buzzer sounding when he sent the puck flying into the upper right corner of the goal after getting an impossible pass from Even, and he threw himself onto the ice, his stick flying one way and his gloves the other. Even was on top of him first, and he could tell that the others followed, burying the two of them underneath them in celebration. 

The audience was already roaring, but they just about lost it when the game ended a few seconds later and Isak ripped his helmet off of his head and watched Even do the same. They skated towards each other, not bothering to brake, their bodies crashing together full force, hugging each other tightly. They had won. If they could win against the Seahawks without their first forwards line, they could do just about anything. And anything included Isak pulling Even into him and claiming his lips to the sound of sticks coming down onto the ice repeatedly, the Seadogs around them hooting and laughing, and the audience exploding.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue time!! I will post my thank you notes at the end of the chapter because they got so long!
> 
> This story is completed now, but there will be more content that I will add to this same fic as more chapters even though technically they're not that. But I will let you know about that once I continue posting:) 
> 
> I want to thank my beta kittpurrson for all the time and effort that she put into this, and my great friend aceteroid for all the emotional support and hours spent listening!!!
> 
> Love <3

It was the first time Even was back in Hamar ever since he had left the Sharks, and Isak hadn’t intended to leave him out of his sight for a second. When he realized he had fallen asleep against his shoulder and missed them pulling into the parking lot of the rink, he immediately cursed himself, but Even kissed his forehead and smiled. 

“You don't need to be so worried. It went well last week, right? I'm good,” he reassured him and pulled him closer into his side just as the team bus came to a halt. 

It was true. They had met up with a handful of Sharks, Mikael, Mahdi, and Yousef, last week and while everyone had been tense and uncomfortable at first, it had been good for all of them. Isak had wanted to give them time alone together, but Even had insisted on holding his hand all the way through their talk over coffee, and in the end Isak had been glad to get to know Even's old teammates a bit. It helped to know they weren't awful, to know that none of them meant Even any harm. It made playing against them a lot more fun, and what with how the last few games had gone for them, Isak didn't mind enjoying today's match as well. 

They hadn't lost a single game in the last five weeks, and the Sharks were the only team still ahead of them in the league. There were still too many games to play to celebrate just yet, but it was hard to keep both feet on the ground when they were swarmed by journalists after games these days and Coach kept sending him articles that talked about the best D-team in the league. Hockey with Even was more fun than it had ever been, and Isak was glad to not be dreading today's game against the Sharks as much as he would have a few weeks ago. 

Isak tried to disentangle himself from Even once he realized that the rest of the team was packing up around them and got ready to leave the team bus, but Even still didn't let go of him. Instead he leaned down to place another kiss into Isak's hair and Isak let his head rest on Even's shoulder for just a second longer.

“Guys, I don't know if there's gear that accommodates Siamese twins just yet,” Magnus laughed at them when he passed them as he made his way through the aisle to the front of the bus. “I swear, your bodies are just gonna merge one day and form one giant, unbeatable defence man.” 

“We're already unbeatable,” Even smiled, and Magnus rolled his eyes at him but laughed. He was shuffled forwards by Elias who was right behind him. 

“Gross,” he mumbled as he passed them, but it no longer felt like an insult. It had done so in the beginning, during the first few weeks in which they had finally held hands in the locker room or at after parties, still trying hard to be decent, to not overshare, but they were way less cautious these days and Elias' tantrums had turned into annoyed looks and grumbled complaints that neither of them cared much about. 

The team had been quick to shut him up whenever he had complained about them in the past, and in the end he had chosen being part of the team over giving them a hard time. It still wasn't perfect, there were still situations in which Isak could tell some of the guys on the team felt awkward dealing with their relationship, but overall Isak knew that he had underestimated the Seadogs' understanding and support. 

When most of the guys had passed them and either jokingly rolled their eyes at their inability to keep their hands off of each other or commented on them being attached at the hips these days, Isak pulled Even down to him and placed a quick kiss on his lips. 

“You'll do great. I'm with you, your team has your back, and whatever happened is in the past. I love you.” 

They were alone on the bus now and Isak knew it was only a matter of seconds until Coach would come in and look for them, lecturing them about holding up the team. Or maybe he would trust Isak to do what he had to do in order to make sure his teammates were alright, the way he had started to do lately. 

When they joined the team in front of the bus it had started to snow again, and they grabbed their enormous bags and jogged towards the entrance door of the rink. Isak found himself a locker next to Even and watched him closely as they undressed and put on their gear, getting into a mood of concentration and determination. The locker room they were in wasn't the one Even would remember, as they were the guest team here, but it was probably close enough for him to not feel at ease. He still didn't take showers with the Seadogs, not even in their home locker rooms, and Isak didn't expect him to ever do so. The team had stopped asking questions about it and even though Even had been taking enormous steps with Isak lately, this was something that wouldn't happen in the near future. 

Right now, he looked fine. He had become quiet and a bit pale, but he put on his gear systematically and seemed calm enough so that Isak took a few deep breaths too. Once they were both dressed, he scooted closer to him to take his hand, the thick hockey pants that covered their thighs touching. Even looked up at him and managed a smile which Isak was glad for. They stayed close together throughout Coach's speech about today's game, about how they had to keep up their positive energy that had carried them through the season so far and about how their team was the strongest it had ever been. As per usual, Chris joined them in the locker room when Coach began talking to them and hyping them up, and today, when Coach was done talking, he added: “Eskild told me last night that I'm cleared for the gym next week.”

The Seadogs gave a round of cheers and pats on his back, and Isak couldn't even imagine what form their team would be in once they had Chris back. They had played their best season yet, but their forward lines stood under a lot of pressure as they had to make up for both William and Chris being gone, and Isak could tell they would be glad for Chris' return. He himself didn't mind it either. He still didn't go out of his way to talk to Chris, and neither did Even, but they had gone back to being friendly the way they had been in their rookie year. 

Isak almost got a bit jealous when everyone seemed to want to hug Even today before they left the locker room and headed towards the ice, but at least he got the longest hug of them all, paired with a kiss on the cheek and a whispered promise about their upcoming hotel night. 

When they stepped onto the ice, the Sharks were already there, and while the majority of both teams was still indifferent towards each other, at least Mikael came over to greet Even and him, and he was quickly joined by Mahdi and Yousef. Magnus joked about fraternizing with the enemy when he skated past them but came back only seconds later to ask about some girl sitting in the audience that had definitely smiled at him. 

Isak's heart beat fast during the first face off. He knew that this was going to be the hardest game they had played this season and he had tried to prepare himself for the possibility of losing, but when he looked over at Even he realized he had his eyes on him and he was smiling. The look on his face promised a good game, a good fight, and Isak smirked at him, knowing without a doubt that they would make it work once again. 

 

...

 

Isak was still not a huge fan of parties, but he enjoyed them a lot more now that he had Even to lean against when he felt tired or bored or simply got fed up with the guys flirting with everything that moved around them. But Even had just vanished to the bathroom and so Isak took out his phone and swiped at his lockscreen that showed him and Even kissing after their game against the Seahawks. Vilde had been way too excited when she had sent him the picture she had taken for him to dismiss it, and so he had grown to cherish the memory and he was happy to look at it every time he took out his phone. 

As per usual, he had new messages from Eva and opened her chat first. She had sent him a picture and Isak had to zoom in to really understand what was going on. At first he thought it was just a picture of her and Vilde sipping hot chocolate in the café at their rink, both of them blowing kisses towards the camera, but then he realized that it was about a framed picture that had been added to the wall of the café. It showed Even and him celebrating after one of their last games, and Isak couldn't help but smile at it. At how he had studied those pictures so many times and had wasted his time thinking he wouldn't belong there anymore if he kept kissing Even. Never in his life had he felt more like he deserved this praise, and he was glad the large C on his chest showed in the picture. 

“Why do you always look bored at parties?” Magnus asked him, managing to sound both drunk and hyper at the same time, when he joined Isak at his table a second later. “This is Iben,” he then almost yelled without waiting for an answer and pulled the girl he had pointed out to them earlier on the ice closer to his side. “She plays for the women's team, isn't that awesome?” 

“Yeah,” Isak agreed and dropped his phone on the table, trying to be polite. 

“Iben, this is Isak. He's cool, but he didn't score like three times today, unlike me.” Magnus laughed at his own joke and Isak exchanged a rather embarrassed look with Iben who notably cringed at his words. “I'll go get you a drink! Wait, you weren't supporting the Sharks today, were you? Because in that case you'll need two!” Magnus laughed, and in that moment a handful of celebrating Seadogs passed behind his back and began cheering at his words, clapping Magnus on the back and pulling him into their middle to shower him with beer. 

It had been a good decision of Coach to move Magnus into one of their forward lines. He had been scoring twice as much ever since and had become twice as confident, too. It made Isak happy to see him happy though, and he clapped along with his teammates as they yelled something about drowning Sharks.

“So,” Iben said and moved to stand closer to Isak so that he could hear her above the noise. “6:5, that's not bad at all. Congratulations! Nice assist, I didn't think Even would do even better with the Seadogs than he did with the Sharks. That was an impossible goal you prepared for him!” 

Isak smiled at the memory of Even shouting with joy once he had netted the puck a few minutes before they would have gone into overtime again. 

“He's great like that!” Isak agreed. He had to lean in towards Iben for her to understand him as the guys behind them were still shouting.

“So are you!” Iben yelled into his ear. “You're fucking fast, but I could probably take you down.” She winked at him and Isak smiled back at her. 

“Don't think so!” he countered. “But anyone can overtake Magnus, and he needs a comeback down to earth.” 

“Yeah, Magnus,” Iben smiled. She said something more but Isak didn't understand her so he just frowned and leaned in closer. 

“He's cute!” she yelled. “What hotel are you staying in?” 

Isak opened his mouth to reply, but he was startled when someone wrapped their arms around him from behind. He knew it was Even before he even turned around in his arms though. 

“Hey,” Even said. He ignored the way Isak twisted in his arms to see his face and instead stared Iben down. “I'm Even. Isak's boyfriend!” The way he said it made Isak realize in an instant what him standing that close Iben must have looked like, and he felt hot all over at the sound of his deep voice. 

Iben's eyes widened for only a second before she said: “Cool! I'm Iben.” She sounded casual enough that Isak could see Even's features soften a bit. 

“Why are we talking hotel rooms?” he asked, looking down at Isak and pressing his body against his just a little bit closer. 

“She's hooking up with Magnus tonight,” Isak explained and Iben rolled her eyes at his bluntness. 

“Yes, that's me, the hookup,” she said and laughed. Isak could feel Even relax behind him. “I'll get him to buy me that drink now. Enjoy the night, you deserve a good celebration!” 

With that, she disappeared into the crowd around them and Isak leaned his head against Even's shoulder to look up at him again. 

“Jealous much?” he teased and Even bit his lip for a second. 

“She called you cute and asked about your hotel!”

“No, she called Magnus cute,” Isak laughed, and Even only hummed above him in understanding.

“Do you want to dance?” Isak usually wasn't much of a dancer, but he was growing increasingly sick of Even making his way over to the dance floor on his own at post-match parties and staring him down with hot eyes while Isak clutched his beer and tried to get his dick to calm down. 

Even beamed at him and nodded. “Let me finish my drink first,” he said and placed a kiss on Isak's cheek when he reached forward to grab the beer Isak was pretty sure was his. They stood like that for a minute, laughing at Chris being hit on by a guy at the bar, before Isak spotted Mikael in the crowd, looking rather lost, and pointed him out to Even. 

“Are they insane? Partying at the same club that we're at after a game?” 

“Don't think it's the whole team,” Even guessed. “They don't usually come here, it's too crowded for them.” While he spoke, Mikael's eyes landed on them and he seemingly found what he had been looking for. When he approached their table, Mahdi and Yousef followed close behind, carrying a tray with a couple of shots. 

“Remember that you lost?” Isak asked and pointed at the drinks that Mahdi carefully placed on the table between them.

“If we got drunk after every game we won, we'd all be alcoholics! We go drinking after losses, that's way more deserved,” Mikael laughed, and he took two shots and placed one in front of Even and gave one to Isak. Isak twisted in Even's arms again to see whether he was fine and was glad to see him smiling at his old friends. 

“Only one, Isak is willing to dance tonight,” he announced and raised his glass. Mikael and Yousef were fast to disappear into the crowd again after they had taken their shots, but Mahdi shuffled in closer after they were gone. 

“Do you know about William yet?” he asked and Isak frowned. “I hear you need a forward and I'm hoping to be traded in spring! Our coaches have been talking already.” 

Isak hadn't heard from Coach about William, which wasn't a good sign. He had asked Chris the other day but he hadn't known much. William had sent Chris a signed GET league jersey in form of an apology that still lay abandoned in their laundry basket, waiting for Chris to pick it up one day, that much Isak knew.

“I don't know! Doesn't look like he's coming back right now,” he said.

“You should come by for a test practice!” Even suggested. Isak listened to them catch up for a bit as they talked about some of the Sharks’ players and their new coach, but eventually Mahdi left them again when Even chucked the beer that was definitely Isak's and ushered him towards the dance floor. 

Isak prepared for awkward shuffling around and watching Even dance around him but instead Even didn't let go of him for a second. He stayed right behind him with his arms around Isak's waist and began moving to the beat of the music, swaying his hips back and forth, brushing against Isak's butt. Isak leaned back and into him, letting himself get lost in the embrace of his body, and began moving with him. Their dancing quickly became just a simple need of their bodies to touch, Even's hands were on him, claiming him for everyone to see, and Isak let him. He watched the couples around him and picked up on how to grind his backside into Even's front, how to push up against him and press their bodies together to the sound of the music. 

He smiled when their teammates surrounded them after a while, claiming the dance floor and shouting along with the lyrics of the song that was playing. They celebrated all night as if they had just won the season, and for the first time in Isak's career that was a possible outcome of the upcoming games. When Eskild joined them in the early morning hours, the party exploded and Isak found himself kissing Even in a sea of guys who shouted their names and hooted and cheered as they stood wrapped up in each other with smiles on their faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. I've been thinking so much about what I want to say and I still don't know where to start at all. I'm not a huge fan of becoming too personal in author's notes or on the internet in general but I can't do this any other way, so it'll happen now. 
> 
> When season 3 was on last fall I really wanted to read fanfiction about Even and Isak and I remember checking the tag and finding literally 3 stories I was interested in and I was so bummed out. I had just moved to England at the time and made some new friends there who were writers and I begged them to write me some smut but they weren't up to it so I thought fuck it and did it myself and here we are. I've been writing my entire life but not for a while before SKAM and now that I did this, not only Checking From Behind but also the other stories, I can't even begin to describe how much it has brought into my life. Literally everything I do these days is focused around writing, I am writing in every free second that I can find and I am more in love with it than ever. While I worked on this story, so much crap has happened and it would have been a lot harder had I not had this story, but also everything that came with it. All the people that talked to me, that showed interest in this, that sent me the nicest messages, that commented and gave kudos, you have been the best thing in my life lately and I will miss these updates so so much because they gave me motivation and the feeling that I am needed somewhere and that has been so important to me lately. I made new friends and interacted with so many people online, and I don't think a simple thank you is gonna be enough to express how I feel about you all. I am amazed that among nearly 1000 comments plus tumblr there hasn't been a single message that made me unhappy. There has been no hate, no negativity, and no useless discourse or drama through this all and I am so thankful for how you treat me with respect and are always so incredibly positive and motivating. I had my doubts before this story was posted because it has so much content that's not usually wanted in this fandom and I am still overwhelmed with how open you all were and how you met literally everything I did with enthusiasm and support. Thank you for trusting me, for being respectful, and for sticking with me through this incredible slow burn. I am not a very confident person but this story has given me so much self esteem and positive feelings, I don't even know how to give any of that back to you. Seriously, thank you for reading, thank you for literally changing my life and being so so invested and loving. I wish I could have replied to every single comment but please know that I read them all, multiple times, and that I cherish every single word you guys have ever sent my way. I feel so awkward posting such a personal message but I don't know how else to show you how much you are all appreciated. I love you all so much, every single one of you, and I hope you will enjoy the future chapters and my next story that is being born right now. 
> 
> There is one last request that I would like to make: I have gotten a lot of messages lately that asked for faster updates and I did not mind them in the slightest because I had everything written and it was just a matter of posting it. But now when it comes to the extra content I will need some time to actually write it, so please understand that it might be a couple of days or even weeks between chapters. I obviously don't mind being asked how it goes or when it will be up, anything positive and motivating is appreciated and helps me write, but please don't be too hard on me. Writing under pressure isn't fun and in the end it will just take longer because I will be stressed. 
> 
> So one more time: THANK YOU for everything, I love you!


	37. Even POV Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Even POV chapter 1 from when he first gets to Oslo!! I am so nervous about what you're going to think omg! Enjoy!!:)

When Even finally stepped onto the platform in Oslo, he was already an hour late. If nothing else went wrong, he could still make it in time for the afternoon practice he had promised his new coach he would show up for, but instead of hurrying towards the stand of taxis that he knew to be located outside the station, he dropped his large bag onto the ground and pulled out his phone. 

He disregarded Mikael asking whether he had gotten to Oslo alright and instead typed out a short message saying he wouldn't make it to practice in time due to his delay and sent it to Coach's number. They had exchanged three messages so far, that was Even had gotten three and only replied to one of them, but he hadn't saved the contact in his phone yet. When he was done typing he shoved his phone back into his pocket, pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes despite the dim weather, and headed for the café he had gone to frequently back when he had lived in Oslo. 

It was only a short walk from the station and when he got there he found himself a seat outside, not minding the slight drizzle that had already begun to dampen his t-shirt. It had been sunny in Hamar when he had gotten on the train, but now goosebumps formed on his arms. Even couldn't be bothered to take out a sweater from his bag though. He wore a dark blue Sharks shirt, the little emblem on his chest a reminder of where he had come from and what he was leaving behind. 

He placed his phone on the table in front of him and saw that his new coach had sent him a message in reply but he didn't open it. He knew he should be grateful, should show more appreciation for the man who had decided to give him a chance, who was the only reason he would be back on the ice this season. But regardless of Coach being nothing but respectful and considerate towards him, Even couldn't be bothered. He would probably not stick around long enough to take this chance that was given to him and so he had no reason to be thankful for it. 

He had only agreed to a new contract because the prospect of not playing hockey was even worse than playing for the Seadogs. If he didn't play hockey, he couldn't go to college, or at least not in the way he currently did, in which he took less classes than other full time students and all expenses were covered by his scholarship. If he didn't play hockey, he really didn't have anything to show for himself. Sure, he could get a job, he could re-enroll as a visual arts major at a uni that was neither in Oslo nor Hamar, he could find a place to stay, but it would take time and the prospect of long months without money or anything to do stretching out ahead of him was even more scary than the thought of joining a new team. Still, he didn't think he would last long. 

After ordering himself a cup of coffee and a sandwich, Even checked the time again. It was late enough now so that there was no way he could be at the rink in time for practice. Even knew he was being a coward, he knew that he would have to face the Seadogs eventually and that doing so tomorrow, when everyone else had already settled in somewhat and had noticed how he hadn't shown up today, would be even worse and draw more attention to him. But his heart beat fast at the thought of walking into their locker room like it was nothing, of introducing himself and playing nice, making small talk and waiting for the inevitable questions. 

They would wonder why he had joined them now, after having played an outrageously good season with the Sharks, when his contract was officially not over yet and the Sharks were by far the most profitable team to play for. They would have heard all the crap that had ended up online about him. Even hadn't seen any of it himself, he hadn't been interested in typing his own name into a search engine to get answers to questions he knew better about. But he had heard his teammates talk about it, had caught them whispering about Even's hand down hockey pants when they had thought he was already out of the locker room. 

When he was done eating deliberately slowly, his phone vibrated yet again, informing him that he had been added to a group chat titled “doggystyle” followed by a little fish that apparently made up for the lack of a seal emoji. He cringed at the sight of it but tapped the notification anyway. He didn't know the number of whoever had added him and right now there was no activity in the group so he couldn't see any messages. He clicked the list of members and briefly scrolled through it, taken aback by how the majority of profile pictures featured the colour red, as most of the guys wore either jerseys or other Seadogs merchandise in them. 

He stopped when he found the one contact he was looking for and opened a separate chat to click the profile picture. Isak wore a red Seadogs track jacket and his hair was pushed back by a dark bandana. He seemed to be in a park or somewhere similar, ready to go for a run, stretching out his arms and not really facing the camera. It was a candid picture and Even smiled at how relaxed he looked in it. His thumb hovered over the 'save image' option for a second but then he locked his phone on it instead. He clicked the home button and smiled at his lock screen of Isak scoring a goal against the Wolverines last year. 

Isak Valtersen not only had the by far cutest face in the league, he also played like nothing Even had ever seen. They had faced each other six times by now and he was still fascinated with the speed with which Isak sprinted towards the centre line time and time again and how it made the Sharks' forward lines discuss his skills after every game. He hadn't realized that he was also attractive until he had looked him up online after the first time the Sharks had swept the Seadogs off the ice with a 7:1. 

After that he had anticipated their next game in Oslo, but when he had tried to smile at Isak during their post-match handshakes, Isak had only looked down onto the ice, distracted by how his knee had apparently troubled him that day. The next four times hadn't been a success either, as Isak was always concentrating way too hard during the game and was crushed afterwards from losing yet again. He had never cast a second look at Even before while 'getting Isak's attention' had been Even's real game to play whenever the Sharks had faced the Seadogs. Since they both played defence, they were too far away from each other to really interact though, and so Even had been happy appreciating him from afar and having something to look forward to every time a Seadogs game came up.

One time Even had tried to congratulate him when the Dogs had only lost 3:2, but while Isak was usually busy comforting his teammates after games, he had been getting into a fight with their starring forward after that particular one and Even hadn't wanted to get in between them. The last time they had played against each other had been in Oslo and Isak had looked sick throughout the entire game and been significantly slower than usual. It had been the worst game the Seadogs had ever played and it hadn't been fun for Even either while the rest of the Sharks had enjoyed themselves thoroughly and were still joking about the way they had scored goal after goal on them. 

Even had been thinking about Isak looking like shit for a while afterwards and had eventually made his way over to the Seadogs’ rink one weekend when he had been benched with a pulled muscle. He had spent a night at his parents’ place near Oslo and going to the Seadogs game hadn't been his initial plan, but somehow he had ended up there. 

It had been then that he had fully realized how good Isak was. Him having a cute, trustworthy smile wasn't the reason he had snapped a picture of him that afternoon and set it as a lock screen. It was the way he had played. Smart, innovative, but most of all fast. He was amazing to watch as he slipped in and out of his opponent's personal space, making sure to block their way to the goal but at the same time outskating them during breakaways and finding the perfect moment to push forwards onto the other half of the ice. When it came to defence players Even had never seen anything like it, and looking at him on his lock screen always made him smile, always reminded him of the kind of player he wanted to be. 

And Isak was nice to look at of course. What with the way his blond curls only just showed underneath his helmet on the side, his bright eyes serious and focused behind the visor. The way he leaned forward on his skates, his knees slightly bent, his backside facing the camera that had also captured the profile of his face. It was the perfect picture and Even refused to change it, even after the Sharks had complained about it numerous times now. Maybe he should change it now that he would be Isak's right wing and would share the ice and the locker room with him. 

Had the situation be a different one, Even would be excited about that fact. He remembered telling Mikael about how Isak had caught his attention and how they had laughed about different ways Even could finally get Isak to notice him, but the joke was gone now. He had signed the contract, but that was about as committed as he was to continue playing. On paper he was all in, was glad to belong somewhere again, but in reality there was nothing he'd rather do than run away and never step a foot into a locker room again. He knew playing hockey would be the only thing that could pull him out of this low, but he wasn't quite ready to let it happen. 

Even didn't know much about the Seadogs aside from what he had observed about their game, their tactics, their set up from being on the ice with them. He didn't know them as people and had only ever cared about their players’ stats. He had memorized the height and weight of their forward players since until now it had been his job to ruin them on the ice, but he didn't know most of their first names. He didn't mind it though. What he wanted was to play hockey, not to make friends. In theory, he would be excited to at least finally talk to Isak, but it was a stupid captivation with no importance compared to his number one goal which was not to get involved. 

Still, he kept Isak as his lock screen and shoved his phone back into his jeans when he got up to pay. It took him another twenty minutes to reach his new accommodation and when he got there, his mood got worse. The building was dead with no other students in sight and looked even less inviting than it had on the day Even had come here with his parents and moved his stuff in. At least then the sun had been out and it hadn't look as grim as it did now.

With a sigh, Even made his way up the stairs and headed straight for his room without checking whether any of his roommates were home. He had met two of them when he had moved in, Jonas and Magnus, but he hadn't heard about the third one. As soon as he had shut the door behind him, Even closed his eyes and leaned his back against the cold wood. 

He felt more lonely that he ever had before and being alone in an empty building didn't exactly help with that. For a terrifying second he felt like crying. When he opened his eyes again and took in his room that was still stacked with unpacked bags and boxes, a wave of homesickness hit him and he bit his lip when he realized it was trembling. 

This was his hometown, but it didn't matter. He wouldn't be seeing his family much as they lived about an hour outside of Oslo these days, and the only person he still talked to that lived nearby was Sonja. Sonja, the reason why he had wanted to leave Oslo to begin with after graduation. It was good to catch up with her every now and then, and he was glad they were on good terms, but she definitely wasn't as good a friend to him as some of the Sharks had been. He wouldn't hang out with her every day like he had with the guys. 

He hadn't seen anyone from the team all summer and he should have gotten used to the dull feeling of betrayal and disappointment that had mixed with an inexplicable sense of missing them and wanting things to go back to normal, but he hadn't. It still hit him anew every day, and while he had been pulling himself together lately, today was the day he had left Hamar for good and he could feel himself spiralling down into the thoughts of depression that had ruled his summer. 

Even took a deep breath and let his bag fall to the ground. A part of him wanted to simply crawl into his new, unfamiliar bed and sleep, but that would mean that tomorrow would come sooner, and so he decided against it. Instead, he opened a few boxes in search for some work out clothes and reached for the first pair of sweatpants that he could find. After he had put them on he searched for his weights and found them at the bottom of an old IKEA bag. 

Working out wouldn't make things any better, but at least he would feel more up to the task of facing them. He grabbed for his phone again and plugged it in to charge while he pressed play on his most recent playlist. Then he took another moment to stare at Isak looking pretty on his screen. He knew he should change the picture, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. Gushing over Isak was one weightless memory that still brought him joy. 

Eventually, Even sighed and opened the text he had gotten from Coach earlier. He should have been mad at Even for missing practice, but instead he only thanked him for letting him know and told him that their captain would swing by later to introduce himself. He also reminded him that the Seadogs were happy to have him and couldn't wait to meet him. It was bullshit and Even threw his phone back onto his still empty chest of drawers when he remembered that Isak wasn't just any player on the team but captain. 

It ruined the one good thing he would have maybe looked forward to. Isak being his captain should mean that he could trust him above everyone else, that he was there for him to talk about his struggles and that he was his number one person for anything that could possibly bother him on and off the ice. But all it meant for Even was that Isak would be watching over him, would possibly be giving him commands, and had the power to make decisions over him, at least to some extent. It wasn't an even playing field and Even hated the thought of it more than anything else. He had wanted to like Isak, had thought that maybe the Seadogs being the one team that was interested in getting into his difficult contract situation was a sign, but once he had heard they had appointed Isak as their new captain the thought had been gone.

He wouldn't get involved with anyone on the team, he would stay away from all of them and be there for hockey only, but most of all he would keep his distance from their coach and their captain. The two people who held power over him and against whom his own word would be worthless if it came down to it. Even was here for himself only, and the second anyone told him what to do, he would be gone. 

He started his work out more aggressively than usual and tried to get lost in the feeling of finally using his muscles after having spent the majority of the day travelling. By the time someone knocked on his door, he was sweaty and felt a little bit better. Not necessarily more positive about the situation, but more confident. He was done crying over how no one wanted him simply because he didn't need them anyway. He would play the best hockey he could play and not bother with anything around that. 

When he opened the door, he was of course not surprised to see Isak, but his heart still missed a beat. Here he was, stood right in front of him without bulky gear, not wearing his game face, but simply clothed in sweatpants and a shirt in the shade of red Even was already getting fed up with. At least the dark blue of the Sharks' merchandise wasn't the most annoying colour ever. 

“I'm glad to see you're making up for missing practice, but you're wearing the wrong shirt,” Isak said with a smile and pointed at his chest. 

His smile did nothing to cover up the fact that he was already criticising him though. He had managed to do everything Even had been fretting about in one sentence, making it clear that he would be monitoring his attendance and complain to Coach about him if he had to, and he had commented on what he was wearing with the implication of wanting it off, which got to Even on an entirely different level. He could feel his own face falling and his blood turned to ice in his veins. 

“I'll be glad to see you getting to the point, now that you've established you superiority over me,” he spat without thinking about it. 

He wasn't here to take orders, to do this on anyone's terms but his own. For a whole month after what had happened with the Sharks' coach he had kept his mouth shut, had let him undress him with his eyes every time he had entered the locker room to brief the team, and listened to his hushed threats about kicking him off the team if he talked. He was done taking orders. 

“Chill!” Isak frowned and turned around to where Even could see his new roommates on the sofa behind him. 

Another command. Even was done trembling underneath them, he wouldn't continue the way he had lived the last few weeks he had spent with the Sharks, terrified at rock bottom. He gave Isak a once over, taking in his lean frame, his soft features, the way he looked nothing like the hockey players he knew. He forced some emotion on his face simply to make up for the fact that he didn't know how to deal with this situation. His heart was beating in his chest with the force of him trying his hardest not to look down.

He didn't know what bothered him more, whether it was really the fact that Isak looked at him as if he owned him, as if he already expected him to bend his knee, fall in line, and follow his captain around wherever he went, or whether it was the fact that he wasn't as opposed to being on Isak's side as he wanted to be.

“I'm Isak. Coach told me to welcome you to the team. You can stick with me for the next couple of days to figure out how everything works,” he said, still managing to keep his smile up even though it had become slightly worried. 

Even had spent the last hour pressing weights and telling himself that he would be just fine on his own, that there was no reason to be scared of being alone on this team, but despite this fact something in him now wanted to thank Isak and indeed stick to him, let him take care of him. It was a stupid glimmer of hope that wasn't reasonable and Even shut it down as best as he could. 

“I know who you are. Valtersen. We crushed you last season,” he said instead. Reminding him of their humiliating season was the only thing Even could think of to make Isak give up on him. The honesty and openness on his face began to physically hurt Even. 

“We? Are you aware that you're with us now? You're not a Shark anymore, what is wrong with you?”

Even was aware, and there was so much wrong with him he didn't even know where to start. It was all he could think of, but he forced himself to keep up his confident act. He was with Isak now and he wanted to trust him, wanted to run into the Seadogs’ open arms and become a part of something again, but instead he heard himself say: “Not anymore, that's true. Am I gonna get one of those? Your seadog looks cute, can't wait to wear it with pride.” 

He pointed at the Seadogs shirt Isak had pressed his own forefinger to. He now rubbed the little seal emblem absent mindedly. Even hadn't even meant to say 'cute', but with Isak right in front of him the word had been the first on his mind. He couldn't help but stare for a second, at how Isak's finger circled the little patch, but then he ripped his gaze away from it. 

“You'll get all sorts of stuff along with your jerseys. I'll show you where to pick it up tomorrow. Any questions so far?” Isak asked, sounding defeated, and Even suddenly realized that he had never heard him speak before. At least not consciously. He may have overheard him on the ice one time or another, but it was different now that he was addressing him and didn't yell. He had a nice voice, boyish and soft, but not weak. 

“Yes,” Even said and leaned his body against the door frame. “Isn't a Seadog a made up thing? They don't actually exist, do they?” 

He could see Isak rolling his eyes and it made him smile against his will. His heart was beating nervously in his chest, he was trying too hard to not let him get to him, to prove that he didn't need him, but his body still found time to realize that his annoyed reaction was endearing. He was so protective of the Seadogs, Even had to laugh at the thought of him defending his stupid, below average team, being their captain and leading his guys into war, willing to die for them. It should have been ridiculous but instead it made Even's heart jump again. 

“Gym tomorrow morning at 7:00. If you stick with Magnus or Jonas you'll find me sooner or later.” 

Even gave an overly enthusiastic nod. 

“Yes, Coach.” 

He couldn't help it. He needed to make sure Isak knew he hadn't actually won him over. Needed to reassure himself that he wasn't on his side. It seemed to work, since Isak finally looked taken aback.

“I'm not your coach, I'm your teammate. What the fuck.” 

With that, he turned around and Even was quick to shut the door between them. He let out a deep breath and took a moment to consciously rid his face of all the false emotion he had just plastered onto it.

He hadn't imagined the first time he talked to Isak to go down like this. Whenever he had thought about them interacting he had cared about Isak liking him, but now he had smashed that possibility on purpose. The idea of Isak thinking badly of him pained him, but the way he had looked at him had been borderline scary. Maybe it was the fact that Even had looked at his picture so often that he already felt like he knew him somewhat, but there was something about him that had nipped Even's intention to be unknowable in the bud. If Isak kept giving him that look, if he kept showing up at his doorstep, offering to be his friend, Even wasn't likely to stand a chance at refusing him. 

But he had made a decision. He had been part of a team once and he wouldn't do it again. He remembered too well how he had not been able to walk into the Sharks’ locker room the day after it had happened, how he had managed to talk to Mikael that evening and how, when he had given it another try the next day, all heads had turned towards him when he had entered. How they had looked at him as if he were crazy, either because he had a wild imagination or because he had actually done it. Started a thing with their coach simply because he wanted to. 

However trustworthy Isak Valtersen seemed, with his big doe eyes and careful, but open mind, Even wouldn't fall for it. He wouldn't let him in, not matter how hard that lonely, broken part of him begged him to do so.

He walked over to his phone and turned his music off, and once he was stood in silence, he felt like crying again as if his hour of working himself up towards the task of facing his new team had never happened. Instead of fighting it, he held himself together until he had taken a quick shower and then crawled into his bed and let it happen, surrounded by the unfamiliar smell of newly bought sheets. 

It took him a while to calm down again and when Sonja texted him at around 10 PM he got up, washed his swollen face in the bathroom with cold water, and headed out into the night, ready to get wasted enough so he would finally be able to fall asleep and forget about the dread of tomorrow.


	38. Even POV Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience! I think most of you have read about it on my tumblr, but it took me so long to continue this because I am going through major family issues right now. To those of you who have been sending me all those lovely messages and anons I want to say thank you, I love you all so much !!
> 
> So this will definitely be continued, don't worry, I just need more time than usual :)
> 
> This is the camping trip from Even's POV and it's really long to make up for the wait! I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> WARNING for panic attacks and references to sexual abuse and eating disorders. Please let me know if I forgot to tag anything, Even is a bit more intense than Isak!
> 
> Thank you a million times for being there, every single one of you readers means the world to me and I want to hug and kiss you all xxxx
> 
> Also, you should check out this AMAZING fanart by @miranhasart on Instagram and @miranhas-art on tumblr, it is so so good, as is everything else that she does!! http://miranhas-art.tumblr.com/post/162046382983/isak-and-even-quick-doodles-from-one-of-my

The only reason Even hadn't looked for a way to avoid their team bonding camping trip was that it wasn't just for the Seadogs. He wouldn't be here if Vilde hadn't texted him excitedly, offering to share a tent with him. Even knew she hadn't asked but offered from the way she was staring at Eva right now as she set up a tent that she would most likely share with Isak. He would have to be blind not to pick up on how badly Vilde wanted to share with Eva, and he had been fighting an inner battle to offer her to swap ever since they had started to set up the camp site. 

But swapping would mean sharing with Isak, spending an entire night next to him, and he knew that he'd never survive a situation like that without being reminded of how utterly gone he really was for his captain. And he didn't need reminding. It was hard enough to look at him every day and watch him grow more and more frustrated with him, more and more annoyed. He hated seeing Isak that way. He'd much rather see him smile at him, but Even knew it was his own fault. He was being bitchy and difficult, but he couldn't help it.

When he had come to Oslo, he had prepared himself to fight Isak's authority, he had been ready to watch his slight obsession with him die down in no time, but it hadn't happened. If anything, it had gotten worse. He didn't know what it was about Isak. Isak, who currently uselessly held on to one end of the plane of his tent while Eva had crawled underneath it to do whatever the hell she was doing there. His face was shiny with sun screen and he had rolled up the sleeves of his t-shirt to make it into a tanktop. He looked around, studying the other guys as if contemplating something, and eventually dropped his arms, not even trying to help set up the tent anymore. 

“Do you like this?” Vilde chimed. Even was almost startled and ripped his eyes from his captain. “I forgot I brought it for you.” 

She pressed a can of soda she had been holding for a while now into his hand and smiled widely until Even raised his eyebrow and took it from her. It was some sweet, gross looking energy drink that Even knew she wouldn't want to drink herself and was now trying to get rid of. 

“Thanks,” he smiled and took a sip. It tasted like pure sugar and chemicals, but he drank it anyway without pulling a face. If Vilde cared enough about him to pass on the opportunity to spend the night with her best friend, he could do her the favour of saving her from admitting that the amount of sugar in her drink made her feel sick. 

“Tastes good,” he lied and watched Vilde's face relax. He knew she had probably gotten it somewhere and hadn't been able to refuse. 

He watched Vilde for a while as she nervously looked around at what was mostly guys setting up their tents. He still had to learn about the numerous things that so easily got to her, and he could only guess that right now it was the simple fact of being alone with a group of mainly guys. 

“You look good today,” he offered. “The cutest tent buddy I could ask for.” 

It wasn't entirely true, as Isak had just looked into the sun, squeezed his eyes shut, and sneezed, but it made her smile widely and Even was glad for it. He hadn't anticipated making a friend like her that quickly and he still didn't know how to thank her for being exactly what he needed. 

“Good job with the tent,” Vilde smiled and Even turned around to check his work yet again. He didn't know why everyone around them seemed to struggle with setting up a camp site that much. 

“Thanks for sharing with me,” he said and meant it. 

“Even,” she sighed. “I asked you to share, stop feeling guilty about it. I'm excited!” She followed his previous gaze over to Isak, but Even quickly realized that in her case it was for Eva. 

“They're gonna make out tonight,” she stated plainly. 

Even frowned. “They are?” 

Of course he had picked up on Isak and Eva holding hands, on them most likely being more than friends. He had even stalked Isak's relationship status on facebook before subtly asking Vilde about it who had reassured him over and over again that it wasn't the case. 

“I think so. Eva said they had a moment this morning.” Vilde sounded about as crushed as Even felt, and for just a moment he considered telling her that he felt the same just so that they could feel bad about it together. He hadn't brought up the fact yet that looking at Isak was easily the best part of his days in Oslo. Since it would never go any further than that, Isak dating Eva shouldn't be a big deal, but Even still felt something in him break.

“Guys!” Isak shouted as if on cue and Even turned around in an instant. He watched Isak gather the team around him but didn't move any closer. He could hear him just fine from where he was stood in front of his tent. Isak hardly ever raised his voice or spoke to all of them as a team even though it was his job as captain, but whenever he did, Even was fascinated by the fact that he seemed so unsure of himself. Isak giving orders was not like Coach giving them, it was him asking tentative questions in hopes that no one would speak out against him. 

We've come here for some team bonding so I wanna make sure we don't just split up into our usual groups. I don't know how we're going to do this, but can we make pairs of guys who don't usually hang out? No lines or flatmates sharing unless you seriously hate each other and got some cuddling to do. Also no sharing with plus ones, this is mainly about the team.”

Isak lowered his gaze immediately when he was done speaking and Even wished he wouldn't have done so. There was no need for him to feel so self conscious since he was technically right. Only it meant that Even would have to find a way out of this plan immediately.

He rolled his eyes when Chris gave a laugh from somewhere on the far side of the circle the team had formed around Isak and stepped forward, saying: “I have a proposal to make. Since you and Even are fucking up our game the most these days, you two can start the cuddling tonight. Have fun.” 

A sinking feeling spread in Even's chest but he forced himself to swallow and take a deep breath. It would be alright. He could make it work somehow. From all the guys he could have been paired up with, Isak was definitely his number one choice. His only choice, really. 

Apparently Isak didn't agree though. The look on his face was a mix of annoyance and animosity, definitely not anticipation of a night spent with Even. While the rest of the team broke out into cheers and began pairing up more or less immediately, they both stood frozen in place. Even watched Isak closely and could basically see his brain working as he tried to find a way out of this before he nodded to himself and looked up and right at him.

Maybe there was a chance Even would let this happen. He didn't know how much longer he could ignore those honest eyes that didn't seem to grow tired of him, even now that he was clearly not a fan of their new sleeping arrangements. No longer able to hold Isak's gaze and be confronted with how Even had managed to make him thoroughly dislike him, he turned around, shoved his hands into his pockets, and decided to get some space before moving his stuff into Isak's tent that was still not standing straight.

He hadn't even reached the edge of the lake when Vilde caught up with him, squinting her eyes shut against the sun. 

“Do you want to be alone?” she asked, and Even was glad enough for her question that he shook his head. Of course he didn't want to be alone, he just didn't want to be around the team or around Isak.

“I'm sure if we tell Isak you'd like to share with me instead, it'll be fine. He's a good person, you just need to talk to him.” 

“I know he's a good person,” Even sighed. “That's the problem.” 

He bent down to take off his shoes and dipped his toes into the cool water while Vilde watched him sceptically. 

“I know,” he heard her say and closed his eyes for a second at her easy agreement. “It's hard to make friends. But I'm sure it would be worth it with Isak. And Eva.”

“Yeah,” Even nodded. “I know.”

It was hard to explain that Isak being who he was was exactly what was causing the problem. It was easy to loath the rest of the team, to hate the way they shut up whenever he came near them and how the only thing they had wanted to talk about so far had been the Sharks. It wasn't easy at all to dislike Isak. 

“He wouldn't touch you,” Vilde almost whispered. “Isak, I mean. I'm not saying your fear is irrational or...”

“That's not it. I know he wouldn't,” Even said too quickly but then bit his lip in order to avoid snapping at her for real. He still caught her flinching and wrapped one arm around her shoulder in an apology. They started walking together, him with his feet in the water and Vilde on the sand next to him. 

It was a while before Vilde continued speaking. 

“It's sad how you're trying your hardest not to like him. I know you don't really want to stay away from him, you're just scared he'll win you over.” 

Even let go of her in order to reach for his sunglasses that he had stuck into the collar of his shirt and put them on. 

“I'm not actually trying to dislike him. I already know that I can't and it only makes me angry. I'm here to play hockey, that's all.” He was always honest with Vilde but he hadn't admitted this much until now. How he thought of Isak as something else, and how it irritated him, borderline made him furious, whenever he saw him. He didn't want to be that infatuated with him but for some irrational reason he was. 

“Still,” Vilde continued, “I'm sure playing hockey on a team without talking to anyone isn't gonna be a lot of fun. I understand you, and I'm not trying to be pushy, but I don't think it's good for you to isolate yourself.” 

Even raised his eyebrows at her and she shrugged her shoulders. They were both aware of how hypocritical she was being. He still appreciated her trying though, and he knew she was right. It was time to take a step towards Isak, the only guy on this godforsaken team that he was actually interested in. 

 

...

 

He spent the afternoon pretending to take a nap while secretly watching Isak go for a swim, his sunglasses covering his eyes that were glued to the way Isak's wet shorts clung to his thighs, the way he laughed and joked around, how it was so easy for him to get along with everyone when he tried. He declined though, when Isak asked him to join the rest of the guys for a game of football, and instead found Vilde again as an excuse. He would try harder with Isak and get his issues under control, but he wouldn't do it while Isak was only wearing wet shorts and played football in the sun. 

Later at night, when Isak had finally put his shirt back on and looked adorable while he fought Jonas over the best way to handle the grill, Even watched him and Eva sit down near Vilde and took a deep breath. He stole two handfuls of marshmallows from William's stash while he was busy boring some girl Even didn't know to death and made his way over to them. As infuriating as it was to not be able to resist Isak's charm, it was downright awful to know he would soon have enough of him and that would be it.

So he made sure to pass Isak on his way to Vilde and dropped some marshmallows into his lap. He had to fight a blush and concentrated on his own food as soon as he had settled down on the ground. Isak didn't thank him. Maybe he wasn't a fan of sugar, or maybe he found it weird that Even could be decent. The second thought made Even's stomach sink, a feeling that was immediately followed by a wave of annoyance when he realized how painfully obvious he had just made it that he cared. What if Isak was already putting the pieces together in his head? Even could feel him look at him and he made himself focus on Vilde to avoid looking back. He raised a marshmallow to her face and watched her recoil from it immediately. 

Even had of course heard about eating disorders, but he hadn't ever had a friend that dealt with it and he still had to figure out how to react to it. Should he encourage her to eat or would it only make her feel bad? He had already made a mental note to ask his therapist about it once he would meet her on Monday. When Vilde shook her head at his offer of food, he was reminded yet again that she had hardly eaten today and decided that it was worth a try.

“It's good though. Have you ever had any?” he asked.

Vilde shook her head no. “I already had a sausage.”

“A tiny one. I had five. When you spend the day swimming, you should have a real dinner.” 

“I had some salad, too.” Vilde began to smile when he kept moving the marshmallow in front of her face but when she leaned back, he dropped it. It couldn't possibly be the right way if it made her squirm.

“I'll make this anyway. You'll want it when it's done, trust me.” 

Even busied himself with roasting marshmallows that he knew he would end up eating himself. He could feel Isak's gaze still on him and made sure to keep talking to Vilde so that he wasn't tempted to return it. From his periphery vision he could see that Eva was sitting too close to him, leaning into his side while talking about something hockey, and it wasn't hard to imagine. Them getting together soon, making out in the kitchen whenever he went over there to see Vilde. He dropped the stick he was holding into the fire and turned around when Vilde laughed at him. 

When he turned to face the fire pit again, he dared to cast a short look over at Isak and caught Eva nudging his side, smiling at him with wide, adoring eyes, and when he eventually settled back in next to Vilde with a perfectly roasted marshmallow on a stick, he made sure to wrap his arm around her casually. He was starving for affection, so it wasn't like it pained him to be close to her like this, but he still felt a bit bad to use her just to shove it into Isak's face how not interested he was in him. 

It sucked to see Isak sitting so comfortably with Eva, touching her legs and hanging on to her words, while Even hadn't even managed to have a decent conversation with him yet. Every time he actually had the chance at one he just got angry at how his heart was still dancing, yelling at him to let Isak in and make a friend. He had made a decision after all, and Vilde was already more than he had allowed himself to begin with. 

Spending the entire day watching Isak and mustering up the nerve to actually spend the night with him had yet again reminded him how much he missed having a team around though. Isak wasn't the most talkative guy, but he was still never alone. Even rolled his eyes at the feeling of emptiness that tore at his chest again and he pulled Vilde in closer to his side and wrapped his jacket around both of them when he could feel that her cold skin was covered in goosebumps. These days, he either felt consumed by loneliness or angry about the fact that the feeling was always lingering there. 

“Are you sure you don't want dinner?” he asked into Vilde's ear, low enough for no one else to hear. “We can grab some food and eat somewhere else if that helps.” 

“I've had dinner,” Vilde protested quietly. “Are you still hungry?” 

“No. Kind of nervous about tonight,” he admitted without really thinking about it. 

Vilde drew her legs up against him and he felt himself begin to shiver with the intensity of another body being this close to his, sharing her warmth and feeling her breath on his face. 

“We can still swap.” She placed a hand on his leg in reassurance but withdrew it when he stared at it for a second too long. “Is this okay?” she asked and already began to shuffle away from him. 

“Stay, it's nice,” Even said and gave her a smile. He didn't want to admit how long it had been since he had sat with anyone like this and how he revelled in the fact that for once he didn't feel anxious about it. He hated that he had become so cautious, scared even of the idea of anyone touching him for too long, his heart beating too fast every time someone crashed into him on the ice. But this was different. This was Vilde's clear eyes on his face, looking for any sign of discomfort. This was slow and only an option, and he was fine with it. He smiled when he caught the soft glimmer in Vilde's eyes when she realized he wanted her there. 

“I'm gonna go to bed,” Even heard Isak say shortly after, and while all conversation around him had become one meaningless mess, his words sounded as clear as if they were directed at him only. When he looked up, he realized that it was true. 

“Do you want me to give you a head start?” 

Isak was stood in front of him, only a dark silhouette against the fire behind him. Even could only stare at him as he tried to make out his face in the dark. 

“Do you want a head start to the tent?” Isak asked again and Even swallowed hard. 

“No. I won't share with you, but you go ahead,” he heard himself say before he had actually taken the time to think about it. 

He had prepared himself for this all day, but a single sentence had crushed his confidence. He knew that Vilde thought he didn't want to share with anyone else because he couldn't stand being locked in a small space like that with anyone else, for anyone to come too close to him, and of course that was part of it. It wouldn't have been easy, but what had fucked him up just as much as those moments in the locker room with his Coach were the months afterwards. 

He felt like a child stumping his foot when he looked at Isak now. He wouldn't share with him, wouldn't let him be nice to him, understanding and soft and everything that Even needed. He couldn't deal with it. He dropped his gaze once his eyes had adjusted to the dark and he could see the frown on Isak's face, the proof for how he had been a pain in his ass yet again. 

“Why? It's just a goddamn tent.” 

The exasperation in Isak's voice made Even more furious and within seconds, he felt his skin begin to itch and he needed to be out of it, needed more space, while at the same time he wanted to curl up into a ball and cease to exist. He dug his fingernails into the ground beside him and could feel Vilde stroking his back calmingly, but he wanted to throw her off.

“Reasons. I'll find somewhere else to sleep, don't let me keep you,” he got out. 

“What did I ever do to you?” Isak raised his voice now.

Nothing. Of course there was nothing Isak had done. It wasn't his fault that the Sharks had preferred to go on without him. It wasn't his fault that him being so goddamn nice to him had Even's temper flaring. He could feel Vilde becoming restless next to him as she realized his mood was changing and he tried to take a calming breath but failed.

Then he heard William's drawling voice and he was on his feet before he realized it. 

“If I were you, I'd take my chance of an empty tent. Unless you want to wake up with a hand down your pants that's not yours,” William smirked at Isak. 

Even didn't even fully register his words, he moved towards him before he was even done talking and collided with Isak who had stupidly taken a step forward to stand between them. Even frowned. Despite the heat that was taking over his body, he acknowledged the fact that this was the first time they had touched without gear. He could feel Isak's strong but lean upper body against his, and for a second that was all he could focus on. 

“Move,” he almost pleaded. 

It was painful to realize that Isak hadn't moved between them for nothing, that he was taking a stand in this, whether he was on his side or not. William raised his eyebrows at him in a challenging manner, daring him to come at him again, and Even almost gasped when Isak pressed a hand against his chest as he tried to move around him. 

“Hit a nerve?” William snarled. “Tell me, how many Sharks did you fuck up the ass before they kicked yours off the team?” 

There was a moment in which everything went quiet before he snapped. He no longer felt empty but filled with anger and hate and the realisation of how unfair it all was. He hated William, hated the Seadogs, the Sharks, both his coaches, and Isak who was still in his way, pretending not to be an asshole, too. He didn't make a decision, he simply moved, pushing Isak out of his way and throwing himself against William to make his fist collide with his jaw. Pain surged up from his knuckles into his elbow and he felt his other arm colliding with something solid right before he went down with William, toppling over into the grass and dirt. 

He reached for William's wrist when he could sense it was about to come up to his face and pulled his other arm back to throw it at him again but then he was pulled back. There were hands all over him, pulling at his shirt, choking him with the collar, exposing his hips and his chest, holding the fabric in place as it cut into his skin. Even wanted to scream as he struggled against the hands holding him back, not to get back at William but simply to get them off of him. 

He felt water on his skin, cold tiles pressing against his chest, hands running down his back and over his ass and he pushed at the countless bodies against his with all his might but they held him in place. He tried to bite but he remembered a hand coming up to cover his mouth. There was nothing on his face now but he still felt like he couldn't breathe. Futile gasps for air made him feel dizzy and weak but somehow his body kept fighting, kept scratching at the hands that were tearing at his skin. There were whispers in his ear, lips that told him to relax, to enjoy, and he closed his eyes against the need to throw up.

Then there was a high pitched voice that pulled him back into the moment. He forced his eyes open and Vilde was right there, there were no tiles, no water, only the biting taste of smoke in the air. She was talking, but Even didn't hear her words, registered her movement towards him too late, and the way he could suddenly breathe again when he was let go of overwhelmed him.

The meadow looked like a war zone. Isak pressed his hands at his bleeding face, his right eye squeezed shut, William was still on the ground. Jonas stared at him from where he was stood in front of his best friend, his look one of disgust and accusation. 

He had done this. Suddenly Even could feel all eyes on him, he understood that they were talking about him, and while they were all talking together as one, he was on his own, terrified by what had just happened.

He only took one more second to fully register it all before he felt sick to his stomach again at the dull pain in his elbow that explained Isak’s messed up face. He had made him bleed. Isak stared at him with one eye wide open and the other one still halfway closed and watering, but instead of looking angry or even hateful, he almost seemed to be in awe about something, mesmerised by how Even had lost it, like he was some fucking animal at a zoo. 

Even wished he would start yelling at him, would call him a fucking dick and try and get at him, but Isak was calm as he sniffed blood up his nose. His eyes were soft and intense and Even couldn’t stand it. And so he bolted. He fell into motion and suddenly his focus wasn’t on Isak anymore, but on the speed at which his heart beat, on the way his throat still felt restricted and the hands that had been all over him still burned on his skin. 

As soon as he reached the first line of trees and he knew he was out of sight he fell to his knees and almost expected to throw up, but instead he choked on empty air, retching and coughing until he felt sure there was nothing he could do to relieve the pressing feeling in his gut. 

He could feel the panic creep up on him yet again when he looked up. The forest around him seemed a lot creepier now than it had during the daytime and he felt his body fighting to be alert when really he was exhausted and wanted nothing but to close his eyes against all memories and take deep breaths until he had shoved them all out again like he had slowly done so many nights before. 

“Even!” 

It was Vilde’s voice that sounded close to him but still too loud, like she was searching for him, but then she spotted him and he felt her kneel down next to him on the forest floor and place one hand on his sweaty back. 

She didn’t speak for a long time and Even was grateful for it. It gave him the chance to gather his thoughts, to work on evening out his breathing and stepping out of the past and into who he was now. He concentrated on the warmth her hand sent down his back, and how it was no threat to him but reassurance. She was here to help him and he would let her. 

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he managed eventually and Vilde immediately moved closer to him. It was too close and Even got up to be able to casually take a step back from her. His legs felt shaky but he imagined he was on skates and sent all his weight into his knees, pressing his feet down hard like he would do during face offs. 

“I’m sure it’ll be alright. They’re just confused, they don’t know about you. But they won’t judge. You know that I won’t. It’ll be okay.” 

“You should though,” Even snapped. “And it’s not okay.” 

Isak’s face was back on his mind, the way his blood had run down from his nose over his chin and how he should have looked like a lost puppy but hadn’t. He had taken it just like that, had still looked curious rather than hurt, and it made Even want to kick the nearest tree and feel the rough bark cut his knuckles open. 

“I want to be alone,” he said, and he hated the way Vilde’s face fell like he was even more of a disappointment than before, even though she hesitantly nodded her okay. 

“I’ll make sure we can still share the tent. I’ll wait there for you. Are you going to be alright? I can just sit with you. Or do you need some water? Anything?”

“I’ll sleep alone,” was all Even could come up with. Even sleeping on the forest floor was more tempting than sharing a tent at this point, regardless of how it would be Vilde, of how a part of him wanted to let her pull him in close and break down in his arms. He could tell she was struggling with whether she should let him have his way or not, but eventually she nodded again. 

“Okay. I’ll ask Magnus for his car keys, you can get them from me later. But don’t stay out here forever. I’ll come looking for you in a while if you’re not back.”

Even gave a court nod. His concentration was flailing and he needed her to go so he could have his moment, so he could be alone with his thoughts and his body and everything he carried with him. 

When Vilde finally walked away from him, he already regretted his choice though. She was out of his sight too quickly and he felt the loneliness crash down on him anew and couldn’t help but sink back down to his knees. This time, he stayed there for what felt like hours. He closed his eyes and sorted through his thoughts, examining them one by one, trying to ignore the voices of self hatred and pity that told him to pack his bags and run, how it would be easier for everyone. 

He didn’t care too much for William. He had deserved it, no doubt, and he slowly came to terms with the fact that he hadn’t overreacted when he had fought his new teammates. He repeated the words his Sharks therapist had made him say all over again, how he was allowed to be upset, allowed to be angry, and allowed to be scared. What was left on his mind even after hours of talking himself down and trying to figure out what was his emotions speaking and what was the rational thing to do or think, was of course Isak. 

Even had hurt him, had physically attacked him, his body had made a decision over Isak’s, and the thought pained Even more than anything else. Isak had been nothing but good to him, had done his very best to make him feel welcome and wanted, and all that while Even was too messed up to take what he had offered. It shouldn’t have become Isak’s problem to deal with. They were Even’s issues and no one else’s. 

When Vilde reappeared at some point and he realized that it hadn’t even been an hour that he had spent on his own, he went with her without complaining and thanked her for arranging the car for him. He felt too drained and imbalanced to pull her into a hug before he said goodnight, but he tried a small smile before he climbed onto the backseat of Magnus’ car and pulled his long legs up next to him. He closed his eyes for a while but hardly found any sleep, and so he stared out of the window and watched the sun rise behind the dirty glass. 

By the time he could hear the first tents being unzipped and quiet voices began filling the camp site again Even felt tired, but for some reason better than he had in a while. Like everything that had built up in him had culminated last night and the road he had walked on had been blown up in his face, forcing him to finally take a step back. He couldn’t keep going the way he had, and when he sat up and rolled down the window to get some fresh air while stretching out his back and arms, he could see Vilde’s tent being opened and he took a deep breath. 

But instead of Vilde, it was Eva who climbed out of the tent and immediately headed over to the line of trees and vanished behind them. Even would have expected her to have spent the night with Isak, but apparently she hadn’t. Had Isak been on his own then? Bleeding and in pain and probably uncomfortable on a crappy air mattress? 

Finally, Even braced himself and got out of of the car and walked over to the meadow. He could feel the Seadogs staring at him and Chris gave him a death glare from across the burned down fire, but he ignored it as best as he could. 

Yes, it was time to figure things out with all of them, but he knew where he had to start. There was only one person who actually deserved his apology. He grabbed two plates full of food instead of one and angrily raised his eyebrows at everyone who looked like they judged him for taking the last bit of everything. 

He grabbed his bag from the tent in which Vilde was still asleep and brushed his teeth with a bottle of water, and by the time he was done, Isak was up. He glared at the sad pile of leftover food, grabbed a dry bun, and then sat down on his own, avoiding a group of defence guys who waved at him. He had his back to Even and wore gym shorts over tight leggings paired with a white shirt and the same Seadogs track jacket he wore in his whatsapp profile picture. Even felt stupid for noticing, but he knew that at this point there was nothing he could do. Nothing except for not being an ass any longer. 

“Good morning,” he tried, and the words sounded weirdly cheerful on his tongue. “Sleep well?” 

He sat down next to Isak and tried his best to remember how easy these things had been a while ago. Making small talk, being liked. It wasn’t easy now. 

“No,” Isak replied, not even bothering to look at him but instead taking a bite from his bun and chewing it slowly. His blond hair looked shiny in the morning sun and Even swallowed hard at how close they were, how it was all up to him now as for the first time, Isak wasn’t making things easy for him.

“Hey,” he tried. “I’m sorry. Really fucking sorry.” 

Isak didn’t say anything, only took another bite and pretended not to have heard him. It annoyed Even, but not enough to stop trying. He didn’t want another night like yesterday’s. 

“I’m not sorry about William. But I am about you.” 

He remembered the food he had brought Isak and put it down next to him so he would notice. At that, Isak turned around to look at him. He stared at the food for a second too long before picking up the plate, yet again not bothering with a thank you. 

Even flinched when he was finally able to take in Isak’s face. His right eye was swollen, his upper cheek had turned black and blue, and there was still some dried blood stuck to his nose. He looked awful. Tired and hurt and disappointed, but there was also finally some anger in his eyes. Even was almost glad for it. He deserved it. It made it easier to talk to him, really. 

“Isak, really. I’ll make it up to you. I’m sorry I hurt you.” 

The words sounded empty compared to what he really meant. Of course he hated the bruises, the evidence of what he had done, of how he had abused Isak’s body with his own. It made him feel sick again and he suddenly didn’t feel like eating any more. But he also hated the way he had made sure Isak wasn’t bothered to forgive him now, how he had taken measures to push him as far away from him as possible when he could have otherwise talked to him now, explained himself, kissed every inch of Isak’s face and caressed his swollen skin. He couldn’t do any of that now. 

“You can make it up to the entire team by playing like you give a damn on the ice tomorrow. Also you could leave me the fuck alone,” Isak mumbled and dug into his food while his eyes searched the camp site. Even followed his gaze and found Eva. Of course. He didn’t know what was going on or why they hadn’t slept together, but for now the thought wasn’t a priority. 

Isak didn’t want him and it was Even’s fault, and he could only bite his lip at the realisation of how he had completely and utterly ruined things. When Vilde joined Eva and the two of them leaned in closely together, talking among themselves, Even’s heart sank even further. This could have been him and Isak, but he had chosen to be a dick instead. 

“If you mess with her I'll punch you right back,” Isak suddenly said and jerked his chin over at Vilde when Even frowned, unable to follow. It took him a moment to understand where Isak’s mind had gone. Did he think he and Vilde were a thing? 

“I won't,” he made himself say, still puzzled by how Isak had managed to end up there. 

Did he not know that Vilde would never be into him? That Vilde was so very obviously in love with her best friend? He opened his mouth to say something, to let Isak know how ridiculous his theory was, but when he looked back at him, he had already gotten up and walked away from him.


	39. Even POV Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much! I love you <3
> 
> This is the hotel scene after they lost their first game of the season and Even has just found out that the Sharks have fired their coach. 
> 
> WARNING for mild panic attacks, references to sexual abuse, and sexual thoughts in general but no smut.

When he had been younger, Even had loved hotels. The thought of falling asleep in a different city every night as he traveled the world with his hockey team had excited him, had been full of possibilities and adventures. Now staying at a hotel was just another reason for him to feel lost. It wasn’t exciting how everything felt strange and dirty, and he already knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep tonight, just like he hadn’t been able to do so the first couple of nights in Oslo. Eventually, his body had given in and the physical fatigue after daily hours on the ice had forced him to find at least a decent amount of sleep every night, but tonight would be different. He didn’t enjoy unfamiliarity anymore and it bothered him. It was just one more thing that had been ruined for him, that he had become difficult about. 

When he left his hotel room and shoved his key card into the back pocket of his jeans, he took out his phone and put it into silent mode. Usually, he only received the occasional text from Sonja, his parents, maybe some old friends he didn’t text back as much as he should. It was sad but true that hockey had taken over his life and he hardly ever talked to people outside of his team which meant that these days, his phone stayed mostly silent. Today was different and Even wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

He appreciated the effort, but it also came about four months too late. The Sharks had had their chance to believe him and they had chosen to stand with their coach instead. Asking him how he was now, after they had apparently seen the light and parted ways with Coach didn’t mean much to him. He didn’t really want to know how it had happened, what had eventually made the difference so that they were now a team without a Coach. Maybe their management had decided it was too risky to keep his contract up regardless of whether Even had told the truth or not, and they simply wanted to avoid being associated with sexual harassment if he ever decided to talk. Or maybe there had been another incident. 

Even made his way down to the lobby, shoving the last thought as far from his mind as he possibly could. It was no use to lose his mind over it. They weren't his people any longer, they had shoved him out of their lives and they didn’t deserve his concern. 

Still, he couldn’t help but wonder. Wonder and hope that nothing had happened. No matter how much he hated his old team, he wouldn’t wish it on any of them to go through what had happened to him. And no matter how much he hated his new team, he also hadn’t wished it on them to be crushed like they had been today. 

Even knew it had been because of him. Not entirely of course, but he had played a major part in their loss. He didn’t really care about the Seadogs individually, but as a team he had begun to feel responsible for them. He had made the decision to play, to represent them on the ice, and he hadn’t done his job today. He had failed, had been wrapped up in his own thoughts and what had been on the news all day. He felt like he owed it to them to at least do his job tonight. 

Even had’t intended to go to the post game party that had been organized for them but he also knew that it was time for him to get over himself and finally face what he had signed up for. He had signed a contract and he would spend this evening with his new team and get drunk on free champagne he didn’t deserve after playing like he had had those drinks before the game today. At least going out meant he didn’t have to sit around in a hotel room that reminded him of how he didn’t belong anywhere. He was growing tired of feeling like shit and drowning in self pity. 

Also maybe Isak would be wearing a dress shirt. It was a stretch, as he seemed to consider sweatpants appropriate for any occasion, but a little incentive to actually make it down to the lobby and face a team that he knew blamed him for being swept off the ice today couldn’t hurt. 

When he reached the foot of the stairs, he spotted Isak first. It had already become a pattern. Whenever he entered the locker room, the gym, even his own flat, if Isak was there, Even would sense his presence before he took note of anyone else. 

When he saw him now, he knew something was off before he even recognized the back of William’s head. Isak was stood with his back against the wall, cornered by William who held his hand out when he tried to move around him, forcing him to stay where he was. Isak’s cheeks were pink, he looked annoyed, but not in the way he usually did when he dealt with William. Right now he looked defeated, helpless even, and it made Even’s skin crawl when he realized that Isak was not only embarrassed about something, but also unable to escape a situation he clearly wanted out of.

“Is this what does it for you, Valtersen? What turns you on? You should have said! Who knew you'd enjoy being crashed into those boards that much, I should have known it gets you all hot and bothered.” 

William laughed, and even though Even couldn’t see his face, he went still. His body kept moving, he could feel himself closing the distance between himself and his teammates, but his mind had been wiped blank in a heartbeat. He felt like he watched his own movements from far away when he buried his hand in the collar of William’s shirt and pulled him back, away from Isak who stood with his eyes wide open, his back almost pushed against the wall by now. 

Even was pulled back into the moment when he felt pain surge up through his arm at the impact that resulted from William hitting the wall right next to Isak, and even though the movement had hurt Even himself he immediately wished he had put even more force behind it, had crashed William’s skull open on the brick wall or shoved his body right through it, tearing the building down with his bare hands. The next thing he knew, his fist collided with the right side of William’s face, blood splattering over his knuckles. Then he hit him again.

In the back of his mind he could see Isak as he stood in the showers, naked and vulnerable and weak, and William, pushing up against him, that laugh of his echoing from the wet tiles. He was glad when something hard set his jaw on fire and sent the image out of his head, leaving only a faint memory of tears on Isak’s face, of blood running down his wrists where fingernails had dug into his skin. He lifted his head a bit, anticipating a second hit, and almost smiled when it came and pain flooded his body, flaring down into his neck and shoulders, erasing any more images his mind presented him with. Then he realized that someone was holding him back. 

“Fuck you,” he spat into William’s face as he worked on reminding himself that those had to be Isak’s hands circling his biceps. He was safe, he was safe, he was safe. They both were. William was struggling against his teammates who had gotten in between them by now. Even hadn’t noticed anyone had joined them but they must have, as they were suddenly surrounded, and he willed his body to relax, to concentrate on Isak’s hands on his hot skin. He was on his side. It was Isak. 

He could feel his own palms sticky with blood, and when he looked down at them he saw his shiny red knuckles as the evidence of what he had done. He didn’t regret it, but he could still feel his body tremble with the realisation of how he had lost control yet again. It was a scary thought to think that he couldn’t remember making the decision to even go for William. All he had wanted was to get him away from Isak. Isak who had needed him and whom he would gladly pack his bags and leave for. If they kicked him off the team for fighting then he knew that it had been worth it. 

He noticed too late that Isak had let go of his arms and was now standing next to him, putting unnecessary space between them. Even caught his eyes and swallowed hard at the raw intensity with which he was met. He didn’t know what Isak was thinking, but he could feel that he was on his side. He didn’t know what he would do if he wasn’t. He needed him. 

“What the hell have you done now? What is going on?” 

Even was almost startled when he heard Coach’s voice approaching them. He kept his eyes on Isak while Elias fell into some bullshit account of the story in which he conveniently left out the part in which Isak had been pushed up against a wall and threatened. 

When Even could feel Coach’s gaze on him he forced himself to turn and face him. He could see the disappointment in his eyes and he looked down to examine his hands again. It was no use to explain himself. Even if he had been right about coming to Isak’s help, he knew that there was no excuse for using his fists. He was messed up, that was all. He hadn’t been able to think when images of Isak being in his place, being in that locker room that day, had flooded his mind. Coach knowing about it didn’t mean he wouldn’t judge him for it.

“We will not discuss this tonight. Do I need to call Eskild?” Coach asked, but Even only just managed to shake his head. There was pain in his neck and his face burned, there was definitely blood running down his chin, his knuckles were still pulsing hotly, but the thought of letting anyone near him almost made Even lose his mind again. 

“Good. Then get out of my sight. You're not going out like this. Get a good night's sleep and clear your head. I'll see both of you tomorrow, and you better have an explanation ready.” 

Even was halfway up the stairs before he realized that Isak had followed him. He pretended not to notice him until they had made it to his room, praying that he would follow him in and not stop at his own door which they passed on the way. When he didn’t, Even let out a slow breath, entered the room, and left door open behind him. He would have asked Isak to stay with him, but it meant so much more that Isak had been the one to decide to be with him right now. It lessened Even’s anxiety about it being an obligation for him, his duty as captain. 

Technically, he knew that Isak could fend for himself. That he wasn’t some rookie that was being bullied. He was captain, headstrong and fierce and willing to take responsibility, but just now he had looked so incredibly vulnerable that the thought of it made Even shiver all over. He didn’t think Isak needed saving, needed him at all, period. But seeing Isak struggling, witnessing him being weak and doubtful, it had been the last incentive Even had needed to finally make William go down. He had watched him terrorise Isak for too long, had suppressed how furious it truly made him.

He could only hope that it wouldn’t throw Isak off. That he hadn’t ruined every step they had taken towards each other in the last few days. If they had even seemed like steps to Isak. Maybe he still hated him as much as he had in the beginning, regardless of Even going out of his way to try harder with him than he did with anyone else. 

When he heard Isak leave the room, he turned around out of instinct. Had he changed his mind? Then he saw that the light in the bathroom was turned on and he almost sighed in relief. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts right now. And he needed Isak to understand what had happened. The last time he had been fighting, Isak had turned away from him afterwards, clearly not approving of his way to deal with his issues. 

When Isak reemerged from the bathroom and crossed the room to stand with him near the window, he held a roll of toilet paper in his hand and handed it to him wordlessly. Even took it, a strange heat pooling somewhere in his stomach. Maybe he hadn’t screwed things up. Maybe Isak hadn’t only followed him to either yell at him or demand to know what the fuck was wrong with him. 

“You should lean your head forward. Let it bleed.” 

Isak sounded strangely detached, like he had to try even harder than Even to keep his composure. He also sounded like he was growing tired of Even’s bullshit. As much as Even wanted him here, he couldn’t understand why Isak would want the same.

“You’ll miss the party,” he observed, needing Isak to reaffirm that he was exactly where he wanted to be. That he didn’t plan on quickly checking whether he would be alright and then heading out to get drunk with his team that didn’t continuously fuck up and put him in situations like this.

Isak gave a little huff that sounded like he was disregarding the idea of a party entirely, and it somehow made Even feel better already. 

“Didn’t plan on going. It'll be the guys getting secretly drunk while pretending not to be sore losers.” 

For a brief moment, Even wondered what drunk Isak would look like. He probably was a quiet drunk that stared off into the distance and then started to talk about some weird crap. Or maybe he was like Even, craving cuddles and affection and wanting to hug the entire world. If it was the latter, Even would definitely be more likely to attend team parties that involved booze. 

“They lost because of us. Let them drink tonight,” he offered.

He was facing the window, but he could tell that Isak rolled his eyes at him by the way he let out his breath, yet again annoyed with him. 

“We lost. I already knew we would,” he stated, and his dedication to the impossible task of making Even a Seadog made Even smile against his will. He was glad Isak couldn’t see his face, as the movement made him flinch in pain. He played with the toilet paper in his hand and thought of finally putting it to good use and clean himself up, but he somehow wasn’t ready. Like erasing the evidence of what had made them come back up here instead of heading out would remind them both of how they didn’t need to be here right now. Would remind Isak that maybe it was time for him to leave.

“How’s that?” he asked, stalling. 

“You looked about half dead when we got here. I felt like it too. Can't win a game like that,” Isak said, mumbling the way he usually did when he was unsure. 

Even couldn’t help but pick up on the fact that Isak apparently paid enough attention to him to notice his moods. But it wasn’t a good thing. If Isak realized how messed up he really was, his long term goal of befriending him seemed impossible.

He could tell that Isak was walking away from him again, but this time he was almost certain he wouldn’t leave the room but only go to the bathroom before he indeed heard him go there. As soon as Even was alone, he let out a deep breath, trying to calm his body down further. He was doing better than he had anticipated, considering he had been about ready to end William’s career just a few minutes ago. Still, he could feel the tension in his body, the way he still shivered uncontrollably without being cold. He closed his eyes for a second, letting everything that was on his mind in. 

In an instant, he thought back to Isak with his eyes wide, looking for a way out, his cheeks all red and his hands balled to fists. Then he thought of Coach. Coach who had been relieved of his contract today. 

When he had first heard, Even had thought of it as a good thing, regardless of how it had made him spiral down into his memories all throughout the day. It had to mean that the Sharks hadn’t just ignored his account of the story, that they were somehow still onto the case, which was good. Coach suffering at least some consequences, even though they seemed insignificant compared to the mess he had made of Even, was a good thing. But him leaving the Sharks also meant him potentially finding a new team. What if, in some parallel universe, that team had Isak as a captain? 

When he had left the Sharks, all Even had thought about was getting away, finally breaking ties with everything that kept him there. He hadn’t considered that not speaking up, not looking for someone else to listen when those whom he had trusted hadn’t, meant that Coach would get away with it. All he had cared about was not being involved anymore, to start over, but today his decision had caught up with him and he only fully realized now why that was. Coach being off the hook meant it could happen to someone like Isak. Anyone, of course, but the thought of it being someone he cared about made it so much more real. 

He had to blink a few times to get the pictures out of his head again, thoughts of Isak in those showers with Coach approaching him from behind, pressing up against him, and his entire body startled when he felt something cold and wet in his neck. Water ran down his skin and into his shirt and Even turned around in a quick movement, already lifting his hands to defend himself when he realized it was Isak. Of course it was.

To cover up the fact that his heart had missed a beat and he had intended to rip Isak’s head off a second ago, he bent down and picked up the towel that had fallen to the floor beneath them. A wet towel that Isak had brought for him and that he stared at now as if he was trying hard to figure out what the hell he had done wrong now. Even hated to see the confusion on his face, the honest need to understand him, and he stepped around him to avoid having to look at him any longer. 

When he sat down at the foot of the bed and pressed the towel against the burning skin of his neck like Isak had intended him to, Isak turned around and followed him, clearly hesitating, as if he didn’t want to scare him. Like he was some stray dog. He grabbed the roll of toilet paper Even had dropped onto the bed beside him and stood there for a second, thinking. 

For a moment, Even thought about helping him out, telling him what he needed him to do, but he didn’t have an answer himself. All he knew was that somehow having Isak here with him felt right and he didn’t want him to leave. He wanted to talk to Isak, to be close to him, to finally let someone in again, but he didn’t know how to say any of that. 

Apparently Isak wasn’t too bad at reading him though. He grabbed a chair and placed it in front of him. When he sat down on it, Even couldn’t help but think about how close they were, how there was the bed underneath him, pressing against his calfs, and Isak in front of him, blocking his way to the door. 

They weren’t thoughts he wanted to have. He wanted to be excited about their close proximity, wanted to cherish the fact that Isak wore aftershave Even hadn’t smelled on him ever before which either meant that Isak had dressed up, or that they simply hadn’t ever been this close before without wearing gear. Maybe he always smelled like this when he wasn’t either coming from or heading towards the rink which was when Even usually spent time with him. 

Even wanted to lose himself in simple thoughts of their knees almost touching and Isak’s cheeks turning just the slightest shade of pink, but they were buried underneath a mountain of anxiety that made him observe Isak’s every move when he reached out a hand to touch his face. 

“It's cool. Let me have a look at this,” Isak said quietly. A conscious decision probably, just like the fact that he was moving slowly and deliberately, keeping his upper body as far away from Even as he could, using the full length of his arm to keep his distance even when he dragged his thumb over Even’s chin. It took Even a second to realize that Isak wasn’t just touching him, but cleaning him up. To even remember the blood on his face. He didn’t feel any pain. Adrenaline had made his body go numb. 

Even was just about to close his eyes against the touch, to allow himself to accept this simple form of caring, when Isak got up again and headed to the bathroom for a third time. It was then that Even noticed his clothes. He wasn’t wearing a dress shirt, but a Seadogs sweater Even had seen on him multiple times before. Hs tight jeans were new though. 

The only time Even recalled Isak wearing anything other than sweatpants or gym shorts over leggings was the party they had been to, but those jeans had been lose, frayed at the seams, and he had been slightly drunk and too busy trying to convince himself that Isak was indeed a horrible person. Tonight his gaze wandered down Isak’s backside, taking in the way the light blue demin hugged his ass and his thighs, even straining against his calves. They weren’t just tight, they were like a second skin. Even appreciated Isak in his under armour, which meant skintight leggings and shirts, but this was something else entirely. 

He made himself look away, ashamed of the fact that he was trembling with anxiety over each and every sudden touch but looked at Isak like he was there for his pleasure only. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the sight of him undressing in the locker room, of Isak heading towards the showers with only a towel wrapped around his waist, him emerging from there all wet and flushed, but Even tried his very best. It was one thing to lose his mind over his honesty and the way he couldn’t help but trust him, but it was something else entirely to take in the fascinating way his body moved in those jeans. 

When Isak came back and sat down in front of him again, just a tiny bit closer than before, as if Even wouldn’t notice, he bit his lip and refused to look down at where Isak’s thighs would undoubtedly strain against the thick fabric of his jeans. His fingers felt soft against his face when they touched him again, a little bit too rough, letting him know he was still somewhat displeased with him. Still, his fingers were on his skin and their movement felt more like caresses than they felt efficient. Even felt his eyelids flutter and when he closed them for a second, he was shocked to feel moisture gathering behind them.

It had to be the slight pain that was now sent up into his forehead from his nose, making him tear up like nosebleeds usually did. Just a result of the uncomfortable tingling in the bridge of his nose and Isak’s probing fingertips. It had nothing to do with how Isak’s touch became a whole lot more careful when he must’ve felt Even flinch the tiniest bit. 

“Coach might like you, but he's still gonna kick you off the team at some point. You can't keep this up for much longer.” 

They were close enough for Even to feel Isak’s breath on his face when he spoke. 

“He doesn't like me. He likes the team, there's a difference. He wants this to work out so I can make you win for once,” Even replied, having a hard time to come up with something useful and ending up being a dick again. His mind was occupied with the image of Isak’s tongue ghosting over the corner of his mouth in concentration when he cleaned out the towel and then pressed it back against Even’s jaw. 

When he spoke, Isak’s eyes met his and Even cursed his heart for beating faster, his eyes for looking down at his lips again. They were so close. Way too close, but somehow it didn’t feel like a threat. 

“Fine, everyone's against you, the Seadogs hate you, none of it is your fault.” Isak rolled his eyes. 

Even knew he was right. He was being selfish and wallowing in self pity, but Isak’s frustration with him still annoyed him. He was more angry at himself than he was at Isak for pointing out his attitude though. 

“I never said it wasn't my fault.”

“Why do you let it happen then? Why don't you try to be decent? Why did you transfer to a team you can't stand?” 

They weren’t questions Even could give a simple answer to. They were questions he had asked himself countless of times and still couldn’t really get to the bottom of. It bothered him that Isak seemed to think he had made a conscious choice to be a dick to him though. Like it wasn’t hard work for him to even function enough to make it out of bed and onto the ice and off of it in one piece. Like he wasn’t just as annoyed with his moods as Isak had to be. Like he didn’t wish it was different himself. He couldn’t quite explain these things to him though. Talking hockey was still the easiest answer to all the questions that had been thrown at him. 

“I didn't choose the Seadogs. Yours was the only team wise enough to take me on after the initial transfer period was over. Your manager practically begged me to sign, I didn't even intend to keep playing,” he tried, praying that Isak didn’t realize how badly he was avoiding the real issue that he had tried to address. 

That and how how hard he found it to even keep talking in the first place. What with Isak’s hands all over him, with his fingertips dragging their way up and down his jaw, with him not even bothering to really use the tissues anymore but only touching his skin now. Even hadn’t been aware he had bled that much, but apparently there was a reason for Isak to run his fingers all over his cheekbones, his chin, down to his throat. Even’s pulse sped up impossibly, his skin began to feel warm and charged, every nerve ending anticipating the ever so light scratch of Isak’s nails. 

“You signed, so you did choose,” Isak countered, but Even hardly heard him. 

His fingers were on his throat and Even couldn’t move, caught somewhere between pleasure and fear. He wanted nothing more than to pull Isak in closer, to crash their lips together, to get his hands on him too, feel his skin, the pulsing of his heartbeat, hear him gasp and groan into his mouth. He wanted to bury his hands in his hair, wanted to make Isak climb into his lap and press down on him, and he knew that a couple of months ago, he would have done all of that. He would have put on his most charming smile, would have let his eyes go dark and wet his lips and then leaned in, would have asked a silent question and prayed that Isak would want the same. 

Now he could only concentrate on breathing. In and out while he felt the tips of Isak’s fingers curiously probe at his Adams apple, his gaze transfixed at where they touched. 

They were still having a conversation. Even could hear his own voice tremble when he said: “I didn't choose to transfer.” 

Was it so hard to understand that none of this was his goddamn choice?

“Then why did you?” 

Isak kept going, kept throwing these useless questions at him that somehow frustrated him, but at the same time meant that Isak cared, that he wanted to understand, and the need to let Isak in ached in his chest again. Still, he found himself tongue tied.

“Things went badly.” 

It was a first step, it was all he could say right now, what with Isak’s hands still being on him as if there was any reason left for them to be there, and Even prayed that he would understand that he wasn’t being evasive but trying his best to open up. 

“Badly enough for your coach to be kicked out over it? For things to still not be settled?” 

It felt wrong to even hear Isak talk about the Sharks’ coach. Even didn’t want them to ever be associated with each other in his mind. They were two completely opposite extremes. Isak was comfort and trust and hope, and Even was growing so fucking tired of fighting it. 

“Yes,” he admitted, not even able to say more even if he had wanted to. 

Isak had run his hands down his throat to his collarbone and was toying with the edge of his shirt, biting his lip in the process, and it made the aching in Even’s chest sink lower, down into his stomach and further down. He could feel himself reaching for Isak’s wrist, but he didn’t really mean to stop him. He only needed to do something, anything to make himself realize that he could if he wanted to. 

Their eyes met again and there was something there that made Even let go and sink his hand back down onto the mattress next to him. The way Isak’s eyes were glued to his, not at all taken aback by the little bits of information he had given up. When he reached for new toilet paper and pressed it against his throat his hands were trembling, and weirdly enough it calmed Even down. He wasn’t the only one who was vulnerable here. 

“You didn't get hurt this time, did you?” 

He didn’t know what he would do if Isak actually answered yes. Luckily, he shook his head and then pointed at Even’s eye that felt swollen by now.

“I wouldn't be here had you given me another one of those.” 

The way it was so obvious he was hoping to get him to smile at him had Even unable to resist.

They were still way too close to each other, Even’s heart was still beating too quickly in his chest, but he couldn’t stand the thought of Isak not being here right now, of them continuing to ignore this strangely intense pull towards each other. 

“Isak, I don't want to fight you. I'm sorry if I dumped my personal stuff on you, I know that was me. My fault.” 

Even had made a decision a few weeks ago, but it had been an awful one. There were people he was better off without, but there was also Isak whose fingers were warm and soft and not scary at all. He didn't answer him but only gave a short nod, still staring down at where his fingers were tracing light lines over his skin, wandering down to the collar of his shirt again and immediately dipping underneath it, pulling at the fabric, and for a second Even thought he wanted it off. His body made a decision for him, allowing Isak to take over, to show him what he wanted at least, but then he was gone.

He moved out of his space in a heartbeat, grabbed the dirty tissues, and stood up, walking towards the bathroom again and leaving Even confused, mostly at his own willingness to go along with what he had thought Isak had wanted. But apparently he had been wrong. When Isak reemerged from the bathroom sans tissues a second later, he didn’t come back but headed for the door instead. 

Even’s brain was ahead of him and he heard himself asking “stay?” before he had even made a choice. All he knew was that Isak leaving felt wrong, and that him staying was the first thing he had honestly wanted, more than that, craved even, in a long time.

 

...

 

He didn’t know whether he had actually expected Isak to stay the night. But here he was, laying as close to the edge of his side of the bed as he could, staring at the TV but not really paying attention to it. Even could tell by the way his eyes didn’t move, how his features remained unchanged through a number of scenes. His body was only covered by the blanket up to his belly button and Even's gaze was transfixed on his abs that were outlined against the fabric of his shirt. He shouldn’t be staring but it was too easy, what with Isak being occupied with staring off into the distance, his mouth hanging open the tiniest bit, his fingers sprawled out on his chest, stroking his own skin absentmindedly with his thumb. 

The only person Even had spent the night with ever since things had changed was Vilde. Vilde who knew about him and who was almost as wary of physical affection as he had become. It had been easy to share a bed with her because they had both wanted nothing but mindless cuddles that didn’t involve kisses or nudity. Sharing with Isak was entirely different. Even could no longer deny that he very much wanted both of these things. He wanted to scoot over and press their bodies against each other, maybe keep some blankets between them, keep the light on, their hands above their shirts, but he wanted to. 

It was a long time before his eyes fell close while he still went over it in his mind, trying to figure out whether kissing Isak was just a tempting thought that would turn into a nightmare once he actually made it real. Or maybe it would be just as good as he imagined it to be. Just as easy. He didn’t know how to put into words what irrational thing he felt for Isak, how he only had to look at him to know that no one compared to him, that Isak was something else entirely, but maybe his hands, his lips, would be able to let him know. 

 

...

 

When Even awoke, Isak was snoring lightly. He had rolled over onto his side and they were facing each other, still with a lot of room between them, but Isak’s soft features were still the first thing Even was faced with and he couldn’t have loved it more. There was no moment of uncertainty, no anxious thoughts about them being all alone with each other with no one even knowing about it. Even couldn’t help but think back to Isak’s words from last night, to him promising him they would face whatever lay ahead of them together, that he could trust him, that he was with him all the way. 

He hoped there would be a day on which he could wake up next to him and crawl over to his side of the bed and under his blanket, sharing his warmth and kissing away the last few peaceful minutes before they were wanted in the gym. How had he ever thought he could do this without getting attached? Could befriend Isak but not want more? It had been clear from the very beginning that he would be falling heads over heels in love with him and there was no way around it now. 

It was a while in which Even only stared at Isak’s face, studying the way he was slowly breathing in and out, his body twitching slightly from time to time. Then he shifted, pulling one arm up above his head, the other one falling onto his chest again, drawing up his t-shirt the tiniest bit, and Even couldn’t help but let his gaze wander down his body and take in the way the blanket was lined up with the band of his boxers but left the faint hair on his lower stomach exposed. He could feel himself reacting to Isak’s body being sprawled out in front of him like this, could feel himself growing hard against the sheets, his dick aching to finally, fucking finally get some attention again, and for a dizzy second he wanted to reach down and palm himself, wrap his fingers around himself and get off, but then he snapped out of it. 

He was out of bed in a heartbeat and had his shirt off in another, holding it in front of the bulge in his boxers. He reached for Isak’s jeans and threw them at him, his mind racing. How could he have let this happen? How was it okay to take advantage of Isak like this, how could he ever justify wanting him in that way when he himself lost his mind over Isak’s fingertips tracing his jaw and a simple touch still made him tremble and look for the nearest exit? But when Isak opened his eyes and looked at him sleepily, as if for a confused second he didn’t know where he was, Even knew he was in too deep. It wasn’t a question of how he could have let it happen, it was only a question of how he would deal with it.


	40. Even POV Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Thank you a thousand times for being patient and sending me lovely messages to motivate me <3 
> 
> This is their first kiss from Even's POV including the following conversation. It's right after the Sharks game.
> 
> WARNING for mild sexual content and somewhat more detailed references to sexual abuse and trauma. Also Isak has his injury from the game that Even keeps touching, so maybe I should tag for cuts or blood?!
> 
> Thank you so much, I love you all and your messages make me super super happy xxxx

It was over. He had faced the Sharks and survived, had managed to not speak a single word to any of them, and hadn’t let his anger get the best of him but instead played hockey the way he was meant to do. After holding it together all day, Even was now hit by exhaustion. Exhaustion and a sleepy anxiety that had been lingering on his mind, just waiting for a quiet minute in which everything would sink in. 

The way he had wanted to talk to Mikael so badly but had instead decided to ignore him when he had texted him over and over again to come and meet him somewhere. The way the majority of his old team had turned their heads as soon as they had seen him, shame and uncertainty on most of their faces. Even didn’t know what they were so embarrassed about that they had avoided him on the ice altogether. Whether it was him and the apparent lies he had told or whether it was their own behaviour. Maybe they had come around. Granted, he hadn’t given them a chance to explain themselves ever since he had left. 

But if he had been missing them before today, had thought about maybe using the opportunity of the Sharks being in Oslo and settling some things between them, all of that had been ruined today. They had treated him like he wasn’t even there, like they hadn’t once been friends. And they had fucked with Isak. 

Even threw himself onto his bed, his muscles aching and his sweaty hair sticking against the pillow unpleasantly. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on anything but Isak going down, hands pressed to his face, blood running down his cheek and onto his jersey. He wanted to think it was an accident, wanted to remind himself that it was hockey and Isak had probably taken worse than a stick to the face, but it was more than that. 

The only reason Isak had been hurt, again, had been him. Again. The Sharks wouldn’t have had a reason to focus their entire attention on one side of the ice and wouldn’t have been that desperate to break Isak’s defence had they just been able to come for both of them. But they hadn’t. For whatever reason they hadn’t dared to come near Even, had either wanted to taunt him or protect him, and it had ended with those vicious encounters Isak had had no way of walking away from unharmed. 

Whether the high stick had been up on purpose or not, it was his fault that Isak had been their target tonight and Even was so fucking tired of feeling guilty, of not being able to stand up for either of them. 

When his phone chimed from somewhere in his duffel bag, Even almost jumped. He had muted the Seadogs group chat as soon as he had been added to it, so there weren’t many options as to who could have texted him. It might have been Coach though, and so Even made a point of not rushing to get his bag. The only reason he did so in the first place was that he needed a shower anyway. Badly. 

He only reached for his phone after he had grabbed a towel that needed washing even more badly than himself. Someone whose number was unknown to his phone had asked him where he was, but Even knew without checking the profile picture who it was. When he tapped the chat hesitantly, he was indeed faced with Isak’s picture that he had already seen a few weeks ago. The simple sight of their first individual chat, of the question mark that accompanied Isak’s words, implying that he wanted him to answer, made Even swallow a smile. 

He only realized how badly he wanted Isak to come over when he texted back, telling him he was home. His body eased into something a lot more pleasant than what he had been consumed by before, and by the time Even exited the shower and put on his most expensive cologne, he almost felt like he would be alright. 

Isak kept urging him to speak to him, kept going on and on about how he needed to open up and share his thoughts with him, but he failed to realize how good he made Even feel by simply being with him. Being on his side, defending him in front of the team, making the effort to understand him even when he couldn’t. Even didn’t feel the need to confide in Isak because he already did. He let him in simply by not denying him any longer, felt his anxiety give in to eagerness at the thought of Isak being with him soon, taking off the sharp edge of today’s events. But apparently it wasn’t enough for Isak. Not until he talked.

When Even was dressed he unlocked the door to his flat and, growing more and more impatient, he checked his phone again. There was a text from Isak in the group chat that said he would head home and Even felt instantly annoyed. So he was important enough to skip the team celebration for but not important enough for Isak to be honest about where he was headed? 

He didn’t have much time to brood over it before there was a knock on his door. When he answered it, he was faced with Isak’s bruised face, a dark red cut on his swollen cheek. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been, considering that fucking rookie had been headed into the one on one with his stick up high, unconcerned for Isak’s beautiful face, but it was bad enough. Enough to make Even turn around and take a few steps back after he had taken a quick glance at him and made sure he would be alright and not in too much pain. A shudder went through his body when he yet again thought of Isak falling, of not being able to do anything other than hold on to Isak and make sure he would be taken care of by Eskild. Of having to ball his hands into fists and resist the urge to connect them with that rookie’s face. 

“You were great,” Isak offered, speaking to his backside. “I know you’re used to wining but this is an amazing outcome for us.”

Amazing? Isak being hit in the face and the entirety of the Sharks being bitchy on the ice was amazing to him? It was a mystery to Even how Isak managed to only ever focus on hockey. On how the score they had managed to walk away with today was indeed more than they could have hoped for. Did he not see how messed up that game had been? Still, he tried to hide his anger and frustration and instead went for some bullshit hockey talk that was always a sure way to keep Isak talking. 

“We could have won had we scored in the first period. That would have confused them enough.” 

He turned around, knowing he couldn’t avoid looking at Isak all night. So he had been hurt. It was hockey, it happened. Still, he couldn’t stop staring at that bloody cut on his cheek that managed to distract him from the concerned look in Isak’s eyes. 

“There will be another game and we'll win it,” Isak said, and his voice carried so much certainty that it soothed Even’s anger just the tiniest bit. 

There had been a time when he had been just as positive, just as determined as Isak was now. Even wanted it to stay that way, wanted for Isak to always know just what he was capable of. It wasn’t fair to drag him down with him and ruin his game day even more. He had a right to be proud. 

“I'll let you score then. You deserve it,” he managed, trying to be smooth, but Isak didn’t smile like he had hoped. He only looked at him thoughtfully, almost puzzled. There was a lot that Even would give to be in his captain’s head for a day. 

Eventually, Isak swallowed and said: “You have better chances, if they keep avoiding you like that. They probably wouldn't even try to stop you.” He paused, waiting for Even to say something, but he couldn’t think of anything. Yes, the Sharks had avoided him today, but he didn’t know what to make of it. 

“I can tell you're not fine. Just drop the act already,” Isak added then, and Even felt put on the spot immediately. Of course he wasn’t fine, but what good would it do if he admitted that to Isak? Especially since he already knew anyway. Isak being here was already more than he could have asked for. 

“I know you can tell. And I wonder why. Why does it matter to you? We played a good game, you should go and celebrate. My shit stayed off the ice enough so that we made it to overtime, that's kind of what you wanted.” 

There was a flicker of anger behind Isak’s eyes and it only underlined Even’s question. Why was he so upset about Even not sharing his life story with him? Why did it matter to him? 

“You can't be one person on the ice and another one off it, you know that as much as I do. It won't work in the long run.” 

The anger was audible in Isak’s words as well, he was slowly losing his cool, looking agitated, and Even was hit with another pang of guilt. Here he was, being a dick again, shoving Isak away when he had sacrificed his evening with the team for him. He had made the decision to be with him instead and all Even could do was question his choice and feel sorry for himself. He should take the gesture and thank Isak. Show him how much he appreciated him for once. If only he knew how to do just that. 

When Isak moved to stand next to him, Even followed his movement with his eyes, expecting to feel the need to take a step back like he had come to do when people approached him lately, but he didn’t. Instead he remembered what it had felt like the last time Isak had been this close to him, when he had been all up in his space, and all of a sudden he craved that close proximity between them, that calm understanding of how they both wanted for the other to just know. 

“It's not only about hockey. Your friends fucked you over, but you can't go on trusting no one at all. You'll need someone on this team and I...” 

Isak didn’t finish his sentence but he had said enough for Even to know where he had been going. It was like he was reading his mind. He was so so tired of keeping Isak at a distance, so tired of being deadset to ruin every good thing that came his way. He didn’t know how to drop his attitude, but he knew that he wanted to. 

With Isak’s words hanging in between them, Even didn’t know what to say. His mind was blank, all he could come up with was way too serious for him to say out loud. He would scare Isak away if he admitted to him that he did have someone on this team, that his presence alone was the only reason Even was still around, and that deep down he probably trusted Isak more than he had ever trusted anyone before. It didn’t make any sense, but Even was done denying it, was done taking steps backwards. 

He didn’t know what to say, so he did what he felt like doing and lifted a hand up to Isak’s cheek, placing a single finger right underneath the cut on his skin that had begun to clot. Even pressed his lips closer together in order to not say anything stupid about Isak being the reason that giant cut in his own life had begun to heal, even though it wasn’t noticeable to anyone else. Instead he let his fingers run over his skin, realising that while Isak had spent quite some time with his hands on him, this was the first time he had consciously reached out to Isak. He took a step forward, closing the space between them for good. Isak’s eyes were wide, his body had gone tense, but Even fixated his gaze on his injury and then lower, on the small birthmark just above his lip. Then he decided to break the silence. 

“You messed up your face for me. Again.” When Isak immediately opened his mouth to deny it, he kept going. “How can you say those things? How are you here and not out with the guys when I've been a selfish ass on the ice again? You could've scored yourself but instead you dedicated your entire game to me. I held you back tonight and you're telling me you don't care? That's not how you work, I've got that much figured out about you, Isak. You care about hockey first.” 

He knew Isak cared about hockey first and so he tried to keep their conversation to that. To not take this too far and make grant statements about how he wasn’t even confused about what this was between them anymore. He was gone for Isak, had completely and utterly fallen for him. But he could tell that Isak was shaking slightly, that he was having trouble taking even breaths, and so he stuck to hockey. It was what they were both good at. 

“That's not even true. I care about the team. And I didn't mess up my face for you,” Isak countered, his voice breaking. 

Even decided that as long as Isak didn’t object, he would savour the feeling of his skin against his fingertips, he would let himself have this right now, and so he dragged the tip of his index finger over Isak’s cheek, back and forth, fascinated by how Isak hadn’t refused him yet, hadn’t looked at him as if he was being inappropriately touchy for a guy who was supposed to just be his teammate. He kept waiting, kept distracting himself with memories of their game just to make Isak stay and to make this last as long as it possibly could. Who were they kidding?

“Of course you did. You checked that rookie so he wouldn't check me. After lecturing me about doing the same for you the other day, I might add. I just don't get why.” 

Isak still didn’t react, only stood there with his eyes glued to Even’s face, and even though it almost physically hurt him, he dropped his hand. He had to give Isak the option to back off, to step out of his space and take the last chance at keeping up this teammate relationship between them before it would undoubtedly become more than that. Before Even would eventually press their lips together and ask a question he needed answers to. 

But Isak didn’t step back. He only let out a tense breath and mumbled, sarcastically: “You're too much of a nice guy. Gotta watch out for you.” 

Even gave a short laugh, but he knew that Isak wasn’t even lying. He was looking out for him, and maybe it was about time that Even let him know that he realized that. 

“You figured out I can't deal with body contact.”

“Wasn't that hard to figure out.”

Even tried to catch his eyes, but Isak was too occupied looking at the floor between them, or maybe he was studying their matching sweatpants, or Even’s bare feet. Either way, he was still standing close to him even though Even had offered him more space, so he decided he was done fighting the need to touch Isak again. But first, he thanked him, and he couldn’t help but add: “You're the best thing the Seadogs have to offer, you know that? And I'm not talking hockey.” 

He could see Isak swallowing and when he looked up at him their eyes finally met. There was something troubled in the look Isak gave him, something that he was unsure about, but he didn’t look taken aback by the fact that they were standing this close, that they were clearly about to cross a line. 

“I'm seriously sorry for all the shit I've put you through. I'll try harder, I promise. There's some stuff I gotta figure out, but I will. I said this before, but it's not your fault. You're the best captain I've ever had.” 

Even didn’t know whether they were the right words to say, but he knew that they were long overdue. When Isak cleared his throat, he sounded as if he was snapping out of something, as if he was just as hypnotised by Even as Even was by him. 

“Take all the time you need. I’m with you, I said that before, too.” 

Isak’s voice was almost a whisper and it wasn’t the only sign of his nerves, of how affected he was by the way the atmosphere between them had suddenly shifted. His body was leaning forward slightly, inviting Even in, and the weight of his words hit Even hard. 

Isak was with him. He wasn’t alone on this team, wasn’t alone anywhere, because Isak, for whatever reason, was here instead of out with his friends, was leaning into him when Even had given him the chance to step back. Had tried over and over again to push him away from him, but he wouldn’t budge. Here he was, looking up at Even with wide eyes, his lips slightly parted and so, so kissable. 

“I want to let you in, Isak. It's just really fucking hard. I…,” 

His words were everything he had meant to say earlier, everything he had needed to get out, and the relief of hearing them being said out loud himself made Even tremble. Then he leaned in, his nose brushing Isak’s cheek, their breath mixing, lips hovering, searching. He could tell Isak’s heart was about to jump out of his chest and so was his own, dizzy with the smell of Isak, with anticipation and greed. He placed a light kiss to Isak’s cheek, to the cut on his skin. A silent apology for what had happened today, but so much more than that too. 

Even could feel his legs going weak and he reached out for Isak’s waist in an attempt to ground himself. He hadn’t kissed anyone since those unwanted fingers had pressed against his lips to keep him quiet, had pushed into his mouth and hadn’t been discouraged by how Even had bitten down on them, trying desperately to break skin and cut through bones. 

Isak was standing perfectly still. He didn’t move as Even dragged his lips over his sensitive cheekbone, down his jaw to the corner of his mouth. His lips were still parted when Even’s found them, and for the fraction of a second Even froze, expecting Isak to take over, to push against him, his mouth ravaging his, all teeth and tongue and confidence, but of course he didn’t. Thank fuck he didn’t. Even relaxed, pressing his lips against Isak’s, thinking nothing else but his name. Isak Isak Isak. It was okay.

Even had kissed a lot of people in his life, but he had never felt it all like he did now. An overload of sensations spread through his chest, down into his belly, and he tightened his grip on Isak’s hips, only just remembering how to stay standing and not lean against Isak’s chest entirely. This was him kissing Isak and it was over in a second. He shouldn’t have broken away, but he couldn’t help but notice the lack of enthusiasm on Isak’s side, couldn’t help but notice how part of him was glad Isak was still frozen in place. 

But it was a selfish thought. Should he be kissing Isak at all if he didn’t know whether he could handle him actually being up for it? Should he have enjoyed that second of their lips pressing against each other as much as he had when Isak hadn’t reacted to it in the slightest? 

Still, he could see how reluctant Isak was to open his eyes, how he chased his lips for a short moment. He had wanted this. Yes, they both had wanted this.

“Stay over again?” Even asked, trying hard not to hate the way he was incredibly desperate for Isak to agree to his plan. 

When Isak nodded, he looked almost shy. There was a faint blush colouring his cheeks, and suddenly him not throwing himself into their kiss took on an entirely different meaning. Had he just been Isak’s first kiss? Even bit back a smile, occupying himself with the thought of Isak trusting him enough to be that for him in order to keep his own mental breakdown in check. 

“Are you okay?” Isak asked and Even couldn’t hide his smile any longer, drawn to Isak by the way he tried to sound controlled, using his captain voice but failing miserably. He draped his arms loosely around Isak’s neck, suddenly remembering how easy these things had used to be, shaking off the clear weight their kiss had carried for both of them.

“Am I okay? You're the one who looks ready to faint,” he only half joked.

“Yeah, well,” Isak made a vague hand gesture, lifting his hands up between them but then halting their movement in midair. “You're the one who said body contact wasn't your thing, so…”

There went Even’s attempt to lighten the mood. He reached for Isak’s wrist that was still hovering between them and placed it against his own chest, marvelling in how the excitement about their touch outweighed any apprehension he might have had. 

“This is different,” he realized, not for the first time but with no less surprise. 

A minute passed in which he studied their intertwined hands on his chest, the reality of them being here together after what had just happened sinking in. So Isak wasn’t opposed to kissing him. The guy he had slowly been falling in love with over the last few months was right here, pressing his palm against his chest as if that was enough, as if it made up for all the shit he had put him through. 

He looked tired. About as tired as Even felt himself, and so he asked: “Do you want to just go to bed? We can watch some netflix, have some food.” 

Isak nodded. “I'll have a look at your laptop.” 

With that, Isak was out of his space and it took Even a moment to adjust. He opened netflix and handed Isak his laptop before he left the room in order to fix dinner. He ended up stealing leftovers from Jonas, but Isak never had to know about that. While they ate and tried too hard to pretend either of them were actually interested in the film Isak had chosen for them, Even could feel his eyes on him. As if he was contemplating something. Him probably, and his lips on his, and them being in bed together. It was on Even’s mind too. 

As overwhelmed as Isak seemed to be, Even still wondered what he would do if Isak were actually up for more, if he decided to follow up their kiss and initiate more. He wasn’t sure how much he was ready for, and he thought it unfair to put Isak in the position of having to deal with his breakdown if they ever went too far without him even knowing what the hell was going on. But for now, it had only been a kiss. Eventually, when he could be certain that Isak was paying the film as little attention as he did himself, he turned to face him, making Isak blush when he caught him staring. 

“You've never kissed a guy before, have you?” He asked, and Isak’s eyes widened just the tiniest bit. “Are you freaking out?”

It took Isak too long to shake his head. 

“I haven't. And I'm not.” 

He sounded too much like he wanted to believe that second part to be true himself. But even if he was freaking out, Even had felt it in his bones, the way it had been more than just a kiss to both of them. He knew he was right when Isak eventually paused the film and quietly admitted: “I don't wanna watch this.” 

Even agreed wholeheartedly, but for a second he was scared Isak would tell him that he was gonna leave. 

“I don't mean that,” he reassured him, as if he knew what Even had been thinking. “I don't... no, I just mean there's so much I want to ask you and now we're finally talking, I don't to waste this and watch a film.” 

Again, Even agreed. Anything, as long as Isak stayed the night. He placed the laptop on the floor next to them, a smile back on his face. 

“You've been dying to talk to me? You could have done that all this time, you know that, right?” he teased, knowing full well that he had been more than a little difficult. 

“I don't, actually. You beating up people for asking about your past is not exactly confidence inducing.”

Even had been difficult, yes, but he was certain he hadn’t beaten anyone up except for his continuous conflict with William. 

“When did I do that?” he asked.

Isak frowned, probably accusing him of lying. 

“Didn't you fall out with William because he asked about the Sharks? Next thing I knew you were throwing punches, so...” 

They had been kissing, Even had been trying his hardest to keep the conversation light, to talk about something other than hockey for once, but here they were again. 

“That's what you wanna talk about? I didn't punch him for asking, that just made me stop wanting to be friends with him. I wanted to knock him out because he implied I was going to touch you, you don't remember that?” 

There was a flicker of something behind Isak’s eyes that he tried to hide, something almost dark, maybe pained. 

“Did you talk to any of the Sharks today?” 

Either Isak was able to read him incredibly well and connected what they had been talking about with the Sharks, or it was a coincidence. Even didn’t know what he should hope for because both options were equally scary. 

He recalled having ignored Mahdi on his way off the ice earlier and admitted: “Mahdi tried after the game. I didn't let him, though.” 

“Why not? Their team doesn't have one brain that controls them all, does it? Maybe some Sharks are actually worth getting in touch with, as weird as it feels saying that.” 

It almost scared Even to even think about Isak befriending his old team, getting in the middle of all that mess, and he shook his head. It wasn’t Isak’s place to fix this, and even if he tried he wouldn’t be able to.

“I don't want to talk about the Sharks, okay?” 

He pulled the blanket up further underneath his chin, wishing Isak would shut up about hockey already and get back to kissing him. Innocent and sweet, with him being cuddled up underneath a mountain of blankets and it being Isak’s second kiss ever. They would be able to talk afterwards. 

“Okay. Tell me about the guy you're kissing on facebook.” 

Isak sounded like he was nervous even asking about it, so Even tried hard not to show how much his questions annoyed him. How did he manage to always pick the ones Even didn’t really have simple answers to? And on second thought, how did he even know about that?

But instead of asking about it and making Isak blush for real like Even knew he would, he decided to give him a somewhat straight answer for once. 

“He was just some guy in a bar. We were out celebrating the last game of the season and I got a bit carried away.”

There was of course more to it, but Even hoped they were done playing 21 questions. He didn’t know why, but he felt like nothing he told Isak was worth anything if he withheld the important truths he knew Isak wanted to know about just as badly as the rest of the Seadogs. 

“Just some guy?” 

Was that jealousy in his voice? Even swallowed against the butterflies erupting in his stomach but didn’t fight the urge to touch him again. He went for his hair this time, pushing it out of Isak’s face. The blond strands were still a bit damp from his shower earlier and they felt soft and smooth against his fingers. He didn’t want to talk about other guys when he was here with Isak fucking Valtersen. 

“Like I said, I got carried away. Can we not talk about this?” he tried, but Isak gave an exasperated sigh. 

“What can we talk about?” 

Even had to close his eyes for a second at how frustrated Isak was growing with him. He couldn’t even hold it against him. Slowly, he slid his fingers down to Isak’s neck while he searched for information that was safe to share. When Isak let out a little sigh, he pushed himself up on his right elbow. 

“I'm sorry. Kissing that guy is what started all the shit with the Sharks,” he offered. “How about we just…”

Even pressed his lips against Isak’s without thinking about it twice. He knew that it wasn’t entirely fair, shutting him up like this, avoiding any more questions, but the longer they talked, the more he felt exactly like the liar he had been accused of being. He was keeping things from Isak and the closer they got, the more obvious it became that there were things they just couldn’t talk about, the more obvious it had to become to Isak that maybe Even wasn’t who he was pretending to be. Even hated it. Either way, he would make Isak lose interest in him. If they talked about what had truly happened with the Sharks, Isak would most likely either lose it or not believe him, and if they didn’t, he would continue to think Even was being evasive and difficult. 

But his spiralling thoughts were put on hold when Isak kissed him back this time. He kept his hands to himself, hidden somewhere underneath the blanket, but his lips began moving with his, opened underneath his touch, and suddenly they weren’t just breathing each other in anymore, they were properly kissing, their mouths growing more and more eager and confident against one another. 

Again, Even could feel Isak trembling, his breath shaky and the muscles in his back growing tense. He was definitely just as affected by this as Even was. The little sigh that left his lips when Even sent his hands down his chest, spreading his fingers out over his warm skin, had Even shivering all over. He wanted to pull Isak in, wanted to move on top of him and kiss him deeper, explore his body with his hands and lips. But at the same time his heart was beating fast and something in his mind switched into panic mode even though he tried to keep his breathing steady, kept reminding himself of who he was with. Isak. Isak whom he trusted, who was probably the best person he had ever met. 

It was exhausting to kiss Isak as much as it was the most wonderful thing Even had felt, not only in a while, but ever. He could feel his own body growing tense, falling into self defence mechanisms that he theoretically knew he wouldn’t need. He was fighting instincts, needed to keep convincing himself that there was no reason to push Isak off, regardless of how he wanted him so much closer. 

When Isak finally pulled away, Even didn’t know whether he should be relieved or upset. He most definitely loved the way Isak whispered his name though. The way he hesitantly lifted a hand to his face and pressed his palm against his jawline. He was so incredibly soft with him. He didn’t deserve to be lied to.

“I know what happened. With your coach.”

He heard Isak’s words, but they didn’t mean anything for a second. What? 

“I figured it out and then I asked Vilde about it. Just... I can't pretend I don't know.” 

All Even could do was wait for the words to sink in. Isak knew. Knew what exactly? That he had had an old guy’s dick pressing against his backside, rubbing off on him? That he had taken a second too long to start fighting back, had thought everything was some kind of a sick joke until those hands had been all over him, pressing against his mouth, making him run out of air? That he had cried, had stood in those showers naked and humiliated and in pain, had been weak like some child that couldn’t defend himself? 

He hardly head Isak’s whisper of how it was okay, but the way he gently pressed his hand against his shoulder blade, reassuring and grounding, helped. So Isak knew. Knew about how he had been weak and broken, lost his dignity and his pride. He concentrated on how Isak’s fingers grew bolder, finally giving in and touching him like Even wanted him to, tracing slow lines across his collarbone, skin on skin. Isak knew, and he was still here. He had known when they had first kissed, when he had decided to come over tonight. And he was still here, touching him, reassuring him that he wasn’t alone. Maybe he was okay with Even being weak. 

After a while, relief spread through his body like medicine, slowly calming his anxiety. If Isak knew, there were no more reasons to lie, to keep him at a distance. They were all in now. 

“How much do you know?” he managed to ask, even though he didn’t really want to hear Isak recalling his most shameful memory. Still, he had to know. 

Isak’s voice was quiet but surprisingly strong. “Not much at all. Just that...” he stopped, searching for the right word for what had happened just like Even had done the entire summer. “I’m guessing something happened that you didn't want to happen. That's enough,” he finished. 

It was. Even didn’t have words for how thankful he was for Isak not going into detail. 

“You don't need to tell me anything,” Isak added, and Even had never wanted to kiss him more, had never been as in love with him as he was right there and then. He closed his eyes for a second and forced himself to speak. To not say no to what might well be the best thing that had ever happened to him. Isak. He would let him in. Entirely.

And so he told him about Coach, about his friends not having his back, about his guilt and about how he had tried for so long to convince himself that he wasn’t a victim here. He didn’t add that once he had realized hat he was, things hadn’t exactly become any easier. That being the victim meant he had been used, been taken advantage of, and that it made him feel effeminate even when he knew he was being stupid. That he couldn’t help but think that rape didn’t happen to hockey players. Shouldn’t have happened to him. And that he hated himself for having those thoughts, for thinking he was any different from some girl in a bar. 

And all the while, while he shared a safe version of how his feelings had become such a mess, their hands were dancing on each other’s skin, fingers tracing patterns and dipping underneath shirt collars. With every word he spoke and every touch from Isak he felt less like he wanted to push the other boy off and more like couldn’t ever do such a thing.

When there were no words left for now, he didn’t dare to look at Isak. The only person he had had this conversation with in Oslo was Vilde, and not wanting to kiss her, not hoping she would turn out to be the love of his life, had made it a lot easier to talk to her. This was Isak, who would probably destroy him if he got up and left right now, if he didn’t want anything to do with his mess. 

But when Isak spoke it wasn’t anything like that. 

“Just because it wasn't as bad as it could have been doesn't mean wasn't anything at all. Don't talk like it doesn't matter just because it could have been worse.”

So he had picked up on how Even had embellished his story, had still tried to protect them both. He also sounded a lot like Even’s therapist. Both, old and new. 

“I'm trying. I used to think I overreacted and that I could have sucked it up, but I've since seen the light,” he said, a line he had also used in therapy before. He didn’t tell Isak that part of what had made him realize that he shouldn’t have put up with the Sharks’ bullshit was watching Isak interact with William. 

“Good,” Isak nodded, his eyes warm and so genuinely concerned for Even that he couldn’t keep his thoughts to himself after all. 

“Which is exactly why seeing you get fucked over by William makes me so incredibly mad. How much more do you want to take before you put an end to that?” he added, and he could tell by Isak’s reaction that this wasn’t something he had spent much time thinking about. 

“I hate seeing you hurt,” he added, emphasizing that he didn’t mean to be difficult once again. On the contrary, he wanted things to be easy for Isak, wanted him to be safe and happy.

He reached out for Isak’s injured cheek and couldn’t help but think back to him falling on the ice earlier, going down with his face screwed up in pain. It made Even want to knock out the entire Sharks rooster. 

“Did you kiss me to prove a point?” 

Isak’s question came out of nowhere and Even needed a second to drop his violent thoughts and concentrate on what he was being asked. He still didn’t get it. Instead of answering, he ran his fingers over Isak’s cut, unable to resist lightly picking at the scabs that were beginning to form there. He was beautiful, even with his face bruised and confusion in his eyes. 

“To yourself I mean. To prove to yourself that you're over what happened, that you can deal with it. Or, I don't know, to stop me from asking more questions. To avoid conversation. It's something you're good at.” 

Reading Even was something Isak was good at. Scarily good. 

“Maybe the second time. I know I can deal with it, but maybe I wanted to shut you up.”

“Can you? Not only deal with it, but want it?” 

Isak was right to question him, but Even realized how sure he suddenly was of his answer when he gave it. 

“I can, and I'll tell you if I can't. Don't hold me down, don't do anything stupid, but this is fine.” 

He wasn’t lying, either. Earlier tonight, he had’t been sure of what he wanted, how far he wanted things to go, but telling Isak had changed more than he could understand just yet. He didn’t even know what he meant by asking Isak not to do anything stupid, but he guessed that Isak did. 

“Then why the first time?” 

There was a much appreciated lightness in Isak’s voice now. Even was more than glad to be done with sharing. He was glad Isak knew, but it wasn’t easy to talk about any of this.

“Because you're really fucking cute, Isak.” 

Even smiled at the way Isak’s cheeks immediately filled with colour. He leaned over and pressed a kiss against the tip of his nose, barely holding in a sigh at how he was allowed to do this now. He was allowed to kiss Isak and so he did. Again and again, until Isak sighed and buried his hands in his hair, finally melting against him and allowing both of them to drop the pretence that this was anything other than what they had been made for. 

Isak’s hands stayed in his hair and Even was glad for how he wasn’t pushing him, how he was so attentive and careful it made a rush of affection run through his body. He could tell Isak was getting used to this, to their lips opening and closing against each other, letting Even in when he touched his tongue against his lower lip. It was nothing like Even had imagined kissing Isak to be, and he had imagined it many times. It was so much better, because he had never considered Isak to be in on his secrets, to know him and to be willing to be known by him. It made the sound of Isak’s breathing quickening and his soft sighs against his lips growing louder so much sexier, and Even felt his balls grow heavy and his dick thickened against his thigh. 

He swallowed the rush of nerves that went through his body, surprised at how they were only nerves and not full on panic. He was fine. More than that, he wanted, needed Isak closer, needed him to drop some clothes and press his body against his, needed that blanket to just disappear already. 

He had tried not to watch Isak undress in the locker room, had tried to avert his eyes whenever he had dropped his shirt, his sweatpants, his boxers, but he hadn’t always managed it. He had felt guilty about it, no question there, and he had made a point of not touching himself out of fear the thought of Isak undressing right in front of him would slip into his mind, even when he had woken up night after night, already rubbing his hard and leaking dick against his mattress. He hadn’t gotten off all summer. At first he hadn’t felt the need to, and when he had finally felt something like want again, it had been for Isak, and it had felt all sorts of wrong to be staring at him exiting the showers and to get himself off to the thought of his pale skin and muscled legs. 

Therefore, it had been so, so long and his need for Isak was growing hot and desperate way too fast. It didn’t help when Isak bit his lip, his body pushing against his through the mountain of blankets that separated them. Isak let out a small moan, chasing Even’s touch, his own hands still buried in his hair but clearly aching for more. Even would have let him, but he didn’t think he would have been able to hold himself together if Isak were to put his hands on him. 

“Are you sure you're not passing out on me? I know this is awesome, but...” he whispered against Isak’s lips, mocking him, but at the same time knowing that he needed to catch his breath himself. 

“It's all good. Just a bit much. I shouldn't have been drinking, maybe that's it.” 

For a moment Even got distracted by how breathy Isak’s voice had become, how his chest was rising and falling rapidly, but then his words reached him. He had been drinking? 

“How much have you had?” he asked. He couldn’t for the life of him imagine that they were doing anything Isak wasn’t into, but he still knew at once that this was it. They wouldn’t continue this if there was only the slightest chance of Isak not remembering his consent later on. He pulled away from Isak even though he shook his head at his serious face. 

“Not much. A few beers, it was just too fast. You know how they drink in the showers.” 

“I don't, actually. But you're sure it's not your injury? We could always call Eskild, you're close to him, right?” 

“It's not that. What makes you think I'm close to Eskild?” 

The way Eskild was clearly flirting with him every chance he got. The way Isak was likeable and smart and didn’t even notice how he was probably the only reason the Seadogs games sold out every week. The way Eskild got to work the knots out of Isak’s tense muscles, got to stretch those hamstrings of his. He’d be a fool if he didn’t take the chance of being close to Isak, of Isak letting him. 

“You talk all the time. Whenever he's with the team he says hi to you individually,” he said instead of any of that. 

Isak looked like he was swallowing a yawn that filled Even with a weird sense of happiness. 

“I don't know. We're friends I guess. He's a bit too old for us to really hang out.” 

When he spoke, Even watched the birthmark just above his lip move, and he made a point of brushing the tip of his index finger against it. So, so beautiful. Maybe they weren’t done kissing after all. Isak didn’t seem the slightest bit drunk to him.

“Does he remind you of your coach? Is that why you don't want him working with you?” 

Only hearing Isak talk about him sent a shiver down Even’s spine and he moved to hold Isak tighter, trying hard to push those thoughts of it being Isak in the showers with Coach, instead of Even himself, out of his mind. It wouldn’t happen. There was no way in hell Even would allow it. Isak would be safe with him. 

“No, he doesn't remind me of him. It's just that he made a move on me. It's not his fault,” he explained, trying hard to keep the conversation as light as he could. It made Isak sigh for some reason and he nodded, the muscles in his neck shifting against Even’s fingers. 

“He told me, yeah.”

Again, Isak seemed to fight against a yawn and Even couldn’t help but bite back a smile. Maybe sleepy Isak was even cuter than Isak being overwhelmed by his first kiss. 

“Isak, do you want to sleep?” He didn’t wait for him to come up with an excuse to seem strong and worthy of being captain but threw the blanket around both of them, already scooting closer to wrap his arms around him. He wouldn’t ever let him go again, wanted to spend the night wrapped up in his scent and wake up with new energy for more kisses. 

“Do Magnus or Jonas ever come in here?” Isak mumbled, looking around the room, and Even halted his movement. 

“Not really. Not unless I let them in,” he said, his throat feeling dry all of a sudden. 

Of course Isak would need time. As much as Even was dying to be with him, this was new to Isak, and whatever had happened between them just now would not happen in front of the team. In front of his friends. Even had been a fool if he had thought for a second that Isak would risk losing his team for him. And he would never ask him to. For a moment, Even couldn’t help but hate how much influence a team could have, how being part of one wasn’t always a good thing, but could mean nothing but pressure and limitations. 

He thought he saw Isak roll his eyes but chose to ignore it. Isak was right, there was no reason for his mood to drop again. They had kissed. Isak was staying the night. He turned the bedside lamp off and any sign of his temper acting up again was halted when Isak’s voice filled the dark.

“You can leave it on if you want to.”

Of course Isak would remember. Would be considerate. He wished Isak would have let him hold him so he could pull him in closer now. He would have probably whispered three dangerous words into Isak’s ear though, so maybe it was a good thing they at least weren’t touching. 

“I trust you,” he chose to say instead, when really, he had wanted to go for something else entirely.


	41. Even POV Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last Even POV! I decided to skip the body check scene with the girls because the thought of writing it didn't really excite me, I'm sorry to the person who has asked for it. There are two more things I have planned now but no more retelling:)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this! As always, thank you for all the love, I am sending you hugs and kisses right back xxx

Even had made progress without even realizing it. A couple of weeks ago he had still thrown a fit in his therapist’s office when she had suggested he’d count to a hundred silently in his head whenever he felt anxious or nervous. He had had a hard time not yelling at her, about how he wished it was that easy and that he would gladly count those fucking numbers if only his head would let him. He had thought his trauma was more than he could handle, something he couldn’t control and would simply have to wait out and hope for its shitty side effects to pass. 

Side effects like him freezing whenever someone touched him, or him losing his shit when threats were thrown at Isak. Him regularly panicking in the shower, preferring to sleep with the lights on, or feeling inexplicably nervous in seemingly random intervals. It was exhausting. Thinking there was no pattern to it and that he could feel down or frightened with no forewarning at any minute of every day. It had left him feeling resigned, scowling at positive thinking, as it only got him that far. It worked in situations in which he felt well enough to take control over his thoughts, but half the time, he didn’t. More often than not, Even had subjected himself to waiting for his brain to throw another temper tantrum or suddenly feeling like he couldn’t breathe for no apparent reason. 

But he had made progress. He had of course noticed that he was moving forward, that things were getting better and he felt less like he wanted to smash his hockey stick against a wall for an hour. He had also shared a bed with Isak, shared his body heat and revelled in how easy it was to be with him that way. Those moments with Isak, when he had watched him come undone underneath him, or when they had shared the communal showers at the rink, had been progress. But they had been calculated. Even had planned those situations, had chosen the right moment for them. 

What had happened tonight had taken him by surprise. But while he felt like knowingly standing on a trap door to hell, the ground underneath his feet hadn’t given in yet. Progress. Of course he couldn’t simply make the choice to not feel anxious, to not be crushed by his own spiralling thoughts, but what he could do was concentrate on silently counting the steps he took on the pavement, matching his strides with Isak’s, flexing the muscles of his right hand every time they passed anything red. And somehow the sinking feeling in his stomach didn’t lift, but didn’t pull him downwards either. 

He could tell Isak was doing something similar, using their short walk to calm himself down. It pained Even to see how much of a disaster Chris finding out about them was to him. Not only for the selfish reason that he hated being Isak’s secret, but also for the fact that Isak hiding any part of his glorious self, being ashamed of who he was, was a crime in itself. 

They entered the lobby of the hotel together and headed for the stairs without hesitation. Isak’s face was unreadable. He was definitely unsettled though, sullen even, obviously still thinking about what had happened at the bar. Even was glad they had decided to leave, but also that they had decided to do it together. He had a hard time watching Isak pretend in the first place. Putting on a mask in front of his team and joining the guys back at their table would have been exactly that. Spending the evening getting angry at Isak’s attempts to pretend everything was just fine. Being alone would have resulted in the same thing. Being angry. As per usual, at the Sharks, but also at Isak, at Chris, at every other Seadog who was involved in this. 

As much as he wanted to be with Isak though, he locked himself in the bathroom as soon as they made it to their shared room. He needed to take a leak, but he also needed a second alone. To remind himself that getting mad at Isak wasn’t justified. 

Even himself had never officially come out. He had never gone through a phase of uncertainty and possibly panic and fear regarding who he was. He had always been sure, and his coming out had been gradual as well as it had been expected and met with support. He knew he was lucky though. It wasn’t difficult for him to understand where Isak was coming from, or that he needed time to wrap his head around what was happening. Even didn’t take it personal, even though he knew that Isak saw it that way. Got mad at him even, for not being supportive enough. And he knew that Isak had a point, that he should make it more clear to him that he was perfectly fine with him taking his time and not jumping him in the training room for everyone to see. 

What made things so difficult was that while Even wanted to be supportive, he also hated seeing Isak lie. Not because he couldn’t understand him or because it hurt his pride. But because the Seadogs were everything Isak had, and him playing games with the team, not being able to be honest with them, would firstly take a toll on Isak as a person and secondly said too much about how little trust Isak had in himself. 

Yes, Isak would need to adjust to this, yes, he was probably expecting too much from Isak, but seeing him let his team command him, lose himself in order to fit the team’s demands, made Even mad with rage. He had done this himself. Had done what his team had expected of him and listened to 20 something douchebags tell him how to proceed, how to live his life. And it hadn’t been the right choice for him at all. The Sharks, with their inability to see the truth, had kept him from escaping their toxic environment sooner, had made sure he had faced his old coach daily for a month, had been the reason for Even to beat himself up about not simply getting over what had happened. 

No matter how much Isak trusted his team, Even wanted him to trust himself more. He wanted Isak to stand up for himself and to make decisions that weren’t based on whether or not his team would support him. He didn’t want Isak to be dependent on the Seadogs the way he had been dependent on the Sharks. 

So while Even took off his jacket and washed his hands in the tiny bathroom, he stared himself down in the mirror above the sink, having to remind himself that Isak needed him right now, that this wasn’t the moment to push him to be his own person regardless of the team around him. He had to accept that Isak hadn’t experienced what he had, and that his trust wasn’t as limited as his. Isak needed the Seadogs and Even would have to accept him making choices that way. 

He swallowed the lingering uneasiness that was still on his mind, trying not to shove it down and ignore it completely, as he had figured out by now that it wouldn’t do any good. Instead he found a place for it on his mind and let it rest there. For now, he made himself think of Isak and the fear in his eyes the moment Chris had entered the bar’s bathroom. Any thoughts of his own fear that had unravelled with Isak’s choice of words would have to wait. He told himself that he would allow them in later, that they weren’t forgotten, but when he joined Isak in their room he focused on him, trying to figure out what he would need. 

Isak was sat at the foot of his bed, his shoes and jacket already off. Even approached him slowly, dropping his own jacket on the way. He wanted to sit with Isak, but some inner self defence mechanism made him head towards his own bed instead. Isak looked crushed. As if Chris hadn’t simply seen them kiss but uncovered them running a secret meth lab in the gym. 

“Hey. Come here?” 

Isak’s question broke the silence and when Even faced him, he almost looked needy, a little pout on his lips like he was begging. It was difficult, but Even sank down onto his own mattress regardless. He didn’t trust his body not to flinch at Isak’s touch right now and he didn’t need him to know how badly his words had affected him. 

“Are you mad that I don’t want people to know?” Isak asked as soon as he had sat down. 

Even bit his lip, trying to find a way to summarize his feelings in a few words. He wasn’t mad. He just couldn’t stand the thought of Isak behaving the way he had once done himself, letting his team rule his life. He was afraid for him. 

“I’m not,” he said after thinking about his answer for too long. “Don’t make this all about me. I should be there for you right now, I’m sorry. I’ll come over in a sec.” 

He gave taking a few calming breaths another try and felt his muscles relax a bit. Still, he didn’t miss Isak’s frown. God, Isak had to hate doing this with him over and over again. Trying to have a normal conversation while Even couldn’t think straight, couldn’t get a single thought out without getting lost in his own mess of emotions. There was never a simple answer to Isak’s questions while Isak yet again easily found the right thing to say. 

“No, you don’t have to. Stay where you’re comfortable.” 

Isak was being perfectly supportive and understanding and Even himself had managed to fuck up even that little bit of decent behaviour. Like he didn’t even remember how to be a functioning human being. He had made Isak feel bad enough for wanting to keep them a secret that he apparently felt like he had to justify it in front of him now. Even gave a low sigh. 

“I'm sorry Chris walked in on us, I shouldn't have followed you in there in the first place. I knew you didn't want people to know and I should have respected that more,” he said. 

To Even’s surprise, Isak slowly shook his head. 

“Yeah. But I kissed you first. You didn't do anything, don't worry about it.” He looked at him for a moment, then he added: “I hate the idea of him knowing.” 

No matter how badly Even wanted for Isak to stand above this all, he had to admit that Chris knowing first sucked. He thought back to when Vilde and Eva had discussed Isak’s injuries, so fucking casually, as if most of them weren’t a lot more than just hockey accidents. He remembered how he had broken into the gym the night after he had found out about Chris and William attacking Isak, when working out had been the only thing that had stopped him from seeking both of them out immediately. 

“I fucking hate Chris, no matter what. I couldn't care less what he knows or not. Let him think whatever.” 

He knew it wasn’t as easy as that for Isak, but maybe he could be a good influence. 

“Why is that?” 

Even almost doubled over when Isak looked at him, eyes wide in innocent question. 

“Are you serious? Chris and William both did that shit to you last season, right? I don't get how you can even still play with them. You're telling me I didn't overreact in my case, transfer and all, but you don't open your mouth when your own teammates abuse you?” 

Even would have thought that maybe Vilde and Eva had overreacted and things hadn’t been as bad as they had made it out to be. But Isak had been right there with them and had said nothing to prove the contrary. If he had indeed been held back and beaten up by his teammates, Even was at a loss at how he could excuse them. How he could not see how wrong it had been. Especially Isak, who had ranted about violence more than once. Isak seemed to be genuinely confused though. 

“It’s different.”

“How is it different? No one tried to shove their dick up your ass, but is that the only way you define abuse? It wasn't even provoked, was it? That's not some argument gone out of hand, that's not fighting on the ice, that's just fucked up. And you don't see it, that's the worst part. You're just there, thinking you probably deserved it, while you tell me I made the right call by leaving my team behind for it. What is it, Isak, it can't be both.” 

He hadn’t talked to anyone about his own abuse this openly, but somehow it felt good to call it by what it was, to finally let it be out there and no longer tip toe around the topic. 

“What, no, I don't think I deserved it. Where did you get that from?” 

The way Isak didn’t dig any deeper but instead picked up on some stupid detail made Even feel fond of him regardless of the fact that their voices were growing louder and he was lowkey furious with Isak right now.

“Maybe not, but what other reason do you have not to care?” 

When Isak shrugged his shoulders it should have made Even more aggravated but somehow it instantly calmed him. 

“I don't know. It's still different. Chris and William are my age, they never actually meant to... I don't know, permanently do any harm? They were drunk and angry, about something as stupid as jealousy or whatever. I'm not saying it's right, but it's also not like it was for you.” 

“Isak, you were the one who told me not to downplay it just because it could have been worse.” 

He didn’t feel on edge any longer, but the need to touch Isak and to be close to him became almost unbearable all of a sudden. He stretched his leg out and nudged his foot with his, the little gesture visibly calming Isak down as well. 

“I'm not saying you should quit the Seadogs or that it's entirely the same, it never is. But don't defend them, don't act like it's nothing.” 

He was done now. He had made his point and would let Isak do with it whatever he wanted. For the first time in a while he felt like he had said what he had wanted to say and it left him feeling relieved and somewhat accomplished. And Isak didn’t look angry with him. On the contrary, his eyes were a bit shiny when he nodded. 

“Okay. Is that what happened earlier? When you suddenly couldn't even look at me? Was that because Chris was there?”

What was he supposed to say? He wasn’t going to lie to Isak, but he knew that the truth wouldn’t be easy for him to hear. Also, Even hated knowing that his mess had come between them yet again, that it was simply more proof for Isak that this wasn’t always going to be easy. As if he needed more of that. Still, there was no way around it. 

“No. That was you threatening to kick him off the team if he opens his mouth.” 

Realization overcame Isak’s face, darkening his eyes and making his mouth fall open. 

“Fuck!” he exclaimed, and suddenly he was on his feet. But as quickly as he had gotten up, he sat back down onto the cheap mattress. “I'm sorry.” 

Isak was sorry? Isak? Who had every right to no longer be bothered with his shit? 

“Don't feel guilty, Isak.” Even reached for his hands, intertwining their fingers, and another wave of calming reassurance went over him. 

“How can you stand this? Being with me like that?” Isak asked.

Even couldn’t help but smile. He had asked himself the same question over and over again and already knew that there was no logical answer. 

“It’s different,” he said. You’re not giving me any reason not to trust you. Sometimes thoughts get into my head but then I look at you and I know this isn't that. I don't connect the two things. It's way more on my mind in moments like earlier than when we're together like this. Last year I made out with strangers at clubs sometimes after we won games. I don't think I would do that anymore. That's something I've lost interest in and that would probably scare me to death these days. But not what we have.” 

What they had. They weren’t even sat on the same bed, were hardly even touching, and still Even felt Isak all over him. They weren’t two people sitting in a room, they were two colours mixing, and it overwhelmed him how there was Isak and there was him, two separate people, but somehow he didn’t need to feel lonely anymore.

“What do we have then?” 

Even could hear Isak’s voice shake. When he looked at him, his heart gave a little jump. A short, blond lock had fallen into his forehead that was slightly wrinkled with the intensity of his question, he was hunched over, his gaze fixed onto the floor but flickering up to meet Even’s as soon as he felt him look at him. There was so much vulnerability between them in that moment, and while Even felt like yelling at Isak that yes, of course fucking yes, they were a thing, that he was loved, that Even adored him with all he had, he instead swallowed his euphoria, careful not to smash Isak’s tentative offer. 

“We first kissed on September 28th. That's our jersey numbers. 2809,” he finally chose to say, and Isak’s eyebrows rose up high at that. He understood. They had been made for this. 

When he moved to sit next to Isak it wasn’t out of obligation. He made sure their thighs were pressed closely together and didn’t let go of his hand. It felt good to hold on to Isak, but at the same time he realized that there was more between them by now than the simple act of holding hands could convey. A few weeks ago he had been dying to talk to Isak, and now he looked at their intertwined fingers and knew that they were just the tip of the iceberg. 

“Oh,” Isak finally let out. “That's so pretentious. It's gonna sound like we did either one on purpose.” 

Was he asking? Even wasn’t sure, but if he was he didn’t deserve an answer anyway. Of course Even hadn’t planned this, hadn’t kissed him for some stupid number. He had been aware, even on the day, yes. But only because he had been holding on to the coincidence that his first game against the Sharks should be on the day that combined their jersey numbers. He had talked himself into thinking that it meant something, that Isak was with him in more than one way. He hadn’t thought about it during their evening spent together, only on the ice. So instead he asked: “So you're implying that one day people are gonna know?” 

He didn’t need an answer from Isak right in this second. Didn’t need him to confess his love for him during practice on Monday. When Isak gave a sigh and let himself fall backwards onto the mattress, pulling Even with him, he almost regretted his words. Had he been too pushy again? Expected too much? But Isak didn’t let go of his hand. 

“I guess. Give it some time. I'll tell Eva for now.” 

It wasn’t a grumble, not a reluctant agreement. It was an honest answer and Even liked it. He also would have liked it had Isak said no for now, but this was better. 

“No pressure,” he made sure to say. “I just hate lying about it. Sneaking around, pretending we're not even friends.” 

What it came down to was that he hated feeling like Isak was embarrassed by him, the way the Sharks had looked at him during that last month with them. 

“Of course we're friends. And the guys can know that, okay? I know I'm being paranoid.” 

Isak squeezed his hand in his and turned his head to the side to face him. His hair was a messy, his curls tangled, and Even fought the need to push them out of his face. 

“You're not. I get it.” 

And he really did. He would have to talk to Isak about this, about his real reasons for being awful like this. How it wasn’t about Isak coming out at all, it was about the team. Everything was about the goddamn Seadogs, the Sharks, and Even’s past, and Even already hated admitting this to Isak some time soon. But he would have to talk if he wanted to make this work.

But for now he was happy with letting Isak talk and then kissing away the comfortable silence between them when they finally crawled into one of the narrow single beds together. For the first time in ages Even slept through the night, and when he woke up it was to Isak still being with him, not freaking out, but kissing his lips the second he opened his eyes. It was the first morning they spent together without one of them running off, the first morning, Even realized, that he woke up next to his boyfriend, and when he answered Isak’s good morning kisses he smiled widely against his lips.


	42. One Shot Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set at the end of the hockey season, so it's kind of like a flash forward one shot! I tried to pick up as many requests as possible for this almost last one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long! I had a really hard time with this chapter (hence the long wait) and in the end I simply dropped it and decided to post it like this even though I intended to go on and write their entire first time. I might finish it sometime later and publish it as a part two (motivation in form of comments increases that possibility by 200 %) but for now I just wanted to move on because it stopped being fun for me. 
> 
> WARNING for smut!

The first time Isak went down after a particularly rough check against the boards, Even made himself stay on his side of the ice and only smashed his stick against the boards once to blow off some steam. He watched Isak take a second too long before he got up and didn’t miss the grimace on his face and the way he subtly shook out his left leg while Yousef made his way towards the penalty box, looking guilty. But he stayed where he was and instead watched Isak closely and trusted the little reassuring nod he sent his way when he noticed his boyfriend’s gaze on him. 

Even knew he couldn’t help Isak back onto the ice every time he fell, couldn’t beat up every Shark that laid their hands on him, but it didn’t stop him from wishing he could. It was the final game of the season, they were playing overtime, and both teams were fighting. It was a rough game and as much as Even wanted to make his way over to where Isak seemed to be gritting his teeth, he knew he had to accept that both their bodies were tired, strained, and in much need of some rest.

The second time Isak went down though, it was to the sound of the audience's gasps and hooting as the Shark who had checked him stumbled down with him, tripping over his upper body. He was back on his feet in a second but Isak stayed on his back, clutching his side. This time, Even couldn’t keep from falling into motion, sprinting across the ice to where Isak was sprawled out near the centre line, clutching his side with a gloved hand. His flushed, sweaty face was torn up in pain and he was breathing heavily, but still he managed to sit up when Even sank down onto his knees right beside him. 

Magnus had gotten there a second earlier but Even pushed him out of the way so that he could reach for Isak’s gloved fist now, pulling at it demandingly. 

“Let me,” he ordered, but Isak shook his head, biting his lip. 

“Skate got me," he pressed and Even let out a curse. They all got hurt from time to time but Isak was by far the most accident prone player Even had ever laid eyes on. He was also making a habit of downplaying his injuries and his pain which in turn had made Even paranoid once he had started to see through Isak’s pretense. He often cursed Isak’s insistence that he was fine and didn’t need Even to fuss over him, but right now Isak was right to swat Even’s hand away. If he had been cut, applying pressure would be the most important thing. 

Even could hear the paramedics approach from behind and he knew he would have to get up to let them get to Isak, but in the second he had before he would have to trust someone else to take care of his boyfriend, he placed his hands on both sides of Isak’s helmet and made sure their foreheads touched in some artful representation of a kiss. A small smile spread over Isak’s face, and their eyes met in a promise of loving reassurance. Even needed Isak to know that he hated not being able to take care of him, that continuing to play whenever Isak was out and being patched up by Eskild was by far the worst thing that came with being a Seadog now. 

“You’ll be alright. I’ll kiss it better tonight,” Even promised, disregarding the few rolled eyes of the Seadogs standing nearby and the way Magnus buried his head in his gloves in second hand embarrassment. His words made Isak blush and he gave him a bit of a scolding look that still made Even’s heart race. 

He fucking hated seeing Isak in pain. He should have gotten used to it after an entire season of Isak fighting on the ice like he never had before, throwing himself into their game and pushing himself and the team as hard as he could. But he hadn’t. Handing Isak over to the paramedics still made Even anxious and furious at the same time. 

He stepped out of the way and let them do their work, giving a sigh of relief as soon as Isak was back on his feet and skating towards the home bench, but he followed them closely, making sure that Isak didn’t throw a fit about finishing the game if they ended up advising against it. 

“Eskild!” He called when they had reached the boards. “If he needs stitches I’ll go with him. Don’t let him leave without me.” 

Eskild turned around and met his eyes while he already placed a hand on Isak’s shoulder and pushed him towards a seat in the tunnel that led towards the locker rooms. There was affection in his eyes, something soft that told Even he approved of his dedication, but still he scolded him. 

“You have a game to play. You know I’m taking good care of him.” 

It was only at his words that Even became aware of how the ref was waving at him and he hastily got off the ice in order to avoid getting two penalty minutes for delaying the game. A second later, Coach approached them and he only took a second to cast a glance at Isak before he threw his hands up into the air at Even. 

“Næsheim! Your place is on the bench, I won’t tell you again. You can’t forget about the game every time your other half takes a punch. We need you more than he does!” 

Even just stood there for another second, ignoring Coach, and instead found Isak who was now being pushed onto the chair by Eskild who already had his hands underneath his jersey. 

“I’m fine, Even! Go and be awesome, alright?” 

And so Even did. He threw himself onto the home bench and did his best to focus on their power play that brought them to the front of the Shark’s goal. It wasn’t weird anymore to play the Sharks. Most of them Even felt almost indifferent about, some he was in the process of getting back in touch with. Either way, their new coach seemed decent enough, they said their hellos and goodbyes whenever hockey brought them together, and Even no longer felt cold shivers running down his spine when he entered their stadium. He didn’t want to win tonight because he wanted to get back at the Sharks. He wanted to win because his team deserved it. 

The Seadogs had turned heads this season, not only because Isak's game had become something even Even had a hard time keeping up with. They had persevered and grown together as a team, and here they were, playing the last game that stood between them and their first time ever to win the league. It didn’t matter that it was the Sharks they were playing. To Even it mattered that Isak got the praise he deserved, that he got to raise that trophy over his head and have professional teams lust over him once he graduated next month. 

Even himself didn’t care about the fucking trophy or about being number one. He had won the league last year with the Sharks, he wouldn’t have cared had they ended up dead last. To him it mattered that he hadn’t thrown it all away, but had built something better. He was a Seadog now, had finished the season, and whatever came next, he knew he could do it. 

But still, when his line was back up on the ice, he threw himself into the game like he knew Isak would do, and he made sure that Isak got to go home with a title tonight. 

 

...

 

Despite Even’s best attempts to convince Isak to stay in and let Eskild have another look at his injury, they headed out to celebrate after the game. He had convinced himself personally that Isak didn’t need stitches but he still kept a close eye on him, grateful that at least it still wasn’t difficult to keep Isak off the dance floor. The cut on his side was long but not deep, and while it might leave a scar it didn’t bother Isak too much. 

They ended up returning to their hotel later than they had anticipated and in the company of a wasted team chanting hockey anthems. Isak himself had stayed sober after having taken two ibuprofen following the game, and Even could tell that he was as glad as he was himself when they finally entered the lobby. He was tired and affectionate, cuddling Even’s side during the elevator ride up to the fifth floor and hiding his face in his Even’s large sweater. Even pulled him against his chest and placed a kiss on his curls. 

By the time they waved goodnight to Jonas and Magnus who hooted at them as if they had never seen them hurriedly vanish behind locked doors before, Isak seemed more than happy to finally call it a night, and he pulled Even into their room and slammed the door shut behind them. Them sharing a room wasn’t being frowned upon any longer, and Isak was holding Even’s hand casually like he always did these days. He wore those overly tight jeans that Even had come to admire and a sweater that wasn’t Seadog red for a change. Even was ready to make good on his word and kiss better whatever needed kissing.

“Are you alright?” he asked, raising his eyebrows, and Isak gave a half nod that ended in him leaning his head back to look up at Even while he threw his arms up around his neck. He looked happy, there was a glow in his eyes that made him even more beautiful than usual, but he was also exhausted. Even himself could feel the sleepiness make its way through his own body, and his lower back was killing him. 

“Tired as fuck. But happy. And not in much pain,” Isak reassured him and then stepped around him to throw himself backwards onto the single king sized bed that dominated their hotel room. While they had been saving money all season, Coach had been generous this last time and rewarded his team with a fancy hotel. Fancy enough for Isak’s feet not to touch the ground once he was sat on the bed, and for there to be a minibar, and room service, and the biggest bathtub Even had ever seen. It was a shame they were only staying one night and had already spent the majority of it in some crappy bar.

“You’re just exhausted from the game?” Even asked again, needing to make sure, while Isak rolled his shoulders, winced a bit, and kicked off his shoes. 

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Everything hurts. And we have that party tomorrow, I just feel like sleeping until then and we’ll celebrate once I can stand on my own feet. It doesn’t really sink in right now anyway.” 

Even smirked, needing to hear Isak say it again, see the way his eyes lit up when he talked about winning. “What does?” 

“We’re champions. Like, of the league!” A blissful smile spread across his face and wiped away any sign of exhaustion. “Come here,” he demanded, and Even happily made his way over to where Isak was sat when he reached out a hand for him. He stepped between Isak’s parted knees and nudged his nose with his. 

“I’m proud of you,” Isak whispered. “You did amazing this season. Despite everything.” 

His words filled Even with affection and he reached up to touch Isak’s jaw, his lips, before he kissed him. He would never grow tired of this. Of Isak’s little sigh that he gave as soon as their lips touched, or of the way his thighs began to quiver after a few minutes of slow kisses. Today though, Even knew it wasn’t just due to Isak wanting him, and so he took a step back and watched as he immediately fell back onto the bed and covered his eyes with his forearm. 

“Feels like I had sex with the zamboni or something,” Isak groaned, and Even gave little smile at his dramatic streak. He wanted to climb on top of his boyfriend, wanted to pepper him with kisses and praise, but he wasn’t sure whether maybe Isak was too tired. So he let him decide and instead walked over to their duffel bags to take out their wet clothes and towels. 

“How would you know?” he asked and he could practically hear Isak roll his eyes from behind him. 

“Yeah, I'd rather not.” 

Even halfheartedly threw their towels over the back of a chair and by the time he turned around to tease Isak some more, Isak had taken off his shirt and held it in his hands instead. He twisted and turned to take a good look at his injured side, and Even walked over to him again. 

“Wanna change the bandaid?” he asked, and Isak gave a nod. So Even let his fingers wander down his side slowly, drawing out the touch before he reached the frayed ends of the bandaid that had already come off at the corners where sweat had made Isak’s skin salty and damp.

The cut didn’t look half as bad as he had thought in his anxious overreaction earlier. Isak had definitely survived worse. He looked down at himself and gave an approving nod. 

“Good enough to take a bath. I’m not leaving without making use of that tub,” Isak stated and already moved to work on the button of his jeans. 

Even frowned. “You sure? It might sting.” 

“I don’t care.” Isak got up from the bed to stand in front of him. “I haven’t had a bath in forever. And I’m sore.” 

“Whatever happened to sleeping until tomorrow night?” 

"We can sleep after.” 

We. Even wasn’t scared of saying no. He knew he could, and he had done so in the past. He knew Isak’s hands would be off of him the second he so much as looked concerned. He just wasn’t sure what he wanted. Even on his own he wouldn’t have considered using the tub. He still disliked taking showers to this day, still hadn’t shared one with the team, and he doubted that he would ever feel comfortable to do so. Sharing a bath with Isak? 

He tried to imagine it and suddenly couldn’t ignore his aching muscles any longer. The tension in his calves, his back, his shoulders. The intense training Coach had put them through during the last few weeks had paid off, but it had also taken its toll. And today’s game had been hard, tiring. Now that they were done and there was no more hockey until autumn, they both deserved a break. And Isak had gone at it even harder than him, had been jogging to the gym and back every morning for weeks. It had been visible during the game today how his calves had cramped up, his body had reached its limit. A hot bath would be good for both of them. 

While Even stood there contemplating, Isak got his jeans open and moved closer to Even before he began pushing them down his legs, making sure to brush his knuckles over Even’s thighs in the process. 

“Join me?” he asked, and Even could hear in his voice how he knew what he was asking. Of course he knew. Isak had been nothing but considerate and patient with him. They hadn’t ever even kissed in the locker room, let alone in the showers. Whenever they had been there on their own, they had kept a good distance between them and Isak had usually talked about hockey or something, lightening the mood and distracting him. 

Before Even could make a decision, Isak ran his hands underneath his shirt and traced his hipbone with his index finger. Even looked down at him and caught the challenge in his eyes, his darkened pupils. Isak bit his lip and smiled when he looked up at him, trailing his finger around his belly button. When Even lowered his gaze even further, he swallowed hard at the bulge that began to tent Isak’s boxers. Isak followed his eyes. 

“Only if you want to,” he reassured him quietly. “Ignore this. It’s just going to be a bath.” 

With that, he withdrew his hand and stepped around him with a confidence that he hadn’t had a few months ago. Even knew it hadn’t been easy for Isak to learn to offer, to let him know what he wanted without feeling like he was pressuring him, and it hadn’t been easy for Even to not feel guilty about being back and forth and changing yes to no and back again. But they had figured it out by now. Even knew it was an invitation and that it was his call. He knew that he could say yes now and no once he had gotten into the water. 

He turned around and watched Isak walk towards the fancy bathroom, the muscles in his back moving deliciously. He didn't close the door behind him and so Even could see him turn on the water and then step in front of the mirror to brush his teeth in the meantime. He sat down on the edge of the tub, toothbrush hanging from his mouth lazily, and studied the complementary small bottles of shower gels. 

Fuck it. Even pulled off his shirt in a swift movement that Isak caught from the corner of his eye and that made him smile at him. He crouched down in front of the mini bar and pulled out a small bottle of champagne, knowing Coach couldn’t make him run laps as punishment in the near future, and then headed towards the bathroom where Isak had just placed his toothbrush back into the holder. 

“Really?” he asked, eyeing the bottle in Even’s hands. “That’s overdoing it, isn’t it?” 

Even shrugged. “We’re champions, we should live off of this stuff for at least a week. Are you good with the meds though?” 

“Yeah,” Isak nodded. “It’s been hours.” 

It took a while before they were settled, as the bathtub was large but so were they, and they ended up with Even sitting behind Isak, their legs tangled together and covered by the endless amount of foam Isak had filled the water with. Even had hesitated for only a moment and had watched Isak undress and climb in first. Isak had flinched when the water had hit the shallow cut on his side but after a moment he had looked entirely content and Even had dropped his jeans and boxers and followed him in. 

A weak sense of nervousness lingered on his mind and he swallowed against his racing heartbeat, concentrating on the grounding feeling of Isak pressing his back against his chest and leaning his head back against his shoulder to be able to look at him. 

“Where’s the champagne?” he asked, successfully distracting Even by giving him something to do, and so he brought his arms together in front of Isak and popped the bottle he had left on the edge of the tub. They didn’t have glasses, so Even simply pressed the bottle against Isak’s lips when it began to spill out foam and bubbles. He felt more celebratory than he had all night when Isak laughed and spluttered, making champagne mix with their bath water. When he took a sip himself, he could feel Isak squeeze his thigh. 

“Next week it’ll have been half a year,” Isak said, not bothering to turn around. Or maybe he avoided looking at him on purpose. He still blushed whenever he became too sentimental with Even. It was how Even knew that he had given this date more thought that he wanted to admit, and it made him smile. 

“Yeah. We’ll get more champagne then.” Even stretched and placed the bottle safely on the tiles next to the tub. 

“I don’t really like it,” Isak shook his head. “It’s too sparkly.” 

Even agreed, but he liked the sight of Isak’s sticky lips that he was presented with when Isak leaned his head back again and closed his eyes. He sighed when Even pressed a kiss on his cheek, a fading cut still covering his upper cheekbone. He had taken a puck to the face a few weeks ago and Even had gone crazy with fear while he had waited for him in the emergency room. But all Isak had said to him afterwards was how glad he was that they were no longer fighting. That neither of them bore bruises any longer due to their own messy minds. 

There hadn’t been any more incidents, even though Even had had a hard time dealing with the way Elias and others on the team had eyed Isak the first few weeks after their confession. But he had kept his fists to himself and eventually everything had fallen into place. No one could deny that it had a lot to do with the fact that William hadn’t returned to the team. Even sometimes met him in the hallway when he went to therapy, but they didn’t speak. 

Even dipped his hands underneath the surface of the warm water and watched them vanish below white foam. When he pulled them back up, the suds stuck to his fingers and he dragged them along Isak’s forearms, from his wet wrists to his elbows and back. He could feel Isak relax in front of him and applied a bit more pressure, dragging his thumb over the muscles in Isak’s forearms, circling his wrists, and eventually pressing them into the heels of Isak’s hands. Isak kept his eyes closed and a small, content smile spread over his face. 

“You’re pushing yourself too hard,” Even observed. “You’re in pain.”

Isak only hummed, and when he opened his mouth his words were only a whisper, as if talking was too much of an effort. 

“I’m not in real pain. Just sore. Exhausted. The last few weeks have been intense.” 

“No need to go at it like that. Look at you.” He dug his thumbs into where Isak’s wrists felt tense and he winced a bit at the pressure. 

“It was all worth it. I promise I’ll rest now. After the exams. I’ll take it easy this summer.” 

The summer. They had been so focused on the last few games of the season once they had realized they actually had a shot at winning that Even didn’t think Isak had given it much thought. Not as much as he himself had anyway. He already hated the thought of not sleeping in the same building as Isak. 

“I’m guessing you’re gonna go travel with your family?” He sank his hands back into the water and lifted them to Isak’s upper arms where he let them run up and down slowly, tracing lines of foam that disappeared after a few seconds. 

“Yeah. But only for a week.” 

Isak shifted slightly and pushed up into Even’s touch. He sighed again, the sound of it sending pleasant tingles down Even’s spine. He dug his thumbs into Isak’s shoulder blades and almost wanted to scold him when he felt how hard his muscles had become, how tense he was all over. He didn’t though, when Isak gave a low groan. Instead, he did it again, spread his fingers out over his shoulders, and began rubbing at his warm, damp skin, working on his locked muscles. 

“We could go somewhere,” he finally suggested. He didn’t want to let on how much thought he had given this, but then again, he kind of loved being honest with Isak. It was something they both had had to learn, but they were getting good at it lately. Letting Isak in on his secrets had never been something he regretted. 

“You know how last summer was for me. I don’t like the idea of not having any plans, I’ll get restless and end up reliving last year,” he continued. 

“Yeah. Yeah, we should go somewhere.” 

At his answer, Even placed another kiss on Isak’s cheek that tasted slightly salty from the evaporating heat around them. 

“Somewhere?” 

Even smiled against his skin and kissed him again, lower this time, and again, right behind his ear. He let his tongue trace the damp skin of his neck, thoughts of being alone with Isak for longer than the few hours they usually got together heating up his face. He pressed his thumbs into Isak’s back once more, making him shudder in his arms, before he dropped his hands to the surface of the water, right where it splashed against Isak’s sides in quiet waves. Isak’s lower back was pressed against his chest and so he moved on to his thighs instead, rubbing at them slowly, still waiting for his answer. 

“Anywhere,” Isak eventually let out when Even nudged his cheek with his nose in encouragement. “Anywhere quiet. Where it’s just the two of us. No team and no campus and no room mates.” 

“Okay,” Even agreed. He was getting distracted by the way Isak was writhing against his chest, throwing his head back just a bit further and letting it rest on his shoulder entirely. He let his gaze drop down to Isak’s stomach and was almost disappointed at how the thick white water went up to his belly button, covering any sign of Isak’s interest below. Still, the sight of the muscles in his stomach contracting when he dragged his index finger over the inside of his thigh had Even biting his own lip. He knew Isak could feel his body reacting against his back. He knew for sure when Isak let out a low whine and placed his own hands on Even’s knees that weren’t covered by water, almost as if seeking support. The feeling of the warm wetness of Isak’s hands hitting his skin had Even shivering. 

“Feels good,” Isak sighed and a mixture of a frown and a smile spread over his face when Even sought out a particularly sore spot on this inside of his thigh. Hockey was demanding on pretty much any body part, but Isak’s thighs had always been his weak spot. They were what Eskild spent most of his time with Isak on, and Even had come to worship them whenever he knew Isak had been to his weekly check up, making sure that his hands were the only ones he would remember. 

This wasn’t new to them anymore. The touching, the way their bodies pressed close together underneath blankets or every now and then against walls and doors and on the backseat of someone else’s car. Even still hadn’t gotten over the beauty that was Isak Valtersen. Over the way Isak still seemed to be in awe and wonder over what bodies could do, how nothing was taken for granted between them. He could be touching Isak for days on end and still not get enough of him. 

And so he took his time, cherishing each and every one of Isak’s reactions. How a part of him seemed to relax, how his muscles gave in and began to quiver in places and melt against the touch of Even’s fingers. How his thighs grew less tense, the change in posture paired with the heat of the bath making Isak’s back and shoulders lax. But also how the grip he had on Even’s knees was growing stronger, how he dug his nails into his skin every time Even drew teasing circles on the inside of his thighs. Even kept his eyes focused on his stomach and took careful note of how his muscles clenched together and his hips pushed upward ever so slightly every time Even’s fingers disappeared between his legs. 

“Even,” Isak breathed, and he pushed back against him, trapping Even’s erection between their bodies and making him bite down on his shoulder to stifle his groan. The next time he dipped his hands between Isak’s thighs he made sure to brush his knuckles against his hard length, making it twitch against his fingers and grow thicker so that it flapped up against his stomach. Even’s eyes widened at the sight of the water and foam surrounding the flushed tip, and without thinking he leaned forward slightly and blew hot breath down onto Isak’s stomach. The suds of the soap sticking to Isak’s skin disappeared in an instant and so did the foam surrounding his hipbones and lower. Even’s own dick twitched hard at the sound Isak let out when the cool air hit his dick, paired with the subtle movement of the foam and water. 

“Please, Even,” Isak begged, and he reached up behind him to wrap his arms around him, held on to the back his head, and twisted his neck so they were face to face. Even only caught a short glance at the need and desperation in Isak’s eyes before he pulled him down and captured his lips with his. It was then that he realized how frustrated Isak already was, as he bit down on his lower lip hard and moaned against his mouth, chasing Even’s tongue with his. He couldn’t help but give Isak what he wanted and so he loosely wrapped his hand around him, stroking him at a slow pace. He knew it wasn’t enough, but he didn’t want it to be. 

This wasn’t new. Them getting each other off after games, spending hours kissing and grinding and touching, trying to draw out their pleasure for as long as possible. But there were things that still were. Things they hadn’t done yet and that Even knew they were both thinking about. It had been three weeks since Isak had asked him, red faced and stumbling over his words, whether his thoughts ever went there. And even though it had startled Even at first, he had to admit that yes, being with Isak in any way physically possible was something he wanted, something he felt ready for. 

But even with both their confessions being out there they hadn’t yet gone any further. They had been wrapped up in hockey, tired and too focused to take such a large step. But now they weren’t. They were still tired, but it was more of a gleeful exhaustion than a frustrating lack of energy. And they had this hotel, their trophy, the night to themselves. 

“Isak,” Even mumbled into his ear. “Do you want to go to bed?” He let his thumb press into the head of Isak’s dick, feeling it hot and sticky against his calloused skin, and Isak’s breath caught in his throat. 

“Like, to sleep? I’m not that tired, I…” he gasped when Even tightened his grip on him. 

“Not to sleep.” He couldn’t help but let out a small laugh that had Isak cringe and swat Even’s hand away halfheartedly. He let it rest against his stomach instead, dragging his fingernails over the wet skin, the trail of hair leading downwards.

Their eyes met and Even studied the look on Isak’s face, the hint of hesitation that fought with how his mouth had already opened to give an answer. The skin of his forehead glistened and a bead of water or sweat ran down the side of his face. Even caught it with his finger and then pushed his wet hand into Isak’s blond hair, making it stick out from his head. 

“Yes, bed,” Isak got out. But instead of getting up or reaching for one of the towels draped over the side of the tub, he reached out for Even again and kissed him, hot and deep, and it had Even groaning into his mouth. He wanted to get back to touching Isak, but at the same time he didn’t want things to get too out of hand before they even got to the bed, and so he circled his nipple instead, knowing the sensation of his wet fingers against Isak’s relatively dry chest had to be just as good as the feeling of water from Isak’s hands running down his neck right now. 

Indeed Isak sighed, and as he settled back against Even’s chest again he decided they were in no rush. Instead of hurrying out of the tub, Even moved his right hand down to Isak’s thighs again. He had thought about this, but he still knew they had to have an actual conversation before they did this. Slowly, he inched his way down between Isak’s thighs, but instead of going all the way he stopped to cup his balls first, making Isak moan, and his hand made an abandoned movement to wrap itself around his own dick. Even pushed his hips forward and against Isak’s lower back this time, unable to stand the tension any longer. He needed some sort of relief and Isak was happy to push back, starting a slow rhythm that had the bathwater splash around them. 

“I love you,” Isak groaned, and it was unexpected but filled Even with pride and determination and so he repeated his boyfriend’s words, twice just to make sure, and then he moved his index finger lower, behind Isak’s balls, rubbing at the skin he hadn’t ever even touched before. They hadn’t gone there, and Even had no idea what he was doing. The touch had Isak tensing up, but still he let out a sharp breath and tried to spread his legs a bit further. 

“Yes,” he mumbled, reassuring and wanting, and his fingers tightened their grip in Even’s hair. Even’s own dick gave an excited jump against Isak’s backside and he locked eyes with Isak, their lips still brushing against each other. Then he pushed his finger further, taking a moment to find its destination, and when he did, Isak shuddered against him. He had wanted to do this properly but he soon realized that the tub was too small for them to go any further. Isak tried to open up for him, tried to make it work, but they ended up smiling against each other’s lips, defeated. 

“Bed,” Even repeated, circling his finger against that tight ring of muscle underwater in form of a promise. 

This time Isak didn’t waste a single second but got up, water dripping and splashing everywhere when he stepped out of the tub. He reached for one of the towels and when Even followed him he wrapped it around him, trapping him against his body. They were stood closely together, flooding the fancy bathroom, dicks rubbing against one another, and it would be so so easy to just fall into a rhythm, pushing up against each other like they had done so many times now. But Even knew he wouldn’t last if they started this, and so he kissed Isak deeply but then pushed him backwards and towards their room. Isak dropped the towel they had hardly used and they stumbled towards the bed, the cold air in the bedroom hitting their wet skin and making goosebumps raise on their arms. 

They crawled underneath the blankets without breaking their kiss for more than a few seconds, and soon Even found himself hovering over Isak, his body now a lot softer and more eager than it had been before their bath. 

“How’s your cut?” Even asked when his fingers found Isak’s side, and he remembered to still his movement and not trace the outline of the forming scabs with his fingertips. 

“Can hardly feel it.” 

Isak was breathless, desperate, and the way he stared up at Even had him almost lose his mind. They had been dating for half a year and Even still felt like it hadn’t quite sunk in. He still looked at Isak and wondered how, why, what he had done to deserve this. 

“Are we… are we really going there?” There was no fear in Isak’s voice, only wonder and eagerness. 

“Do you want to?”

“I've wanted to for a while, but I didn't think you’d be up for it.” Isak blushed a bit and Even placed one hand against his cheek, feeling the heat of his skin. 

There had definitely been a time when Even hadn’t been too sure sure of that either. When he had thought he was ruined, destined to live a lonely life deprived of anyone’s touch. But now he knew it wasn’t the case. He had never been so desperate for someone, never loved anyone quite as much. 

“I trust you,” he reassured him and Isak nodded, a certain softness taking over his eyes. There was nothing about him that reminded Even of those moments in the locker room last year any more. Even knew he wouldn’t ever be entirely over it, that it was a life long task to store away those memories in a healthy way, but what he had with Isak was different. He still disliked water, he hated being surprised, especially from behind, he had trouble listening to Coach yell at him or touch him, but Isak hadn’t made him feel any of these things ever since they had first gotten together. These days, he was sure Isak spent more time thinking about Even’s anxiety than he did himself. 

“I love you. And you’re not pushing me, okay?” he whispered.

Isak lifted his chin a bit, the way he usually did when he decided to take Even’s words and believe in them instead of in his own version of what Even had to surely feel like. 

“Tell me when though.” 

Even nodded. Then he moved to kiss Isak’s neck, to suck at where he could feel his pulse beating quickly. 

“There’s lube in my bag,” Isak mumbled, and he blushed when Even moved back to raise an eyebrow at him. “I had Eva buy it for me. Couldn’t bring myself to do it.” He tried to laugh it off but Even could tell he was nervous. So he decided not to comment on it and instead got up and retrieved a small bottle of lube and a condom from Isak’s backpack. When he made his way back to the bed, naked and hard with Isak looking at him intently, having propped himself up on his elbows, the blanket covering his lower body, it suddenly hit him. 

They were doing this. He would have expected to feel nervous himself, scared even, low key freaked out and uncomfortable, but instead a spark of excitement went through his body that had him smiling down at Isak widely as soon as he got back to him. When he did so, it took Isak a second but then he mirrored his expression and they kissed, smiling against each other, nothing but positive anticipation between them. They were sure of this. 

It wasn’t long before their kisses turned desperate and hot again, and Even pushed his hips forward and against Isak’s, making both of them moan and bringing them back to their previous hardness. In a smooth movement he pushed himself between Isak’s thighs, opening them up and moaning when Isak wrapped his legs around him. And then he couldn’t wait any longer. He reached for the lube and popped it open, sitting back up between Isak’s thighs. 

“What way do you want to do this?” he asked, and Isak studied him for a second, a hint of confusion in his eyes. 

“I thought that was… I don’t know, obvious?” he motioned down to where Even was sat between his legs, biting his lips when he noticed how exposed he was to him. 

But Even frowned at him and tossed the bottle onto the sheets, leaning forward until they were face to face again. 

“When I say I trust you I don’t mean I trust you under certain circumstances or conditions. I wouldn’t tell you I’m ready if any way we could do this would send me into a spiral of hell, okay?” 

“You’d let me fuck you?” 

There was something about Isak’s blunt question, about the way he looked at him, that made something between them fall into place. The realization on Isak’s face when Even nodded turned into fascination and then into pride, happiness, and when he pulled Even down into a kiss, he knew he had finally gotten it. That Even was in this for good, entirely, and unconditionally. 

“I don’t want to though,” Isak breathed against his lips. “I want…” he swallowed hard, unable to get the words out. Instead he reached for the lube again and pushed it against Even’s chest until he took it from him, understanding. 

“Okay,” he breathed. “Okay.”


	43. One Shot Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments and encouragements!:) Here's the direct continuation of that previous scene!
> 
> WARNING for smut, this is literally nothing else but that.

Even sat up between Isak’s thighs and let his gaze swipe over him. Over the light pink cut on his cheek, the faded marks on his collarbone which Even had left there a couple of nights ago and which the rest of the team had given Isak shit for. His injured side and the inflamed skin around it, irritated even further by the bathwater. The minor bumps and bruises that covered his arms and chest, evidence of the last few weeks which Isak had spent pushing his own body to the limit, fighting their opponents on the ice, crashing into the boards over and over again, and outdoing Even during their partner work outs in the gym. His strong legs which already quivered with the effort of keeping them open for Even, exhausted and beat. 

Isak had become a patchwork of aching muscles and bruised skin, and Even reached out to trace the only marks on him that didn’t make him feel angry and protective. The ones on his collarbone, light enough now to hardly be seen, but Even knew they were there. He remembered how he had put them there and had made Isak come in his boxers in the process. Isak seemed to remember too, as he closed his eyes at the touch and a slow smile played around his thin lips. 

Even hated to see Isak bruised in so many ways and he physically ached with the desire to make him feel nothing but bliss, to distract him from all the ways his body surely complained right now. So he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Isak’s chest, sucking new marks into his pale skin, more beautiful than those signs of the pain Isak had endured lately. His heart jumped at the low sound of content Isak let out, and he sank lower until Isak’s proud dick brushed his cheek and he could feel his hands burying themselves in his hair. This was the only ache he wanted Isak to feel. The desire tightening in his groin, the need and frustration for him, everything that would make it so much better when he found his relief tonight, clenching tightly around Even and releasing all this game day pressure. 

The thought of feeling Isak around him in that way had Even moaning and he sucked Isak’s tip into his mouth without warning, greedily sinking down on him while he pressed his own hips into the mattress, rubbing off on it. 

“Even,” Isak gasped above him and he pulled on Even’s hair just a little bit too sharply, just enough to make them both moan again. This was the good kind of pain they were both after now. Isak lifted his hips slightly, and it wasn’t just to push deeper into Even’s mouth but also to signal Even to finally get to it. So he blindly popped open the bottle of lube Isak had handed him and coated the fingers of his right hand with it, probably using too much of it, but the last thing he wanted was for Isak to not enjoy this. 

A bead of pre come tasted sharply on Even’s tongue when he repositioned them slightly and finally pressed one finger against Isak’s entrance. He hadn’t done anything yet, but he could already feel Isak tremble and his thighs fell apart even further even though Even could feel the tension and the strain in them. He let go of Isak’s dick when he pushed his index finger into him, too distracted by how hot and tight Isak felt around him, but also due to Isak pulling at his hair roughly. He glanced up at him to make sure this hadn’t been to get him to stop, and the concentration and wonder on Isak’s face had him grinding against the sheets again. 

“Good?” he asked voicelessly and Isak only nodded, fast and heavy. Even spread his left hand on his stomach, feeling the way it contracted in time with the thrusts of his finger and he licked around the underside of Isak’s dick that now stood pink and achingly hard. There was a bit of resistance at first but the slide became easier every time he pushed into him, and he had to forcibly lift his own hips and push up onto his knees in order to stop himself from rubbing off on the mattress until he was spent. His change in position made blowing Isak a lot harder and so he moved up to claim his lips yet again. 

“How’s it feel?” he asked, his breath catching against Isak’s lips. He didn’t care if he ruined this by talking too much. He needed to hear Isak’s voice, needed to hear him say that he didn’t want him to stop, that he made him feel good. 

It took Isak a moment to find the right words, but the way he now experimentally met Even’s thrusts said more than words probably could. 

“Feels hot. Just the thought of you being inside me,” Isak got out, his voice equally weak. “More,” he begged, curiosity and awe apparently cancelling out all nervousness and fear.

Even reached for the lube again, just to be sure, and the next time he pressed against Isak it was with two fingers and it suddenly became a lot more difficult to ignore the resistance he was met with. He was so tight, the fit in itself was off. 

“Don’t wanna hurt you,” he mumbled, and Isak’s eyes flew open, the look in them dazed as if Even was being unreasonable. 

“Just go for it,” Isak nodded, but his fingers still dug deeply into Even’s shoulders when he pushed in a bit more forcefully. 

“Shit,” Even gasped, torn between the promise of how Isak’s muscles clenched around his fingers, how he was hot and wet from the lube, hugging him just right, and how Isak screwed his forehead up at the intrusion. He pulled out immediately, but Isak reached down and grabbed his wrist, keeping him in place. 

“No no no,” he mumbled incoherently. “It’s okay. Just go slow.” 

But Even couldn’t help but frown. He knew how Isak liked to ignore his own pain, how good he was at going on when really his body told him to stop. 

“We can still switch,” he suggested, but Isak shook his head vehemently. 

“It feels good, I promise. Weird and a bit uncomfortable, but I can tell it’ll be good once you’re there.” 

When Even still didn’t move, Isak pushed his hips forward himself, biting his own lip. 

“Come on,” he whispered, and so Even decided to trust him. 

“There?” he asked, crooking his fingers a bit when he remembered that the right angle might make this even better for Isak. As much as he loved that neither of them had done this before, he wished he knew about these things. Knew exactly how to take Isak apart and to speed this up, to get both of them ready sooner. His own dick was aching, demanding attention, and he caught the way Isak clutched at the sheets near his hips after a few aborted movements down towards his own stomach. 

When his experimental changes in the angle didn’t do much, Even decided to go faster instead, trying out different rhythms, and he soon realized that it had Isak opening up more, that the movement became easier and the ghost of a frown that still decorated Isak’s forehead was soon replaced by beads of sweat and his own hand that he pushed into his hair. Even couldn’t help but push closer to Isak at the sight of him, pressing his leaking tip against the underside of Isak’s thigh and pushing his legs up further in the process. 

“More?” he asked as soon as he realized that this was easier, that holding Isak’s legs up with his hips put less strain on them and also made his entrance feel less tight, and so he pushed against it with three fingers now. Isak nodded and threw his head back into the pillows, obviously preparing for some discomfort while at the same time seeking the deep thrusts of Even’s fingers. 

When he pushed in, the sound Isak let out was definitely not a moan but a sound of pain. Again he shook his head when Even pulled out, but this time Even didn’t let him keep him from it. 

“I won’t hurt you,” he said, ready to drop it all and get back to what they had been doing, getting off through their hands and mouths, the ways they both knew they had become good at. He sat back up on his knees but Isak followed him, sitting up and pressing their chests together. 

“You’re not. We can’t do this if you won't accept that having your fingers up my ass is gonna take some getting used to. Just…” their eyes met and Isak seemingly lost his train of thought. Instead he placed a hand on Even’s cheek. “Two,” he ordered. And then, softer, he added: “I love you, Even. I love you so damn much. I promise it’s good. So fucking good. Just new. But you’re not hurting me.”

Even stared him down for a second, eyes casting down to the cut on his side, to the evidence that Isak was able to take pain. But this wasn’t that. Isak wouldn’t lie to him. 

“Okay,” he breathed and pushed forward until Isak was yet again on his back, his messy curls pressing against the pillow case. Two fingers seemed almost too easy now that they had gone for three a second before. But instead of only focussing on opening Isak up, he now got lost in kissing him again, paying less attention to what his fingers were doing and more to how their bodies were as close as they were gonna get, sweat making them stick together. It was gross and Even loved it, loved feeling Isak wrap his legs around his waist yet again, pulling at his back and arching his hips off the mattress. 

“Almost,” he mumbled, and Even had to look down and make sure that Isak wasn’t actually touching himself, that he didn’t mean he was close. Or maybe he could come from just this, just his fingers. He remembered the first time they had been together like this, how it had taken nothing more than a finger against his thigh to make Isak come, and the thought of it, of Isak clenching around him and coming on only his fingers had Even leaking against the backside of Isak’s thigh. He pushed his fingers in more deeply the more he got lost in the feeling of Isak’s entire body being wrapped around him, and suddenly he knew what Isak had meant when he had said ‘almost’. 

Isak’s hips thrashed forward, his fingernails dug into Even’s back, his mouth fell open and he let out a sharp breath followed by a groan. 

“There, there,” he stumbled over his words, his free hand reaching for Even’s wrist as if to keep it in place. Even froze for a second, scared he was gonna lose that spot again, and then he continued to slowly move in and out of Isak. 

It was different now. Every slide of his fingers had Isak groaning and gasping for breath and his face was screwed up in pleasure. On the next push, Even went for three fingers without thinking about it. It was easier now, Isak’s muscles gave in around them, and he watched him closely but there was not a single sign of pain on his face. 

They were both frantic now, desperately breathing into each others mouths, and Even almost came when Isak reached between them and wrapped his hand tightly around Even’s dick. Overwhelming pleasure shot through him and made him quicken the pace of his fingers, hitting that spot over and over again which in turn had Isak tense up, and Even knew he was close, he could feel his own orgasm building up underneath Isak’s tight grip. It was almost impossible to stop, but he managed when Isak reached for the condom with his free hand and pressed it against Even’s chest the way he had done with the lube earlier. 

“Fuck, Isak,” he gasped when Isak let go of him, not without squeezing him tightly one more time and running his finger over the sensitive tip. He pulled his fingers out, which made Isak whine, and tried to pry open the condom, but his lube covered hands were too slick for him to manage. Eventually, Isak took it from him and ripped it open, a high blush covering his cheeks in anticipation. Even had a hard time keeping still when Isak rolled the condom on, gripping him almost too tightly and making him bite at Isak’s lower lip in warning. 

Then they stared at each other, both of them a mess of harsh breathing and sweat and too tired to feel anxious. There was no room between them for second guesses, no more energy left to waste on uncertainty. 

“Love you,” Even whispered. He let his tip rub against Isak’s ass and then remembered to reach for the lube again. Isak sighed when he teased his entrance with his slick fingers once more, his hips pushing up in desperate need for him, and Even already knew that neither of them were gonna last long. 

He reached for Isak’s hands when he started to push in, intertwining their fingers and pushing them against the cool mattress next to Isak’s head. He wanted to kiss him, but his mouth already fell open in a moan when he could finally feel Isak around him. He had to stop himself when he was only half way there in order not to come there and then. Isak whined and his eyes fell close, but he patiently waited. 

“So good,” he reassured Even, and it didn’t help him hold on any longer. On the contrary, all it did was send butterflies down to his stomach, thoughts of Isak feeling good, his body riding too high to be bothered by his injuries clouding his mind. They both let out a breath when Even finally pushed in and buried himself deep inside Isak. 

Isak’s fingers tightened around Even’s and they panted against each other’s mouths, both of them needing another minute to adjust. 

“Not gonna last,” Even admitted, and he was glad for Isak’s smile, for their shared laugh and Isak’s encouraging nod. 

“Yeah. I know. You feel so good, Even, so good.” 

His words had Even losing his last restraint and he pulled out and pushed in again, starting up a careful rhythm that didn’t stay that for long. Soon he was taken over by the sensations of how they moved together, how Isak started to meet his thrusts, and his mind stopped working completely. All there was was need and determination and that tightening feeling in his groin he couldn’t help but chase. He had just enough sense of mind to readjust once more, to grip Isak’s left thigh tightly and pull it up and around his hip so that he sank deeper into him. Isak’s reaction was immediate and he sank his now free hand into Even’s hair yet again, his mouth falling open on a loud moan. 

“Fuck, there,” he panted, and Even tried again, his thrusts becoming sharper and more precise, and they had Isak shuddering underneath him and his muscles tightening around him. 

“Gonna come, fuck,” Even rambled, his hips snapping forward uncontrollably as soon as Isak clenched around him in pleasure. He held on for a bit longer, biting his own lip, but then he made the mistake of looking down to where he could see his own dick pushing into Isak, the lube making it glisten and look fucking obscene. 

And then there was Isak, flushed pink and swelling up even further at his hard thrusts, the vein on the underside prominent, his tip brushing against his stomach with every move. He looked like he was gonna come undone without Even touching him, his balls were drawn up high, looking tight and swollen, and Even lost it. He shuddered and bit back a curse, everything went black and there was only pleasure, only Isak’s hot body against his, somehow letting him bury himself even deeper into him when he came and lost all sense of reality. 

The only thing he knew was that Isak wasn’t there yet, even though he looked like it, and so Even pulled out without thinking about it as soon as he could persuade his body to do so and he sank down, opening his mouth around Isak and swallowing him down. Isak came the second he felt Even’s lips on him, his breath hitched, his hands buried themselves in his own hair and in Even’s. He pushed his hips forward roughly until he met the back of Even’s throat and made him choke for a second. Even swallowed around him, making Isak shudder and groan. 

When he let go of him he could hear Isak whine, and he pressed a single kiss on his tip before he moved to suck a deep red mark into the skin of Isak’s hipbones. Let anyone who would treat his injured side in the near future see what they had done. How Isak deserved to feel. 

As soon as he hoisted himself up above Isak again, he could feel Isak’s legs give in and hear him groan lowly. 

“Cramping up,” he tried to say, but his voice broke. Even immediately moved to lie beside him instead and let Isak close his legs. He could literally feel both their bodies giving in, refusing to move another inch today, and he suddenly wondered where they had taken the strength to do this from. 

“You okay?” Isak asked, smiling but unable to even turn his head. 

“Yeah. You’re so fucking hot.” He made Isak give an exhausted laugh and somehow found the strength to reach out to him again and stroke his finger tenderly over his cheekbone. Right where his elbow had met his face so many months ago. Even though his body protested, he leaned over and kissed Isak’s skin, replacing one more painful memory with that of kisses and affection.

**Author's Note:**

> My lovely beta: kittpurrson
> 
> My tumblr is wecanjustbreathe.tumblr.com.


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